BDSM without humiliation

Humiliation is only one small tool. It can be super hot and spicy to have a D/s dynamic without the humility.

I treasure the men who submit to me. I partake in humiliation but mine is more at a teasing level. Also, I know how to “undo and take back” the words I used while in scene. This falls under the leave-them-better-than-you-found-them role.

You must know the foundation pillars which you are not allowed to shake. This changes with every person and every encounter.

Talk about what flavors you want in your scene. Maybe you’re looking for an impact scene with out a power exchange. Maybe the power exchange is the most important piece of then chose your flavor. Golden retriever puppy play, treasured sex doll, thoughtless robot… the list is endless. How does your partner want to feel in play?

[quote=ionsawmill]My form of dominance is “Did I tell you that you could take your dick out of my mouth?”

The answer better be “No, sir.”[/quote]or another appropriate answer

gasp - gag slobber gag gag slobber

Humiliation can be a part of play but it's something that has to be agreed upon beforehand....some people like it, other's don't. It's just like any other form of play and everyone has to be comfortable with it

Humiliation/degradation is one aspect of play, but it’s specific play and it’s not the mainstream. I’m not into humiliation as a general rule, I’m much more into the sensuality of playing and find most others are as well. My advice is don’t assume bdsm is about humiliation, it’s about the power dynamics and sensuality that one doesn’t find in vanilla. Boundaries and hard limits are there for a reason, to delineate the bounds of play

My form of dominance is “Did I tell you that you could take your dick out of my mouth?”

The answer better be “No, sir.”

Like all aspects of BDSM, you get to pick and chose what works for the two of you!

I am less into humiliation and more into teasing. Teasing is like hearted and fun. I only rattle and poke at areas he feels secure. I would never rattle someone’s body size or other hard core foundations.

Most of my scenes do not include teasing. Teasing is just another tool I have for getting partners into headspace.

I had two swing partners who were into BDSM. One of them just liked rough play, being restrained,, paddled etc. The other one when we played - at her request - was all about being used, humiliated and degraded.

I think neither of you have done any actual research from actual reliable sources about what BDSM is.

Humiliation is really only one aspect and not everyone is into it. You can still dominate someone and tie them up, even get into impact play without humiliation. You just have to mix in praise and reward. You might tie someone up but them tell them how sexy they look or how they are doing a great job taking the paddle. "You are so sexy the way you take this paddle, such a good girl". Use your imagination. A praise kink is not at all rare. You can also reward a sub as part of the play. If they do a good job at whatever you are imposing you reward them with an orgasm or whatever else you're into.

Just enjoy being taken...

There's a lot of BDSM that doesn't involve humiliation. There's bondage and chastity play, which are control-based, not humiliation-based. Shibari rope play is a particular bondage play that's really interesting. Very ritualistic in nature.

What's your point?

Overeducated, Humiliations can be different for everyone. What may be humiliating to one person is nothing to another .. It is as individual as the people participating.

People overall are a bit undereducated about kink and BDSM in general. The top vs dom distinction is a tough one for some to grasp

From my observation, humiliation kinks are quite rare overall. To an uninitiated unlooker, some aspects may seem degrading, but that usually isn't the aim of most the scenes I've seen or been party to.

We feel absuty the same way. I do however enjoy "punishment". Don't get me wrong, it's not the typical punishment for things in our daily marital life. I like to be "bratty" and make it clear my word or action that Im going to rile his nerves playfully until I get "punished".
I've been "punished" for a few things like spending too much on trashy lingerie, or sex toys. This is not income we couldn't spare. But, I let him know ahead of time "what a bad girl I am for spending this money".
Punishments are the fun stuff. Put over his knee for a spanking, tied up and brought to the edge only to stop (I do get several orgasms no worries). Rough sex, and that type of thing.

I didn't grow up on the best environment so humiliation is not at all Anything I need or want in sexual encounters. It fucks with my head and self esteem. So I said all that to say this. You can make your BDSM encounters what you want them to be within your own parameters. And there are like minded people out there too!

We play like that all the time... just restraints & sex.. or whipping.. hair pulling.. hard fucking..w/ o humiliation.. just fun sex.

