How tough finding 4-way connection?

Post a better photo of yourself dressed nicely, not like someone going for a quick slice of pizza, 125 lbs.. heck get a whole pizza...And maybe a couples profile and some female pics..Mary Jo

Joseph be honest.. your ONE photo is poor, and your profile lacking.. how about place some real work into your profile and it will pay off! Its that simple for some!

me and my female friend find it very dishartning not to get a reply yes or no,we both are very open sexually and are looking for a singlr male or a couple to share our bed

Bigfoot... exactly...

It's all physical for us. Unless you're a total ass from from the start

We have not been a couple that says we want to be friends first. We are the opposite. When we meet, if the couple is reasonably attractive and the conversation is fun, we're ready to play. For us, we've noticed that we can have our decision made in about the first 5 minutes. We've also noticed that there are quite few long time swingers that think that way. The newbies, not so much. Or maybe the wife is being pressured into it. Don't know. After we play, the wife and I talk about the evening. If the conversation was fun and the sex was good for both of us, we will consider playing again with that couple. Then a friendship develops. Never really worried about a 4 way connection before play.

This 4 way connection idea kind of reminds me of junior high and high school when boys rated girls 1-10. Didn't want a girl for a date unless she was a 10. Just isn't going to happen very often, you know?

When we started out, we were on 2 sites and went to a club weekly. It took all of those activities to get active.

2Outdoorlovers - We've seen this for the most part, but every now and then, this couple pops up and it's like, "How have we not somehow met already?"

Once you sort of run through the locals so to speak. (50 miles or less) Finding other 4 way couples are like needles in a haystack.

We didn't find it hard at all when we first got into the lifestyle. The older we got the harder it seems. We haven't had much luck lately.

We've had fairly good success over the years. This is a swing site. We're not necessarily looking for friends although we have developed casual friendships with some couples we share common outside the lifestyle interests with. We do some vanilla activities with them as well. Looks, personality & attitude factor in as well as sexual compatibility.

Good forum and so many good answers given already. We have always been baffled when so many say it’s tough to find a good 4 way connection. We are on another LS site where the majority says it’s real difficult and they question you when you say the contrary. We have not really had a problem with a 4 way connection overall. Sure we have “swung and missed” just like the best of them but hit much more than miss. We feel the selection process is the difference.

It obviously all starts with the profile. Are there enough current pics that represent how they look or is it just one obscure picture that could be one of a million people in the US. Is the written profile complete or just a short 4th grade essay that was rushed through just to get to recess early? We are generally drawn to written profiles that we really relate to and feel that we could have written it ourselves. Of course, there are always exceptions.

Beyond the profile, how does the couple/single approach you or reply to your email. If they cannot put a full sentence together or you just get a one or two word reply, over and over, most likely we are not going to hit it off in a face to face meeting so we jump ship. We like to engage in conversation, whether it be SLS email, kik, texts and face to face chats. We know there needs to be a physical attraction but that alone isn’t going to do it. If you don’t have a fun personality, the sex isn’t going to work for us either. A good sense of humor can win us over easily.

Finally, we think it is your own expectations going in. What are you looking for? Just partners for a good night of sex? Lifelong friends? You can’t expect to find close friends like your long time high school buddy in every connection. Luckily, we have found both. It will happen. We have assembled a good circle of friends through the years and are always looking for some new friendships.

There seems to be a caveat or depends statement whenever somebody writes something on here. I am no bullshit guy. Your here the same reason I am here. Make it happen!

Well said VA couple - all this emotional and intellectual connection bullshit people talk about on a sex site. If that is what you want then go find another boy friend who will be there for you. The bullshit that flies on this site is incredibly challenging to understand.

Ehhhh. Whether as a single or as part of a couple, I'm rarely equally or even similarly attracted to both halves of the other couple. It's not about finding a soulmate, because not interested, or about finding people I'd introduce to my kids. It's just about being either attracted enough or curious enough to fuck both of them without in some sense taking one for the team. That's part of why I've never minded having MFMs with a couple where she is straight and why I have a decided preference for halves of couples with hall passes. Also why I almost always have turned down opportunities to be a temporary couple for the purpose of swapping.

I would agree with the last 2 posts. A 4-way connection for us has always been easy, but we are also thinking of this in the context of having sex. We do find that we easily have interesting conversations before and/of after as well. In a lot of cases, it's those "before" conversations that lead us to the bedroom.

