Newbie questions

Step1: Welcome to the forums.

May I suggest you post up in the “Better Profiles” section; sometimes people are too close to the trees to see the forest.

~Allen

Appreciate the feedback again. Yes we are just going in with a open mind and try and relax probably with a few drinks to start, but not expecting nothing, but if something happens then we will either be agreed on it or not, we are a team. OK on the polo ill do what i original thought, I do wear suspenders so tuck in is a must. We got some extra time to get some clothes and thx on the Walmart for king size, been to there site.

KittyKatDave4fun okay some people are very superficial and those are not the ones you want to waste any time one. I'm sure you will figure out quickly who they are. As far as holding her back I'm going to be brutally honest (coming from a big man with a wife that is not "skinny") you will find the fact she is a BBW doing just as much as you being a big guy. That being said depending on the location you may find yourselves to be in the majority versus minority in this. Many couple are not the Ken and Barbie model types. There will be those that accept and welcome both of you just like there will be folks who turn their nose up at one, the other, or both of you. Thing is as long as you simply be honest and yourselves you will make an impression.

Now a word of warning clubs and regular parties have been around for a while and folks have gotten to know each other well this as someone "new" you will be somewhat on the outside and it may take a few trips to settle in as a regular. This more than either of you not being "perfect" will hold you back somewhat. We have found there is always someone who is the unofficial welcoming committee and will make you feel welcome that being said it seems this person/couple usually do not play much and move on to the next new person/couple the next party. You also will get the folks who are eager to play with someone new (bed hoppers) or have for whatever reason been "rejected" by the other regulars (even having played with them). Honestly you do need to watch for anyone who seems overeager to play although it is a given at some clubs and parties everyone is there to play sooner or later. It takes time to get to know someone and be comfortable with them and there is nothing wrong with saying you are new and want to take some time to get comfortable with the place and people there first. Most folks will understand this but some will not take it well and you just avoided a "bullet" as it were by finding this out up front. BTW none of this is assuming the club allows single males which can be an entirely different thing altogether be that better for some or worse for others.

Okay one more thing ditch the polo and put on a full button up shirt which can be tucked in or un-tucked (whichever you need for looks and comfort). It does not have to be a "dress" shirt like you would wear with a suit but try to make it a plain one color not print and especially not "Tropical" patter unless there is a theme. Even if this is outside your regular comfort zone or you have to go shopping (just one or two and switch between parties trying not to wear the same pants next time you wear the shirt) and you will find it works better than a polo and slacks at drawing attention. As a big guy I know full well how hard this is and how expensive this can be but here is a tip Walmart online has Kingsize merchandise shipped from Kingsize for half or almost half what the same thing sells for on the Kingsize site. Just get you a few outfits for parties and meet ups and put them in the closet. Hopefully you will not be wearing them long enough to really matter. BTW do the same for her (not right now for both but over time) and have a dedicated section of your closet for "playtime" outfits. These are things you only wear to clubs and parties or meet ups and not daily. It extends the life of this clothing and protects them from everyday stains including those that happen when the two of you go out to eat on date night where you really don't need to dress to impress each other.

At the clubs we've been to there's been folks of all ages and body types.

You just have to put your best foot forward, relax and have fun without expectations.

Don't go in with an agenda or expecting a certain outcome. Think of it as a reconnaissance mission your first time out.

Thank you for the input, so ill probably go with a nice polo shirt, slacks, and some loafers.
On another note, what is it like or an idea for bigger couples? We both are big but I am bigger than her, just want her to have a fun time and not worry about having a big guy with her mess anything up for her.

KittyKatDave4fun what you are considering wearing is fine. You do not want to go full formal nor do you want to go cut off jeans a tank top (at least for him LOL). A lot of what to wear depends on the club or party especially if there is a theme. For example tomorrow we are heading to one of our "club's" summer pool parties. Thus swimsuits, casual shorts, sundresses, etc are expected with most of the early birds wearing swimsuits (or not) and hitting the pool while those who come in later are still in nice shorts (we live in the southeast where it can still be 90 degree heat indexes at or after sunset) and nice shirts (for the guys) and dresses for the women. There is also a year round hot tub and generally folks undress to get in but some bring a swimsuit. Of course then there have been theme nights like leather and lace (obvious choices), Halloween (sexy costumes), St Patrick's Day (green), and Valentines (a little dressier yet still sexy and red). But then there are the times when it is just a party so wear what you want as long as it is nice (some even change into lingerie or simply undress down to it as soon as they walk in). You may actually be surprised at the number of folks who change after the arrive due to walking out the door after hugging the kids goodby dressed like "mom and dad" not Hooker and Pimp (party theme BTW). In fact some even change during the party like say for us tomorrow we will likely come in swimsuits (as the afternoon progresses into evening she looses pieces sometimes) and then once it cools off we will switch to shorts and a nice shirt for me and dress for her assuming we do not start playing by that point in time. We have seen folks come in casual wear and hang for a while mingling then suddenly they are in night club attire on the dance floor on a normal night. Usually though through and given evening a lot of folks tend to shed bits and pieces of clothing which is what bags and lockers are for.

