Krazy Truth #186 Masturbation, Mayhem and More

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of My Mic is so fucking hot I can't see straight. Welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth. I am your host with the most. I am Cole. Some say Ben Franklin. They can all suck a dick. And I'm here with the lovely, lovely and somewhat congested Miss Amanda. Hey. And she's here to bring you the nasally sounds of Christmas from the Casbah Studios. Cold. Okay, there we go. That would be the mighty flu bug. No, we don't have a flu. Anyways, so. No, that's not cold. Someone give me a cold. I blame it on you. Why not? It seems to be a reoccurring theme. Find a patsy. Here he is. Cold's up. Okay, so for those of you who follow along, you know season four is finally rushing to an end. Go, Seabiscuit, go! This is Season 4, Episode 186. We have, like, I think one or two more shows, and then Season 4 is fucking over. Halla-fucking-loo-ya, and then we're on to Season 5. And you know what? Maybe we will, uh... I don't know, maybe we'll change some shit up for Season 5. Season 5 will be the fucking... I feel like I should have done something with my hair. I don't know. You know, I'm getting ready to move us onto a new platform. And Slotify. And actually. Slotify. And actually, we're going to move our Pornhub account over to Slotify. And we're going to move our show. We'll start going live on Slotify where we can actually have guests where you can sit topless and do the show. All of our YouTube videos can go there. You better get the fucking date going here. we want your nipples we want your nipples going we people can fuck it and on on our videos and sluttify we literally have people fucking or second doing whatever so i'm thinking about moving us over there so just FYI anyways uh but first quick why don't we get it live or no we can't do it live yeah let me do a quick uh and recorded either or both so let me do a quick shout out to our paid sponsors because they'll be exciting anyways uh do you want better sex of course you do we all do i do you do who do that used to be who wear short shorts anyways uh this isn't them though we're not advertising them we're advertising from beset p-r-o-m-e-s-c-e-n-t.com truly all your sexual needs to enhance your sexual life and experiences check them out today kk15 that'll give you a 15 discount sure as fuck well you know what else they'll do do you nope what the what they'll do they'll make you wet they'll make you hard and they'll give you a 60 day money back trial guarantee so if it doesn't work send that fucker back just saying also what do smart swingers do? They read. Sure as fuck. Yep.
Speaker2: They fuck.
Speaker1: They read why they fuck or they read after they fuck. One of the two. At some point in time, they read. Maybe they read when they take a shit after they fuck.
Speaker2: Just saying.
Speaker1: Anyways, but what they read is asnlifestylemagazine.com. If you want to know what's going on in the adult world, whether it be swinger or the adult side of things, there's one place to go. One truly top-of-the-line sources, and that is ASN Lifestyle Magazine. Check them out today. Don't wait. Don't wait. What are you doing? Don't read it right now. We're on the air. Anyways, and finally, don't forget our good friends at FlipOffGear.com. Nothing says Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays like a big fuck you on a shirt. So make sure you check it out, FlipOffGear.com. And finally finally make sure you check out our show on full swap radio network.com check them out today we're everywhere that us and 43 others of the top shows in america are there so you can listen and steal ideas anyways so uh with that being said shall we begin shall we we? We shall. Yeah. There we go. So we're recording. For those of you who don't know, welcome. It's season four.
Speaker2: Guess what?
Speaker1: We're still doing it. We're recording from our live Facebook audience on our secret, secret Facebook page, Kaz Bank.
Speaker2: Shh.
