we've been on the site and in the lifestyle for about a month. Everyone has been polite and respectful of our rules and we appreciate that very much. One thing that alludes me is the lack of responses to email. That is the only tool we have to communicate our initial interest so am I wrong in expecting at least a Thanks but no thanks? We answer every email we get.. Its exciting to see the little birdie flapping it wings. Should we expect less?
Agreed, replying to emails is considered good manners, replying to a Jackass is debatable
Thanks :) maybe that's where a blindfold would come in handy. Lol
Everything posted in this thread by sorillo is genuine solid gold. Well stated amigo!
Block him now. The more that you respond to him, even to say "no thanks", the more he's going to be encouraged.
Remember, you owe nothing to anyone on SLS. You have no obligation to be polite, especially when he's being an asshole. And constantly emailing you after you've rejected him is pretty much the definition of being an asshole. Having said that, being polite is generally a good thing, it's attractive to others and I believe that it's good for the soul. But be polite because it makes you feel good about yourself, not because you feel an obligation to do so.
What about those who continue to contact you after you have repeatedly said "No thank you". I just had to finally tell the man that the no thank you meant we are not interested. Thanked him for his interest and all. But at what point does an ignored polite rejection become escalated to something else? If he contacts yet again, does that justify blocking? We don't want to be rude, but come on !
I'm guessing it was a typo(s) and they meant to say: WOW!
;-)
I agree, it's common courtesy to respond to all except picture hunters
I agree.
And I will testify under penalty of law that I have promptly responded to each and every email that I received over the 15 or so yrs I been involved...both of them.
We've sent e-mails to couples whose profile says that they respond to all e-mails, and we have received no reply.
We think it's a common courtesy to reply to someone who takes the time to contact us, so we make sure we reply. If a couple walked up to us at a party or in a club and started talking to us, we wouldn't ignore them and not reply. Should be no different here.......
We reply to most e-mails that are politely written. Not the ones that simply are fishing for pics. If it's not going to be a 4 way match, we say something like we don't think we're an all around match, etc. We've been on both ends & no one likes rejection, but we're all supposed to be adults & understand that the rules of attraction are the same in the swing word as the vanilla world.
A simple thanks but no thanks goes a long way especially after you've been complimented by the other person... Obviously they thought you were good enough to fuck...
Meh... No thanks, send, done
Thanks folks. But don't go thinkin' that I'm a nice guy. Responding politely is profoundly selfish in my case. A single male, middle-aged, graying, pudgy goofball can't afford to acquire a reputation as a rude asshole..... even if the asshole part is true. ;)
And that's totally not a case of Sorillo trolling for compliments..... totally not. shifty eyes
That was brilliant, sorillo.
I respond to emails and turn down more than 80% on the first email and probably 18% on the second. In the first instance, I thank people for writing, say we wouldn't be a match and I hope they find exactly what they want, wishing them well in their pursuits. For the rest, I'll have sent a first email saying I'm not sure we'd be a match and I'd like to know a little more about them. Then if. as usually happens, it's clear we wouldn't be a good fit, I do a slightly more personalized version of the standard thank you but no thank you email. If I was going to turn people down based on attraction, it would be after meeting them for coffee, so then it's just a thank you but no chemistry explanation.
Well, reading that was like taking a swim in a cold mountain stream. Well put. I particularly appreciate your emphasis on enjoying the process of writing the email. You've captured very well how we feel about this issue. You even made it clear that you do respond to every email... Which is to say that you recognize what not responding communicates to a lot of people... You are willing to take their perspective seriously enough to meet them on their terms even though you think it is b.s. I like that.
That's one of the things I've been harping on for years here. No Reply IS a Reply. Speaking as someone who virtually always replies (even a polite "alas, I believe that we aren't a match"), I don't get bent out of shape when I don't get a reply. Mainly because I'm not an immature crybaby.
But also because I recognize that none of us are entitled to a response to an initial email. None. Of. Us. We send our messages out into the void, where most are lost forever. The ones that return are like gold. But it's just an EMAIL. We're not sending our children out into the cold reaches of space. It's a fucking EMAIL. An email asking other people to have wild, monkey sex. Which is kind of ridiculous, in a way (but I have a strange sense of humor, so your results may vary).
I've found that life is a lot more fun if I don't look at it as "I invested a whole 10 minutes in writing this email. How dare those assholes not respond!". I simply enjoy the process of writing the email, of trying to compose something that will bring a smile to their faces. And then I FORGET IT. Some will come back and want to explore further. The rejections and no replys simply don't warrant a lot of heartache, because I don't know them as people, and I will probably never know them. Doesn't mean they're bad people, it just means that it's silly to get bent out of shape over what some strangers think of me.
Thanks for your reply. It's good to remember how normal this is. We actually feel the same about not being everyone's cup of tea. I don't think we take rejection hard at all. We actually expect more out of ourselves than we do from others. It is good to remind ourselves that we don't mind at all if people send us the polite "no thanks."
"until you see their face pics. To then reject them is saying, we don't like your faces. It doesn't get more personal than that! " (c)
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Possibly because of a fear to get hurt if same is done to you?
We approach it with the idea that we are not everyone's cup of tea for whatever reason - bodies, communication, faces, personality, availability, playing restrictions... No harm done if people drop of or say directly "not interested" at any stage - it is 100% normal. Same rule we apply to others. 80% of our contacts end with some form of rejection at some point on one of the ends - totally normal.
We've been on the site and in the lifestyle for years. We are different from some, because we don't mind at all if people don't respond to our messages. A no-response is a response, and we actually prefer it to receiving an awkward response from folks saying they aren't interested.
We are super nice people, and we hate to insult people, so if we had it our way, we would just not respond when we aren't feeling the attraction. It is especially awkward when you are interested in a couple until you see their face pics. To then reject them is saying, we don't like your faces. It doesn't get more personal than that!
We wonder if anyone else feels like we do. Also, we would love tips from those of you who respond graciously. What exactly do you say?
Thanks!
