Entitled couples

Goodenuf - Yeah, I was just joking with you. Believe it or not, I've actually had the same offer from different SMs that just want a couple to "use" them. The word "use" strongly implied guy/guy contact, and I said "No" as well. I knew what the guy wanted. I just wasn't the right person for the job.

In my friend's case, he was bi so they could take full advantage of the guy, which is exactly what he wanted in the first place. Even if it meant just cleaning their house and leaving.

Wayne, I wasn't implying that an SM should reach out even if a profile said not to. As hotluvrs pointed out, "No" should always mean "No".

All I was saying is that I can see the "We'll contact you if looking for an SM" profile text coming across as an entitled/disrespectful attitude and unfortunately the good SMs many times get lumped together as a group with all other SMs. Hell, I've done it myself after having a very negative interaction with an SM, but realize that it's not fair.

Actually- Oh, HELL NO!

Much better.

:-)

"...SM they know show up at their house in a French maid outfit..."

Didn't take either of us very long to think about that one. Don't care if he does windows and behind the refrigerator- Nope.

“ send them a nice message, regardless of what the profile text says.”

Nope.

Actually, hell no!

What’s the number one rule in the swinger world? “No means no”, which should not be interpreted to mean “no means maybe”.
If a profile says “don’t contact us” and you do it anyway, there is a good chance that you’ll ignore any and all subsequent limits.

Goodenuf - We had friends that had an SM they know show up at their house in a French maid outfit and clean their house. Sometimes they would play with him but most times he just cleaned their house, for free. Just something to consider ;-)

"...have their profiles open to single males and then have the audacity to get pissed off when single males message them."

"Nice" messages are one thing and I wouldn't say pissed off, but we are clear in our profile about SMs and our sexual orientations (I'm str8) but we still get messages like:

"I have always wanted to find a couple to go out with and tease both a pussy and a cock in the bar where the sexual tension makes me do anything you want, suck your cock from under the bar table while fingering your sweet wet pussy until you squirt all over the booth"

We've received more than 1 message from that guy. Each of them were expressed more interest in me than in Mrs. G. We feel we're entitled to not respond and/or block SMs like that.

<p><a href="https://www.swinglifestyle.com/profile/lookup.cfm?usercode=50284075">mayhem8</a>,</p>

<p>I absoultely agree with you. If someone is truely interested in males, how are they going to know you exist if you do not contact them and let them know you are interested. </p>

<p>When people ask me, I tell them: If the profile is not blocking you and you are interested in them, send them a nice message, regardless of what the profile text says. </p>

The problem on both sides of this fence is generalizing. Implying "all SMs" or "all couples" do XXX is never going to be true. Yes, there are a lot of couples that do not want to be contacted by SMs and some of those same couples want to reach out to SMs only when they feel like it.

If they are looking for "quality" SMs, they may be shooting themselves in the foot. A nice SM we know from parties once asked me what couples are thinking when they do that "we'll contact you...." thing, and how they'd feel if he put "If I'm interested in a couple I will reach out to you". He will reject requests from couples that have that "we will contact you" verbage in their profile, just for that reason. I don't blame him, because it does come across as "entitled" and/or disrespectful. It would not surprise me that other quality SMs do the same.

We do not seek SMs outside of parties and it says that in our profile, but if an SM contacted me and asked what parties we attend and if they allow SMs, I will respond and try to help them out if I can. Empathy seems to be a rarer quality as time goes on.

I never said anything about reading a profile and it says do not contact me if you're a single male My issue with couples is that they feel entitled to disrespect you just because you're a single male. I've been on SLS for quite some time and from my experience, single men majority of the time aren't allowed to message any couples on here. Shit even some of the single female profile are saying the same. Now the only question I do have is what's the point of joining SLS as single male??

Also noticed an uptick in couples saying their straight but once a conversation is had the husband all of a sudden wants to suck my dick or they ask if I'm bi. Like what the hell has been going on with the lifestyle lately.

Wandering Soul,

If that profile states that they don’t want to be contacted by single males, that they prefer to reach out to them, then it’s understandable why they get irritated by a constant barrage of messages from single males.

If they reach out to a single male that interests them, their profile has to be open to them in order to see each other and exchange messages.

" most couples on here say they have no interest in single males but still have their profiles open to single males and then have the audacity to get pissed off when single males message them. "

YOU are the reason I have single males blocked even though we occasionally want to find one. You see that it says we aren't looking but feel the need to message anyway. Unbelievably disrespectful.

Pictures can show more than appearance. What kinds of things that you find fun, perhaps a sense of humor, how you live, consistency in body type or the lack there of.

