Ymichael14 - I did say that in the context of "couples", but if/when you find someone that will chat with you, it doesn't hurt to try. Only problem is that couples can appear anxious and eager for acting the same way that can make a SM look desparate.
"Many times newbies will come right out and tell us that they'd like us to be their first".
That works?
I will have to try that line.
We have a bad habit of getting so engrossed in conversation that people forget to ask the "So, would you like to play?" question. If it's pretty clear to me that has happened, I will simply ask just like I quoted.
If we have someone new over the house, generally people like to see the rest of the house so we'll do a tour and end at one of the designated playrooms and just ask the "Want to play?" question at that time. Just saves a trip down and back up the stairs if they say, "Yes".
When chatting with people online, especially newbies, they'll sometimes ask about how things get started. We usually have enough exchanges to see how on-board they both are with playing, so will make note of our "bad habit" of getting lost in conversation to them and let them know I will ask if it seems obvious that playing is the desired outcome. I also let them know that they are welcome to ask as well.
Many times newbies will come right out and tell us that they'd like us to be their first, so we already know going in. We're happy and honored to be someone's "first". Lets us know we're doing somthing right ;-)
Rayvic:
It depends for us. We've met incredible and open people where they pose the question quickly to us. And we've been in situations where the "question" developed over two "dates" or more. I think it depends on the level of comfort and experience the people involved have with the proposition of playing.
We were on a cruise last year and I was sitting at the bar alone and a young guy sat down next to me and started talking to me and ask me was i alone.I told him my husband would be here in a while.He was in our cabin taking a shower.Next thing I knew he started hitting on me telling me he loved older women..Well my husband walked up and I told him he was hitting on me.My husband said that is ok if you want to play with him.I said yes so next thing I know I am in bed with this young man and he was fucking me and it was so wonderful.When we finished I left and went back to the bar and my husband asked me Well.I said honey I needed that.My husband said that is wonderful
@New_Hotwife_StPete your comment made me chuckle!
A while back when I was in the lifestyle with a past lover, we met a newbie couple that were from England after we chatted a little while my girl and I both signaled each other that it was an absolute go for both of us if they were interested. So I leaned over and asked him if he found my girl sexy. He sat up, took a big swig of beer, slammed the glass on the table and said loudly, "Let's not beat around the bush and waste any time, we are both all in". It was hilarious and so much fun. We had a great time that night. Simple advice, just say it. :)
Assuming you met in this context (swingers seeking swingers), ANY time. I don't understand all of the hemming and hawing about sex in a community that is all about having sex with other people. Confidence is hot af. Jeezus.
thn1045 is spot on when meeting at a party and no clue on what they are in to. So part of their excellent progression, for us, is what are you two into or looking for? We prefer full swap straight couples, so strong Bi, soft swap etc won't work. Then if everyone is comfortable, start heading to a room.
If we are meeting a couple from SLS, well by the time we meet them we have seen pics, asked what they are into and asked them to read our profile as it tells exactly who we are and like. Basically if we are meeting, its to confirm they match their pics, have an icebreaker or two and than lets go elsewhere!
On the picking up a guy in a bar, well smoking areas work some too lol. We do not go local as we prefer to keep some distance between our vanilla lives and LS lives. Now they can be skittish and such, more so than a single male on SLS would be but it has happened! Has happened after striking out at a party and "prey" walked out to the smoking area or bar we relocated to after the event. At the same time, when it becomes a possibility we bring up we are swingers and looking. They either run or lean in. interested
The OP specifically mentions bringing it up with a couple so we'll focus this response on that scenario. For us, one of the factors is the level of experience of the other couple as they have it outlined in their profile or how we learn of it in the first fifteen minutes of the conversation. In talking with a new couple, good questions might be "have you been to one of these events before?" or "are you guys new to the lifestyle?"
If the event is a meet and greet, we might talk with them a while more to see how flirty they are and if they are on the same page about what could go down; no pun intended. If they are super shy or not on the same page, we graciously move on so they can figure that out.
