Watch,VS Parallel Play, VS Soft swap,VS full swap?

I will not address this to OffRadar, since they’ll probably never see it. I think they are probably making the right decision to back away from the lifestyle. I’m not saying this because I agree with any of their statements, in fact, I disagree wholeheartedly with statements such as “It's pull back the sheets as soon as we meet, and to hell with introductions.”

Somehow, it seems that they only met fast movers. Our perspective is very different. They great majority of couples we meet for a drink want to move slowly. Thinking back at least ten years, I can’t remember one couple who we’ve hooked up with at our first meeting (club and house parties not included).

I think OffRadar should back away from the lifestyle because I think their perspective is off. It’s skewed. If they ever come back, I hope they can reset the gimbals so they can see a more balance view.

We also think about throwing in the towel for some of the same reasons. Being lifetime members though seems like a bit of a waste so I ( the male) check on the profile from time to time with hope that a real couple the READS our profile will also like the flirty FWB thing to happen. I don't want to give up the search and I don't want to give into the wham bam crowd letting them rule how they think swinging should be. There should always be a spot for the soft swap or watch n be watched couples regardless of being new at it or not. Sad yes there is always the little obstacles specially for us older couples mostly performance on the mans part and probably the glamour for the woman that they might feel as hot n sexy as they once did so they become shy or intimidated by the ones who are always ready to fuck n go and which then makes the age bracket of the 50 & 60 somethings very thin. I think it doesn't hurt to keep looking and hoping for other couples like us, maybe we will all just need to retire to Florida at the Villages.....

We are about to throw in the towel on the lifestyle due to a lack of interest in us. To the point, we are an attractive, fit, well educated couple who like to start off with soft swap and evolve to full swap. The journey to full swap is a huge turn on to us as the trip can be as much fun as the destination. However, it appears that the lifestyle, or at least this site, is dominated by bi women and full swap or nothing couples. It's pull back the sheets as soon as we meet, and to hell with introductions. To each his own and I fully respect others right to enjoy the lifestyle as they want, but to discourage new comers who are learning or, like us, enjoy working up to full swap play, is counterproductive and will eventually result in fewer people in the lifestyle and fewer couples to play with. I will leave you all with that said. In short, I am very disappointed and feel like a good opportunity was missed. Best of luck... Offradar

Yes_no: “parallel play” is where you play with your partner right next to another couple who are only playing with one another. There is no touching between the two couples. Essentially you have the excitement of voyerism and exhibitionism, which some couples are only comfortable doing (at least for that time). I hope that helps!

We have been involved for a while and have never heard the term parallel play. Can anyone enlighten us?

I have little experience in the LS but my interpretation of "swinging" is whatever you want it to be. My wife and I are a soft swing couple but hope to evolve into full swap. Soft swap for us is a good place to start and to shake off those initial insecurities. It's like anything else, test the water before you dive completely in.

We feel we have no right to tell anyone how to live their life as long as they are not hurting anyone else. That goes for all aspects of their lives; be it religion, how they raise their kids or how they choose to enjoy their sex lives.

Their decisions may not mesh with how we choose to live our lives so we just agree to disagree and may not choose to eperience those aspects with them.

No skin off our nose.

I couldn’t agree more with Mayhem in that calling any group weak or otherwise substandard demonstrates an unflattering attitude of intolerance.

Not to understand or agree with a preference is fine, to demean it is not. Provided, of course, that the conduct isn’t producing victims. That part should not need saying, but for prevention’s sake...

I think Skamp and Tramp nailed it. Basically there is no single "right way". Many couples do this to add "spice" to their relationship. Who are we to question how they decide to do that?

There are many ways of saying the same thing, and some ways will be more well received than others. The forum is definitely one of those places you will be reminded of that.

