Hosting a couples party - Do’s Dont’s

One thing to add to your list . . .

Put people together who have the same rulesets for play. It makes things SO much easier.

Just a quick note - I sincerely doubt that you will get too many to agree to the CV19 test. And no, I am not anti-face mask tinfoil person.

We put on parties at hotels a LOT. We have been doing this for the last 7 years. Here is what we do.

1. We tend to know everyone that is attending. On occasion, someone we know will want to invite someone they know. No one ever gets in unvetted.

1. We put playstyles together. Some people want the same bed only. Some people are ok with their spouse going to a room 12' away and having fun. Some people are condom only, some people are no condom, some are go with the flow. When you mix the no and the only's you run into issues.

1. We tend to put age groups together. Having a group of 20 and 30 somethings and then someone who is 65 shows up, not a good mix.

1. We tell EVERYONE beforehand what type of party it is. This could either be a 500-word description or a 10-minute discussion. NO one ever goes into any party that we have put on not knowing the playstyles and how things flow.

1. We only do BYOB and bring some food that you want to eat/share. The veggie plates tend to get 1/4 eaten and before any play starts. The person who said that the meats, cheese, chips and sweets go - YUP! We see that a LOT.

1. Be an asshole. I know that sounds odd. We have found that some people will wind up thinking that your party is a club. We tell people that the party starts at 7. Be there around then and there are no issues. If traffic happens, let us know. However, at 8, the door is locked and we ain't answering it. We also tell people that when we invite, we are looking for an exact number. That can range from 4 to 7 other couples and 1 or 2 SMs. If we invite you, let us know that you can make it or not. If you say yes you can make it and then decide at the last minute that you can't, we will never invite you again. This shows respect to all the other attendees. If you are looking for the bigger better deal, not a good fit. In our 7 years of this, we have had people text pictures of the car accident they got in along the way. We had one couple text us a picture of them in the hospital, the woman wanted something from the drug store and slipped and fell and broke her ankle. Those were valid reasons to not show up. Because of me being harsh, we have had two couples who were not good fits, one person didn't think we were serious about not answering the door and tried to show up at 9:30, and one person who did try the bigger better deal. Everyone loves the parties and we are still getting texts asking when they will start up again.

In the end, it's your party, your rules. Establish them and let them be known. People don't do well with surprises. By letting them know early, they can easily opt out.

Good luck and have fun.

We had girls known to squirt at our parties before, which is why all of the real beds have waterproof mattress covers for our parties. This girl of course didn't bother going for a bed, since it wasn't her house/couch.

That kind of stuff is rare. In this case, the couple that brought this girl (without first asking) also came with the intent of looking for people to attend their parties, which they charged for. We don't charge for our parties, which is why we think this couple never asked us, because they likely would have felt funny charging us when they were at ours for free.

This couple screwed themselves because for one, our friends told us what they did, and two, they felt that what they did was so crass that they wanted nothing to do with them. I've said it before, but it's a smaller LS world than people realize. This is especially true if you get to a point of having parties.

Our real friends (the ones we invited) that invited this other couple actually offered to pay for a new couch. They are awesome, and we appreciated but declined their offer because we literally had a new couch on order before this party. We both learned lessons though about inviting people you don't really know to a party.

Lol, gotta love squirters. Is it really even sex if you don't have to wear rain ponchos like you are at Gallagher show?

I was at a party and got a room with a young lady who either didn't warn or I forgot warned me (more likely) she was a squirter. During 69, I got to experience a surprise waterboarding. Luckily, I'm pretty kinky and have a large lung capacity.

Mayhem brings up an excellent point regarding squirting. Accidental squirting does happen, but it’s distressing to see someone say “hey, watch me squirt” and then proceed to ruin the host’s Persian rug. Personally, we think it’s inappropriate even in a hotel room. It’s a topic that’s worthy of a pre-party discussion: who squirts, where it’s allowed, required precautions.

NNVA pretty much nailed it. We've had partiees at our house with up to 60+ people, but not only were they friends that we know, we also knew they were at pretty much the same play-grade. There are people we've played with and get along well with that would not be comfortable at one of our bigger parties, so they woukd not be on the invite list. It really is key that people can come and feel comfortable.

