I received a message recently and all it said was, “Do you consider yourself dominant or submissive.” Not even a hello or greeting. So I replied, “I consider myself not interested.” And that was the end of that.
Because I’m pretty ambiguous in my profile. (Said in my best sarcastic voice)
The latest in a long line of folks who might have preferred no answer to the reality:
04-17-2022 04:56 pm
Hi Molly
04-17-2022 06:41 pm
Hello.
naughty? lol
Non sequitur?
what naughty?
God. What was it about my profile that suggested I'd be excited by two word sentences?
Just responded to an "email" (aka - message) and the SM may have preferred I didn't. It was liiterally, "Hey are you interested in a single guy?"
Told him, Probably, but only from ones that had taken a few minutes to read a profile first, and since it was obvious that if he couldn't be bothered, why should anyone be interested in him.
Could have just ignored it, but then people can't learn from their mistakes if they don't even realize they've made one.
First, we don't get into discussing anything before we see faces. Then it is simply, "Thank you so much for writing. I am sorry there isn't a mutual interest."
Successful swinging includes having enough self confidence that rejection is part and parcel of it.
You do not owe anybody kit gloves.
Mayhem, You should have invited him to your next party, asked him if he owns one of those "I'm here to fuck somebody's wife" tshirts, and if he doesnt, he should get one before the party, because all the guys wear one to the party and everyone thinks its hilarious ... and then, given him the wrong address ... maybe if you wanted to be entertained, park near the house in a seclusive location that you gave the address for and watch it unfold as he knocks on the door ... I wouldve done it, I love fucking with ppl
Probably a fair amount of the "messages" I get here are more like IM chats than emails. No big surprise.
I got one on a different site from an SM saying our profile is too long and, because of that, he felt we were fake and he somehow derived one of us was the jealous type. I responded back with, "Your loss".
Then he wants to be friendly and chat, I shouldn't have bothered, but told him to chalk it up to a learning experience, but it was a costly one. The guy was in the next town, and I told him we sometimes have free LS parties at our house with up to 60 people and do invite singles, but you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression.
He apologized and tried to get back into my our good graces. I wasn't nasty about it, but I said that he should consider this next time he reaches out to someone for the first time. He burned his bridges in the end and I wound up blocking him, but there was at least some satisfaction that he realized he made a huge mistake, and perhaps one that he'll not make again in the future.
When they do this always tell them it's me and we can get to know each other till she can chat . It's always crickets after that....
LissaLookin - Off topic, but being a long-time married couple, guys like us think that what you're saying would be common sense, but as I always say, it's not as common as it's name implies.
One of the many things that I love about my wife is she has no problem telling a guy where the dog died when it comes to him thinking that if he could just deal with her directly that he could somehow woo her under his spell.
Even as a couple dealing with other couples, I would ALWAYS keep the other hubby/bf in the loop on anything play related, but then we consider these people to be our friends, and for some SMs, it's clear that they don't think this way.
I always reply ,even to just say thanks for viewing my profile.
If some of the SMs would just quit with the I want to talk to the woman is this her ? when they understand were a couple . They might get a Response...
I always respond to messages, even those from bi couples were the man wants to play with me in addition to his wife or girlfriend even though my profile specifically states I am “straight” and I elaborate on that and politely decline with emphasis on being polite and friendly. I respect these people and their right to a slightly different way of life, and two of these couples I still keep in touch with because aside from our sexual differences we enjoy each other’s conversations and even find others to introduce to each other.
RK - Yes, I can see your point of view on that. In the preference category Single Males are out so we don't get the deluge of messages. Our sweet spot is long term married couples so we exclude single males from contacting us. Do we get the "nice shoes, want to fuck" messages from couples? Sure, but very few. Even they get a response but it's pretty much a quick no thanks.
NAVYWINGS---->Our approach is, the other couple made a concerted effort to do that awkward thing: reach out risking rejection. The least we can do is respond.
Cheers to Navy Wings for that point of view!! In our opinion no matter how hot (you define hot) you are, the potential for rejection is there the second you decide to write. We operate under the same rules of engagement as N.W., everyone receives a response. We don't go into great detail as to why a couple doesn't fit our fancy. However if they took the guts to write we should have the guts to respond. The funny thing? We'd wager 95% of swingers agree that taking one for the team is not going to happen. So why would anyone be surprised if you took 2-minutes to politely decline?
Yes. No. Maybe. Everyone who takes the time gets a response. We've yet to have any couple push back on a decline. People accept it, move on and re-bait your hook for the next couple.