Speaker1: Don't tell the others. Where we titillate, tanlate, and whatnot. And so this is one of our pages. We need to put that out there more. What? This is one of our pages we need to put that out there more this is one of our like seven pages hey i think it's often it's funny people forget that at one point in time we had almost 5 000 people on this page before facebook shut it down and then we since we started we're 2 000 and we've got like seven other pages we've got 8 000 people that was on facebook literally i don't know just making it up who knew who knew and all these people they like listen they know who we are i do uh you know why i can do magic uh uh uh so see if you just say like that makes me want to sing well yeah see what i like doing okay so i've had a great here we don't own that oh so neither did i so here's what's funny we have been hanging out i've been hanging out or been talking to uh some some friends of ours and they're but they're youngins they're just puppies just just little puppies how little puppies are they one of them the older one of the group of the the of these two gals was born in 83 okay uh and and the the other one is born in 85 now one's a cadet one's not uh she'll be a cadet next year she already said she wants to try out for cadet next year but what is so much fun is to make so i make 80s references all the fucking time right all the time why do i make it a reference because i'm old and so but then i have to like i made a reference to cracking a joke about, yeah, I'm the Murdoch of the group. And we had to explain who that was. That was from the 18. We had to explain. So we have to explain all these eighties references. So I was hanging out with them last night, last night. Yeah. Yeah. And I said something else. I made a cheers reference. Cause everybody asked where you were at. I said, yeah, you've got to hurry up and start showing up to events events or you're going to be like the tv wife that doesn't exist that people don't believe exists which and i said you know like vera normie's wife won a bunch of people laughing she had this like total blank stare you don't even know who i'm talking about yeah i do okay yeah so and i was like oh by the way cheers yeah then there's Norm. Yeah, and I'm like, so I had to explain it. And so that was, and then she flips me shit. Did you forget that I'm older than you? No, but I got to tell you, she's, you know, the nice thing is she's a cutie and she has no problem with older guys. Yay, me. I'm just saying. So we're going to, hopefully, hopefully I'm trying to wow and titillate and tantalate her with my 80s knowledge. Her and the other one. Both of them trying to titillate and tantalate. I really. I just want to titillate is what I want to do. I really need to get the one with pink hair in my 80s hip belt. No, what you need to do is get her out of your 80s. I was just wearing just the hip belt. Okay, touche. Because I was that, no, I was never that skinny because I always had an ass. But she could easily wear my hip belt. We were talking about that. She'd be willing to, we can like dress her up like a doll and stuff. Put dresser and 80 clothes and shit will be fun. It'll be, I mean, we're just, this is the weird shit we do. See, right there. David says it's okay. Yep. So there we do See right there David says it's okay So there we go It's going to be hot Actually I'm going to say this right now Because they're listening So I can say this You're a year older than I am So wait I can say this real quick She has a really badass picture On a Pac-Man machine sitting on a pac-man machine yeah yeah i've seen it yeah that titillates us old people that makes us think back to like pizza huts back in the fucking day when we could get some and we had full hair and no gray that's awesome just saying we don't have shit to talk about this is usually a show where we're drinking uh and so we're not even drunk so that kind of explains a lot that when are we doing our drunk show any given opportunity my work office party yeah is was supposed to be this coming saturday yeah yeah but it got postponed or not postponed it got canceled because of covid but we're having it friday at work yeah but you're dividing it up. You have to come down and have one-on-ones with your GM to get your Christmas present. If you play your card right, you can give him a Christmas present and get a bonus all in one fail swoop. Just saying. Oh, you'd fuck him for a raise. You know you would. Don't even say you wouldn't. I would. Look, here's the deal. If you could fuck him for a demo, you better do it. They sell their BMWs there. No, let's back up. I'd probably fuck him just for... I wouldn't... Just for... Well, I wouldn't call it status and I wouldn't call it and I wouldn't call it for bragging rights because I have a we won't go there but I I wouldn't hold it over his head so to speak it would know it would be that you you had, and he knew you had. But he's not a bad-looking guy. No. He's a fucking mountain of a man. And he's a fucking egotistical dick. Yeah, that's the only thing that's a massive term. But here's the thing is, you know what? Here's what would be so funny is you fucking rail that dude. You should remind me of Mad Max. Okay, yeah. But what you do, but in a preppy sort of way. You fuck him and then when you get done
Speaker2: and be like, man,
Speaker1: you're such a big guy, it's too bad you couldn't make me come and then walk out. That would be how you get the demo.
Speaker2: Just saying. Look,
Speaker1: it is what it is.
Speaker2: Look, there's nothing wrong
Speaker1: with giving Christmas presents.
Speaker2: Aw,
Speaker1: you're a little preppy fucktard.
Speaker2: Here, come here.