Since we had these parties in our home, we absolutely wanted to make sure that it would be people that would respect our home. Just about every time someone brought someone we didn't know, there were some sort of issues. In one case, a couple that brought a couple, that then brought a SF with them, the SF squirted all over one of our couches, as an example.

AppleandEve - It takes a while and a number of experiences to be able to walk into a house party cold, not knowing anyone. The Mrs and I have done that a number of times now, but we are VERY social and have a lot of experience doing that. Some people are more open to inviting new people to their parties without first meeting. While we wouldn't (for the above reasons), we wouldn't necessarily look at it as a red flag. We have had some very fun times at parties we've never been to before.

Appleandeve,

Hopefully, at some point you will feel adventurous enough to attend a party like the one you described, where everyone is a stranger. Life is like a box of chocolates...

It can be fun exploring new territory. We’ve been to parties like that and we’ve had a blast! We’ve also been to some where we’ve left, or run away, early. Those less than perfect experiences are a good thing. They’ve taught us more about our limits. Sometimes They’ve given us something to laugh about.
One thing is sure. Even the worst of those parties didn’t leave us with permanent scars or dampened our enthusiasm for the lifestyle.

I have hosted quite a few small, intimate soirees, typically limit it to 4-5 couples and always with good luck and lots of fun...it's always enjoyable to bring other couples together for a night of debauchery...never any pressure, things always happen organically...drinks, chit chat, a little porn on the big screen tv (muted), good music, bonfires, mix of snacks and food, LOTS of water, and things usually heat up on the couches as my log cabin has a nice, open floor plan. Over the course of the evening, things unwind and people get undressed. I cannot even remember a time where a couple did not participate or leave. I always ask those attending if it is ok to share their profile name with the other interested parties as most people like to know what is on the menu in advance, LOL. Always a good time, selective, and sexy...which is why I love to host little gatherings. ;)

Hosting one in less than 2 weeks up here in the frozen tundra of nowhere...wanna cum?

I have to admit your concerns about knowing others is exactly we started this thread.

We got invited to a party by a couple we’d only chatted with a few times and knew nothing about who else who going to be there. So it was a couple we barely knew (not even a phone conversation) inviting us to a house party with people we didn’t know at all.

Hubby said that’s way too many red flags. I must admit I was curious but Am glad I listened to him.

The next day we started talking about who we would invite with the ground rules of everybody chatting online via kik and hopefully video calls for a few weeks before the event to break the ice. And we figured in case any couples had bad prior experiences with another we could weed that out and not have those two couples in the same space.

We figured if there was a a lot of group and couples messaging and calling, including a just girls chat or meet, just guys chat or meet prior things could flow easier, and there’d be a better build of sexual energy in the room with the awkward hellos and “what’s your name again” out of the way.

We’ll see still planning and talking

@NNVA "When we lived in Maryland......"

That post needs a like button to click !

When we lived in Maryland we would hold rather large house parties every other month or so. We did that for about 10 years so we have some experience in this area. You've received a lot of good advice and you should take heed. Here is our two cents; we would not advise inviting people you don't know or aren't known by your lifestyle friends to either a house party or hotel party. You don't know who you are getting or what they are bringing (physically or emotionally) to the party. If you pay for the room and one of your guests turns out to be a rowdy drunk who starts a fight and busts up the room, guess who is on the line for the problems. You. Don't put yourself in a situation you haven't scoped out first.

You need a "core group" of lifestyle friends you can trust and you feel comfortable with to invite to your home or to a hotel room you are paying for. They will help control the situation in a couple of ways. First, they help set the tone of behaviour that others will follow. You won't have to be the rules people because others will help. They will also make getting the party started easier. It is sometimes very, very hard to get play started in a group that don't know each other and have never played. We've been there and it is sometimes a very uncomfortable situation. Let's face it, you are asking 4 or 5 couples who have never met to play "getting to know you bingo" and decide if they want to fuck. You might be putting people in an uncomfortable situation. If one person in a couple wants to play but their partner doesn't find an attractive play partner, you could be causing some friction you didn't intend.

So, the bottom line is, anonymous parties sound wonderful in the abstract but they can be fraught with misadventures and trouble. Your job as hosts is to set up a situation where people are comfortable and feel ready to play. So, you need to have the majority of the attendees either friends of yours or several sets of mutual friends. This eases the integration of people into the party and allows an easier transition to playing as several couples/people will know each other and help you get the party started.

