Replies

"Hey, I'm right here (snif)."

Yah, but you are a cute yak, plus you have a puppet. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!!!!

While it is probably risky, I will sometimes tell someone why the answer was "No" if it's something they can change. It doesn't mean they will, but they have their answer. For example, I KNOW the Mrs won't be into someone with a ZZ Top style beard. Certainly not looking for someone to shave it off, but if they did, the answer may be different.

If we just plain don't like the looks of someone, it makes little sense to tell them that even though we all claim to be adults here. Also, while someone can change from being obese, it's not likely to happen and even if it did, it's going to take a while for that to happen.

hey likely don't really want to hear "you have a face like a yak".

Hey, I'm right here (snif).

As Molly said, way too often a "no thanks" reply leads to "why not?". The why is irrelevant to not being a match, plus whatever that reason may be in a given circumstance, they likely don't really want to hear "you have a face like a yak".

Again, Molly is very wise. The cool thing about the lifestyle is that there is indeed a "community" for everyone. If you and your hubby are into it, I can assure you, there's another couple, or even a group, who is into it as well. You just need to find your people and connect.

"At least you know why you were rejected."

Whether someone says thanks but no thanks or doesn't reply at all, the reason is the same: You weren't what they were looking for.

Does it matter why? No, but people still ask - and by people I mean men - and that has never made sense to me. Even if I could articulate all the reasons someone doesn't work for me, would it help to know them? Can you be smarter, have looks closer to my preference, change your profile to appeal more to me (while simultaneously not getter farther away from what others are looking for), etc.?

This isn't a film focus group where you crowdsource the edits most likely to get you the biggest audience. We're the people we are and that's just not going to work for some proportion of other people.

Have the best, most representative profile you can manage, including filling out all the sections and eliminating typos, smile in your photos, don't whine about your lack of traction, send brief but unique messages to folks, and be a generally decent human. Maybe you'll succeed, maybe you won't, but you'll have done what you could in the online lifestyle space of your choice.

This question has been asked and answered many times. The short answer as noted from a couple of the replies is, "No response is an answer". There are MANY reasons people do not answer and you will likely never find out why. It's easier said than done, but there is no point in getting upset over something you have no control over.

As bad as this site can be, it is still somewhat rare that a message doesn't get through at all. I agree that it can make one wonder though why some people are even here at all. When you do wind up finding someone you click with, they can make it seem all worth the effort as well as make you wonder even more about how/why it doesn't happen more often.

Yeah, most people don't reply on SLS. I write fairly good messages expressing interest but get maybe 5% response, positive or negative. They may not for many reasons. They might not know how to write (and someone else did their original profile), they might be overwhelmed by responses and not replying to anyone, they might care less about all but 1 or 2, they might be afraid to send a "not interested" note, they might be just general assholes. No responses are a fact of life in SLS, especially for single men.

Soooooo you might as well get used to it. I have.

I too would prefer, you have a face like yak, over no response.
At least you know why you were rejected.

I agree that "no reply is a reply" on most websites, but it's hard to trust in that thinking here given the general unreliability of SLS. When I check off all the boxes on someone's criteria list, send them a well crafted message, AND their profile specifies that they respond to everyone but I get nothing in return, I can't help but wonder if my original message was ever received. A response of "No thanks", or even "Are you kidding? You have a face like a yak!", would be preferable to wondering if my message is forever lost in the cyberspace Twilight Zone.

No reply IS a reply. Stop crying and get over it.

Lots of people don't reply and you can just take it as a no. There's no point in even thinking about it again.

However, I wonder if all of the people who complain about not getting a response are actually asking a question. Some large percentage of the initial messages I get don't ask anything I want to reply to. "How are you?" is not a winning opening, for instance, and I even explain that on my profile, noting that I likely won't respond. But I still get those. Others just do an open ended message. I know I'm not interested, but since they haven't asked anything I can reply to, I can either not respond because experience says it's never going to get better or I can continue an already tired conversation, that's of no use to me or anyone, until they stop messaging me.

So, make sure you're asking a question, like wondering if they might be interested in coffee.

If someone writes and it is clear they didn't bother to read your profile (e.g. they meet zero stated requirements, or lead with something you specifically caution against), then they don't really deserve the courtesy.

If it was a thoughtful message, and you just don't vibe, it is the dignified and honorable thing to do.

We always respond to all messages sent to us no matter how far away they are. We know what you mean

Why is it so difficult to reply even a thanks but no thanks?....if someone takees the time to write why is is do hard to reply? We are all adults and realize not everyone is attracted to one another....seems to be that there is little respect for others.