Watch,VS Parallel Play, VS Soft swap,VS full swap?

"I see soft swap is weak. Prove to me that it isn't."

Are you even more bored than I?

The disingenuousness oooozing from your post... "To each their own, but you're so selfish and weak if you don't fully swap." is how I summarize it.

Well that was a fun read.

2gingers,

I’m wondering if you realize that you are responding to a post from almost three years ago. In addition, the OP made two posts in 2018 and has never been heard from again.

A bit off topic, but when it comes to jealousy, we've seen jealousy issues on both sides of couples at times. Luckily it's very rare for us to get to the point of meeting someone these days and not have been able to figure out before then that a couple isn't on the same page, but it can happen.

Clear that it was written by a man. Clear that he is in needy for a penetration. Playing "No jealousy, freedom" card is just a cover to justify the need. Question is why? Is you partner is not attractive any more to the extent that you need to f*ck someone to get a feel you had sex? Or maybe it is insecurity speaking to demand the proof "I am still a man if I can stick my dick to another woman"? Anyway, any need indicates that there is a problem in your relationship.

Soft swap can be everything except penetration. Some may consider oral part of soft swap. Most times, it's a stepping stone towards getting comfortable with full-swap, but not always.

When I think of "parallel play", I'm thinking it's each playing with their own partner at the same time in the same room. Watch and be watched can be more exhibitionist/voyeuristic. Especially if only one couple is playing at a time, or at all for that matter.

At any rate, soft swap can be more complicated than full-swap because everyone can have a slightly different idea about what soft swap means.

Soft swap is exhibitionist./ voyeur. Not swinging. . Jus t our thoughts.

Thank you for teaching us the term "parallel play". We're learning a lot in lockdown. Stay safe!

Well, I'm guessing maybe my comments were a bit bitter and judgmental but that wasn't the intention at all. We were trolled by some guy who had all the right pics of being a couple but was talking as the female, so I'd say we were still pretty pissed about that whole situation. I can't believe it's been three years already, Time flies! Honestly we want to start off with a nice setting of the right couple and if there's mutual attraction and everyone is on the same sheet of music then we are down with a soft swap situation. It's all about right time right place I guess. We're interested in going to a club but we also have small children and we have to schedule or have some advance notice unfortunately and I know this doesn't go well with a lot of couples. Thanks for the warm welcome and I guess you all have your points for us to ponder on.
so have a good one, meanwhile we're going to fix our train wreck service manual of a profile and be more specific about us. Thank you for the Tips!

couple5150 - Welcome to the forums. As a guy, I would also disagree that men do not know when they're going to cum in time to pull out and/or warn you. While I may cum quicker than I normally would at times, there has NEVER been a time where it had just "accidentally happened".

I say this a lot, but what you may want to consider is going to LS parties. One of your obstacles will just be around schedules. Many people have limited time, so if you need multiple meetings before you feel a close enough bond, that is going to rule out a lot of people.

At a party you can meet and talk and get to know and feel comfortable with someone. They likewise can play with other people in the meantime if they're so inclined. Everyone gets what they want. You make the parties you can make when it fits into your schedule. You just need to find the right kind of parties. Generally, those will be parties/clubs that have private play rooms or ones that are strictly Meet & Greets.

@couple: welcome to the forums. With your journey in the LS, you will find your own comfort level, and will move at your speed. I do however disagree that “most men don’t ever know when it’s safe for them to pull out”. Perhaps you’ve had bad experiences, but it seems unfair to make such a broad statement. Plus, you can simply ask the man to not cum while inside you (even with a condom on)- this LS is all about consent and communication.

Also, you need to be comfortable with the risks you take on, just as you decide to drive a car or fly on a plane. And even though you “aren’t into bed hopping, 1 night stands, or just outright fucking anyone and everyone”, these statements are judgmental to those that enjoy such activities. Remember, you can only mitigate your own risks, not the risks others choose to take.

Good luck, and have fun (and be “safe”) out there!

~Kira

Honestly, being new to this LS I like soft swap A, for safety reasons and I don’t care if condoms are used or not.. there is a huge risk involved with letting anyone just shove their dick in you, rubbers break and most men don’t ever know when it’s safe for them to pull out. And although I can’t get pregnant I still don’t want any ole strangers cum inside me. It’s the bodily fluid aspect that I’m hesitant to do full swap. It can be equally unsafe to let another man perform oral on me but I feel safer if I don’t know them to let them do that as to getting a direct injection. We are fully wanting to do a full swap when the time is right with the right couple where everyone knows one another and it’s safe. It’s just our wants and desire to find a REAL and TRUE couple that doesn’t just want to meet and fuck on the first meet up. I’m not saying it should take months or years, but when it’s right for us and those involved then it’s right. But we also aren’t into bed hopping, 1 night stands, or just outright fucking anyone and everyone. But that’s our thoughts on how we want to do things and if it doesn’t click with other couples then that’s fine. Everyone has their own wants and desires, opinions, and bounds. This is ours and if we are alone in this then so be it. We know how to please each other just fine and are happy either way in doing so. We would love nothing more than to find a long term couple for friends with Benifits relationship, unfortunately it just doesn’t seem to exist for us though.

@awakenings-just by utilizing the forum section of the Swinglifestyle site. Do you not recognize the many different categories of sexual perspectives? Don't isolate yourself with your OWN interpretation of the lifestyle. Finding people with your idealism is very is to find. Suggestions: Groups, Hot Dates and a really good profile with updated pics.

BTW, we have experienced parallel and fucking at parties! Awesome fun and would do again.

