How much is too much

“ I have zero tolerance for anyone who has qualms about highly sexual women... I benefit from the way the women are encouraged to be as sexual as they want.”

I am so turned on right now

MNJ,

SLS frowns on the mentioning of other swinger sites. We’ve used several others, and have had success with almost all of them. They are all somewhat similar. Good results come from being patient, writing interesting emails/messages, and generally not being a boor.

What other sites do people use that actually have any results?

" FetLife too, where I'm way too slutty for the kinksters."

I chortled a bit. There is definitely a weird puritanism on FL and within kink that I never really grasped. It is often aimed at men too. "I'm shocked, shocked I say, to find horny dudes on a sex fetish site!" sort of stuff is one of the recurring K and P topics.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your perspective.

"What is the appeal for the single person?"

I don't think particularly highly of this or other lifestyle sites, but in terms of finding the kind of people with whom I want to have sex, it's loads better than a dating app or any vanilla site. FetLife too, where I'm way too slutty for the kinksters.

I have zero tolerance for anyone who has qualms about highly sexual women, which leaves out about 98% of single men elsewhere and 90% here, and varying percentages of other groups. Plus, it gives me access to married people playing solo, which is my jam, partly because I benefit from the way the women are encouraged to be as sexual as they want.

People.. because someone views YOU doesn't mean anything.. in fact we know many on SLS who have it turned off and look at profiles for traveling to ones town.. some are just plain funny and some well it just makes good comedy..

Stop worrying about who viewed YOU it means nothing unless contacted for a meet!

Wow people.. !

I'd also just add that I think this site sucks ass for meeting and playing with people (at least in our limited experience) when contrasted to say going to a club. For instance, we've never once had a response to a Hot Date posting. We go to a club, and don't really have to do much; the sex finds us.

I'm somewhat befuddled why there are so many singles on this site. There are so many other dating apps, many of them free, designed with singles in mind. What is the appeal for the single person?

The single female is going to be bombarded even moreso than she probably is on the other dating sites, and single guys are probably going to have a rough time because they have to pass two tests instead of just one. Doesn't make sense to me, but I've been in a relationship almost all my adult life and don't really know what the single guy life is like.

Over educated couple- you are 100% correct when you said not to get fixated on one couple. Learned to move on and have had some success.

SS12 I’m not sure, but one way to tell is to look at The Who viewed me section of the site and you will see profiles move to the front. That’s usually the way to tell if someone viewed you more than once. However don’t take my word on it.

Mr Flex - how can I tell if people have viewed me more than once?

Assuming no prior interaction, I'd say don't bother. There are too many options out there to get fixated on one. It's possible with how clunky this system is that they simply never saw your message, or they are just smoking hot and receive to many to get through. Most likely though, they just aren't interested and are a typical person in that they don't like to deliver bad news.

Thanks for the advice on blocking I will take a new stance on this issue.

MNJFL, you may be shooting yourself in the foot by blocking people who check out your profile but don't reach out.

For a lot of couples, it looks like this. 1 searches, comes up with a list of potentials they like. Sends it to their mate. Mate looks over it when they have time. It could be a few days, a few weeks. They then reach out or wait to reach out until they have actual time in their schedule for playtime. Unfortunately, (fortunately?) by this time, you've already blocked them. Many couples have tight schedules and not much down time and sls is nowhere near a priority, especially if they don't have any free time at the moment.

AndrewRobin you to k the words right out of my mouth.

"If I do not get a response I block them. That way they can not keep looking at our photos and getting there jollies. If they say they are not interested I block them. If they view us and do not make any effort to contact us I block them."

Pull the stick out. Holy shit.

No response is a response. It "speaks volumes". They're simply not interested and not interested in sending out polite rejection letters.

If I get a message from someone wanting to meet up but are obviously not what I'm looking for based on my profile, I don't respond. Throwing a box of darts at a wall is just a waste of my time and I've lost tolerance for it.
Canned initial messages also go unanswered.

Zero

The answer is zero more times. They didn't respond for a reason

If I do not get a response I block them. That way they can not keep looking at our photos and getting there jollies. If they say they are not interested I block them. If they view us and do not make any effort to contact us I block them.

"don't take online stuff serious"

Best. Advice. Ever.

Thank you all for your helpful responses!! It’s is much appreciated! Happy Swinging!!

@ItsMrFlex > If you don’t get a reply from a single or couple after your initial message, how many times should you follow up before moving on?

Its nothing to follow up on after you send a first message and no reply back yet, because they will know a receiving message they got from you.

They might reply to you or not, some will reply ( " appreciate the message and interested but no thanks " ). Then some will block you after you send them a message without a reason, that's just the way it is and don't take online stuff serious. Even when I write a message to a random ( couple or a single female ) person that I am interested in. Some times a reply back or not, even a block button after they say we are not a match. I understand and move on.

It's no such thing as a follow up, you cant help that your not a match to certain people including me. Most single men who are successful or not go through it on a daily basis. Don't get stress or frustrated because you been rejected, I have seen so many on here claiming how much a nice message they send to someone. You have to fit the bill of what they are looking for and it's doesn't matter if it's a nice message to someone.

Stay positive man and good luck to you man.

Oh and I forgot there really should be no follow up message. Either the other party is waiting till both can look at it, have not checked in and seen it yet, or are not interested. We have gotten 3 messages in one day with the final one being rude "If your not going to reply why are you here?" or at least that was the basic there was some foul language. Thing is we were out of town the entire weekend with limited internet access so we did not check anything but e-mail.

ItsMrFlex you sound a bit butt hurt. Now I'm not trying to be rude but it will seem that way. The truth of the matter is you are more likely to not get a reply than even get a no thanks much less a positive one. This is simply because you are one out of a hundred or more single guys in your area. Heck I can see how some would read your screen name and see the no shirt picture and be done without reading the message.

Lets go beyond that and into reading your profile and I know while we would simply say "No Thanks" based on what we see there many others would simply not reply or block you. Now there may be some who see it and go for it but honestly to me at least it makes you sound like you are a bit too into yourself and perhaps picky when it comes to what you are looking for. Now there is no reason not to be picky and you be you but it is not for everyone. In fact in our experience profiles written in a similar manner do not respond nicely to a "No Thanks" message resulting in a block so some may just block without replying. BTW I bet you are a real nice guy who does not want to waste his time finding what he wants.

Now putting aside everything else let's address another issue I see that would make people not waste time to reply. You are separated. Not divorced but separated. Now laws vary based on location but at least here that means if someone has sex with you it is still considered adultery under the law. Now that does not mean you are intentionally cheating being separated but I know from my best friend's divorce where we live the judge was as interested in hearing about the current boyfriend his future ex-wife had for a few months as he was about the guy she cheated with for months before he found out.

Finally we get to the real issue at hand. you work over 60 hours a week third shift. Then you go on about how little free time you have. In other words when exactly would you have time to get together with someone who works first shift even at only 40 hours and has the same other priorities you do? Yeah that's the biggest hard pass I can see and honestly it would make most wonder why you were wasting time contacting them. Yes they should at least reply but many simply don't bother due to reasons mentioned above.

Normally if I don’t receive a response I send one follow up message. At times I have sent two depending if I see the person or persons repeatedly check out my profile in the “who viewed me section”. Most of my messages are polite and respectful, and show genuine interest and admiration in their profile and pictures. I’ve had some positive responses but a majority of my messages either go unreturned or a polite not interested. A few couples blocked me for no apparent reason.

I'd say dont follow up. If they're interested they'll reply. Even a single follow up if they haven't responded is likely to take them from "maybe, but I'm not ready to respond yet" to "oh HELL no".