Speaker1: It was like sucking a baby carrot. You're probably sucking his dick standing up. Well, probably. He's tall. He's not a bad looking guy. His wife's hot as fuck, and I know they fuck around. So I'm pretty sure he does roids, but whatever. I'd do his wife. So it would work out really fucking well. Make for a fun outfit. Maybe we should invite them to our own special Christmas party. You know. He drinks whiskey. And you know what? There we go. I guarantee, I'd be like, look, dude, here's the deal. I have a special party you want to go to. Trust me. I'll bet you I could get him to come to a special party. Just wear one of your office outfits because his suits are hot okay whatever I don't fucking give a shit bring your wife that's all I'm just saying you know actually you know what this would be like the movie there's a movie like car salesman car something whatever somebody don't know this it was an 80s movie and there was like drug deals going down in the car business and at one point in time a dude was fucking railing a chick after hours in the showroom floor in a car I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know. I don that I hate when this does that fucking stupid ass thing. What's it doing? Oh, I like touch something weird. So, yeah. There you go. So, the Christmas party. Yeah. Yeah, because we're not actually having a Christmas party. The only value of the Christmas party is try to fuck a vanilla. Let's talk about vanilla. You know what? That's what we need to talk about. Well, okay. If you want me to talk, we got to do a show about squirting. Okay. We got to do a show about fucking vanilla hunting.
Speaker3: When are we going to do our...
Speaker1: Gang bang on you?
Speaker3: Drink and Christmas podcast.
Speaker4: You know what?
Speaker1: Maybe this weekend. Maybe we'll just have people over and just get fucking drunk and see what happens.
Speaker3: God, I wonder where that's going to go.
Speaker1: Somebody's going under the table of the fucking famous Casbah Studios. I can promise you that. Just saying. I'll see you that. Just saying. If we get moved over, Twitter will never be the same. Gosh. Well, then I go, oh, we could do one in a hot tub. Hey, Amanda, electrical equipment probably won't go wrong. Yeah, let's have microphones with that. What could possibly go wrong? The way this week's going, absolutely. No shit. Hey, look. This week can be over. What are you doing? I thought we'd have some toast during the show, too. Yeah, I don't know. Well, we have to have our drink in one. Yeah. Do we usually do it, like, way later? I don't fucking know. I'm drunk by the end of it. I have no idea. Where's next weekend, like, the last weekend before Christmas? We can, who knows? We can do it on Christmas Eve for all I fucking care. I'd give two shits this year. I don't know. I'd sit there and just fucking be the happiest bunch of fucking fuckers this side of the Mississippi River. You can get drunk and have your mom on. Oh, yeah, there we go. That is exactly what we need is for me to get fucking train wrecked with my mother here. Because's no way i would say anything about that no just saying well she was the first person that came on i'm like oh hot tub we could do a drunken one in a hot tub hey dumb god oh lord this is this is one shit this is this is why yeah whatever it'd probably be our best rating show too just saying I got fucking dog hair all the way I know I don't know fuck it with the dogs in there doing a show what the fuck now I'm fucking jacking off my microphone that's fucked up you know that's gonna make a lot of noise I don't fucking give two shits the 12 people that listen to this show will get over it they'll be like oh he's stroking off the microphone again there we go hey you know I get some shows a lot of rating do you go that fast in i do not when you're when you're not here sometimes i do i like to yell it makes me feel like there's company do you sometimes sometimes i talk dirty myself oh baby fuck myself harder harder yeah sometimes you never know especially with the mailman so if i hear people walking by i've done that before i've not even got a lot i was jacking on one time there were people like rocking around yapping outside by the window and i'm just like and i'm just like oh fuck me yeah fuck me yeah and i started fucking shaking i quit jacking off just to shake the bed so it's hitting the wall the dogs are running fucking ape shit i'm like fuck yeah oh oh oh oh and you hear him stop like oh my god and so you know because the way the sun's coming you can kind of see like shadows you can tell they're still standing on the sidewalk and you're like and wait a second and then you'll be like they're giggling whatever and just when they start walking I'm like fuck yeah one more time I'm like yeah I've done that before I don't fucking care
Speaker3: you're a dick
