Couples rules

While we like parties in general, but hotel take-overs would be last on that list. Not only do they tend to be more expensive, we didn't find as many opportunities to play with people other than the ones that went with us than we typically do at house or hotel room parties. If staying for a weekend though it does give a little more time to vet couples if you do find someone.

Another potential downside is, depending on how far away the party was, there may not be much opportuniity to get back together with people we did meet and liked. We went to one that was about a 2 hour drive for us, and as it turned out, met a nice couple that lived 4 hours in the opposite direction from us.

We had (and hopefully will again have) so many local party opportuniities that it's hard to justify anything 50 or more miles away. When we do meet people we like at local parties, there's a greater chance to get back together with them as they tend to be more local themselves.

I can see though where parties can more difficult if you have more rules and/or are more picky. We sometimes do split up at parties, but we always know where the other is at. That and condom use for penetration are pretty much our only rules. We also don't play with married people if we know they're married and cheating, but not a huge deal if it happened. We just wouldn't play again if we found out after.

We appreciate people have different methods. We do look at who is signed up for an event and open pics to people we like ahead of time. That often generates a couple back and forth emails where we may agree to meet for a drink at the start. We have gotten good at spotting red flags in the first 5 to 15 minutes, and want to save something to talk about for the first meeting. There are two reasons we only meet people at house parties, clubs, and hotel parties.
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1. We have lots of time to hang out in the early part of the event. House parties and clubs open between 7-9pm and we arrive at hotel parties at earliest check-in; usually 3 pm. That gives us 2-5 hours to meet people in person and decide if there is a connection. We all make an impression in the first five to fifteen minutes so if it's a "no" you really know pretty quickly. If it's a " really hard no," we aren't going to waste either of our time clinging onto each other. And at these events, there are lots of couples so if there isn't a connection you can say thanks and spin in a new direction to meet more people.

1. We've been burned a dozen times getting a babysitter and locking in one couple or a single only to see they look nothing like their pictures, are a steering wheel couple, or after an hour of talking they are just looking for pg-13 buddies to hang out with. That leaves you in an awkward position looking for an exit strategy. At clubs, house parties, and especially hotel events your carefully planned, paid-for, fun night of escape isn't shot to shit.

In the end, when we do make a connection, we are happily open to extended after-play chat and connecting outside the lifestyle. Consider the vanilla lifestyle- some people get twenty very-personal emails in before going on a date. And if it doesn't work out, you've wasted hours of time telling someone you don't want to see again all about yourself.

"We don't meet people outside of house parties, clubs, or hotel parties."

That's one common preference in the lifestyle that has always eluded our personal comprehension, especially described in the same context of concern over vetting people. For us, wethinks at those events you have a very narrow window of time to make decisions about people. Connect on the sites, chat a bit, meet. We just think that option provides us more time to spot red flags (which there are many) and find what we're looking for. It's not that we don't find the value in events to meet new people. But meet and play that night? A personal choice pass for us.

One noteworthy remaining rule for us is when we invest a lot of money to go to a weekend hotel party, we're going to stick together. At a few hotel parties we've met unicorn-hunter couples , couples that split up, or the odd husband who hits us up saying his wife is in the room with a headache.

In an ideal scenario, at the hotel party we'll connect with one, two, or three couples all together. It's only happened a few times, however, those were amazing weekends.

Sometimes we'll go to specially-themed house parties too; ones with extra single guys. In those cases we'll stick together the first time we're with a new guy because we need to be sure he'll treat my Mrs. nicely. We don't meet people outside of house parties, clubs, or hotel parties.

As others have said, we had "rules" when we first started which quickly became "guidelines" as we realized this is an evolving process and part of the fun is pushing boundaries. At this point we have very few things we'd call "rules" anymore. Probably the only rules are 1) be honest and expressive, 2) be safe, and 3) family and career come before the lifestyle.

If we were still doing parties, we'd STILL be like the kids in the candy store. We knew so many people that every time we turned around we were bumping into someone else we knew.

As the night wore on and the liquid courage and ambiance took effect for many, it was an absolute blast some nights and we made lots more new friends ;-) We do miss it, and definitely hope to get back to it eventually.

@TomandDianne
We agree about hard rules. Put them out front. We like to chat a little before meeting also to get a feel for if we have common interests.

@Mayhem. When I took my wife to her 1st house party she was a bit apprehensive when I told her we arrive together and we leave together. We would talk about what happened in between later during our after sex. We normally only play together same room.
It didn't take her long to understand the philosophy change as she was like a kid in a candy store.lol

@Plzrs We'd agree. A laundry list of rules is a turn off. A few hard rules couples may have are good to know to see if you'd be compatible before reaching out.

If we see a profile with multiple paragraphs of rules we pass it by. Same with Professional Upscale couples. It seems like they are looking for "That Perfect Match" Which the majority of real folks in this Lifestyle have some bu.mps and bruises from lifes journey.

I have always played by the couples rules no matter what even in the heat of passion they may try to change them up a little bit but in the long run it’s not worth it . I have been thanked many times either later that night or even the next morning for sticking to them it prevents an awkward situation. It’s called being respectful and always a gentleman .

I said previously that we only have one rule. "no sleeping over". You fuck and leave.

We actually have another rule or maybe just an agreement.

If for any reason either of us doesn't feel comfortable with the others playmate. We can put the kaboshes to that playmate. Even if we don't really have a valid reason we agreed to honor it.