We also have some very close and dear LS friends.

We have to agree with RusticMagic on this one. We've never understood the need for a deep 4-way emotional connection when the desire is to have sex. We can have sex with people we like. However, we don't necessarily want them involved in our daily lives. We do have deep friendships with many of our lifestyle partners. Some have been to our house for holidays and birthdays with our children. It's a spectrum of relationships and not a single point. Different people will relate differently and not every sexual connection has to be one small notch below "the love of one's life" to be enjoyable.

It depends on what you mean by 4-way connection. If all you are looking for is sex with others it can be a lot easier than finding a couple you want to take home to meet the parents and kids. Over the years we have had lots of in bed (and well not actually in "bed") fun with many couples on multiple occasions. That is what we are looking for sexual fun. We are not looking for people to hang out with, go to the movies, and spend children's birthdays with. Of course we have met a very small select few we have done some (draw the line at the kid's birthday party) of those things with. Think of it like singles dating. It is a lot easier to go to a bar and head home with someone for sex even meeting them again later for the same than it is to form a relationship with them and get invited to family things like say Christmas Dinner. Then complicate that by trying to do it with 4 people all making that connection.

We seem to find it rather difficult for the most part. I mean sure it happens frequently but we have better success when the wife and I hunt solo.

Depends how attractive you both are tbh

The turn off is expecting anybody to accept all apples in pairs. They don't come that way.

Loads of potential play completely decimated by people who cannot let go.

Yes, we are talking about apples wandering around like sex-crazed people! We've done hotel takeovers, hotel suite parties, clubs, and house parties. For us, house parties with a reasonable number of guests are the best venue. However, when meeting just one pair of apples, we don't think a cosmic-level friendship connection is necessary for a fun sexual encounter. What we are saying is we can find a couple reasonably interesting and enjoy a good time with them without the deep emotional connection some people seem to require.

That's just our opinion after about 35 years in the lifestyle. YMMV but that's what makes life interesting.

Ah, but apples don't come in pairs. Apples can be selected separately. Not a great analogy, unless you are meaning to say that people need to learn to deal with apples going off in their individual directions?

Ditto with house or a good hotel room party (not to be confused with a takeover). Both give you more options, including the option to eat your apples right there in the store ;-)

Finding a 4 way connection isn't too tough if you utilize the right tactic. Let's look at it like you and your spouse are going to buy exactly two apples.

Would you go to the store and look at the first two apples you see and if those two apples weren't what you wanted, get in your car and go home? In our experience, that's what going out to meet one couple for drinks is like.

On the other hand, if you go to the super market where they have ten different kinds of apples and each bin has 100 apples, the likelihood of you picking two apples and taking them home goes up exponentially. That's what going to a hotel party is like.

Do you want to spend all that time getting ready, getting a sitter, and going someplace just two look at two apples.. only to go home if they aren't the two you want.? Or do you want to go to the super market (a hotel party with 150 couples signed up) where you can enjoy the fun of checking out lots of options?

Your time is valuable. Hotel parties are a more efficient use of it. :D

Since the lifestyle involves realizing that sex and love can be separate, we also separate sex and friendship. That is, we can meet people and have a fun sexual experience without needing them to be such good friends that we invite them to our children's weddings! Good sex is good sex and we don't have to have some extraordinary attraction.

However, we have made some deep and long-lasting friendships with some of our lifestyle partners. In fact, one lady was such a good friend that our children DID invite her to their weddings. So, it can and does happen.

What we don't understand is the need to have some sort of cosmic connection to have sex with another couple. It's just sex, folks. LOL

Finding a match first starts with a good profile and some public pics of both of you. Doesnt have to be face pics if that is your concern but have updated pics for initial viewing is important.
Realistic expectations is next. We like to consider ourselves as a good looking couple but that is our opinion and that might not be shared by others. Get comfortable with that.
Lastly, its hard enough to connect with another person let alone three others. Thats reality. The women here in sls set the rules so if she doesnt connect with the other guy then youre done. Respect that. This has happened to us many times because honestly no one should take one for the team.
Final thought is you need to get out to events and network. There is much more to a person than a pic. Personality and chemistry go a long way. So get out there. lol