A question about certs

Certs matter to us. For people we hadn't met yet then recent certs (-6mos) are helpful otherwise we schedule a video call to verify a profile. No recent certs or can't do a video call then we stop communicating.

We tend to agree along the same lines as Bigfoot5 although having mutual playmates doesn't always mean you will click with them, but it's a good indication. We also have a few lifestyle friends who don't give or receive certs.

I like to see certs because it is an indication that the couple actually are playing and show up as expected. Also, I hope to see a certification that is reasonably current. If the last cert was 5 years ago, I wonder what's going on. I also look at the certs to see if any of their former playmates might be a good fit for us. When I see that we have both played with the same couple, I take it as a definite positive sign.

@Rustic - Based on your stance, I'm guessing this wouldn't happen to you personally because it sounds as though you are not the type to give or accept Certs,

If I was asked about someone that we gave a Cert to, my first response would be to reach out to the person we gave the Cert to and see if they were already in contact with the people asking. In 6 years of being in the LS, this has yet to happen.

We never ask for Certs. We generally give one if we play with someone and we had fun and they gave us one. I figure if they took the time to do that, it's important to them. I personally have no problem letting others know who our LS friends are via Certs, but again, will only do Certs if they do. Otherwise I respect their privacy.

A lot of the questions would be that of they type of demeanor and such in certain settings, exposure to those settings, how they felt the guest handled themselves, not how they fucked, size of their dick, how many times the female had orgasms. Get real man, you're blowing this shit way out of proportion with that kneejerk squabble. If people publicize their cert to tell what a good fucking time they had, then yeah, a fucking innocent question about behavior and such is not invasion of privacy.

Reread again.

~Allen

Allen I read and it still seems to me folks are contacting others to verify a cert they left. We have issues with the whole idea of certifications anyway because it is no one else's business who did what with whom. We can recall when it was expected that people kept things private and they did. As far as we are concerned it is rude to ask how someone's experience with someone else was. Be that something as "innocent: as did they show up on time or more detailed information. We also think actually giving out such information is a violation of privacy. What happens between consenting adults should stay with those consenting adults and not be discussed with anyone else.

Rustic: WOW! back at ya. You seriously need to reread.

~Allen

Wow so not only do people leave certs about who they have played with but others even contact them and ask about it? Talk about a big change in the no tell aspect of the lifestyle. Seriously we are not going to talk about a "partner(s)" or an experience with anyone even fact to face much less online unless of course everyone is sitting side by side and okay with it.

As was mentioned earlier, you will never see a bad cert. Of all the criteria, this is probably the least important (to us). We were supposed to meet with an SM once that had a number of glowing certs. We had plans to meet him early in the evening because we had plans with other friends in the morning/afternoon. He knew this.

He took the day off on a whim and expected to be able to meet with us AND the couple we were with. He got angry and arrogant when we said No. I have no ability to point that out in a cert because nobody is going to accept a bad cert. I'm sure that if I had contacted some of his certs that they all would have likely vouched for him.

We have likewise met with a couple where at least one other couple we know didn't get along with them. We were fine together and had a good time. Not everyone will get along with everybody. I suppose though if I only had one opportunity to play every 4 months, I'd have likely passed on this couple. Thankfully that is not the case for us.

Another way to look at this is you hope to have a good experience in a restaurant. You know that isn't always going to happen, but it shouldn't sour you on the idea of eating out altogether ;-)

I guess I should clarify......when I'm 90% sure this is the guy I would like to play with us and we are scheduled to meet for coffee pre-event, is when I contact a cert. My wife is new and still shy about the LS and we only play once every 4 months (her rules) so I really need to be careful who I pick (she doesn't want to meet or know the guy and wares a blindfold during the massage).......yea super shy LOL. The guy also knows I'm contacting the cert..... below is a message I sent and their reply:
Me: Hello, I was wondering if you could verify ****** would be good for a newbie couple. I see you put a cert on his profile and just wanted to double check before I met him for coffee. I need a non-pushy gentleman (not rough) that respects limits for my wife as she shy and I don't want to push her away from the LS. Thanks!!
Reply: Lol ya he's super chill. Im usually not into younger guys but he was super relaxed and fun.
Me: cool......thanks!!
As you can see I didn't get into the weeds. We are still new and I'm trying to figure out who is safe and who is not as there are a lot of fakes out there. Again, I do make sure the guy knows I'm reaching out to his cert. Now if "I" ever got a request about someone I gave a cert, I would reach out to the person I gave the cert to make sure they knew.....thanks!