OP: It's great to ask questions and expand your understanding, but even implying that a whole group is "emotional weak" because of your lack of understanding is, I'm guessing, something in hindsight that you realize should have been left out. If not, as a refresher perhaps you should try looking up "open-minded" in ANY dictionary (Urban or otherwise ;-)

I'm not sure why you think anything should lead to playing in private separately or what that has to do with trust. Personally, I have not much interest playing privately (although, at the moment, I don't have a partner, that's what I'd want with a partner as well). My interest with or without a partner is a group setting. I've already had lots of one on one play privately while dating, with girlfriends, etc., so playing privately is more of the same - It's fun, but not as much fun as playing in a group. Trust doesn't enter the picture anywhere and in fact, I'd rather do soft swinging in a group than go off privately with just one woman. What is most interesting to me, is doing something different.

Apologies for not checking back sooner.
To all that have shared a reply, thanks, as I am looking for different veiws and opinions on the topic.
Sorry if you veiw me as closed minded but my thought or ideal of being in the LiveStyle is meeting new friends, having flirtatious get togethers over dinner or drinks, getting to know one another and establishing relationships that would at one point possibly lead to some sort of play in private.
At the point of deciding to meet in private you become trusting of the others and feel you're in safe hands and only go as far as each individual person is willing to go, a great sexy time is one without any pressure. How ever, my thought is, if you're going to consider yourself as a swinger playing in the lifestyle, you will need to sexually play with others that aren't apart of your normal sexual relationship.
So at this point I have a better understanding that soft play and parallel play are for those that are possibly entering the lifestyle that dont go the way of creating a trusting relationship with others outside the sex scene before entering a more relaxed sexual feel. And as far as watching that's just voyeurism that's not really swinging by definition.
Pulled from Urban Dictionary,
A lifestyle of non-monogany where sexual relations occur outside the established couple. Swingers tend to refrain from romantic attachments with their outside partners, thus differentiating themselves from PolyAmorists. There is some overlap between the two communities, though the closeness of the comparisons are generally not acknowledged.
Swingers often engage in the activity as a couple. "Swing Parties" are venues where the activity may occur.
by Ronald A. King March 28, 2005

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinions.

@Awakeninglifestyle all I can say is to each their own. My style may not be your style, or your style mine. That does not men either of us are wrong in what we enjoy. ~N

We like to watch, only! The only touching is between the ladies. If you can only be entertained by seeing your wife or husband get fucked, then that's an issue...Voyerism, in our opinion is extremely sexy, as is having others watch. Not everyone needs to share their spouse to have a good time.

Rabbit & I met in the LS so we’ve been full swap from the start but we’ve met some awesome people who are soft swap only and enjoy seeing them because we happen to enjoy their company. And they’re hot! Lol

We’ve also met couples who were just beginning to explore their boundaries and since we aren’t pushy and don’t have expectations, we are more than willing to go at their pace.

The OP is just another “my way is the only way” type that we frankly just don’t understand.

~S~

I know, right?

I mean, I totally get why anything less than full swap might be unrewarding to the OP. What I don’t get is why he/she wouldn’t understand that others might be completely satisfied with soft swap...or just watching.

"I would love to hear the benefits of soft swaps or parallel play get togethers. They really cant be worth the time and effort"

Sounds like a real open minded guy lol.

Every time I read a comment such as what the OP has written, I too shake my head and wonder.

The OP speaks of soft swap, watching, etc. as though these things place an “invisible leash” on someone.

If I live to be 100 I will never understand why so many have trouble understanding and excepting that no two people are exactly alike.

It’s ok to be different.

My wife loves to be worshiped by men, the sex is just a small part of that. The more she has a man or men to herslef the more worship she gets.

but we always go with the flow and do group sex if the other couple wants that.

When we first started out we would only do some soft playing to test the waters, lots of kissing and some oral play, watch and be watched. Then after a few times of seeing how much it was turning us on watching each other with another we got into full swap.