I hope this doesn't put a damper on your plans but we've seen these types of parties go downhill quickly. Yes, you should hope for the best but plan for the worst.

We visited some clubs in the Manchester area of the UK, and they all have what they call "Dress down time" where the men and women all shed their street clothes and either wear a towel provided by the club or lingerie, usually at 9pm. We suspect they do that there because the Brits we know still have a weird kind of social hierarchy, even though they don't, if that makes sense. Naturally the clubs issue lockers to all guests as a place to stash your clothes.

The point is we thought it was a great idea, the dress down time. Heck the No3 club even played some kind of country song to indicate it was time to dress down. Never did it turn into an all out orgy and if people wanted to sit at the bar in towels nobody seemed to mind. Likewise people on the group bed all had a fantastic time.

Yeah, a preordained time would ruin spontaneity. Just have to have someone(s) there who aren't bashful and will get the fire started (that's typically me).

We agree with Magjoy... a pre-ordained towel time feels like too much orchestration.

Parties are much more fun when they develop organically. Be brave enough to get things started.

In our opinion robes and sexy cover-ups are more attractive than towels for socializing in between rounds.

Instead of "towel time" the host or hostest should initiate play time with an interested guest. For those of us who prefer things to happen organically, the pressure would be a huge turn off cor me.

We did this this past weekend. 2 couples, 2 SMs. We knew all but 1 SM. After an hour of chatting, I suggested to my wife that she give one of the SMS a lap dance. The next thing you know, she was riding him in the kitchen, while sucking me. The other lady was getting it from both ends on the bed. Somebody has to get shit started. We all were there to have multiple partners that night.

We brought bottled water and fruit with dip. Watermelon, canallope, and pineapple slices. As always, BYOC, BYOB.

It does work out best if everyone knows most of who is going. We would never invite newbies, out of courtesy for them. Before Covid, we would do something like this every few months. We call it a DTF party (orgy).

travelers122227 we have been "that couple" and it did not end as well as it could have if things had developed more at our speed naturally. We had a meet and greet at a bar and agreed to go to a hotel with a couple (turned out it was a group and not even their room but they were told to invite others). We had not even talked to anyone else in the room when we arrived then the husband of one of the women came in and pretty much shouted "Time to fuck!" (or close to it) and started stripping. We were taken aback and decided we should leave. Had we had a little more time to get used to the situation and speak to a couple others it would have been a good time but the "shock" of being new to the environment (not the lifestyle although we were fairly new to that as well) made us retreat instead of advance.

We would steer away from the "towel time" idea. Some couples may feel pressured and back away while others may think they should not play until "towel time". Every house party we have attended had either small groups drifting off and returning or some other event naturally triggered everyone to get in a pile. As other stated, that triggering event may need to be yourselves.

I remember one of the first house parties we attended had about 6 couples plus one SM who was a friend of the hosts. The evening was starting to drag out with everyone hesitating to make a move. The wife and I whispered to each other and then announced "we are heading to the bedroom, anyone who wants to join us is welcome". Within 10 minutes everyone was in the bedroom naked and having a great time. One couple was fairly new and did get intimidated and left when things got started, but we did connect with them as a foursome at a later date. They were simply new and not quite ready to jump in the water that night, but did turn out to be a really fun couple.

My wife usually likes to get the party started if the connection is there.

I like the idea of towel time. The one pet peeve we have for almost all parties/clubs we go to is that awkward several hours where no one knows how to start the fun part. And it can literally be hours. The one party we regularly attend that is always super fun is the one who says up front... "11pm, we are getting naked and fucking". It changes the whole dynamic of the evening. One... it kind of takes the pressure off of trying to decide on when to play and if you choose too early, you may be spent before things get going. Or... like in some cases, it never gets going. People fuck, but it's never full on orgy mode. Two, everyone gets naked at 11pm. People just go for it. It's great.

Now... that can be an announced "towel time" or it can just be you guys deciding that at 11pm (or whenever) you are going to take measures to get people going. That could be as simple as dropping to your knees and grabbing someones cock. Or saying, "I'm ready to fuck". We have friends that regularly have parties... and that's how it goes. The hostess at some point gets horny enough to all of a sudden get naked and starts to say she wants cock! That pretty much starts things for everyone! haha....

