Couples rules

Soooo...the goat we sacrificed at the last meetup wasn't necessary?

“ this can be viewed as form of sex religion,right?”

Ummm.. no. It’s more like a hobby in as such that most don’t take it seriously or revolve their lives around it.

We have a couple here in NOLA that takes it much more seriously than most as they actually make a living off of it by planning/hosting events, cruises, takeovers, etc.. even with them it’s not a religion it’s a business.

Usually the older swingers get the less they are into swinging while the opposite is usually true with religion.

Very few of us take swinging terribly seriously. If you are worried about being inducted into some sex religion or losing your soulmate because of giving each other autonomy if this pursuit you may want to rethink if swinging is right fit you.

~rabbit~

Rabbit’s comment was a direct reply to this comment that you made semisweet.

“Meaning you are OK if your spouse is with whoever, whenever in whatever way ... Are you soulmates after that, or just neighbors in hobby?“

If you knew the meaning of compersion, you would know the answer to that question.

Those of us who are in this lifestyle because we enjoy seeing each other experience a variety of pleasures would consider ourselves soulmates.

Those who are in the lifestyle to find something that they aren’t getting from their partner would be roommates.

~Scamp

"Semisweet- you need to look up the definition of “compersion” ..."[rabbit]

This reminds me of the 'killer" argument of serious religion followers: "How can you have an opinion if you did not even read Torah (Bible, Talmud,... replace as needed) from start to end?!" :)
Well, this can be viewed as form of sex religion,right? And so, there is will be many variations of such, with different believes and traditions, and many would have "indisputable" reasons that their way is the only right way, and their God is the only true one, so others better educate them self and start following if they want to get to Swingers Paradise.
Amen! :)
E&S

We don’t have significant rules. No cumming inside and no anal.

We aren’t interested in couples with many rules.

CNK. At least for us a general separate play (not necessarily hot wifing) preference would be for it to be with people who are part of a couple. In our minds, it is just more of a likelihood that a partnered FWB is less likely to catch a case of the feels and can better separate sex from romance. This may be a crap assumption, so, it also helps to be firm in your boundaries on top of that.

Poly types might be less concerned about such things, but we are just degenerate sex mongers and not poly.

"We've had a few small speed bumps nothing serious was wondering how other couples dealt with the issue..."

It might be helpful if you say what specific issue/s you had.

Welcome CNK.. for "us" we have been doing solo play a long time but only with well known, vetted friends with benefits who add to our journey.

WE are both positive and secure they have no other intentions such as to try and interfere with "our" marriage beyond a good time. They pride themselves to have a fun night, dinner, dancing and some great sex. We have even set up for each other a surprise birthday at a hotel with each ones favorite single person.. we have even gone with our single FWB to places such as the Trapeze then all came home and had a great time in bed together.

We both love giving to each other then coming home talking about what our experiences were and reliving all with each other. For "us" we have also traveled together with a third single FWB and it was totally fun.. we have been to places such as NOLA , Fort Lauderdale, Costa Rica, etc..each one going out alone and then coming back to the hotel to play.. sometimes we even add a new person or couple we find in that city. We are always adding to our bucket list the different types of play we do.

A couple must have a solid relationship, no jealousy and trust totally the ones they are with..

It just works for us.. and we cant wait to start again.. once the dance venues open up!

Cnk, glad you all are getting into a potentially amazing time with play. The first thing is that the two of you are open and honest throughout your swinging journey. Never hide anything from your spouse/ partner. If you find that a couple or single is pushing for strictly private one on one communication and play time then it is an obvious indicator that they don't understand the LS and are potentially dangerous. There are many single males who fantasize about stealing the wife away from her husband. They more often than a couple will try and isolate contact. The easiest route is to keep everything in a 3 person group chat on an app and or give each other full access to each other's phones. Find some way to let the sm know that the husband/ male partner is involved in some way.

One of the more exciting facets of hotwife and solo play is updating your spouse as a date progresses and then when returning home. Post date sessions are always a lot of fun. You can get a dedicated action camera for dates, do video messages mid date, or whatever sounds good to the two of you. Just be sure that both of you are involved in the process. Many will only play solo with those the other spouse has met with and have done a swap or 3some with. This assures that there will be some chemistry and provides another layer of safety. Never meet someone alone without letting your spouse/ partner know exactly where you are. It may be exciting to slip away with the guy that is buying pineapple, but don't compromise safety. Hope that you all make some fantastic friends as you walk along in your LS journey.