Hotluvrs: FWIW: I understand where Pushy is coming from. Whenever we contacted someone about a single male, the SM knew and consented, otherwise it came to a halt for reasons needing no explanation. When contacting a cert giver, we were always friendly, up front and explained why we were contacting. There was enough information that they would know there is no ill intent and any questions asked after proceeding were not of a “sealed” nature. If they refused to go further, we thanked them and passed on the potential. It’s no different than you asking a host of an extra could attend and them vouching for them; this is just a different aspect of the same thing.

“ At a house party, my wife will, and recently did, suck or fuck EVERY cock in he place, and doesn’t matter if they are all strangers. ” -Hotluvrs

That isn’t plagiarism..... and similar, yet coincidence at best, but thank you for proving my point about compatibility because you did say it didn’t matter if they were strangers.

FWIW: I bet she was a sexy star!

AND

I will also note you did say in an earlier sentence that you don’t play on the first date, if it makes you feel any better, yet that was for M&Gs.

Getting back on track to the “compatibility”.......

What I said holds true for us. I can see a precompatibility check since you’re hosting a party, after all, you folks did pick the attendees, but most hosts don’t reveal the list in 99.996% of the cases and you’re off to the races with little time to socialize unless it’s between partners, but when you’re not the host and your “new” or “unfamiliar” to a group, socializing for compatibility is highly important, yet not everyone shares THAT view.

To recall:

Ahhhh, the social aspect of a house party! I like that part so much! Talking to others, getting to know what they like, dislike, line of work they’re in, places they’ve visited... etc....

I remember socializing on a few occasions, arriving a few minutes early......... walking around the room......... shaking everyone’s hand to introduce myself and Mrs. 888.......... THIS IS GREAT! WAIT! WHAT?! By the time we turned to sit down, clothes were flying. I vividly remember one lady at one of the house parties we attended, but not so much what she was saying after she asked why my pants were still on; everything else was mumbles, as she had my cock in her mouth as she unbuckled my pants and made my zipper drop. She had green eyes, plump lips, blonde hair, approx firm 38 cups, a squiggling stamp on her lumbar and extraordinary soft legs along with luscious vagina. She’s compatible! Mrs. 888, having two women undress her, play and after that was done, she was re-“socializing” with the wife of a man whose cock she was stroking in the meantime, before taking him to a couch, then after that she was playing music on three differently sized skin flutes.

All along, I was thinking, “Yes!, this is wonderful socializing and I’m learning so much about other people.”

:-)

~Allen

“ When your wife sucks and fucks every guy at a house party, it’s different, you really don’t need to check for ANY compatibility at that point”

Allen,

Thanks for referencing my quote from a different thread, which by the way, I plagiarized from Mayhem.

I don’t completely agree with your statement. There still has to be some compatibility. At every house party we have been to, there was some time for socializing. That’s usually the period when my wife will cross people off the “fuckable” list.

Lucky for us, at the last two house parties (one that we hosted, so that was easy) she found everybody there to be highly fuckable.

Pusher,

If someone I know and consider to be a friend, contacts me for advice, I’d be comfortable discussing another person's profile.

If you, as a complete unknown approached me, I’d be much more reluctant. I have no idea what your specific needs as a newbie might be, or what you would consider to be pushy behavior.

I feel that all the information I have for you about someone else is already in the cert. For more information, it’s best to contact the third party directly. Anything more would feel like I’m gossiping with a stranger.

Pusher’s point holds some validity, but we don’t ask for their dental records or ask them to open wide (that’s saved for the ladies :-)~ ). That would be as rude as saying we check to make sure they aren’t bald or obese.

