There are many types of Dom's/Dommes depending on their heart and Mind. The Nature of the relationship, play, environment, lightning. Components and confidence play a huge part. You have to be true yourself. You have to take a hard look inside and examine all facets of You.
The Gimp looking guy says … " I came here and I left. I'll leave this forum to MsMolly "
I guess he's going to crawl back into the box in Maynard's basement.
Or based on his outfit maybe the box is now in Filene's basement.
GGMM ??
"By the way, what happened to your posts?"
Heh. He blocked us, cutie. (And don't make a secret of it. I'm portable. ;-) )
Again, here's a thing for the uninitiated: Any guy who calls himself "Sir" and uses the term outside of the actual power exchange is liable to be sketchy as fuck and not know what he's doing. But he'll insist he does and get shitty when challenged, which would make him a horrible no good very bad dom.
And, for reference, there is someone I occasionally call Sir and it happens when I want to convey a particular thing. He'd never dream of suggesting it, because he's really good at what he does.
Pretty sure that MsMolly doesn’t have to TRY to sound intelligent. Smart people in the Fora know better than to go verbally toe to toe. Then again, I am slightly biased have harbored a secret online crush for some time now.
By the way, what happened to your posts?
Hey, look at that, I just learned something new.
I’m only a pseudo-Dom, but I had no idea that BDSM was all about fear and intimidation; to crush your enemies and see them fleeing before you in as a scene from some dystopian Conan/Mad Max kill-fest.
All along I thought it was more about the willful surrender of power, or the deliberate acceptance of pain in search of ones’ personal limits. Silly me assumed it was a delicate and elegant dance, move and counter move, performed by thoughtful and intelligent individuals.
Well, this simplifies things. Hmmm, better go order my cudgel from Amazon.
Really? You wouldn't listen to your sub? WTAF, dude?
For anyone curious and inexperienced, the is pretty much the worst possible approach to take to power exchange.
If any Dominant gave me the silent treatment... his ass would be out the door.
Starting out 2 years ago I didn't want any humiliation. After I developed a s/D relationship with a man, I came to enjoy some mild humiliation, but only when we were alone.
The thing is, what might be humiliating for you might only be a bit embarrassing, but not actually humiliating, to me. I was willing to have sex with him in front of many people who were watching and clothed, to fulfill his fantasy. That was embarrassing, not humiliating. Would you find that humiliating? Sometimes I would slap his face during scenes (we're switches). Alone, he wasn't humiliated. To slap his face in front of others...that would be humiliating to him. Someone else might find it a turn on.
It's always about communicating what you like or don't like with your partner.
I don’t consider myself an ‘expert’ but my first experience with BDSM was with my first wife 40 years ago. We hadn’t heard of BDSM, we were just doing what we enjoyed. I’ve been interested and have experimented a fair bit over the years. Basically the other comments I see here sound like people who are in the lifestyle, while what I’m hearing from you is you’re experimenting. From what you said, I’m betting that you might try the BDSM occasionally as a change of sexual taste. If that is the case, just do what you both like. You can read a bunch of books if you like, but start out just talking. Talk about what little ideas turn you on. If one of you is turned on by being helpless, have the other restrain you, whatever you BOTH enjoy.
One thing that helps is to truly be able to ‘act out the fantasy’. When you’re absorbed in a good book, does it seem like you’re there, actually taking part in the story? That’s a good imagination and in a role play you ‘become’ the role. The best stage actors (and actresses) when they step onto the stage they become the character and the stage, the characters and the play become the real world for the duration of the play. When Ruby and I would do a role play, Ruby and Don weren’t there, it was just Master and his slave slut as we acted out what turned us on.
Read some books, find some good information, but really do what the two of you want. Spend some time just tossing ideas and thoughts back and forth, little things that have crossed your mind and interest you. Don’t look for the outside world to control what you do.
bdsm can be whatever two people enjoy. Do what you like. Don't do what you don't like. Experiment because you may find you actually enjoy something in a bdsm context that you don't enjoy in public life. Nothing is required except Domination and submission. The rest is just style. Find your style. and go for it. Fetlife is also recommended as a community.
We enjoy light BDSM. It's NEVER involved humiliation though. It's just not something that does anything for either one of us. We enjoy the intensity of it...not being insulted/humiliated. At the same time we don't look down on others that enjoy it so far be it for us to yuck someone else's yum.
Hmmmmm, does this have anything to with the Dir of IT?
Ha.
Succinct??? Whut dat?
BT
And far more succinctly than I.
Yes you are, and yes she does.
Sorry... my mind just went there and my fingers followed..., but I had a feeling that I was amongst friends who might appreciate my warped, often dad-joked laden comic approach. I was right ;-)
All kidding aside, GGMM makes some great, fundamental points about consent and who really is in charge in the wonderful dance that is BDSM play.
BT
Lol, both he and Miss Molly are safe, BT
I’m thinking that the fish...carp guy is gonna be pretty jealous unless he figures out that this has the makings of a pretty cool lil fantasy... I think he’s smaht though...
Please, carry on...
BT
I like you too. ;-)
It's official: I love you.
It certainly is.
For those curious, in a healthy interaction, the person taking the submissive role isn't used or abused unless it's something they want and even then it has to be negotiated. The submissive really is in charge, no matter how it looks, but the person taking the dominant role also has to consent.
You may certainly hold any opinion you like, but in this case you're incorrect.
That isn't to say you couldn't add another, just keep the apples with the apples and the oranges with the oranges. There are many Dom/mes with more than one submissive.
Also, SugarMagnolia, for me, swinging and BDSM are two different rivers, and never the Twain shall meet.
"Swapping" your pet with (someone who thinks he's ) a Dom is a recipe for disaster.
In all things ask yourself, "am I willing to fracture (my partner's trust) the relationship for this?"
I'd venture to say a Dom/me has no need to pose the question because S/He carries the weight of the responsibility at all times, inherently. Of course, this varies as much as individuals do.
