How much is too much

We respond to all messages sent to us but for messages sent out and no response back we just move on

And the most humble...

I am easily the best looking single male on here from Charlotte.

Why does everything in this lifestyle depends? It’s ridiculous. I am a black and white kind of guy. You are in or your not. No messing around.

On another site, we have this one couple that checked our profile pretty much daily. On this site, they sometimes do some auto-match making and I've heard people claim others viewed them when it was just the site making it look that way. As far as I know, SLS doesn't do that.

In the case of this other site, I did reach out and ask if they had been checking us out or if it was the site doing it and they claimed it was the site. I continued to see where they appeared to check our profile a lot and still see them appear to do so 2 - 3 times a week, but I'll not bother reaching out again.

I did, in my initial contact ,note we'd be interested in meeting if they were, so whether it's really the site or them doesn't matter at this point. If they change their mind, they know how to contact us.

As with most things in the lifestyle, the answer is, "It depends." If we've written a message to someone and they don't look at our profile and don't respond, we write them off. It's obvious we aren't their cup of tea. However, if the couple we've messaged checks out our profile several times but hasn't responded, we're not averse to sending a follow-up note to the effect that we noticed they checked our profile and ask if they have any questions about us.

Honestly, we have received messages and one of us will check the site and say something about a couple or a message. Then, life gets in the way and we might forget to respond. A quick note of "Hey, we didn't hear from you but saw you checked our profile, are you interested?" is not inappropriate.

If I send an initial greeting, pleasant and non-offensive, but get no reply I move on. They may reply a day or two later. I am confident in my own skin so I will not badger people to acknowledge my message.

Recently I went back and checked with some folks that had never responded to a message.
It was just please answer if you saw my post. Just a yes or no.
Three out of four said no.
I resent my original post.
I got two pleasant responses that may or may not lead somewhere.

Clarity is a good thing.

A simple we saw your note," Not Now" or "We'll talk it over and let you know" is a suitable response. At it least confirms that the message went through.

I have a feeling a lot of people don't really think this through. What I mean is, I think it is best for one's own peace of mind to readily accept no response as a polite response, considering that if it is a "no," the alternative to radio silence might be more than you actually want to know.

It's just like direct marketing. You send your flyers to a demographic most likely to be interested in what you are selling. The recipient is under no obligation to respond.

View their photos/profile, if you like or are interested, open your pics, sit back and wait. One common thing Ive heard in my years here as a couple and as a single male is that 99.9% of people HATE relentless and pointless messaging from single males. One message is almost one message too many.

You don't like rude people and yet tell us about your own self-described rude behavior. Hmmmmmm......?

We also put a note on a profile regarding if they responded or not so as not to inquire again.

"I also note if I've contacted someone and gotten no answer at all so I don't ask again. "

I will literally add a note to their profile if I think of it. Something like, "Messaged on xx/xx/xx. Never replied". That way we waste no more time on them and don't come off looking like stalkers.

I've contacted people who respond with seeming interest. But when I get a few luke-warm or one-word answers, I'll straight-up ask of they're just being polite or if there's real interest. Then I put a note on the profile with something like "politely declined" No point in wasting anyone's time. I also note if I've contacted someone and gotten no answer at all so I don't ask again.
I don't mind when someone isn't interested, but still wants to chat a little, and have messaged with people from way too far away JUST to chat. I enjoy the comraderie from some of the LSers and hope to meet some of you if we ever take the cross-country trip we've been dreaming of!

NCSINGLEMALE to put it bluntly why should anyone care if you get ticked off? Sounds like a personal problem to me. I agree a reply is a polite thing however people also need to learn to take no as an answer and not get ticked off at it as well. Honestly this is one of the few times being polite frequently backfires on you. If you send a message and get no reply then you got your answer so move on.

MNJFLA - Before we got into the LS we couldn't even imagine in our wildest dreams this life we live and now know of. I know that we were clueless until we started actually meeting swingers in person and realized they're no different than you or I.

I think for some, just being online is a way to add spice to their relationship and they have convinced themselves that some fantasies (like meeting and actually swapping) are best left as fantasies only.

We've also been online long enough to know that, in some cases, a couple's profile may just be one half of a couple that is on-board with the LS and the other either doesn't know or could care less. It certainly would explain a lot.

When you find that right couple and it all comes together, it does make you wander why things couldn't be that easy all the time. We find that the people we meet at parties are those that have either already made some/most of their fantasies happen or are at least actually willing to do something to make them happen.

Why keep writing? If you've written a good introductory message and you don't get a response, why would you write again? No answer IS an answer.

If I contacted someone more than one time and they are not interested I would prefer they would just " BLOCK ME !" I contact so many people and forget who I even contacted. I do not contact them to piss them off but like anyone else to find play couples. I would not even bother to try and contact couples if we had enough people contact us. We have had only a handful of people reach out to us. I do not even understand why we do not get more contacts, but that is the way is is.

I wish more people used notes like that - and checked them before sending another message.

I don't really mind a repeat message if it's been months and my response was not a definite no. But daily or weekly introductory messages get annoying - especially the automated requests to open private photos from the app when I've never had an actual message from them.

if I reach out to a new couple that we may be interested in, I will sometimes add a note to their profile like (Reached out on mm/dd/yy) and then perhaps update it with (Never heard back) if I come across it again and haven't heard anything back.

This way it doesn't shut the door, but it allows me to not waste more time. I look at it as, the ball is in their court. If they're interested they'll get back to me. If not, then I just move on.

It makes a big difference how much you rely on on-line connections. We normally do most of our meeting/playing at LS parties, and once things get safer, will be doing the same.

Guess I would block them after a "NO" or no response. We have contacted probably 300 + couples in the past year. That's a lot but if we just sit and wait for others to contact us it may never happen. We have played with some fun couples, and through them met many others. There have been people we met by chance and played. Yes it is a pain to keep trying but keep going if you really want to be successful. Even if you meet and play with a couple there is no guarantee you will want to see them again. Some we played with we do not care to see again. Others we have a continual relationship. Drop us a like we will talk to you, chat and maybe compare notes.

Maybe do something else for awhile, pick up a new hobby, or just go with a pro if you find the juice isn't worth the squeeze on this site.

If you wouldn't give them the time of day, why are you messaging them in the first place?

"What is the appeal for single people". Most men from the vanilla world won't date a woman with a lot of past partners. A lot of singles are here for 2 reasons.
1: We were previously married and in the lifestyle and can't go backwards in the bedroom. We also have a huge friend base in the lifestyle and bringing a vanilla person into a regular party is awkward.

2; We genuinely want casual sex. Mainstream people on dating sites claim the same, then "catch feelings". After 1 too many of this, it's pointless.

A lot of people think "single people have no place in the lifestyle". Utter bullshit. I'm very blessed to have found another single person already in the lifestyle.

"I am so turned on right now"

Me too, which pretty much covers why it's important to find people who are highly in favor of that. ;-)