Question for single guys

When we're interested in someone, we check Certs, and usually check out those profiles. We haven't contacted them, and don't see a problem with it. But it should be done tastefully. Questions like "Were they punctual?" "Were they polite? " "Were they dressed appropriately for the meeting?" would be acceptable. It lets us know they are real grownups.

But if you advertise who you've met with, regardless of playing (some certs clearly state there was or wasn't, but some are a bit vague and that's fine) you open yourselves to some conversations.

One of our certs was from a LS group where we've been to a few parties and didn't play but it's obvious there are others we HAVE had some kind of play time with.

I would NOT consider it proper to ask how someone was in bed or other intimate details that are opinion or other personal info that really isn't my place to provide.

We have been firsts for a fair amount of people in both the kink and LS realms, and have never had someone ask for let alone contact a reference/cert.

No idea how we'd respond, but it strikes as being plain weird.

Something about the businessification of sex is just unsettling.

I don't do certs.... By the time I meet those I care to see, we pretty much know enough about each other to the point of meeting and seeing what happens from there. Certs are one person's or couple's view, I like to formulate my own opinion of someone or a couple based on a non prejudged manner.

I don’t cert everyone I’ve been with, just the ones I enjoyed and would like to see again. That, plus what I specifically wrote is all I have to say to a stranger about them. On the other hand, certs can be a great icebreaker. If someone certed me and they also certed someone I’d like to get to know, I may lead with, “Oh, I see you’ve played with So-and-So. So have I.” This puts them at ease, as they think, “Oh, well if they liked him, probably we will, too.”

I don't care about whether some stranger is comfortable contacting someone.

Insert shoulder shrug here.

RonKathy ~ I've been right here at home. Waiting for you two to stop somewhere for a little bit so I can catch up with you. Seriously!! I'll be in Greece coming up and after that, my schedule is clear for the summer. I'd love to fly out to either location or make up a new one. It's been too damn long :)

I don't do certs. Discretion and respect for who I am with is no one else's business but ours; nor do I read other people's certs.

We would never ask someone but if ever asked, we would let the person we played with and cert'd know and ask them if they want us to respond to them. Our alliance is to our friends, not strangers.

OP, I have no issue with people reaching out to those who’ve certed me, provided it’s in the context of what the last two posters have shared. I’ve also had SFs and Couples I’ve met let me know that an inquiry was made and by whom. So, it cuts both ways. In my mind, the line gets crossed when personal, identifiable information is shared. It’s all about discretion and common sense.

BT

We've certed single guys and have had couples ask us about single guys we've certed. But we haven't emailed other couples to ask about single guy's they've certed. We figure, if a guy has certs and those certs appear reputable then he's interested in protecting his reputation and the likelihood of him acting like a jackass is low. So that's a good thing.

For us to consider a cert to be reputable, it has to come from a couple who has been on the site for more than a year and themselves have multiple certs. A red flag is a guy having certs and then when you click on them it says something like "that profile is no longer available" (possibly fake) or it's from a couple who recently joined the site and have no certs themselves (also likely fake).

Fishing in this shallow end of the pond is tough and it's why we prefer clubs and hotel parties. Lots of experienced / certed people sign up and the odds of an enjoyable evening increase :)

We have actually received messages here and on other sites about people we left a cert/ validation/ verification for. Most of these have been people who were new and most likely still pretty nervous. In every case we just basically restated what we said in the cert, reminded them that people like to keep things confidential, told them that they needed to contact them directly, and let them know that there is no way to predict if anyone will have chemistry with someone else. There are others we have had contact us for referrals/ recommendations of people that they may like. A lot of these were travelers or one type or another. People definitely aren't a good restaurant with live music, but often times we can be transactional in how we deal with one another. There is definitely a fine line between being nosey and nervous to trusting you to help them make a solid connection.

I would be absolutely furious, and would discontinue any further contact. A cert is not an invitation to probe that relationship further. You have a question? Ask me...

Have we reached out to someone's certs for more info? No

Would we be offended if someone reached out to folks who certified us? No. Not offended. But curious as to why the cert alone wasn't enough.

The cert includes a link to the certifiers profile which opens the door for the contact to occur.

There's a simple solution for those who don't want the people who certified them to be contacted - take the cert down.

Great Post TV.. and thats why we DO NOT have CERTS as "YOU" know its no ones business who we have sex with!

So where have you been.. heading to TX, Riverwalk soon then back down to FL again!

I'm sorry but this is strange. At least in a job interview, I give permission to contact the people I'm using as a reference. You wouldn't do this at any other point of life. Go ask a potential date's ex lovers/partners what type of person they were. You wouldn't do it on any other online dating platform either, so just being online isn't an excuse either. "Hey before we meet up for dinner, can you give me a list of the last 5 people you had sex with? I have some questions for them."

But for some reason because you assume you'll be having sex with this person, whether they've agreed to that yet or not, you see it as ok to contact their past lovers and ask about their personality traits? You don't even give them the courtesy to ask them first or let them know you're going to do this? It's not like you're just going to check out the page. That's fine. No, you're going to contact people, no idea of what their current terms are, offer up that you're now interested in them, giving away their private business, and then grill them for info.

That's rude as hell.

Why would those people have written the cert in the first place? Why does anybody need to confirm that they meant what they wrote? If I wrote a cert for someone, and some other person wrote to ask me about it/that couple, I would not respond. I would have already shared what I wanted to share IN THE CERT. I am not offering up additional info.

Thank you for providing the exact reason we neither accept nor provide certifications.

I wouldn't mind this at all. I hope that if someone was nice enough to give me a cert, that they'd also have positive things to say about me if asked. There's something weird going on if someone got upset about this, I think.

Cuttin, by choice or by reason, you don’t have any certs. Did you read the topic of the thread? How would somebody contact your certs, which you don’t have a problem with, when you don’t have any?

I wouldn't hold it against any couple or woman or man for wanting to be cautious and ask for "references" from my online friends. Although I am quite discreet. as long as people whom I've been with don't divulge my personal info (ie mobile #, real name, address, etc) , then i welcome word-of-mouth comments about me posted on my profile or in theirs/his/hers profiles. It's just just a different way of networking with other like-minded people. On the other hand, I would never post a reference or recommendation on their or my profile unless they asked me to do so. I find that most "str8" couples don't want it known that they met a bisexual man LOL

You words.. just lighten up, get involved in whatever sex you enjoy and leave the rest behind.. you have way too much baggage and it shows..

Its a swinger site.. NOT FB or CL.

So really nothing to do with being bisexual at all. Risks in unknown encounters happen whether you’re straight, bi, gay or whatever else somebody identifies as, correct?

Less about being actually tossed dead in a river and more hyperbolic, and more about the common issues of dating of the unknowns in online hookups.

Ok sorry off topic. RonKathy can we please see you in a sexy outfit doing a Charlies Angels pose?

UH.. I have been working homicides and prosecuting homicides my entire life what the heck are you talking about being targeted, facts speak wonders

sounds like you are paranoid on a swingers site.. maybe look else where if you are that paranoid.. Its big city and black on black crimes that are everyday in every big city.. FACT from FBI Uniform Crime Stats and working them for 30 years !