Speaker1: I have actually thrown things at the window before so it looks like shit's flying around the room Yes, I've done that Abso-fucking-lutely I will amuse myself seven ways to Tuesday If I'm like Normally I just jack off and kind of fall asleep With my hands on my dick for a little bit And then wake up and move on I've seen you do that in person I don't why that is. It's like, well, it's already there. Just don't move it. And you wake up, your hand's kind of sticking your dick soft. But whatever. So, you know, you can go past that part. But sometimes I get bored and I'll entertain myself with that kind of shit. There's sometimes I feel really guilty after I jack off. Depending on what I look at a porn hub. It's like, I start with something like, well, that was just fucking filthy. I can't believe I watched that. I'm such a dirty boy that I beat myself and seen with myself, and that's when shit gets weird. We need to have the chronicles of Cole's masturbation. Dude, if we had a video camera going up in here, people would be like, A, do you ever actually take your pants all the way off? No, because you never know if somebody's going to, you know, all of a sudden. Shit, I don't take my pants all the way off. You know what the worst is is when fucking UPS or somebody that needs a signature shows up shows up to the door and you're mid-jacking off. You're trying to pull your pants up in cowboy boots and waddle through the door and not get there and not look like you're fucking all train wrecked out and shit. Oh, did I get it? Kind of, well, you're squeezing it in and you're like fucking, you know. You can squeeze it in. Kind of. The worst part, the worst part is if you've just come when somebody knocks to the door because then you've got a handful of gum and you're like you don't know what the fuck to do with it and it's like you just panic and so all of a sudden you're like look if you feel down the side of the bed if you feel down my side of the bed it's crunchy no we're not talking about that it's the perfect slight thing one time i absolutely panicked and i was like i one of the kids came over I'm trying to jump up and I just come And all I did was I had no idea where I wiped my hand on the wall I'm like well that's not going to work but hopefully they won't come in And then I forgot about it So later that afternoon I was putting laundry on I'm like oh fuck there's A glaze spot on the wall i'm like that's fucked up yeah put your hand out don't do that here was the sad thing i had to keep willie out of the room so he didn't lick the wall the dog's not in there licking the wall whatever even the dogs know when it's time because i'm like throwing them out I'm not going to jack up with a dog anywhere close Our dogs shed The last thing I know Is come out with my hands covered in fucking Looks like a fur mitten It's like what the fuck happened Oh I touched my clothes And my dog sheds
Speaker2: You're wrong
Speaker3: Okay we can stop now Are we ready to go on?
Speaker1: Yeah sure Whatever
Speaker2: What? Yep
Speaker1: See Angela works from home too Here's what we want We want to know your working at home stories Look I'm not the only fucking sick motherfucker That does weird shit working at home I don't know. Yep. See, Angela works from home too. Here's what we want. We want to know your working at home stories. Look, I'm not the only fucking sick motherfucker that does weird shit working at home. Okay, I promise you there's somebody out there that has fucking spent an afternoon when they didn't feel like actually accomplishing anything and finding random things to like either fucking shove up an orifice or fucking slap themselves with. I guarantee it. Somebody, someone has ra refrigerator and went nuts. Bill, why are you looking at me like... I didn't say me. I said somebody. I'm like, what are you sticking in your orifice? I'm not. I'd fall asleep. That'd be great. You smack yourself with something. Every now and then. You get weird. No. The thing is, we just admitted that I fall asleep after I jack off. So that would be Yeah, so what, a carrot and then wake up? Somebody comes in and wakes up and I've got a carrot up my ass. Are you kidding me? With my legs, something like that, I'd die and have a heartache. That's how I'd be found. Frosty backwards. It'd be awesome. I'm just saying. By the way, new Apple's a pain in the ass because trying to figure out how to get off of Pornhub on that fucking thing is driving me nuts. I'm pretty sure if you go to my... How to get what? Off of Pornhub. Like, backing out of it. I knew how to do that on my Android. On my Apple, I'm pretty sure if we take it anywhere, there's like 852 pages of Pornhub porn. Oh, I'll look at it. Oh, fuck. I'm like fucking swipe, driving nuts. You can't touch it. Your hand's sticky. All hell breaks loose. Whatever. Just saying. Just another day. Whatever. But I don't use my laptop for that. I'm just saying, oh mom, I jack talk all the time. Look, I don't use my laptop because I don't want it to get like a virus. Because that's embarrassing as hell. I'm just saying. Anyways, why do we