Thank you all who’ve responded so far for your responses and insights! Some really great tips especially on getting the room, and the set up of the room.

Have to add that the COVID 19 testing is a non negotiable for us. If it means only having 1 or 2 couples instead of 3-4, so be it. We don’t see testing as something that will turn people off, but rather the shared results can set everyone’s mind at ease; because condoms don’t prevent the spread of the virus ??

We’re glad the general consensus is get everyone invited mingling on social media chats and trading pics they’re comfortable with first to ease that awkwardness of the in person meet.

We were just put in that situation through an invite and as a consequence didn’t go. We barely knew this couple except for chatting on kik. We get a message one day saying there might be a party by end of week; a few hours before the party was to start we get a message asking if we’re still coming. ??

We asked straight up who’s there? any sls couples we might know, or do you have any friendly pics of who’s there so we can get a feel for the group (let’s face It visuals are a big part of this). The response we got was basically, we had to come and see and just go with the flow. Big turn off. So we continued our date night as planned sipping wine at a good French restaurant.

We also thought about other invites we’ve gotten whereby group chats were had and pics traded by those participating which helped build interest and anticipation. That’s what we want - anticipation and comfort because everyone has been chatting with each other for a bit before the party.

Thanks for the bar & snack tips everyone ...

But please if you’re reading this for the first time and have more tips continue to add.

Yeah number 1 and you will find there may be a serious lack of interest. BTW it is not the condoms that would cause it. Most people who are willing to get together for a party right now are willing to take the risk and honestly do not want to be reminded of it. In fact some would say they are going to parties and having fun to get away from the reality that is in the world. That said you do you.
Number 2 sounds good and you already have advice about room location and reducing the furniture beating on the walls.
Number 3 is a good idea in theory but unless you already have 3-4 couples at the very least interested in you and perhaps meeting your other friends this is going to come off as somewhat like you are setting people up. Honestly to do this right with 3-4 couples it is better if they already know each other or at least you and someone else you invite than them being strangers to everyone even if they have been chatting online. Like you all go to the same club or have been to a larger party or two "together" and want to get together in a more intimate setting. You would be surprised how many folks go to clubs and large parties only to have smaller gatherings like you are planning. The biggest thing is they are not strangers meeting face to face for the first time.
Snacks are always good. As is non-alcoholic beverages. You would be surprised how welcome bottled water would be however adding in some sodas is good.
Number 4 games are always an ice breaker and the right games can lead into everyone getting naked through playing games. This leads into number 5 which is a big DON'T as far as setting a time to get naked and getting it on. Let things flow naturally and use the games to lead into naked fun time. With 3-4 couples who have just met in person that night you may end up with 1 or more not being comfortable enough to get naked much less play by "time" to do so. In fact don't be surprised if 1 couple gets cold feet, has an unexpected visit from mother nature, or any of a number of things that cause them to leave early or not participate in "fun" time. We have both been that couple and know that couple. In fact if it has not happened to you it is because it has not happened to you yet.
Number 6 (you listed it as 4 again) if anything you bring a couple bottles of wine to relax folks and perhaps something stronger for yourself if you prefer. Let folks BYOB if they want however keep in mind 3-4 drunk couples being loud and sloppy in a hotel room can result in management knocking on the door and even police called for an eviction.

Now here is the biggest "warning" about having a party be it at a hotel or anywhere. If you invite 3-4 couples you may only have 1-2 show up. 50% of those invited even with a confirmation actually showing is more typical than 100% showing up. Now this can vary because if everyone knows everyone else more people show but life always happens to someone. That's not to say invite 8 couples in hopes to get 4 that show because you may just have 6 show and not have enough room. Just be aware not everyone who says they will come actually shows up. This is not to say that if you invite 3-4 couples who are already friends you will not have everyone show up but the less folks know each other the more likely there will be someone who is a no show. BTW this is just as true in the vanilla world before you add in the extra aspect of a lifestyle party. I mean how many times have you had a backyard cookout, birthday party, or even a family gathering and some folks not show?

