First dates and fucking

We note in our profile that we fuck on the first date. We detail who we are in our profile. Basically we're not for the timid, LoL.

BlackVulcan556 - One of the big problems is just communication. Some couples block SMs, but may be interested in a M&G when they see other couples are attending, even if it's organized by an SM. You could have people potentially attending that you have no way to communicate with directly in the event something last minute came up.

An SM friend of ours that did hotel room parties had that exact problem, and hotel room parties are a little trickier. You can post a M&G location on SLS, but I'd not post a room # for a hotel room party. Plus, he didn't even know what the room # would be until he checked in, and used to have his parties start an hour after check-in. He needed a cell # to text the guests the room #. Couples that blocked SMs would sign up and miss that part, so I'd message them and let them know they need to reach out to the host, whether I was attending that particular party or not.

I suppose so, Mayhem. But yes, a Single Male might encounter more difficulty in organizing such an event. With the prevailing stigma against SMs, I imagine there would be far less cooperation from couples who have disdain for single guys.

BlackVulcan556 - It's easier for a couple than a SM, and a little bit of effort either way, but anyone can set up a M&G. If there none in your area it might be worth a shot.

MCfunsters - A competing swinger site used to hold Lifestyle Meet & Greets in Old Town, Pasadena! This was years and years ago. What struck me was that these were once held at a popular restaurant on the main drag. It was business as usual on those event evenings (Tuesdays), and families with younger kids were present. The swingers were in a cordoned-off section towards the rear, but all the other patrons could see and hear us. Haha! The only thing separating our group from the crowd was a short wooden balustrade. There were some quizzical stares, I remember. Afterwards, they moved the event to a Lounge bar a block away, on a cross street.
Fun times. There are no more M&Gs out here of which I am aware. Shame. And once the Pandemic hit, that pretty much wiped out many of the clubs and parties everywhere. I met a few very interesting people at those Meet & Greets with whom I was able to hook up.

We tend to lean towards events, M&G's, and clubs.

My wife is very efficient with her time. She prefers a "high target" environment. Some of our most satisfying times have been meeting a couple and getting together in the next 20 minutes.

Its been several years since we've met someone on a date or event and did a follow-up date that was exciting.

We have a few out of town friends, when we meet we have sex, then BBQ, go dancing, play golf.

We love that initial attraction.

MNJFLA - As for a second or subsequent dates, we don't mind meeting a couple like this at a party, but that would have been unlikely given their "closed door/lights off" requirement. They were otherwise pleasant to talk to.

They were also newer to the LS then and noticed they themselves have hosted some gatherings. Not sure if she has changed, but if there are other women at the gathering/party to play with, it wouldn't matter to me.

“ Our Saturdays tend to be booked out between vanilla and LS party plans”

This is why we rarely meet for drinks at night. Our weekend nights are usually booked weeks in advance. Our first dates are usually fairly short, early evening or late afternoon events.

Our “fuck dates” are almost always with people we’ve met before. That’s one of our rules.

Mayhem always enjoy reading your comments. We too have had that experience, once played with a couple the lady was done in maybe fifteen minutes. She got hers did not care on bit about my satisfaction. He kept on going with my wife, and his wife even came in their room and told them she was done. He did not want to stop still. They were a very mismatched pair, and we think they are no longer together they had very little in common. Needless to say these type of people we never see again. We do not always message them first and put an end to it. I wait till he messages me and then tell them why. They need to know why no one wants to be with them, because they will do it to every couple, unless they change. mnjfla

Even with experienced LSers, it is desireable to do a first date at a LS party, if possible. It gives both of us more play options/combinations and allows for drinks (BYOB), a bite to eat, and someplace to play all under one roof.

LS parties are not for everyone though. I remember a first date with a couple at our house where they both wanted separate rooms (not a problem) but with lights off and closed doors. That's not likely to happen at a LS party. He fucked the Mrs for a little over 30 mins and she said she had enough, and he came about 30 secs later.

They were extremely uneven in their play style. He was like a porn star that could fuck a girl as long as she wanted him to and then could cum on command in under a minute.

She on the other hand, climbed on top of me and in literally 6 slow strokes or less, full on came and she was a one and done. I could have fucked a couple dozen girls like that in the time her husband spent with my Mrs. Luckily I do enjoy when the Mrs has a great time and knew she would take care of me after. Most times, it's the other way around with me taking care of her afterwards.