It is worth knowing if new friends have always been the way they are or if it is just a front. One picture of exercise equipment/clothes rack can say a lot. :) Full ashtrays in a non smokers house 20 years ago, same for a well stocked bar with half full bottles , or beer in hand and a tipsy expression of a non drinker make me wonder if they are reformed or just posing.

That being said I have no problem with old pictures as long as they are in context and not misleading. A series of pictures that show progressive aging tells me something about a couple history, it also is very easy to pick out the present from the past.

OR

People could do what we do and try to DATE STAMP all of our pictures.

Still not as easy as updating ages, yet here you are.

BAM... Mic drop!

How funny the excuses one uses in the day of iphones

Yeah, creating and adding pictures is a little more time consuming.

True. The problem is if you do not have many pics here, then they need to be replaced. We simply do not take a lot of pictures of ourselves. That is the process we do not want to deal with. So we are very discerning that the pics we take are accurate. We will cull and replace. Just not something we are doing every 6 months or every year. It will fluctuate on when we happen to take pictures of ourselves that we like.

Culling pictures is actually pretty simple and fast. Takes less than 10 seconds.

Our pictures have not always been recent. We are not investing that kind of time to cull pictures. We are very discerning around our pictures, age, and weights accurately reflecting who we are and what we look like. Our Zion picture is from October 2021. When we were meeting up with a couple at Secrets, they had no problem quickly recognizing us and calling us over. If that 20 year old picture accurately reflects who a person is today, then great, but I seriously doubt it.

The old data and profile pictures are such an issue on this site. I love when you can see the phone the pictures and it's like a 15 year old phone. Another favorite is "New to this and finding our way" profile created in 2012 ??

I like the date idea. I added this to our profile:

Profile last updated March 2024. All pictures are from within 18 months of that date.

Mayhem, I agree that it would be nice if there were last updated dates for the profile. Add to that dates for when each photo was uploaded. Our first profile was from Oct 2003. There was a couple who joined a few months after us in 2004. They are still active today and still have the same default picture 20 years later.

Beachcouple7386 - I probably went through at least 100 iterations of our profile in the first couple of years of being in the LS. We did change and evolve early on, but at some point, we knew what we wanted and our profile reflected that. After that, there was little reason to constantly update it.

If online is your primary means of contact, it makes sense to have your profile as polished and up-to-date as possible. It never hurts in any event.

If your primary means of meeting people is at LS events, unless the event has a visible SLS sign-up listing attendees, your profile doesn't even come into play.

Having met people both online and at parties, as a ballpark I would say LS events are 10x more productive than online, by almost any measure. That is for us though. If you are young and pretty, you're more likely to have people beating down your door, but you also have a lot more BS online, like fakes, flakes/time wasters, old pictures, scheduling issues and people just not being what they say they are online.

At events, pretty much what you see is what you get. At ones with open room play, you may even get an idea of how well someone performs. Online, everyone is a porn star ;-)

Mayhem8,

As newcomers to the lifestyle for a year, we've exclusively engaged in discreet one-on-one meetings through lifestyle websites, without attending any lifestyle events.

However, encountering outdated profiles has highlighted a common issue of laziness among some individuals who fail to update their information. It's understandable that misunderstandings arise when profiles aren't kept current, and it's reasonable for us to seek clarification.

As we've evolved over the past year, our identities and boundaries have also evolved. To enhance our chances of connecting with compatible couples and individuals, we prioritize keeping our profile up to date.

We recognize that ongoing self-discovery shapes our journey in the lifestyle, and maintaining accurate information reflects our commitment to transparency and genuine connections.

Beachcouple7386 - It would be nice if SLS could mark when the last profile update was done. In some cases it may be obvious where a couple says they're mid-40s in their profile and the mention they're 10+ years older in a forum post. I'd not hold my breath waiting for such a change though.

At some point, the profile updates slow down dramatically so seeing a 10 year old profile that hasn't been updated in 2 years is not as big of a deal. Pictures are of course another matter, but can't comment there without calling the kettle black ;-) At least you could easily pick us out of a crowd with the ones we have and most of our meetings are in person at parties these days, so pictures don't even come into play there.

greyhound

It appears that many couples neglect updating their profiles in the Lifestyle community, which can lead to misunderstandings. We often encounter outdated information and inconsistencies, such as one partner being listed as straight while actually being bisexual. This lack of attention to detail undermines the reliability of profiles. Consequently, instead of relying solely on profile information, it's become necessary to directly inquire about a partner's preferences to ensure accuracy. For instance, if a profile states that a spouse is straight, it's prudent to confirm this information through direct communication rather than assuming its accuracy..