talk about this shit? You brought it up up i didn't bring shit up i didn't i don't know even know how we got on this fucking subject how do how did how did we drift here that's what i want to know the chronicles of cole's masturbation i said that i'll bet you okay shelly works from waltz and she's she's a baker So So have you ever played dirty with flour? Just saying. Sifting. I never traipse around the house naked. I was always too cold. We have big dogs. I'm not walking around naked because I'll spend the entire time. Because instantly, if I'm going from the shower to my sock drawer and underwear drawer i have to like have deflectors yoke because the dogs are like hey what's that nothing you need to be concerned with get the fuck away from my dick willie get away from my willie it is one of those things just saying plus it's clean i don't want shed none all over it actually my underwear drawer is right in the bedroom right outside the shower out of the bathroom with with the shower in it. And that's the bed that Willie lays on. So when I sit down to put my socks on, my underwear always gets furred on the butt. Always time. So it looks like I'm some 70s dude wearing furry underwear. I never sit on that bed. I do. And, you know, I mean, it doesn't faze me. It's just my butt looks furry. That used to be my picture bed until he took it over. That was supposed to be our sex bed. Until he took it over. Yeah, hey, if you come over to our house and you fuck in the sex bed, you're going to look like you fucked Chewbacca, just so you know. It is what it is. Do we actually have people that come over and fuck? Have we done that? What? Have people over? Yeah. It's been a long, long time ago.
Speaker2: Has been.
Speaker1: Oh, fucking many, many moons.
Speaker2: Back in the day when we used to have sex with other people.
Speaker1: Anyways.
Speaker5: Okay.
Speaker2: So there you go. Yeah, shit. Yeah.
Speaker1: You know, the Christmas.
Speaker2: I just have a question. No.
Speaker3: Did you have a Christmas what?
Speaker1: Do you have a Christmas wish? Oh, I've got lots of Christmas wishes. I've got a lot of people that want to see you in elf areas. Basically, I can pimp your ass out as an elf. Well, I can go get them. No, not now. I've got to wait until they pay first. Until they forgot. No, but we've got meet and greets coming. There's a bunch of people that want to see you with elf ears, and so I'm pimping you out as an elf. Okay. Fucking elf. Fucking elf for a 50 spot. That's prostitution. Yeah, yeah. But if it's a mythical creature, I don't know how that works out. Just saying. I just tell a lot of people that you like to see their candy cane when you're wearing your elf. Gee, buddy. I hope you find your dad. Amanda the elf, what's your favorite penis? I totally forgot about it. Yeah, no. Actually, because we've got meet and greets coming up this week, and so you've got to wear your Elf. Because I said you're festive. And I've already seen some of the girls' costumes for the 16th, so I said you'll wear your Elf stuff. I almost bought you one at the store the other day. Bought me one what? A fucking Walmart slutty holiday outfit. I love that. Walmart, the religious store. the religious store that fucking sells the slutty christmas outfits right up front because you know nothing says ho ho ho like a ho and it's like yeah what religious store walmart the walters are like uber religious oh right like uber religious so so then they have slutty Christmas shit. What we should do is go put some slutty... This is what we're going to do.
Speaker2: Wait a minute. Hold on.
Speaker3: She's hot in those ears.
Speaker1: And Shelly raised St. Bernard's for 25 years. The struggle is real. Woke up one morning, hung over his buck. Hear a man snoring to freak out. Long story short, it was my 250-pound St. Bernard.
Speaker2: Yeah, absolutely. Oh, God, I've had Willie snoring. Yeah out long story short it was my 250 pound saint bernard yeah
Speaker1: absolutely oh god i've had willie snoring yeah he sounds like a dude uh okay but here's our plan everybody needs to do this if you're listening or not what you need to do a couple things we need to do ladies or guys whatever dress up in your sluttiest holiday elf it's got to be a festive slutty outfit, okay? Not just like, hey, it's a Santa suit. You need to go on Amazon and order something? Yeah, but like either an elf or whatever. But then you have to go. There's a couple places you have to go. You need to go to like Chick-fil-A, and you need to go to Hobby Lobby and Walmart and a couple other places like that and get pictures in your slutty outfit in those places and send them to me. That would be fucking hilarious because there's a degree of irony like that. So just saying. Or what we could do for Casbah Cares, which would be even better yet, we could bring joy because we're about bringing joy. That's what we do at Casbah Cares. If you'd be interested in participating in this,
Speaker2: I think you would.