@OffRadar,
I Don't want to be too critical but you seem to be talking yourself out of some possibilities.

My GF and I not only enjoy soft swap couples but find the insights and excitement of people new to the lifestyle to be a turn on and refreshing. It's worth noting that we go from full swap (which is always situational BTW) to soft swap ourselves, depending on our mood, what's going on in our lives, and the situation. Chemistry can change everything for us and, when it's on, its on. But we certainly don't feel pressure to conform to other's desires or norms. Bottom line, we talk about how we are going to play going in and stick to the plan. The SCUBA diving safety mantra is a good analogy I think: "Plan your dive and dive your plan". Like being under water, it can be difficult to communicate in the heat of play.

As for your location, there is a podcast I've heard - the curious couple I think - where the podcasters are from OK and share some of your frustrations. They travel to Texas for play. This situation is not unfamiliar to people in rural areas. Lifestyle resorts are also a great option if they're within your budget as many guests (I would say most) at places like Desire, while open minded and not necessarily vanilla, are not full swap swingers.

Remember in the end it's fundamentally about you and your partner, not other people.

OR, I'm thinking that part of the problem may be that you aren't a full swap couple, but your interest shows you are. Even though you don't show as much interest in full swap as you do soft, it's still there. Maybe show no interest in full so there is no doubt you are a soft swap only couple, and discuss anything further with couples on a case by case basis.

I do see another factor coming into play. A couple that would prefer to do full swap on the first date will likely pick a couple with similar interests over one where they have to spend time to get to know someone better.

Probably something for the Pet Peeve thread, but there are soooo many people in the LS that will change plans at the drop of a hat if they get what they believe to be a better offer. We do not do that and have no use for people that do, regardless of how pretty they are. We have said, "Aww crap. I wish we knew about X sooner", but unless we are meeting "more the merrier" types that are interested in joining in, we stick with our original plan.

Hedo2, more than likely we will do just that. Either visit a club or a lifestyle resort. Contrary to what some may think, I do not believe that we are the culprit at fault and totally to blame for the lack of interest. Our location, the heart of the bible belt is a factor, as is our ages, and the fact that jumping immediately into bed and screwing like a sewing machine is not in our game plan. Those combined factors probably do eliminate many of the possibilities, and we're fine with that. We're still interested and will continue to explore opportunities. Thank you for your thoughtful comment...

OffRadar, perhaps attend a lifestyle event in some other town or even city. That's what we do, and it helps, we just have to realize that if we are going to meet couples then we need to travel. And if you don't hook up, well then you still had a good time.

I appreciate all the responses and most make perfect sense. It seems that there are many couples out there that would be ideal for us to meet, but for them living over 1000 miles away. Living in the buckle of the bible belt. the really good ones are just a little harder to come by. We will likely always keep the door open to opportunities, and may even look at visiting one of the lifestyle resorts. Either way, the interest is still there so who knows, maybe it will just fall in our lap sometime when we least expect it. Hope so anyway. Best of the best to you all...

We are very fortunate to have some long term friends with whom we meet socially as well a sexually. As they say "Variety is the spice of life". We enjoy each couple for what they bring to the table or bed. We enjoy soft swing as much as full swing. It really depends on what each person in a couple likes to do with his or her play partner. It doesn't necessarily mean that both couples have to play full swing. Its what each play partner chooses to do with his or her play partner. Sometimes both play couples choose soft swap only while other times they both may choose soft swing then full swing. And occasionally one play couple chooses full swing while the other couple chooses soft swing. We don't get off with watching or being watched yet occasionally we'll peek at our life partner with his or her play partner. We enjoy the physicality of playing with someone else. Its just as much fun whatever avenue is pursued. It might not work for everyone but it works for us and our play partners.

Is is possible that the perception is that full swap couples are unwilling to take their time more about how you view them than how they actually are?

Two weeks ago we took a SF friend of ours to the local club and started the evening by playing in the voyeur room, hoping to attract some additional playmates. An attractive couple came in and watched but did not show any interest in joining in. We chatted with them afterward and while they said it was a turn on, we were way too “advanced” and they aren’t ready to play in public or for full swap. We assured them that we also play soft and in private but they kept saying they weren’t ready for a couple like us.

We gave them our number and offered to meet for drinks to just chat but never heard from them.

The point is, it’s possible that you are ruling out couples who would be quite content to go slow and get to know you based on your perception that all full swap couples are in a rush.

~Scamp

I have a fairly fixed notion that what you get out of swinging and how successful you are at it is largely determined by your own choices. That includes everything from how you vet people to how patient you are in waiting for just the right playmates to show up.

In other words, something like mayhem's continued success isn't due to some magical degree of luck that isn't reproducible by others. Instead, it's the logical result of a ton of choices they make. Just like a lack of success is the result of a ton of choices.

OffRadar, We agree with Mayhem it could just be luck of the draw. We think everyone has their likes and dislikes and if you like to start with soft swap that's ok. We don't see anything wrong with what you want, if you click with a couple that wants to get to know you better and is willing to let full swap 'happen' that is totally all right in our point of view. Your both straight like us, and if you lived closer to us and we clicked we would be more then willing to get together more then once and get to know you both before full swap. Oral sex is fun too! So not everyone is all about just pulling the sheets back, and not everyone is Bi.

It could just be (un)luck of the draw and/or that a significant # of people in OR's immediate area react that way. We can find either/or in our area, but certainly no shortage of people that want to take their time. It makes it easier for us that we're good with either and can accommodate either.