So there will always be those that prefer a reply and those that don't. Our approach is, the other couple made a concerted effort to do that awkward thing: reach out risking rejection. The least we can do is respond. I think it helps them know why we aren't interested. Is it because you didn't match a preference listed on our profile? Is it we're just too busy right now to expand our circle but otherwise you're a great couple? To us it's an old fashioned politeness thing. Even if you're not the type we'd be interested in physically, the more friends, the better. We can have drinks, chat at an event maybe even go out on our boat. We have very man friends in the lifestyle but not many we play with. As we say: At the end of the date, if we're not interested in playing, at least we'll be two friends richer.
“ The best is when folks reach out to us to express interest then ghost on us when we express an interest in return and open face pics.”
A&J, this happens to us a lot. We get a nice message with a picture. They’ll ask if we like a hot tub, express an interest in meeting, and open pictures. We’ll respond positively, then poof. Gone. We’ll see them on-line, look at their profile as a little reminder, and see their pics are still open. But all we hear is the faint sound of crickets.....
For once, I’m in disagreement with both MsMolly and Sorillo. I don’t think your message sounds canned or pushy, and we would certainly respond.
Hi. I think you can up your odds some. There are still going to be way more no responses than not, I suspect because many profiles on here are for couples who aren't even sort of on the same page, but right now your note strikes me as both canned and pushy. If your profile was brilliant, I'd probably respond positively even though I wasn't feeling the message, but it could use some work, as can your photos.
Not everyone wants to experience the bluntness in Better Profiles, but if you read about twenty of the threads, the usual problems should be clear.
In the meantime, what about if your first message said some variation on just the beginning of what you usually write. Like so: Good morning..Jen and I really enjoy our toys also, among other things ;-). You guys sound like a lot of fun to hang out with and we'd really like to chat more. We've opened our face photos for you.
The proper paragraph formatting was probably there, but the oh-so-state-of-the-art SLS interface almost certainly killed it. ;)
I actually do see a problem with your message, in that it READS like it's a standard, cut/paste, generic message that could be sent to virtually anyone (with a bit of personalization with the reference to toy use). That's probably not what you intended, but that's the impression I get, and if I get that impression, then at least some of the other folks you send it to will agree. Cut/paste intro messages rarely work, and people are remarkably savvy about recognizing them. Folks like to feel that they are special and unique (in fact, we are ALL special and unique), the trick is to compose your introduction so that you make them feel special. That means composing each intro email from scratch, specifically to appeal to each individual couple/person you approach. And when you do so, make it obvious that you read their profile by referencing several things in it.
Even when you do compose your message from scratch, it's a challenge to do it so that the message doesn't look generic, but the results are worth the effort.
Good luck.
Oh, and one other thing. Spacing things into paragraphs makes it easier to read.
We actually don't mind the "Eager Beverness", but that is audience dependent. I personally would at least give you guys a look.
It really sounds like it will come down to whether people like what they see when they look at your profile. Like many, there are some things that have negative slants that can be said better. For example, the comment about not "playing in the first 10 mins of meeting" could say something like, "Like to get to know someone a little first but not not opposed to playing on a first date if we click."
Anyway, assuming the email was sent to someone that was into toys, Bi, and not someone that can usually do spur of the moment, it would have at least gotten me to your profile. Perhaps post something in the Better Profiles thread to help you reel them in after you snag them.
It’s 2am but here is my opinion; Eager beaver, TMI and rambles for an introductory. Leave the google number paragraph out and end it by telling them you have a tight schedule AND would like to see if arrangements to meet could be made if an interest is made, without detail.
~Allen
It may not be prefect but is it really that bad it deserves to be ignored?...
Good morning, very interesting profile you got there.Jen and I really enjoy our toys also, among other things ;-). We'd love to chat a little more,you guys sound like a lot of fun to hang out with. We usually get out at least once a weekend at night, daytime is a rarity for us unfortunatey. We have a similar discretion issue to deal with as well so we understand the situation your in. We usually just give our Google voice. # 1-530-*-** but if your not able to give your number I can try and resurrect our old Kik account or something if that's better. Either way pics are open, we'd love to chat and hang out sometime.
R&J
You folks that are having this issue should post a copy of what you have been sending out. Maybe there is something in your approach that is triggering the no response.
We actually had a couple Jerk us around for a few days after we already met... saying he hadn't spoken to his wife yet regarding a second date before finally vanishing.... And they contacted us!!!... I hope whoever that was reads this ??
The best is when folks reach out to us to express interest then ghost on us when we express an interest in return and open face pics.
Like not responding is any less rude than just saying we're not their type.