"She just smiled a friendly greeting, and, without either of us exchanging a word of introduction, she dropped to her knees and began hungrily sucking my dick! So, yeah, lifestyle events are not the place for protocol."

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My kind of Vixen. It makes sense that I attend my share of LS events. :-)

Yes, the standard dating "formula" is discarded at the lifestyle event. It isn't logical, but it's as if folks use the party event as a surrogate vetting process, and most are totally open to "sex on the first date." I confess to having sought and consented to sex with women at parties, without ever even learning (or ASKING) their first names. Purely anonymous sex. My very first experience at a swing club, I was early to arrive. I wandered around the large mansion of many rooms, wearing only a button-down shirt, and my silk boxers. I was surprised and delighted to discover a great-looking couple having sex in the open area of a back room. The gorgeous girl was riding the guy in Cowgirl, her eyes closed. I stared, transfixed, my erection stiffening as I watched this live sex show. I stood in the doorway, playing with myself, yearning for the woman to look my way. When I sensed a presence on the threshold behind me, I moved sideways in my embarrassment. It was a new couple, fully dressed, and I didn't want the lady to see me masturbating. But as this new couple was also aroused by the show, I became emboldened enough to turn my body back to where my actions were plainly visible. The lady was a petite white woman, possibly in her thirties, wearing a long sun dress, glasses, and a mane of frizzy, curly brown hair. Her skin was pale, and overall, she had the look of a nerdy librarian. She had noticed me, and it felt good to remove my hand so she could clearly see my exposed penis. In my peripheral vision, I saw her tug her tall male companion down so she could whisper a message in his ear. The tall guy then leaned over to whisper to me, "Do you mind if my lady friend helps you out?" I'll never forget that exact phrasing. What was I supposed to answer? No? Haha! My smoothly-delivered assent delivered, the librarian lady stepped over to stand directly in front of me. She just smiled a friendly greeting, and, without either of us exchanging a word of introduction, she dropped to her knees and began hungrily sucking my dick! So, yeah, lifestyle events are not the place for protocol.

BlackVulcan556 - Honestly, I did kind of gloss right over that. I really should drink more caffeine in the morning ;-)

Not that we don't do both (online and parties), all I could think of as I was reading most of what you wrote is it's a reminder of why we do parties over online meetings. It is sweet if/when it all works out in the end, which is why people make the effort.

Mayhem8 - I DID say, 'Unless both parties connect at a lifestyle event...'

BlackVulcan556 - A lot of the "greasing the skids" work in your last post goes out the window at LS parties because you're already at the in-person stage. It's also highly likely that a person paying money to attend a party is doing so because they intend to actually play, at least at the hotel room parties.

We've seen clubs and some house parties can be more of a social-only event for some though. Not a big deal, because one can still have a nice conversation then find someone else to play with if one wishes. Still, clubs would rank lower in priority than hotel room and house parties for that reason.

When meeting someone new at say, a club, unless you had prior oniine interaction somehow, I'm not sure that would be considered a "date". Some would probably consider it more "sport fucking" ;-)

My Single Guy take is this:

Chemistry is often the overriding factor here in the swing lifestyle, same as it is in the "vanilla" world, and it comes in stages. Sure, the majority of us are here to fuck, not forge romantic relationships. Nevertheless, it's rarely a mindless, random process.
Unless both parties connect at a lifestyle event, we're talking about online connection, right? Positive online chemistry is achieved through mutual profile reviews, and exchanged messages. The next stage may be contact over the phone. A good conversation over the phone cannot guarantee favorable chemistry in person. And so, many folks use the "No sex on the first date/meeting" proviso in order to shield against expectations. Without either party going in with a sense of entitlement, there's less pressure. And that allows everyone to relax a bit, and let any positive in-person chemistry determine what does or doesn't happen next.

In my experience, I've been privileged to reach the in-person stage with several couples, and move right away to a sexual encounter. This is very exciting, obviously, and it better defines the lifestyle ideal. But unless that possibility is expressed up front, I never go in with that expectation. I certainly prepare for the possibility physically, but I mentally prepare for the first meeting to be more like a job interview, sort of. Haha!
Interestingly enough, I am currently "in talks" with a very lovely married woman. Things appear to be proceeding nicely, but this is definitely new territory for me withing the swinger scene. It does resemble the vanilla dating model, and so I must tread more cautiously.