Even done restrained mmmf w/o humiliation.. she likes being taken.

The trope of the leather-corseted domme with a crop in one hand commanding "kneel and lick my boots, you unworthy pig!" Is vastly overplayed to the point of caricature.

As someone who is not into humiliation or degradation, but is into several other flavors of kink, don't let the popculture tropes discourage you from exploring B&D, D&S, or S&M. It can all be done with no humiliation whatsoever.

Hi! I think, in fact, that humiliation is a minor part of BDSM. Although it my get over-represented in pop-culture. I want to clarify that humiliation is very contextual. It is actions and words that hit a person's pain-points. For e.g. one person may consider getting spanked shameful, and the other may consider it sexy fun. Same with use of words. So it is very relative and depends on your partner's mentality.

Personally, I like to delineate how my BDSM scenes are perceived. The same act can be objectification (using as a hole), degradation (using as a slut), infantilization (training a brat), or humiliation (whichever framing the partner finds shameful).

You can practice BDSM without any overt authority exchange, let alone playing with sensitive feelings with humiliation. To start off,

• Tell your partner what you want. The position you want her in, what to say, when to do what.
• Position her yourself. Add roughness to taste.
• Use your hands as manacles to hold her immobile.
• Add in silky sheets or simple rope for more feeling (careful to tie non-collapsing knots! safety first)
• If you like pain, a little bit of spanking to get her warmed up. Don't imply punishment, just that you like her gasp :)

With all of this, you can incorporate role-play to make it more fun! Above all, negotiate your boundaries. Put stuff on the table: things that are a no-no, things you are curious about, things you are enthusiastic about. Have a clear line of communication (safe-words) so you know when to stop. I think being so studious with it is half the fun! Good luck!

Humiliation, like with many things in life, is a matter of perception. What may be humiliation to one person is just minor foreplay to another. Most submissives that I know have no issue with being called "girl", but I do know one that being called "girl" is completely humiliating and is an immediate turnoff. I find that many newer doms believe they need to use some form of humiliation, mostly name calling, to establish their dominance or create a submissive mindset. Nothing can be further from the truth. The best mindset is created long before that and then humiliation is a tool that could be used to enhance it. I have seen some pretty extreme, at least from my perspective (there is that word again), humiliation play that I thought was amazing to watch but I know most would not be able to handle such play.

It is all established before submission is offered or taken. If you have a problem with it, or if it is a must have for you, you should state it early on in talking with the person. Once it has been discussed and the boundaries set, it is up to the honorable Dom to respect those parameters.

It is always important that a Dom follows what a couple or woman wants done in a session.

I see "The Gimp" has found his way out of the box in Filene's basement again.

I'll assume he's spouting his prowess as a Dom. Well he's sure dominating the threads of this forum but that's only because he doesn't have the balls to face those of differing opinions so he blocks them.

Alas he won't see this as I've been blocked but feel free to copy and paste it for him, just expect to be blocked as well.

Dude,

You are messing with my head every time you erase one of your posts. Why you do that? Stop moving my cheese (yes, I know, different reference, yet it amuses me all the same).

Thank You, good gollymsmolly, I need to bring those statements inline with the technology. Again Thank You making Me more aware of free flow of information present.

"There are many types of Dom's/Dommes..."

This isn't a rebuttal specific to you, PeaceMaker, but that's very close to the mindset that allows terrible people to flourish in the kink community, where they do real damage. There are far too many self proclaimed Doms who use D/s as a pretext to shore up their shoddy, fragile egos and what they do is excused because 'everyone approaches this differently.' And that's bullshit.

The D in a D/s arrangement can facilitate real healing in their subs, not because they know best, but because they're careful and they listen and they're in service. It does not work the other way around, because it's not the sub's job to hold space for another person.

So, yeah, there are different ways in which one can dominate in a healthy fashion, but they're not that different that they allow the dominant to use subs as balm for their psychological issues or do anything in service to their own needs that conflicts with the needs of the subs.

Bucket, I've never been in Filene's basement. Is it a cut rate fetish shop with a lot of plastic knockoffs?