I have met the potential guy first on a couple occasions before introducing her when we were still a couple years in for safety reasons, but got to thinking, I’m not picking the guy for me and it’s a drawn out tedious process to consume precious time when it is her that has to have the interest. Looking back, maybe if I was bi that would make sense, but I’m not, so she goes every time because it’s about her fun and she should want to ask the guy to join us. If she doesn’t, then no additional meetings made nor time forfeited.

If people would be detailed about a person’s demeanor and type of setting taking place in the cert, maybe there would be no need to contact, but then again, we deleted our detailed certs about 6 months ago and left the vague one in place due to cert stalkers, while leaving the one’s we handed out.

FWIW, We have been contacted before about a couple of single males we have certed and even contacted others when we were making a house party list and wanted to know more about their setting exposers than they can get it up, sometimes not available in the profile. It’s not to verify the cert is real, it’s more about learning a little more about the person being certed from someone other than that person.

When your wife sucks and fucks every guy at a house party, it’s different, you really don’t need to check for ANY compatibility at that point.

~Allen

well then why would you even feel comfortable about giving a cert in the first place?? I simply ask if the person they gave a cert to that I'm talking with would be someone that would be good for a newbie, non-pushy, and so on. If someone contacted me about a cert I gave I would want to "help" them so they could have a good experience......if you don't....so be it.

Wow. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with having someone contacting me to verify a cert I’ve given.

We are still new so I (the husband) go by how long they have been on SLS, certs, how I feel about their messages and if I feel comfortable with meeting them then I contact a few of their certs for verification and then meet one on one for coffee before the event to get a feel for them. It works so far, as I can see if they still look like their pictures, have all their teeth LOL and how I feel about our conversation. A few I've had to repeat myself about the limits so those I eliminate because I don't want them forgetting during the event and fu(*ing things up. We only play every 4 months so I REALLY take my time and I'm extremely selective for the wife.....and protective......good luck!

Phew! I was sweating like Albert Brooks for a minute there!

BT

Nah! That dood was some asshole named Nic!

“ I have been here on and off for 9 years(YEESH), and I have had only one bad in-person experience.”

You promised never to bring that up!

(Did we just have a Warren/Sanders moment?)

~Scamp

I think everyone should do what works for them and stop trying to argue their way as the correct way of navigating here. I require certs as it indicates to me that a SM or couple has shown up somewhere, at some point, and at minimum has known how to behave; most times it tells me more. I have been here on and off for 9 years(YEESH), and I have had only one bad in-person experience. I may not have clicked with a man, but he showed up, and was not an asshole. I have met many fun, sexy, funny, charming people who all had certs saying just that. Do those same types of folk exist without certs? Absolutely. Have I missed out on some great people? Absolutely, but I will stick with this process as it has worked for me exceedingly well so far.

Personally, i think certs are good for couples and single females because it supports the fact they are not likely someone posing as an SF or couple. People can get on line and do all sorts of things under false pretenses.

As a single female concerned about safely, I'd probably be more relaxed with a single guy that has more than one. -Cert i mean, what were you thinking?!?!

That being said, I have met some great guys without certs.

Having been back in the LS for a relatively short time and as a single woman, I do like to see what folks are saying about the person, what kind of interactions, I also look at when they are written.
How many certs are generally not a big deal, but when I ran across a gent with nearly 200 I was a bit blown away. I looked him up after the fact, my first thought was consumate player. It was disconcerting.
So certs have their purpose as a source of background but are they make or break? Sometimes .

Having been back in the LS for a relatively short time and as a single woman, I do like to see what folks are saying about the person, what kind of interactions, I also look at when they are written.
How many certs are generally not a big deal, but when I ran across a gent with nearly 200 I was a bit blown away. I looked him up after the fact, my first thought was consumate player. It was disconcerting.
So certs have their purpose as a source of background but are they make or break? Sometimes .

If you look at my profile, it's obvious that I value certs. For a single male profile, the added feedback carries more weight in the total evaluation of a prospective partner.