So the wife and I have taken our lifestyle to the next level and are starting to experiment with the hotwife lifestyle. We've had a few small speed bumps nothing serious was wondering how other couples dealt with the issue what were some of the rules boundaries exedra. We're full swap couple and both allowed to do our thing separate we were just wondering how other couples handle this lifestyle any suggestions or anyone interested always willing to look read and listen

No Rules?
We started out with a bunch, mostly to confine our horizons while learning how the game was played . They rapidly got to be fewer and fewer, largely because at the base we trust each other and the quality of each others ability to make decisions.

Now if something arises that is truly new or if one of us feels at all uncertain we check in first, again this is a sign of valuing each others opinions.

When adding to the mix absolute confidence that one will not intentionally hurt the other, the need and desire for rules melts away.

Rules just make it difficult to really enjoy the sex. I am by no way saying that a couple should not have rules if that is what makes them comfy. I'm just saying that it's a lot easier and more enjoyable for us not having any.

I will say though that we have 1 rule. No sleepovers. We always wake up together in the same bed.

We also have that veto agreement. If for ANY reason an individual or couple makes either of us uncomfortable. Either of us can veto that person or couple with no questions asked or reasons given. (neither of us has had to use our veto power yet)

"OK if your spouse is with whoever, whenever in whatever way..."

Each of us is free to choose who to play with. We have long since figured out that this is just recreational sex. The likes/dislikes come into play as were mentioned and I would certainly not allow a guy to do something against the wishes of my wife. As a couple though, we have few hard and fast rules, with condom use for penetration being an example of one.

We don't do separate dates, so I think where this is going doesn't apply to us as much, but have little doubt that the LS is what you both want it to be. So, if a couple agrees to the "whoever, whenever in whatever way" and it works for them, then good for them. Some people do this and remain in a loving and committed relationship versus it being a relationship of convenience for them.

If someone is engaged in risky behavior, that would be the issues we'd have with playing with someone, but that's different than just separate dates when they have and take the opportunity to play.

Semisweet- you need to look up the definition of “compersion” as I don’t think you understand the concept.

When a couple shares compersion we would hardly deny each other anything because of the closeness and joy it brings us. There is no jealousy as we know how deep our commitment and love is. The idea of denying each other is foreign.

The only rules we have is the right to veto a person or couple with no second guessing each other and to be open and honest in our communication. This includes our delights as well as any reservations or misgivings we may have.

Your idea that those that fully share each other with no rules are somehow not as close as those with rules shows me you truly don’t understand compersion.

~rabbit~

We kind of look at rules more of likes and dislikes. For example, a lady doesn't get into having her ass slapped. OK so to us that would be a rule of no slapping. A guy isn't into any MM contact. OK rule is no BI play.

That's some good devil's advocating. I am not sure what no rules at all signifies if anything. At the very least it suggests a risk profile that is probably too high for our liking. With that said, I think listing a bunch of rules on the profile screams high maintenance and drama. In that regard, it is a huge favor

I’m guessing no rules or few rules doesn’t have anything to do with taking on any partner, but what you choose to do after you choose that partner. It doesn’t mean any hobo gets his dick sucked behind the 7-11.

"we avoid couples that have lots of rules" (c) - true, makes sense, agree.

But let me to be a Davil's advocate for a minute. If no rules, or almost no rules, does not it feel like ... you just do not care? Meaning you are OK if your spouse is with whoever, whenever in whatever way ... Are you soulmates after that, or just neighbors in hobby?

"See? More personal attacks. Nice."

Wait. I know we, at least, actually applauded you for swinging your own lifestyle. And I think most were expressing personal opinions and preferences, as were you. And then weren't you the first to lob the first grenade of personal attack by calling everyone on this thread entitled?

See? More personal attacks. Nice.

Set your rules, and reevaluate them as you come more comfortable and experienced. They can and often evolve over time and with greater exposure to what you and your spouse become exposed to. Whatever, communication is the key.

Our only hard and fast rule is there are no hall passes. We feel that can lead to feelings of jealousy or loss of trust if someone becomes too popular. Along those lines, we will also repeat with people we get to know but usually wait at least a month or so. We do not want to become to attached or attracted to certain people. This is a hobby we do together even if in separate rooms.

Yes, Swinging is a journey.....Like a road trip, scenery changes, obstacles arise, peaks and valleys to explore, weiners and fish tacos to eat, ect....Mary Jo

Our eyes tend to glaze over when a profile reads like a EULA. We like to leave room for organic spontaneity, but have two basic rules.

Protection is to be used for PIV
No non-kissers

We respect everyone's boundaries. No kissing is personally a deal-breaker for us. But everyone's journey in this is different.