I almost forgot to mention some clubs and parties have a dress code or even certain attire required (no nudity or see thru) in "public" spaces or near food. This can apply to outdoor smoking and seating areas yet inside you may find someone running around naked. Of course this also assumes they enforce it. It was suggested you check out the club's page for photos but I would go one step further and look for rules or even contact the club and ask if there is a dress code.

KiityKat,

If the club is anything like the one I went to years ago you can wear some cut off jeans and a sweat stained wife beater. You'll fit right in!
I can't remember the name of that place, but it was the worst.

The clothing you described should be fine, but it really does depend on the club. Does the club have a web site? If they have pictures of people inside the club, you can use that as your guide. If there is a hot tub or pool, you may want to bring some extra footwear (sandals, slippers).

Hello everyone me and my miss has had one experience with another couple and loved it, no jealousy what so ever. Lets say it ended to soon.
Well we are looking to check out a lifestyle club in Phoenix here soon and its kinda nerve racking, reason is its a step forward for us and don't know what to wear, I figured a nice dress shirt with slacks and loafers, and a nice somewhat revealing dress. Intentions are to check out maybe if we click with someone join, we just want to scope out and feel the vibe. I just want it to be a great date night for her she deserves it!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thx.

Thank you!

There are several threads about pineapples. An upside down one in a shopping cart might indicate a lady is a hotwife or a swinger. Typically, most will consider the inverted pineapple a sign that someone swings or they just like to decorate with pineapples.

Can anyone tell me what pineapple means?

For us we had been together for years before it came up and we were both saying "why didn't you ask years ago?"

We jumped into the deep end of the pool right away and found out we could swim.

The truth is you won't know how you really feel until you see him/her with someone else.

If you can both get past any jealousy issues you're golden. Be in it or not in it together.

JtJm2014 only you two can decide what is right for both of you. Over the years we have seen some couple start out so slow you wondered if they were ever going to play with others and yet we have seen others jump right on in and have multiple partners in one night. Generally most are about in the middle as far as that goes. The whole going to a club is a very good suggestion as it allows you to simply be there, watch, and learn with a chance to perhaps participate as little or as much as you feel comfortable with. It is amazing how comfortable you get when you are around people that do not judge you for exploring the lifestyle and how far that comfort level will take you.

As far as good or bad experiences go if you are in the lifestyle long enough you (as a couple) will experience both. Guaranteed when you get comfortable there will come a time where you will not believe how good a time you had and how lucky you are to have been able to do this. On the flip side guaranteed you will through no fault of your own you will end up in a situation you cannot believe you got yourself into. Think of it as back when you were single and dating (not each other). Some dates you never wanted it to end and others you wanted to run away from moments after they started. The key is gaining enough experience to hopefully have a lot more of the never want it to end than the run away.

I would agree with the others. We were full swap from the beginning and have had some incredible experiences. We've also had some not so great experiences, but it taught us some good lessons. We grew from those experiences. Communication is the key in all this.

@JtJm: As others have advised, you both need to communicate your feelings. If you have any jealousy or insecurity issues it likely won't work out. For us we were intimidated about going to a swing club in the beginning. Took us about 2 yrs. to go & we went with another couple who were lifestyle friends whom we met via SLS. We were full swap from the start & met couples via SLS at vanilla bars for drinks & if everyone was interested we set up a playdate for the second meeting. We've since played on first meetings if everyone is board. Just go at your own pace & comfort level.

I would suggest going to a club in your area. You can see what goes on there, and do as little or as much as you want, or even just play with each other, then talk about it when you get home, and see how each other feels, or what you want

JtJm,

You should start your own thread instead of jumping into someone else’s, that way you can ask a topic question that asks exactly what you are looking for.

We’ve had great experiences over the years. We’ve also had terrible experiences, but the pluses far out weigh the minuses. The swinger lifestyle is like life in general; you have to take the good with the bad.

You’ll hear this from many people: the three keys are communication, communication, communication. If you two can be deeply honest with each other while affirming that you will always remain dedicated to each other, you’ll do just fine.

So you had good experiences? Did you start slow and then go further or just throw yourselves into it?

We got started after having lots of conversations about whether we wanted to do it, whether it was good for our relationship, and what our expectations were. After we got started we had lots more communications about how we felt about it going forward and if we needed to change our expectations. First and foremost, we knew we both had to always be on the same page or we would stop or take a break to reevaluate. Our relationship is most important and playing is just some extra fun we add every now and then. Good luck!

Need some advice...my husband and I are looking into swinging...or swapping. Not sure of lingo. We're new to this. We're both very interested but just hesitant and unsure. How did others make the decision to do this and how did you get started?

It's only conceited if it is not true, your our OK.

Glad we weren't the only ones Shy lol!!!

We think it is very kind that you even think like that, but I think we beat you in Newbyville. We post pics not realizing our faces were included, then saw our neighbors on the site. BTW, my husband also set up our original profile and it made us sound like perfect supermodels, then we changed together.

Thanks for the reminder. Updating our ages now.

Boy that year flew by!

Thank you!! :)