Convincing Her?

I know this is an old post and seem to remember a newer one, but couldn't find it. I wish you could limit the forum search to just search the topic titles, but anyway....

I was thinking about this recently and realized why this worked so well for us. In our case, it turned out the Mrs enjoyed seeing me have fun as much as I enjoyed seeing her have fun.

I also realize that "convince" is not really a great word here and perhaps "accept" may be a better word, but regardless of the word, IMHO it is much easier to get into swinging when BOTH partners enjoy seeing (or at least the idea of) the other having fun with others. Put differently, I think it would be more difficult if one partnerf was not into the idea of their partner playing with others.

In our case, the biggest obstacle early on the Mrs had with being a hotwife type is wrapping her head around the idea that I could actually enjoy seeing her fuck other men. When she realized she herself enjoyed seeing me have fun, it was much easier for her to understand how I could feel the same way about her.

This isn't to say that this is the only way this could work, but it certainly made it easier for us to get into the LS. That, and realizing back then that our new hobby was really just recreational sex.

Wife doing a BJ with me last night I suggested for her we can look for a "Senior Citizens Key Club". A dozen couples.

What rabbit and scamp said.

@milkandcookies

Does she know about your profile on this site? If the answer is no, then you have already broken her trust and you should either delete it or show it to her immediately.

If the answer is yes and you are BOTH using it do your research, then carry on but be prepared to stop if she chooses not to go forward or proceed at her pace.

Good luck to you both but always remember that the LS is about trust first and foremost. Sneaking around without her knowing is cheating, even if not in the physical sense. Include her in every step or leave.

~Scamp

So my wife and I have had discussions on the topic of this lifestyle....really didnt go that well but didnt out right say no....well at first she did but now she told me she needed to do more research first. Shud I completely jus let it go?!?!

I suppose it varies quite a bit from woman to woman,but for mine it was as easy as taking a sauna with my buddy who walked around the sauna with a fat, half hard 8" cock.He'd purposely attend the sauna and it involved walking back and forth in front of my GF , his cock being only a few feet from her face each time. All I can say is it didn't take much at that point.That was 6 years and many cocks ago.She took to it real easy--

I think what the original poster means is how to make a SO feel comfortable swinging. My answer would be to communicate.

Sexywife-curious, is she wanting to do this or are you still trying to convince her to play?

Taking my wife to Desire Resort in Maya Rivera to figure it out. Wish me luck. It is a plus that she is willing to go.

I'm guessing that it's another person who asked a question, and then didn't like the answers he got

Since the OP never came back, I am going to venture a guess that he has played as an SM for years and recently met a woman he has had some conversation with about adding an extra guy and she has reservations.

All of the previous advice applies. (Open communication and full disclosure about your involvement in the LS), my comment is just trying to add context.

~Scamp

She should convince her guy. My best friends girlfriend at 16 asked him if she could give him her first blow job.

Change adjectives, encouraging her, is that more acceptable ?

Sappiron, we believe that both should be interested equally, no pushing or trying to convince one another to do something they are not one hundred percent ready to do.

The question was how to convince her that he wants to see her with another man, not convince her into the lifestyle.

The only answer is tell her and she will either believe you or not; although not sure why she would need convincing, unless the OP has a track record of lying to her.

~Allen

When a man trys to convice a lady, to start Swinging,chances are this will go wrong,
if she has no idea what Swinging is all about, if she has complete knowledge about
swinging, it's a starter. My wife and I started conversation about sex, and how she felt
about it,so told me she loved sex, I had an opening then, I informed, if she ever had
sexual desires of enjoying sex with another man, we should talk about it. Sometime
later, she told me that a certain man that we both knew, always flirted with her and
asked her out to lunch! She told me about it when picked up afte work I asked her how
she felt about it, she told me she knew very well what he wanted! I told her it was okay
with me, and go for it. My wife call him as the excuse,since he was a Lawyer, she needed
some Legal information, they made a date for the next day. My office was just two blocks
away, I drove her very close to his office, informing her I would waiting for her at my office.

Three hours later my wife walked into my office,with a Great Big Smile, she told me every detail
about her sex3ual adventure, we both got extremely Horney and had sex in my office. and
again when we got home.
This sexual adventure started our Swing Carrers!

If you haven’t gotten her on board in the 12 years since your profile was initially created on SLS, odds are not in your favor.

MsU

MsMolly pretty much summed it up. Be aware if her second scenario is your situation that it may take a long time for your partner to get comfortable with a swapping or sharing experience.

That was exactly our situation and pretty much how Phoebert handled it. He would relate stories about his previous experiences (usually before, during and/or after sex). He could tell I was intrigued and turned on by the stories and eventually he suggested that it might be fun to have a threesome with a single friend. We talked - a lot - during all of this time. And it wasn't easy for me as I am easily embarrassed talking about sex. It probably took five years but eventually we had our first threesome and I loved it. After more than ten years MFM threesomes are our happy place but playing with a couple could still happen in the future. We talk after most every encounter so we each know how the other feels. And we both respect when the other says no about anything - could be the particular person, could be the suggested location, could be a rational reason or could be a gut feeling.

Bottom line - communication is key. Not just to make the decision to start in the lifestyle but to successfully continue.

~Phoebert's Wife

It depends on the nature of the need for being convinced. If this is something for which she has no desire, then you could probably nag, gaslight, and eventually manipulate her into it. That would make you a giant asshole, at the very least, so don't. Instead, take her no as the final word.

If this is something she wants but is afraid will change the way you feel about her, then rather than try and convince her of your sincerity, ask a lot of questions about what turns her on about the scenario and then tell her if it turns you on as well. Talk together a lot, respect everything she says, don't rush.

Convincing her will likely end poorly. You both need to be on the same page.

Whenever I see the word ‘convince’ on this site, I just cringe.

"How does one convince one's lady that you really WANT to see her do another man?"

you can't "convince" someone to do something they don't want to do. it never ends well. having a single male profile on a swingers site behind your lady's back won't end well either if she finds out.

How does one convince one's lady that you really WANT to see her do another man?