Outed

We would just deny, ask who's spreading such a serious and controversial rumor like that and what would give them any reason to do it.

Recently while at work, someone I work with randomly blurted out, "I get the impression you guys are swingers, are you?" The reply was nope, sorry to disappoint you.

However thinking about it later, how does someone even think it appropriate to bring up randomly to an acquaintance and furthermore, what would make this person believe that the person asked would reveal such a thing to a bunch of other random acquaintances who happen to also be in the room? We would absolutely love to be able to figure people out. Baffling.

I repeat - treat it like anythng else that is not their business. Tell busy bodies that your sec life is bot up for discussion, and that you don't understand why they think it is even remotely appropriate to bring it uo.

If you're not willing to stand firm and be brutal about it, you get what you get. Y'all are too worried about being polite to someone who is not being polite to you.

" 1st off HR is likely to be powerless to do anything about this unless you know who did the outing."

Y'know, my first thought there is to report the person who told them about the rumors. Put THEM on the spot to HR. They'll have to reveal who's running their yob at work, just in order to protect themselves. Of course, that also opens up a whole case of canned worms, but at least the asshole spreading rumors is likely to get caught up in the shitstorm.

That's more of a Mutually Assured Destruction scenario, complete with nuclear winter, starvation and being ruled by the Lord Humongous with his mohawk and his assless chaps of doom. So probably not the best idea...

The way the world is... we all operate with a deluded and hopeful expectation of respect and privacy. But in truth this veneer can be quickly stripped by someone that needs attention, someone that was rejected or someone that is jealous.
When confronted in that moment we all have a choice of denial, being defiant/blasé or being embarrassed. If enough people act defiant/blasé then it removes the stigma.

This exact thing happen to us as well.
1st off HR is likely to be powerless to do anything about this unless you know who did the outing. Perhaps they can issue some warning about how unprofessional it is to talk about other employees, but beyond that I don't know that they can do anything without names.

For us we found out 4 years later that it was a guy in the office. He was bitter because our relationship and exploration was working and his experience and relationship wasn't. We only found out about him being the source because even after 4 years he was still talking to folks about his titillating piece of information he had on us.

To be truthful it was hurtful because not only was he on the same website as us, but I thought we were friends and for him to discuss this with coworkers at 2 different places of employment just indicates his lack of character.... no wonder his experiences were subpar.

My thought is that anyone that brings that rumor to you, or even hints about it. Look them in the eye and tell them that type of discussion is ridiculous and discussion of such things falls under sexual harassment which can be prosecuted. Don't be coy or shy or embarrassed. State it matter a fact.
Idk. It worked for me, but everyone has their own path.

HC maybe the following question should have been to them.. "Do we ask what YOU do in your bedroom".. NO so dont ask or assume what we do.. Its no ones business.. !

So fukn rude to even bring it up....

So over the weekend we were with our vanilla friends and we do a lot of stuff with them. I wore my pineapple shirt and after a few drinks and some joking our friends came right out and said "Are you guys swingers? There is a rumor that you are and we were amused of it because we hang with you guys. We told them we have never seen and indication that you were but its what people in town are saying." Needless to say we played dumb. The wife was really pissed because of our business and what I do for a living. We live in a very small town and when I say everyone knows us that is true. We have always went with a code of secrecy especially with people on SLS I guess the same consideration of others is not adhered too. I was telling a friend here in town that is on here and he said someone showed his wife's brother their profile on here. They were really pissed because now men are approaching his wife. Thats not cool at all. Someone might not care about who knows but some of us do.

I remember a lot of useless information. That really wasn’t how you put it. It was more like I am getting a check from the government so yes I am on welfare. The reason I chimed in was to say your comments were insulting to those actually in need of welfare. You were pretty steadfast that you were in the same boat. But, at least that’s not a concern for you now.

“I’m pretty certain that it was you who posted in the forums that you were collecting welfare a year ago. From welfare to the wife climbing the corporate ladder”

New and Naughty,
I’m impressed that you remember my posts from a year ago.

The welfare post was a joke. The point was that I had been collecting what amounted to corporate welfare since the beginning of the pandemic. My industry was aggressive about lobbying for government assistance. It was a commentary on the state of things where “the rich get richer, and the poor don’t get a fucking thing”.

Corporate welfare by any other name is still welfare, but you don’t hear people complaining about corporations the same way that they complain about poor folks

I’m pretty certain that it was you who posted in the forums that you were collecting welfare a year ago. From welfare to the wife climbing the corporate ladder at a fortune 50 company in about a years time, congratulations!!!! Sounds like you guys are on a roll, wouldn’t worry about office rumors.