MNJFLA - We have had that "How to say no" thing happen with people at our house. While uncomfortable, it has also been very rare for us. If people misrepresented themselves, personally, I'd rather just call it out than be in a situation where every new person we meet will be a second date by default.

A lot has to do with how many new people you're meeting and what else you have going on. With busy lives and a fair number of local party options, it would really restrict the # of new folks that we get to meet simply because we'll choose the option where the choice likely involves play time.

We certainly don't need a firm committment to play to meet with someone new, especially with newbies, but that's different than, "The first date is ALWAYS going to be a no-play date". We will even do that latter scenario of no play, but we'll ask that people come to us if that's the case. Our Saturdays tend to be booked out between vanilla and LS party plans, so it may be a while if Saturday was the only available day for someone to meet.

This is where distance can come into play, because if someone is close enough and is OK with it being a relatively early night, we can do mid-week play dates. This is just our take on things to give others an idea of what may be happening behind the scenes when someone says, "Hey, want to meet for dinner/drinks".

Esparenza for us we like to keep some distance initially to evaluate whether or not we would want to play with a couple. We usually like to meet at a party or restaurant, then after chatting we determine if we want to play. We have made the mistake and invited people to our house only to realize they look nothing like their photos, have unmentioned health problems, poor manners, poor hygiene, and generally not attracted to them.. NOW they are at our house and we do not want to play with them, and they are planning on playing how would you tell them no and get rid of them.????????

I didn't say anything about expecting sex on the first date. I am ASKING why people treat the idea of sex on the first date as thought this community weren't about having sex.

When you meet a couple for drinks that’s 4 people who need to feel a connection. A don’t play on the first date takes the pressure off everyone. Gives each couple time to chat and talk about it. Usually my hubby and I are on the same page and can tell what each other are thinking. But 1 of us can be feeling it and the other is just being social and polite - same might be happening with the other couple so a debrief and get back later is fine with us. Singles we have played with first date. At a club sure but that’s a different atmosphere than dinner.

We're the same... parties and events are where it's at for us.

It really is the best way to meet like-minded people in a low pressure environment.

Blessed be the party organizers for they keep the lifestyle going.

We met a couple that had a "No first date play" rule. We of course have no problem with that, especially since they came to us.

After the first date, they decided they wanted to play with us. Between their schedule and ours and the distance between us, it took nearly 3 months for that next date to happen. It did happen and we did play, but we get to play fairly often so waiting was no big deal to us.

I make the point of saying "they came to us" because when it comes to meeting a new couple or attending a party, we'll choose the party if no plans have been made yet. We will NOT bail on someone just because a last minute party popped up on the radar once plans have been made.

We have parties available to us every Sat from next Sat till 6/22, and by 6/22 there will likely be more parties to attend. From a strictly logical point of view, we are here to find nice and fun people to play with and actually play, along with doing fun vanilla things too. We both get to meet fun people at parties AND play at 99% of the parties we attend. Yes, we can have vanilla fun with a nice LS couple as well and sometimes it's nice just to take a break once in a while, but for us, it makes more sense to attend parties than it does to meet a couple if we have to drive any distance to them.

Like most, we have limited play time so we like to make the most of that time when we have it. If we have the option to meet a couple that plays over one that doesn't, we'll choose the one that plays even if we don't actually play. It's just nicer going in with that being more an option.

This is where newbies can have a difficult time actually getting to a first date, because many of them are likely to have a "No play on first date" rule. Not saying they should change that as much as it is a reality that this can impact their ability to meet people.

No rule as it really boils down to attraction, chemistry and situation. I have gone the gamut from several vanilla meetings before progressing to play to halfway through the first dinner together we both are more than ready so we leave and play. Just make sure that both are ready when when or however it happens.

"On the other hand, if we meet people at a club or party we’ll fuck within a few minutes of meeting if the mood is right; no names required!"

Yep. Although I generally initiate an exchange of names at some point.

But, no, there is no universe in which sex will happen immediately after a coffee date.

The difference is that the former is more or less in public and is as safe as NSA sex gets and the latter is not. So, I want processing time to see if any red flags surface in my brain or, now, my partner's.

We are on Team Won’t Play on the First Date.

For us it removes any potential pressure. Heck, we may even go several dates without getting naked. We’re just not in a hurry.

On the other hand, if we meet people at a club or party we’ll fuck within a few minutes of meeting if the mood is right; no names required!