Connection on a first date?

Exactly SOC.. !

First would be your appearance for sure. They things will usually fall into place. First appearance says a lot about a person

Politics would be the last thing on my mind

Agreed. No politics. We are on opposite sides of the spectrum as some of our favorite playmates. Some are very extreme both right and left.

"This isn’t a reply, more of a what do we talk about when we first meet a couple? What not to say?"

Don't talk about the pandemic, guns, politics nor religion. All of these increase your chances of a good time to be had between you and your spouse only.

~Allen

Stay away from politics or religion swinging it will do wonders for all.. if you bring it up we will say we do not discuss these things with swingers we meet.

If one cannot hold a common conversation about life, what they do for fun, music , dancing, places to visit.. we are not a match.. stop over thinking it. and let it flow naturally... a touch of hair, ones back, and soft kiss.. does wonders at the bar!

Sugarwalls61That is a very good question without a "specific" answer. I would ask in return "What do you talk about when you meet someone new and it is not about sex?" Now granted many may want to keep the conversation directed to and about sex however for some that would be a red flag. Honestly if someone just kept talking about sex and what they enjoy and want to do openly in a public place (over coffee, dinner, etc) it would show (at least to us) a lack of discretion. Of course in the end it is all about sex and folks need to be compatible and you get a feel for that through conversation however some things should be discussed in a more private setting. I mean the flying monkey squatting dragon position does require communication between all parties (including a description of what the hell that is as I just made it up I hope LOL) but that is not a subject we want to be discussing when the waitress shows up or someone we know sits down at the table within earshot. Now this may be because it seems I know a lot of people (or at least they know me as there are too many to recall sometimes) but touching on the subject in person in public is okay however a constant conversation with someone trying to lead a change back to it is not at least for us. Now this does not mean we want to talk about how the kids are doing in school or whatever either (example out kids are older than that) but mentioning you have kids is okay. Oh and we have found the things everyone should know to steer clear of (politics and religion) seem to always crop up in some form or fashion. When they do changing the subject is a good response and says a lot if the other party does not follow the change and reverts back to it.

(Personal side note) I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to scream "HYPOCRITE!" when someone brings Christianity into the conversation when the hope is to head somewhere to fornicate in a very unchristian like manner. BTW yes I know I brought religion into the conversation but not as a discussion of beliefs just an example of why it does not belong in conversation with others when sex is the goal.

Sugarwalls,

You talk about sex. Maybe let the conversation wander to other topics but always keep circling around to sex.

The main purpose of the first meeting is to see if you are compatible. To make that determination you have to have frank, open discussions about expectations, limits, experience, etc.

What not to say: anything about politics and religion. Even if it’s clear that you are in agreement in every way, avoid those topics. They are not sexy.

This isn’t a reply, more of a what do we talk about when we first meet a couple? What not to say?

Rustic,

Glad you avoided injury and mayhem. Your account had me flashing back to similar encounters. I hate that sense of helplessness as you watch someone else crash.

foreverfuncouple4u that too (safe driving) is also part of security for us. I honestly have issues riding with someone else including my wife. Then again I had to do some fast and furious type driving to avoid a 7 car pile up happening in front of me on the interstate Friday night. I made it around the mess (watching a car slide sideways before crashing into another) that spoke volumes of my misspent youth and still decent reaction time.

We would leave together, but she isn't the one I was just kissing. That gives us some time to talk. Even though I can tell by her body language that its a go.

I can see where Rustic's coming from. I think we've done an excellent job of communicating through messages. However, we'd need more than just a single drink and romp in the hay for me to trust them with my wife. It would be a seriously dangerous idea to get cute and fuck with us on a criminal level. So that's not the concern, but if we got together for a drink and even if not....who knows if they drive like a nut or how much they had? Give it a few romps, maybe we've done vanilla activities, so they're at the point of actual friends, way different story.

Rustic,

I guess if they’ve reached a point where they are going to go home and fuck them, possibly in separate rooms, they are comfortable riding in a car for a short distance.

If I understand correctly some are "swapping" partners for the ride to wherever within 30 min to an hour after meeting up? I take this as meaning you are letting your wife ride alone with an otherwise stranger. Yeah I know you will be meeting back up and swapping partners for sex shortly but the whole swapping for the ride is not something we would ever feel comfortable doing (and we have been in the lifestyle for years). Not only does it remove the "alone" conversation time between first meeting and the sexual encounter where we have time to talk to each other and make 100% sure we are on the same page but there is no way in hell in this day and age my wife is getting into a vehicle alone with someone we do not know well. Now this does not mean someone we have gotten to know but just messaging back and forth online and say an hour over coffee or dinner nope. Yes there needs to be trust with a sexual partner but there is also some measure of security when you are together that is lacking even if I had the other partner "hostage" if you will.

Love both those songs! I really think we need a thread in the open forum about mood/sex music. We have our own sex mix....but it's more about sex themed songs with a decent beat than setting the mood. Between my wife and I we're pretty much a sure thing.

Thanks!!

I play Crazy Bitch for my wife. It's her theme song. Well, that and Cherry Pie.

Preset song list....what songs are your go-to? What scents??

We both just talked about the whole leaving with each other's partner...not sure we're at that point yet. Maybe after our cherries are popped we'll feel different.

Love the seating arrangement and fucking with the vanillas lol! But to clarify...you switch partners for the car ride to whatever destination?

If so...what's that like dialogue like, road head, etc?

Personally, being newbies...we both liked using the ride to touch base/check in. Plus I got head in the parking lot before taking off. Thanks

"Fuck With The Vanillas" sounds like fun. Milton Bradley should make the board game.......

We always sit opposite each other when we arrive first so that we can sit next to the opposite couple. If we arrive second and the coupe are not across from each other, we consider that date off to a poor start.

Ya. What M&C, and R&K said. We can tell in 5 minutes if it's a go. By 30, we know for sure ;) We like flirting, dressing and acting sexy. And, first impressions mean a lot.

One of the funnest things to do is "Fuck with the vanillas". We wait for the couple to show up. We sit on opposite sides of the table. They show up, we introduce each other. He sits with my wife, and his sit's with me. If we all get along, there is subtle but obvious touching and flirting. We leave kissing the opposite spouces, and then I leave with my wife, and he leaves with his. Chances are, we already plan to arrive at the same place, ours or theirs. The confused looks from the vanillas is priceless.

MandC- That was super helpful for us and does make sense. We've done all except the touching (because we haven't met in person yet) with a recent couple. Super hot!!!

To add to what RonKathy have said, we generally know within the first 15 minutes of conversation over drinks/dinner. The few times it has not worked out have followed a similar scenario: the couple made a bare minimum effort to dress well, one or both weren't overly engaging in conversation and appeared to wish they were elsewhere, and they was no initiating of flirting and no response to our flirting. We want to see a smile, some laughter, a touch on the arm to make a point, looking into each others eyes, and sitting close when we are at the table.

When you are meeting up with a couple on a first date, what helps you both to feel connected to the other couple? Thanks!