FACE PHOTOS...... when we see profile with no photos at all we request to see face photos. This has happened once when we requested, then they posted and we stated sorry not interested they were mad,. My fault???? If I had see their face at first I would not have troubled them in the first place. Why be mad at me ???
Apparently it's not common knowledge that many women aren't particularly attracted by headless bodies. The reasons for this are probably really complicated, but my working theory is that many of us need reassurance of benevolence (so, a smile on a face where the smile looks at home) for reasons of safety.
Oh, and women aren't men. That generally means even the nicest set of deltoids is not going to turn on the curiosity button in the absence of a pleasant expression on a face.
So, you do you MoT, but you're probably artificially lowering your response rate.
For us and primarily her (but not 100%), it's more than just the body she / we are attracted to. It has happened a few times. Great IM conversations but once those face pictures were seen, there was just no attraction. By then you are in so deep how do you back out? For us? Before we get to the...let's meet stage we always show and want to be shown the face you may be looking at over dinner, drinks or between the sheets.
That's why we've never understood the Gumby picture profile. In depth profile write ups are a huge plus, but in this little hobby it's overall attraction that leads to the next adventure.
That. Or...
She's inundated with messages from single guys and doesn't want to jump through artificial hoops.
Do what works for you Mot.
For us, you'd get a quick no thank you with that approach.
If we initiate the contact we will always open our face picture gallery. We understand this whole hobby is about attraction. So we think it's fair when we are reaching out to show all "the goods" so to speak. By doing that it allows the other couple to respond or politely say thanks, but no thanks.
Now if someone reaches out to us but does not include face pictures of both, it gets a bit tricky. If after reading their profile and looking at their non face pictures we have in the past taken the leap and opened our face pictures. It really depends on how they've represented themselves. Situations where we won't open if they haven't? If their profile write up is the industry standard..."we will tell you more when we meet you" (boring). Or, if they only have blurry generic (could be anyone) pictures OR if the pictures are dated (same pictures up forever) then we wait and let them show a bit more.
LOL anyone who has read our previous comments on these type topics know; pictures and profile write ups are our biggest pet peeve or warning sign. We put a lot of effort into pictures and updating them often. We've also probably gone a bit overboard on the length and depth of our write up. Why? I think it's MSMOLLY that says this often. The entirety of your "profile" is like your swinging resume, why short change any part of your resume if you want that good connection?
Oh - and the couple asking for the face pic did not have any face pics - just one photo of a torso...
We don’t have our face pics on our initial profile because we have professional jobs in a pretty small town- we don’t need anyone knowing our business! However, we always share face pics and more after initial contact is made. Of course I understand that you have to be attracted to go to the next step - which is always the goal! I took a chance with this one couple because I thought they would be fun to meet - I just feel it should be reciprocated or at least acknowledged! No more face pics for us until we get to chat first... there are plenty of other sexy people here to get to know.
Our first contact may or may not include a face pic, depending on how real they seem. If our first message does not include face pics, then we’ll let them know that we are willing to send those if they look at our profile and are interested. The party initiating the contact should be the first to open face pics.
If someone receives face pics from us, and they never respond, that would make them candidates for a block.
"...if you’re approaching us claiming interest, you should at least be polite and show us a face photo."
I don't disagree at all. And swinging can feel a little unsafe to single women. I'm not saying that means they merit different treatment, just that an extra dose of caution and/or suspicion isn't uncommon.
We always open face pics when reaching out. And we expect the same. If you can't do that we're not a match.
And if you reach out and do open face pics we always reply. And even if our reply is no thank you we usually open our faces anyway. Seems only fair.
The ones I find amusing, and exasperating, are when someone contacts me with no photos at all, no public photos but several in private folders, or photos of her cleavage or feet from about 8 inches away. We talk a bit and she/they ask if I'd like to meet. I say sure, and ask to see some G-rated photos, so that I at least have some idea of who I'm looking for in the coffee shop/restaurant/bar.
Then I get either "Why? Are you a shallow asshole?", or total ghosting. I'm okay with the ghosting, doesn't bother me a bit, because I simply tell myself that until we actually meet, it's just fun talk on the internet, and I enjoy it for that alone. On the other hand, the rude, accusatory pushback is actually quite nice because it tells me that they wouldn't be a good fit for me anyway.
The thing is, at some point it's unrealistic to expect someone to agree to a meet if you're not willing to share a decent face photo, especially when the person they approached already has face photos in public. I can appreciate the security concerns and I'm largely in support of keeping a lot of photos private, if you feel the need (it's not my place to tell you what level of security is appropriate for you). But at some point, you have to break out of that shell if you really want to meet people.
"...we replied (but didn't open our private gallery yet) asking her to open her private photos and we would do the same, and she never responded. Tells me it was just a pic collector."
Or she thought you were. I don't message anyone first, but if I did I might not respond positively to someone responding with "you first." That would be assuming I hadn't sent at least a partial face photo with my initial message, which politeness dictates you do if you're the one making the first approach.
We'd agree with the OP that if you follow the instructions the courtesy of a reply either way should be returned. This is a swing site however & mutual attraction is needed. Face pics complete the whole picture.
We don't bother to send them the first message if that is the case. We don't have our face pictures up for a good reason. We do have some we share once we decide to meet so you know who to look for but just for an initial conversation no thanks. BTW we do expect folks to have a picture up though and will not reply if there are none. I mean seriously you don't have to show your face to tell if there is a basic physical attraction but "Gumby" gives no impression at all.
So, some people say they won’t respond to you if you don’t put a face pic in your message... I feel that once you do that, you should at least get the courtesy of a response. Am I wrong? I’ve only done that once, but since they did not respond I don't think I’ll do that again - and now I don’t like them anyway!