We can usually tell whether a couple has some experience and are on the same page, believe it or not, by how relaxed and flirty they are. Most experienced people we've met are pretty chill and it's oftentimes because they know another experienced couple isn't going to risk their LS reputation by doing something too overt right out of the box.
We usually know if we are interested in taking it to the next level within the first fifteen to twenty minutes and have a non-verbal signal between us. If that is a green light, we start to flirt.. a smile, raising eyes, touching fingers or bumping elbows.. just a little contact to see the reaction. If they pull away, they aren't yet ready or aren't interested so we pull back. Talk, laugh, and smile a little more and try again. The talk should be fun and flirty- and not about serious things. Serious conversations can drag out, aren't fun, and don't lead to sexy places. If the other couple keeps leading the conversation away from fun things, again we'll graciously move on to another couple. And this is also why we predominantly prefer clubs and hotel parties- because you can spin in a new direction and meet people who are up for some fun. No pressure, but yes, we are there to put a smile on our new friends.
If the flrityness is progressing, at some point one of us or one of them will go to the restroom. And that's when I chat up the husband and my wife chat's up the other wife to see how they are feeling and if they might be up for some fun. 99% of the time this has worked for us. When the four of us are back together in just a few minutes, the topic comes up. And the other couple either decides right then or steps aside to chat and comes back to us. Either way we all know. Sometimes the other couple has said to us, "Hey, we're going to check out what's up downstairs, care to come too?" That's an obvious one. And I've asked the other husband, "So, we're up for having some fun tonight. Do you think you guys are too?" And oftentimes, the husband gets a big smile and either knows right away because they too have a signal or he wants to get back to the wife so they can chat.
The one funny and rare time we had was when my wife, usually not the one to bring it up, did. We had been talking and flirting well with another couple at our favorite club but didn't move on it and it got to be 1 am. We were both getting tired so she just up and blurted, "So, are we gonna fuck or just head home?" Boom, it was on :)
So for us it's simple. Talk about fun, silly, non-serious things, smile, flirt, soft touch if they are smiling, and judge the response. If they don't pull back, ease into it a little more. If they do pull back. you pull back too and respect they aren't quite ready or aren't really interested. Don't feel shy about cutting your losses in respecting their lack of interest. Just spin in a new direction.
sure depends on context.
if you're talking about at a swinger's club or a lifestyle resort or the like, so you don't have to worry about disclosing your degenerate sex practices to folks who might be unreceptive or indiscreet, obviously you can be a lot more forward. many times leaning in for a kiss or a boob suckle or cock grab or the like conveys one's intentions well enough, but obviously that is ok only when you feel like you're implicitly invited to do so. and in any case I find that at swing clubs etc often the main common subject of conversation - swinger small talk, as it were - is how long you've been swinging, how much you swing, how you swing, etc, etc so the conversations seem to naturally lead to discussing whether they might be up for swinging that night, with you.
to me the main thing is not putting people on the spot. The first thing is to make sure your partner is on board. right? then one of you should look for an opportunity to discreetly inquire of one of the other parties - whichever one you judge more likely to be receptive, presumably the husband, but could be the wife - whether he/she thinks they both are interested in some hanky-panky. he/she can then talk to his/her partner and get back to you a few minutes later.
but having a girl go down to my cock and, just before she takes my dick in her mouth, look up at my wife and ask if it's ok works really well too, at least for me, because I don't really say no. But there have been several times where my wife has said no. awkward, to say the least.
To bring up possible play we interject in the conversation we moved to Florida for the weather and lifestyle couples. We watch their interaction or expression on their faces. If they are swingers they usually are not shy about contributing to the conversation. Depends how we feel, if we think they have enough experience, we may invite them to our home, or follow them home and play. If we are not sure how they feel ie. "both on the same page," we may decide to meet at a future date, after going home and talking to our spouse about it. We have done an equal amount either way. Sometimes we have already met a couple at a party and contact them to get together privately to play. We feel that, " opportunities passed up are opportunities lost." WE have tended to be more foreword with out being asses, as some of our friends have done, and are no longer our friends.