So far neither of us has had to use this agreement and hope to never have to.

LazyCampers - I think that's a fairly normal progression. I know we had a few rules at the beginning we no longer have.

A big one for us that has changed is, where we attended a lot of parties, we had a "play as a couple or not at all" rule. We did this out of this sense of fairness, but then discovered that neither of us was ever just watching from the sidelines unless we wanted to be. Though the Mrs almost always has more opportunity to play than me, more often than not, I wind up playing more than her. I just have a larger appetite is all ;-)

The great part is that we love seeing each other having fun with others and every now and again, the Mrs will be in the mood to hit the "all you can eat buffet" ;-) Those are some of my best memories in the lifestyle (LS). Needless to say, the LS has been a blast for both of us and wishing more of the same for you guys.

Primary, overarching key rule --- our lifestyle play will never come between us. That takes form in agreements such as: Nobody takes one for the team. Nobody expects or would ever ask the other to take one for the team. No means no. No trying to talk the other into any particular person or couple.

Other guidelines are based on context, but they are guidelines. Mainly we agree and trust each other to use our best judgment at all times.

We started out with what seemed like a ton of rules but the longer we have been in the lifestyle the less rules we seem.to have now.we are down to only one rule

Your rules as a couple should be to allow you to comfortably explore and not feel afraid, threatened, or exposed either as an individual or as a couple. Your rules will change as your comfort level changes. Take the time to discuss and work thru them. We started with a simple list and still found we trimmed it over the years. Good luck.

We started out with the no anal rule but then my wife ran into a couple different guys that were, how shall we say it. Penile challenged. Not saying anything bad about the guys at all but it it sucked for my wife that the guys cocks were just to small to give her any vaginal pleasure. So we tossed that rule into the waste basket and now she has a way to enjoy guys on the smaller side.

Our rules for a long time werr no anal, no first date sex, safe sex practice. Well, after a few years , we met a couple and we immediately agreed that the first date rule was waived. The others are still well intact.

Travelers,

The Pirate Code is a reference to a subject in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

Pirates where known to have a strict code of conduct, which was never deviated from, except of course when it was convenient to do so. The joke was that the “code” was really more of a casual guideline. Like all jokes, ya had to be there to ‘ppreciate it.

There are hard and fast "rules" for us and then there are "rules" that change or relax as we get to know folks better. For example no anal is a hard and fast rule and any attempt to circumvent it will end playtime faster than flipping a light switch turns on or off a light. Both being together at all times is a rule that gets relaxed as we get to know someone or get comfortable in the environment. Case in point we have just gotten to know a single male well enough to where she is comfortable with me leaving the room to go get some water or whatever. Just last night I asked if she wanted her wand which was in the bag in the other room and she said yes so i went and got it while they were actively engaged. Now I came right back and the room door was open but it takes time for her to reach that level of comfort because I am her "security". That being said we would never play separately be it her in another room or on our own

Now we come to the "no kissing" aspect of things. Call it a rule or policy but for us it is not based off intimacy or saving something "special" for the spouse but simply because she really does not enjoy kissing be it me or anyone. That does not mean she does not like having someone's lips on her (tits, neck, other places) or that she does not do the same however for her mouth to mouth kissing offers no thrills. In her opinion a partner's or her own mouth is better used somewhere other than he lips on her face. The only reason it is a rule is because she gets frustrated when someone cannot accept this and tries to "force" the issue. It is basically a no means no deal and well deal breaker if you cannot accept the no and move on.

The only guideline we have (ok this is a rule) No sleeping with a playmate. Fuck and leave. We sleep alone or with each other only.
I had a lady once get sort of pissed at me one night while I was in a hotel for a night without my wife. We had sex and later I told her that she had to go back to her own room. Tough shit honey. I figure if we only have one rule left the least I can do is to honor it to the letter.

My only understanding of the pirate code in a sexual context was the Robin Williams line of "arrrggg, bring the bitch to me now".

I assume from the context that you all are speaking of the pirate code from a different reference point ?????

Our rules:

Same room sex only,

Condoms for coitus

No butt play

No playing on the first date

No girl-girl only play

We’ve broken or bent every one of those rules at sometime. So, yeah, pirate policies.

Guidelines sounds right. We had "rules" when we started. Took all of 5 minutes for them to become guidelines. :)

Our only rule now is that we all have to be comfortable with whatever is going on. Don't think that one will ever change.

When my (no ex) husband and I 1st went to hedo, we discussed all scenarios. We settled on everything except penetration. (This was long before we joined the lifestyle, these were hedo rules) when we went to clubs, we didn't know what to expect... we kept the same rules adding "we both play or no play" and "same room" we quickly found out he had what many call a "loyal dick" and had a hard time performing with most other women. We ended up with a "hall pass" if he was ever interested in someone, but i wasn't interested in the wife, and I'd get one as well, so long as the person was respectful of our marriage. Most couples we met along the way had rules that changed. One couple ... "you can't have an orgasm with my wife" my husband's reaction was "well, then you can't have one with mine, these rules go both ways" (it was his rule) he quickly changed his mind. 1of our rules was that the couple rules applied to everyone. "If i can't do x with your wife, you can't do x with mine" some were ok with that, some were frustrated. The frustrated ones didn't get repeat play time. We didn't play with couples who don't kiss. As a single female, I don't play with soft play couples, couples who don't kiss or female only play.