Replies

Lonewolf, gosh that is horrible. I guess that is a byproduct of an instant gratification world.

Thanks mayhem.
I wasn't thinking of it as someone who wasn't serious.

Ymichael14 - I know you asked GGMM, but we've also run across wanna be's. Wanna be's don't always leave concrete profile clues. However, if you see they've had an account for quite a while and have no experience, that's a bit of a giveaway.

Text that infers that they want to go on multiple dates first before playing can be another clue. This is assuming that you even have a dialog with them. For some wanna be's, just having an account here with no real intention of ever engaging, playing, or having unrealistic criteria (i.e. Shrek and Fiona want to date Brad and Angelina) is another clue. I have seen rare profiles with obese people sayng that they only want HWP people.

FWIW - This does not mean all newbies, but if they identify as newbies, you'd want to make sure both are at least on-board with the idea of playing. That is the whole point in having an SLS account.

Goodgollymsmolly- may I ask what makes someone a "wanna be"? What clues do you notice in a profile?

I always respond to messages even the ones from those who aren't really in the lifestyle but just like the idea of it. And politely say no thank you to the wandering husbands looking for a little relief from their "boredom" while the wife is away. You don't find this out if you don't respond. Plus if you don't respond you may be missing out on meeting compatible people.

Here's a slight twist: We were out of the country last week visiting family. We checked and cleared all Messages before we left. We received a Message on a different swinger web site. As we didn't have the laptop with us and didn't have time or plans for adult play time, we didn't check swinger sites. Logged on after we returned and checked Messages. You can see the first line of the Message and all we can see is "we assume you aren't interested". And we had been blocked.

Wasn't sure we needed an "out of office" type message when we weren't on for a few days.......

There's no right approach - and a significant number of seemingly active profiles are from wannabes and onceweres - but I think you up your odds if you introduce yourself, ask a question or comment about something in their profiles that interests you, and give your name. Helpful also is a well written profile and a photo of your smiling face.

Movado665 - "...so i ask what's the right choice? "

You kind of already answered that with "I try to take the time to express that i actually read their profile, draw similarities in our shared interests ".

Some people feel they have to put too much effort into that first message only to get no response. For us, something like, "I noticed you golf. What courses do you play?" is an example of something WAY better than "How R U". It's very short, lets me know you read my profile, and lets you know if I'm inclined to respond without a huge effort on your part. Granted, some profiles don't list any hobbies. Listing hobbies other than sex is probably the most common advice I give in the Profile Help request forums for this very reason.

There is some effort to reading a profile, but some people feel that is too much. Most times I feel like it's just not worth the minimal effort to respond to a generic "How are you?" message when it's likely (or worse yet, obvious) the person reaching out has put no effort into it.

If I'm feeling charitable, I may respond to the "How are you?" with, "Good thanks", but only if I have time to kill. It's usually a waste of time and the person on the other end is already behind the 8-ball so to speak, vs someone that has clearly taken the time to read my profile. If someone is truly going to spend effort here, reading profiles before sending a message would likely give the most bang for the buck.

No response is a response, and that's coming from a a single male who will take the time to give more than a "hey how's it going" or "Send Nudes", I try to take the time to express that i actually read their profile, draw similarities in our shared interests and make it very clear if i'm not your/their cup of tea then i don't take it personal and still more often than not do not receive a response. I usually can get some confirmation because some of the times they pop up on the "who viewed you" section, so if i see that and still no response then i know it didn't fit some criteria and i move on with my life.

I will say this as a single male, we walk a fine line with that intro (the ones who aren't trying to collect pics or score by volume that is) we need to be authentic but respectful, while your profile does give insight to the person or couple, there is still an aspect of easing someone into a conversation, there is an approach every person prefers and unfortunately no two are similar. in person this is easy, you read body language and hear emotion in the words....none of this translates very well in text at least not initially, so do we risk offending a person over something that is truly a miscommunication or do we put out the "feeler messages" as one person put it the simple, "Hi, how are you today?"...to me that is a simple question the guy bagging your groceries asks and i bet 99% of the time most have the courtesy to at least acknowledge the question, but here its seen as a bad approach by some.. so i ask what's the right choice? no one will agree truth is you have to put yourself out there. the ones that see you will see you, and the ones that don't never will

We too are in the camp of a reply is good manners. Some folks have good manners and some don't. Do you want to guess who we would like to meet? We also reply to every message sent to us; even from folks who we weren't interested in the past. We also give folks a second chance and keep an open mind as internet messaging is among the hardest and most inarticulate form of communications. Of course it is easy for us to reply to every message since we rarely get messages from anyone. And, yes in case you are wondering we even reply to messages that say "can you send the wife over to play by herself". What we do that I suspect most folks don't is that if we don't get a response we wait a month or so and randomly pick a couple and send another question asking why we didn't get a response. Believe it or not often that does get a response. The most common response to that is "the two of you don't belong in the LS". Serioulsy!?!? Did we forget to pay our annual dues ;)
F&N

In another thread, someone said they put the same effort into a reply as went into the original Message. So a 2 or 3 word Message received a 2 or 3 word response.

What tends to irritate us is Messaging a couple whose profile we like, who seem to have things in common with us, and whose profile says they respond to well written Messages. We’ll send a couple of paragraphs mentioning a couple of things from their profile, and get no reply at all. Why set the expectation of a reply if you’re not going to follow through?

A reply to a Message is common courtesy. Some people have it. Some don’t. We just prefer those that do.

While we used to reply to everyone, we no longer will reply to what we call "feeler" messages. These are normally single males but all profile types do it. Basically it's a short, impersonal message like "Hey how's it going?" There's no indication they've been to our profile or read it. Anything that even indicates that they are truly interested and not just seeing who's gonna respond, gets a response from us, even if it's no thanks.

I would never yak in anyones box. I’m civilized enough to use the toilet or get outside.

Down off a yak....

Be honest, you thought I'd fall for that one didn't you?

"Some people find Yaks rather attractive."

I feel called out. Have you been reading my search history?

If I didn't know better, I'd think you're suggesting a Yak in the box in Fort Payne.

Well it would be too warm for us - wonder who I know that lives in The Great White North that wants the face of a yak?

P&B - So if you knit a ski mask with it will that qualify as a yak face.

I'm rather fond of the knitting yarn made of yak down - does that count?

Some people find Yaks rather attractive.

SLS messages never had that function but the old SLS mail system did - once you opened a message the status changed from unread to read.

Unfortunately you could read an entire message without opening it so it wasn't a great indicator.

Mayhem:

I think they used to have the read feature a long time ago.

It would be nice if the act of viewing a message would trigger something to let the sender know it has been read, but I'll not hold my breath for that change to happen ;-)

A lot of people will say that no reply is your answer and it is a no. To me, no reply is just bad manners, but maybe I was just raised in a different time & place. Anyone in this lifestyle has to expect rejection if they are going to last any amount of time. If you can't take a simple no as an answer, then in my opinion maybe you are in the wrong playing field. Sometimes you just have to have thick skin and a set of steel balls.

Another reason is we all know how glitchy things are here. Without some type of reply how do we know for sure the other people even got our message? I would much rather get a "no thank you" than to wonder if it's floating out there in cyber space someplace. ~N

Some of you are misinterpreting my post. The "yak" line was just supposed to get a chuckle. I'm not asking people to tell me why they aren't interested. We all have different preferences, and I'm cool with that. I'd just like to know that my message arrived. A simple "no thanks" reply would accomplish that. Necessary? No. Nice? Yes.

And BTW, I imagine yaks are pretty well hung. LOL