Thank you for the replies so fare. HFT- that was the plan but it was It was cold the other night and we know what your are thinking but 68 is cold for us down here lol.
Showing lots of cleavages is a good start. Maybe COMMANDO too.
Or as you flirt at the bar.. say "lets take this back to our home".. that easy!
How about..."Have you ever swung before?"
What about how to bring up to a stranger at a locate bar? We are very new to the LS and still shy and reserved. We went out to a local bar for just a bite and a drink. We sat down and had a great Vanilla conversation with a good looking guy. We both seem very comfortable with but nothing was brought up. When we got home it seem that we both would’ve been comfortable with a MFM at a later date. I guess the question is what are you guys say? Do you come out Direct and say hey do you want to fuck my wife or do want to fuck me or due want to due a 3some? Or is there a more subtle Approach you can share?
One thing I have learned over the years is to not be shy. Realistically you can pretty much tell if everyone is connecting well on the first drink and certainly by the second drink. Don't be pushy of course, but there is nothing wrong with saying something like "It seems like we are all hitting it off well, would you like to take this conversation to somewhere more private?" or "We are thinking of heading to the room, you two are welcome to join us if you like).
Why not? Fear of breaking up a fun conversation? Fear of misreading the situation? Fear of rejection? The worst thing that could happen is the other couple declines. Again, never be pushy, simply ask or suggest in a nice way. They may not feel it that night for some reason, or maybe never for some reason. That is OK and beats spending the entire evening drinking too much, then having a less than stellar interlude much too late in the evening to truly enjoy.
Agree with ONE.. we usually know almost within the first couple of minutes if it is what we are looking for.
If we are at a local bar and playing at our home we simply say lets take this back to our home.. once home some feel awkward so we usually have light appetizers, some drinks etc ready and set the lights low, set the music and turn down the bed while one of us talks, then we may start dancing with one, massaging ones neck or back, sometimes a BJ and once excited... say lets take this to the bedroom.. just do it many feel awkward but get in the game as you would any date!
Also do NOT be afraid to say NO if you meet sorry we are NOT a match.. dont ever take one for the team.. you will be sorry ! Make it YOUR journey on what you guys want!
RayVic,
The previous responses are mostly spot on. Honest communication is the keystone of this lifestyle. Be honest without being pushy and without requiring an immediate decision from the other couple. A statement such as: “we like you and we would love to get naked with you. It’s ok if you’re not ready, but we’ll be ready if you ever decide that you are ready too.”
Additionally, as newbies, you shouldn’t put a time limit on your own decision. Take as much time as you need, whether it’s an hour, or several meetNgreet dates.
I think you need to keep in mind that if both couples are meeting as a result of connecting on a site such as SLS then both couples are into having sex with others. Sometimes you just have to take the lead and put it out there. When we meet with a guy or couple and we both feel a connection with the person/persons usually one of us will just ask ,Hey you want to go back to our place? If you don't get a good feel after about an hour or so of getting to know someone then it probably doesn't need to happen.
We have missed out on our fair share of potential adventures, especially when we first started out from being to hesitant to ask. We had gone out to a club one weekend and seemed to hit it off very well with a couple and the couple that was there with them, however we never did ask about going back to the room or about potential play. We all left, and we did enjoy our stay, but always thought what if. Well not too long after, they noticed we were attending the same party again they messaged us and asked if we were interested, as they were ready at the resort, however felt we were not interested for not asking. Well lesson well learned.... NOW, IF we go out and meet another couple and seem to be getting along well, we will simply ask, so who's room are we going back to tonight? or After this round maybe we should take this party back to the room. Something along those lines, and have never left an opportunity for a fun adventure on the table again. We have also met other couples who were much more forward. One time we were chatting at the table and next thing I know the other couples wife removed her panties and gave them to me, and asked if they were wet enough for me. Thankfully we were at an on premise club and I was able to proceed to playing with her right there.
New couple here. So far we have been grasping the concept of most things in regards to the LS. But one thing we still can’t seem to figure out is how do you properly mention playing or letting the other couple know your up for a swap when there seems to be a connection?