We’re thinking of hosting our first ever intimate party.
Just looking for some good general advice from those who’ve hosted small affairs on what should be done (and not done). We’ve already got a few things outlined:

1. We want to rent a hotel suite with kitchen (one or two bedrooms?) for no more than 3 other couples (4 f & 4m total)

One bedroom and a living room type space is enough for four couples. Beyond 10 or 12 people you should consider a 2nd bedroom. We prefer two double beds instead of one king size.
You may want to invite more people. You have to assume at least one couple will cancel due to babysitters, headaches, Aunt Flo.

1. We want an open dialogue of chats & pics before the event.

We’ll have plenty of water, and light snacks & fruits.

This is an excellent idea. We used to do group Kik chats. It was a great way to break the ice, and when people finally met in person they could just carry on the conversations they had started on line.

1. Games?

Some people love ‘em. We’ve never seen any used successfully. If the games are to help start the party they can be awkward and feel forced. If you are asking about general games for regular socializing, such as card games, we don’t like those either as we want to keep people focused on something sexier than Crazy 8s.

5.we’re thinking to keep it simple: everyone in a towel by x-hour.
What’s a good time frame to set between the start of the party to “towel time”?

This is our big DON’T. Don’t set any kind of deadline. Let the party flow naturally. If everyone is having a good time chatting there is no need for a forced “get naked” time.

Now, if things are starting to drag there are things you can do to get the sex started. The easiest way is for you and your partner to simply start having sex in front of everyone. You can also make arrangements with one of your guests for them to volunteer to help jump start the activities.
Everyone is there for the sex, so it would surprising if everyone didn’t jump in once they see two people getting busy.

1. Keep it largely a wine event and encourage BYOB if guests have specific preferences (rum, cognac or bourbon ?? etc.

We find that experienced swinger don’t drink that much. The men are wary of whiskey dick, women don’t need much alcohol to overcome preparations jitters. Newbies often overindulge, so keep an eye on them. We only do BYOB unless we know someone shares our special love for tequila and single malt.

We haven't had a party since Covid hit, so we're a bit rusty. But here are some things that come to mind:

In addition to having lotsa condoms around, have plenty of bottles of lube around too.

Hotel suite - make sure you get one that is 1) not near the front desk, and 2) away from the elevator, in case things get a bit vocal...

Make sure beds and couches in the suite are pulled away from the wall an inch or so. You don't want them whacking into the wall with every thrust.

Chats and pics beforehand - we always try to start up an email thread between the attendees beforehand so folks can get to know each other a little better. Sometimes that works great, sometimes all we hear is the sound of crickets. But the party always comes off just fine. So don't get dismayed if you get crickets...

We've found that healthy snacks like fruit or veggie plates rarely get eaten. Everyone tends to go for crackers/cheese/meats and sweets.

And ENJOY!!! :)

We had a swap session where this game was played, and found it was a great way to break the ice and get to business.

Search for Game of Lifestyle on google

We’re thinking of hosting our first ever intimate party.

Just looking for some good general advice from those who’ve hosted small affairs on what should be done (and not done). We’ve already got a few things outlined:

1. Safety & health ... we want all invited couples to get

tested for COVID-19 at least a week before the event. Fortunately, in our area testing is plentiful with a 1 - 4 day turnaround time on results, and yes we’ll have plenty of condoms at the party.

1. We want to rent a hotel suite with kitchen (one or two bedrooms?) for no more than 3 other couples (4 f & 4m total)

1. We want an open dialogue of chats & pics before the event so everybody is cool with who’s coming. Let’s face it, there’s gotta be something interesting about who you’ll meet before hand. That’s why we post pics here (right?) We’re not saying everybody is gonna love everybody else, but if there’s NO ONE you’re attracted to in the mix - why come? ... of course the ladies have more options (4m and 3f) so the numbers work in their favor lol.

We’ll have plenty of water, and light snacks & fruits.

1. Games?

1. We’re not looking to do any kinda theme (Roman togas or Star Wars or Wild West etc.) ... we’re thinking to keep it simple: everyone in a towel by x-hour.

What’s a good time frame to set between the start of the party to “towel time”? - allowing for guests to drink - talk and laugh before the REAL fun begins?

xoxo to any party experienced members and hosts ... make sure to include Don’ts

1. Keep it largely a wine event and encourage BYOB if guests have specific preferences (rum, cognac or bourbon ?? etc..)