Now we play to the vibe....if the conversation is good but there is no sexual chemistry then we just enjoy a good time chatting over some drinks or even coffee, but if the sexual vibe is real strong we can wind up in the back seat of a car going at it hot & heavy.

What we still like to do is watch another couple to see how they play, soft & sweet or fast & hard. It gives us the idea of what to expect and style of play they like.

What we really would like to find is a couple not just into swapping but joining...... Lets face it we know how to have sex together real well but my dick can only be in one hole at a time , I can only kiss one set of lips at a time. Having another couple joining us or we joining them adds pleasures that are difficult to achieve by only two......It still comes down to the chemistry & vibe that everyone is sending

Congrats on finding out what your wife loves. Its a fun marriage when a wife has her sexual freedom. I was lucky my wife told me flat out that she loved men and sex and would not be monogamous as a condition of marriage.

We started out with SOFT, since we didn't even know what we were doing or looking for. The LS is great, because you learn things about your partner that you never knew before. We have been together for 20 years. About a year after joining the LS, she admitted that she really likes to get fucked by a stranger's cock. Just recently, I found out that she LOVES to suck cock. She like it even more than kissing, and almost as much as fucking.

We are no longer interested in SOFT. It's OK if we are in an orgy, and are already fucking someone else. Although, for our night ending session with me fucking my wife in the orgy, SOFT is welcome. Since this is OUR time, neither of us what to fuck anyone else. But a cock in her mouth is always welcome.

Your mileage may vary.

Maybe the quandary is missing the point entirely. There are loads of reasons for soft swap beyond the physical, emotional and watching what's going on instead of participating. A friend contracted HPV her first time at a house party; and how about fluid bonding with strangers, STD's - ED - stage freight - feminine dryness - and a couple wanting to take baby steps in dangerous waters? We're a full swap couple and we think they're all great reasons in our book for soft swinging.

Our best lovers started soft and became hard stoppers after they gained their footing, confidence, and understanding of a lifestyle marriage. There's also been a time or two with good friends when intercourse wasn't possible (periods, UTI) and those were the most memorable times. While it didn't stop the intimacy or passion of seeing FWB, it did curtail the intercourse on one side of the swap. From those instances both of our marriages gained. We learned about participating in your partners ecstasy by watching, treating your lover like your wife, and being satisfied with what you have already. They were all great lessons we didn't know we needed to learn. We came away with hot memories and ever since the sex with these friends has been off the charts delicious.

As for parallel play where you fuck your wife while I fuck mine - we're satisfied if we can get our hands on the other couple while we're all in the mix, but we don't find it erotic to have close-by sex and no physical contact (that's just is.) To start, we always wanna spread the Mrs, play and suck on her clit, enjoy 4-4 O's each, then one of us to glide her husband-like cock into her hole. That's soft fun for us.

Living all summer on a clothing optional resort we are immersed in all kinds of soft swing hotness; nudity, flashing, masturbation, erotic massages, g/g, oral, and hand jobs in the shower... they're great ways we say "hello," to familiar friends. We see fast-track lovers, who can't wait to plunge their cock into something new, go over the cliff when they realize their lover's gone wild with somebody new trying something "new" like kissing, stroking, caressing and kissing. It's the old "I wanna bang your girl but don't making passionate love to my wife."

We love it all and identify that each couple sets their own pace and for their own reasons. Investigating the couple and their reason(s) for soft swinging might make a whole heck of a lot of difference in the end, and you might unlock a few hidden secrets about yourself and your partner like we did.

Not understanding where this is a problem. We started with soft swing, and moved on from there. Everyone has to find his/her/their level of comfort. If newbie swingers aren't your thing, then just move on to profiles that fit your sexual preference.

Not understanding where this is a problem. We started with soft swing, and moved on from there. Everyone has to find his/her/their level of comfort. If newbie swingers aren't your thing, then just move on to profiles that fit your sexual preference.

I can think of a number of benefits, not the least of which is starting at a level where one is comfortable in order to gauge how one feels about going further.