I don't understand how or why y'all get involved with a lifestyle that's all about being open, and you aren't able to speak eith confidence to people who try to guilt you or blackmail you with this info. Tell them with a completely straight face that your sex life is none of their business, report the harassment to HR, and move slong with your day.

Treat it like any other completely inappropriate discussion. Tell people to fuck off. Grow a spine. JFC.

Have to agree with EdandBritney on this one. It was the tequila guy. Situations like this is why we keep our profile closed to free members. Have to believe there are a lot of free members on here just to snoop around with no intention of actually joining the lifestyle.

Young fast movers,.. bet the couch in the bosses office gets a lot of action then... I have never worker in an office type job in my life.....

I know the tequila slinging guy said he didnt tell anyone, but I'll bet dollars to donuts, that it was him.

Wait, it was after work in his car ... your wife's work has tequila there?? ... what kind of place is this :):) ... ok ok, my guess is the day went: Work, then trip to the bar for 1 or 5 tequillas, then bar parking lot with guy.

Thanks Dave.

We try to keep plausible deniability alive, but sometimes we let our guard down.

Several months ago my wife made out with a co-worker in his car after work. I was out of town at the time. She didn’t tell me about it until yesterday. Apparently, she was a bit embarrassed to tell me because she knows it was a serious failure of judgement. Tequila was involved, which has proven in the past to be her kryptonite when paired with a good looking guy.

The guy in question swears he didn’t tell anyone else about it, but that would certainly reinforce any rumors that may be already floating out there.
The situation is compounded by the fact that the majority of the people in her department are young fast movers. They are highly competitive and love to dig up dirt on anyone.

I agree with Hotlvrs. Being the person who goes to HR is not the reputation you want.

I would deny with a message like… My husband and I are very happily married, why would you say such a thing? Put the focus on the rumer spreader. This is the activity that is rocking the corporate boat. Re-direct the focus from the rumor itself to the activity of spreading hate.

My wife and I have been in the LS for over 15 years. It has come up at times as a rumor in my office. Because we go on cruises, trips, great weekend pool parties. I laugh it off and never give the rumor credibility. It goes away.

One particular rumor monger in our office no longer brings me gossip. I’ve asked a few times “ why would you say such a thing… That sounds hurtful… And it has nothing to do with work.” People want something to gossip about… But they do not want to be called out for gossiping.

Best wishes. Most likely it will go away on its own.

Dave

What the hell are you worried about? If there's a problem, play the GAY card, then they wouldn't dare touch her. According to your profile, she's the B in LGBTQ. Every corporation in America changed their logo to a rainbow last month. USE THAT SHIT!

Yea i would keep from making something out of nothing if able...You wouldn't have a liable suit anyway till it became a large issue..

Wife works for a Fortune50 company with deep pockets and a history of being unfriendly to employees who disturb the company qwan. The last thing she wants is to call more attention to herself.

Well put Medicpapa... I'm Not a lawyer, but spreading private/personal info at the workplace is a serious legal issue. I would definitely contact your HR Dept about the situation or if need be get outside legal counsel. I'm sure the offenders spreading the personal info have their own "Bag of Rocks" they don't want anyone else to know about.

Being a former owner of a large company for over 25 years, the fact that anything outside of work is being brought into the office, from anyone whether others or yourself, I imagine violates company policy somewhere. This is considered a form of workplace harassment and if not handled by HR can result in a major lawsuit. Regardless of your chosen lifestyle, it is not ok morally or legally to harass you for it. Stand strong in your choices and hood those accountable for their harassment.

Agreed

While we are not at all bashful about sharing closeups of the real thing in person, the only photos that go out are vanilla.
If someone has those , so what.
Even those pictures only go out once we have had some real communication.

Does it limit our prospects? Possibly.
If they are too impatient with the way we do things , then they are not our people to begin with.
We have a pretty high level of finding people we are compatible with and no problem with collectors.

Thanks although there is a slight difference. I am not Bi so that was not the issue. I was merely perusing different topics and I responded with my take on the back and forth concerning public photos. Additionally I get the point but even if one has purely G Rated pictures open it still leads to others seeing an innocent picture and reading the post and spreading rumors. Often times we have answered one that has a faceless photo that sounds promising only to open pics and then be ghosted. Not ghosted due to being ugly, fat , disgusting body image as a matter of record quite the opposite. Just Pic collectors which is even more complicated by rumormongers. Real dilemma and one that I always say F this, we are done. Only to resubscribe thinking that it may be different. What a mess, lol