And please use the notes field so as to not make the same error again.
For example, If I tell you my wife will not be interested because your wife is obviously not actually into women, do not try to debate the point. Why would that suddenly make us want to connect? How does debating the point change anything? Add a note on our profile or block us so you stop trying and we don't need to have the same discussion yet again.
Always make the journey yours.. no means no and not a match same.. no explanation needed if many on SLS fail to read ones profile !
When I get the rejection email I just say thanks for the quick response and put it in the notes on the profile and move on. I don't think it would be any fun to meet someone you basically are harassing. I think some people have thin skin and big egos on here. No means no in and out of the bedroom
So glad I read all these posts. I do not want to be rude to anyone but not everyone is a match for us.
Agree with you travelers. Also when I reach out and someone does not reply within a reasonable amount of time I block them. " No harm no foul." I do not feel that is rude, what is rude when I reach out the second time, forgetting I already did, and get a nasty response. LOL
This is a huge " hit and miss" process and very few people will actually reply. I did have one couple who seemingly refused to post a face photo, finally send me one which then we were not interested. They got very upset " why not us?' Well sorry but if you would have had the courtesy to include a face photo we could have avoided a lot of embarrassment.
People state we are professionals, do not want anyone knowing we are here. WELL who will know unless they actually look here themselves. THEN if they do they may be looking for the same thing. We have played with close friends, only once for various reasons, the got out of it. lol Have never been confronted by a family member here, but if we did who knows what would happen... lol The best we all can do is put our best foot foreword and keep trying. GREAT HEARING FROM EVERYONE HERE.
I usually just say politely that it looks like we aren't a match, and I wish them luck. No snark, no unpleasantness... or at least I try to avoid it. The one time I gave in to snark in the last year or two was a bi guy who obviously didn't read my profile and was just spamming everyone within 20 miles, although he did say that he hoped I wasn't offended that a bi guy contacted me. I told him the truth, that I wasn't offended at all by being offered a BJ by a dude, but that I was offended that he obviously didn't read my profile and was just spamming, and really didn't give a shit about the people he was messaging. Honestly, I kind of felt bad afterwards about giving in to snarkiness because I'm better than that. I much prefer to be polite and pleasant, but we all have weaknesses.
I've had several folks ask the "why" question after I decline (always SFs for some reason). In that case I just say I have my reasons, and state my preference that we simply part on friendly terms. Usually that takes care of it, although I've occasionally gotten the tantrum in response. Which just reaffirms my judgement that we weren't a match in the first place. At that point, I just go silent or block. I don't need any more negativity in my life.
If asked I don't mind giving a courteous reply, as an example saying we're looking for someone more athletic rather than you're too fat. In all honesty though we do focus the feedback on the man than we do on the women whom we find to be more sensitive than ae men
If asked I don't mind giving a courteous reply, as an example saying we're looking for someone more athletic rather than you're too fat. In all honesty though we do focus the feedback on the man than we do on the women whom we find to be more sensitive than ae men
We have racked our brains trying to find a way to politely decline people that doesn't get them offended. There doesn't seem to be a single way to do it that doesn't leave people eating sour grapes.
We have also found that though people ask why, they don't really want to know why. Nothing good can come from answering that question. It has always ended up in nothing but a temper tantrum and insults.
A - No honest feedback will be received well. Too fat/thin/old/young/long haired/bald/bearded/shaved/whatever.
B - NO means NO. If they cannot handle that in the first introduction, why would you think they could do so at "playtime"?
I can understand both sides of this, but for me, I think it would depend on how they asked.
Just a "why" sounds like there is going to be a fight, no matter what you say .
But if they were to be more careful and explain why they are asking, like, "would you mine giving me some feedback so I can improve my profile and how I talk to people, or did you say you were not interested due to something like body type?" I think I would answer.
Exactly OP and LMK.. Exactly.. honest feedback seriously do you want to go there!
How about ones profile showing one photo of a butt and none of the male half.. this is a swing site people and initial chemistry and attraction is a must !
If one does not read what we have written in our profile. that explains what we look then reach out with one photo and a poorly written profile then that says it all..
Hows is that!
I’m with Hotluvrs and Travelers on this. The why is irrelevant.
I’m generally very gracious if their initial message was respectful and genuine. If they want to know why, my standard response is, “Do I really have to explain that no means no?” If they continue, I block them. And are generally relieved that I dodged a bullet.
~LMK~
Ok, everyone is different
If we told someone “no match” and they came back with “why?”, they would most likely get blocked.
I don't know if I agree with that, honest feedback is always good to hear
Advice to noobs. Free advice, so worth what you paid for it.
When you reach out to someone and they say "not a match", do not ask "why".
The why is irrelevant. If it was explained, it will either upset you and/or you will want to argue the fact.
"Not a match" is enough said. There are hundreds of other profiles here who may be a match. Move on to greener pastures.
