Couples rules

Guidelines instead of rules....

So, the Pirate Code.

The rules change. The most important thing to remember is that any changes to the rules are done together.

Our list of rules started out long but very quickly shortened to just a few. We actually started using the term "guidelines" instead of rules. Haha. Seemed less difficult to modify a guideline than a RULE.

I think TomandDiane are correct. There are rules that you start with, and some of them get relaxed as you become more comfortable and decide that there are things you'd like to try.

And as they said, there are some things that are requirements for play.

The two important things to remember are that all participants understand and agree on the rules and requirements, and that you are comfortable with them.

Think most couples rules may relax over time as they gain experience & comfort in the lifestyle. For us kissing is an important part of the foreplay & passion, so couples with a no kissing rule are out for us. When we started we had a rule that a first meeting would always be strictly social. We've since relaxed that rule depending on the circumstances.

Be careful... the term "open minded" triggers some people here. LOL

Some women (mine included) view kissing as an act of intimacy that she doesn't want to share with any man except me, as where she views sex as just sex. Maybe it comes from watching Pretty Woman too much, who knows. In fact, she views giving oral (to a guy) as being more intimate than intercourse. Kind of flips the order of soft/full swap for us. She'd have to be a LOT more comfortable with a guy to give him head, as where she'd let him fuck her without much thought. Same applies to me with other women, she's fine if I fuck them, but prefers I same my tongue for her.

Great advice! Thank you!

We started out with no kissing (him to girls) and any bareback. We quickly got over the first rule but still haven't gone bare with anyone. It could happen in the future with the right person or people but not til we all have a serious talk and share results.

Travelers / Mayham, very well worded. I know we have loosened up some of our rules I guess our only hard rule is we only play together. And again we have discussed scenarios where even this could be open for discussion with the right circumstances or couple.

Travelers, We have seen others who as you stated break rules on the fly, and it NEVER ends well. Tammy and I have our own series of comments or words we will use if there is ever any doubt as to what we are doing and depending on how the other answers determines IF we proceed or not.

As stated communication is the key.

Kissing, bareback, anal, same/separate room play or dates, bi play, and only playing with/as a couple or allowing for singles about rounds out most of the common rule areas.

The more rules you have the harder it can be to find playmates, but it's more important that you both understand your current rules/limits to remain successful as a couple.

I think I can safely say your rules will change with time. Many will loosen up where you will happily want to do things you did not think you would ever do (kiss/bareback/anal/whatever). Other rules may tighten up when you learn things you had thought would be fun, were not for some reason (i.e. "honey I was not really comfortable with the kissing/bareback/anal/whatever").

Regardless of your own rules or whatever anyone else thinks about them, always discuss them between the two of you first, and always stick to them "in the heat of the moment".

After the fact when it is just the two of you, it is fine to say "damn it was tempting to kiss/bareback/anal/whatever", but discuss it later and change the rules together if you BOTH agree. Do NOT in any circumstance break the rules "on the fly" as it is a recipe for drama to erupt at that moment, or for hard or hurt feelings from your partner later.

Our rules have evolved as we have gained experiences and long term friendships with select couples. What used to be a hard no is now a maybe, and a few maybes have become hard no's. We seem to re-discuss and re-establish rules prior to going out. No matter how much we communicate however it seems that there is something that arises from time to time and we have to make a judgment call at the moment. We can not say we have any set hard rules as they have all become fluid depending on where we are and who we are with.

Newbie here.... just wondering what are some of the couples rules you guys have or run in to. Are they hard rules or do you let them slide as you get more comfortable with the other couple?