Speaker1: Dress in your sluttiest outfit, and let's go hit the senior centers. Look, you know what? Just because you're old doesn't mean, and they get fucking Viagra and all kinds of things, doesn't mean you don't want some holiday cheer. Don't, I'm just saying. Look, I'm going to tell you right now. A fucking 80-year year old dude on Viagra is going to rail you better than any 20 something ever because he only gets sex like once every holiday season or whatever, whatever it happens to you come in in a fucking elf outfit. Hey, there's a chance he could be seen out and be like, I'm fucking elves B. He's going to fucking make the most of that opportunity you know you grab his root off the red-nosed reindeer and fucking swallow that motherfucker you'll be the most popular you'll get all the bingo coins just saying would you like my dessert admit it it'd be fun to have wheelchair races fucking an old guy on a wheelchair while other people push you guys as he goes fastest down the hallway. That would be fun. That's fucked up. Why? It's holiday cheer. Is that any worse than reindeer games? We celebrate a song with reindeer games. Call it reindeer. Wear antlers. It's reindeer games. It's the Senior Reindeer Olympics. Hey, I would go to Santa, but I mean, I would probably get more gum jobs than I would know what to do with. What would you like to get from Santa?
Speaker4: I thought you said gum jobs.
Speaker1: No, no, I don't know about that.
Speaker3: It took a minute to realize you said gum jobs.
Speaker1: Gum jobs. Well, I mean, all I want for Christmas. Shut up. What? There's nothing wrong with that. Okay, so Christmas songs. So one comes on. I'm walking to get more water at work, and all of a sudden I'm like, there's one that was Hickory, what was it, the Dickory dog? No. Don't forget to hang up your sock. Yes, but you say, suck my cock. So I was sitting here going down the hall, and I said, suck my cock. I'm like, no, I don't know. I've successfully corrupted you. This is why we don't buy lottery tickets in our house. Just saying. You know, it is what it is. Yes, yes, because you have to like totally do that i'm like i can't help it suck my cock ride my cock sit on my cock and i'm like just going seriously so what do you then why every year do you ask me what i want for christmas isn't it obvious i'd sing about it for the month leading up to the motherfucker? What more do you need from me? How many hints do I need to give you? Just saying. I don't even like peppermint.
Speaker2: Okay.
Speaker1: I'd dip my dick in peppermint if that would help.
Speaker3: You wouldn't taste it, so it wouldn't matter.
Speaker1: You never know. You'd be nice and give a kiss afterwards. It's kind of awkward. Have a drink of water. Wash that shit out of your mouth. I don't want to taste my penis I'm just saying do you think they have like holiday pop rocks I don't know probably I'm just saying I think look there's so many ways to celebrate the holidays in a swinger world you know we can celebrate with the whole grinch thing and the key party we can do reindeer games we can we can uh you know fucking elf we can do you know milf on a shelf milf on a deck type thing every day somebody's come over to fuck your MILF. Where's my MILF today? There's my MILF. She's getting real to the table. Just saying. Shelly. Shelly bakes stuff. She's a really good cook and baker. So you need to make all of your holiday cookies. Don't make a candy cane unless it's got a little more of a head on it to look a little more penisy. Don't make a Christmas cookie unless you can put a badge look to it. No, you curl the little hook thing. Yep, just not as much. Curl a little bit extra to make it more of a ball. Well, you know, some guys are like way curved. And so you just be like, well, that candy cane has a weird twist to it. And then all you got to say is, that's what my model looked like. And leave it at that. Make some of the candy canes flaccid.
Speaker2: That's if you really want to make the time to make candy canes. That would be a bitch. Well, candy cane cookies. I don't care what.
Speaker1: Look, I'm just trying to help people find ways to play with dick over the holiday and make it festive. I think we should have pinned the tits on a fucking elf that's what we couldn't what could have or something pin the tits on an elf i didn't want to say pin the tail on it would be fuck the tail on an elf but i'm just saying actually what we really what we really need to do is we need to find a whole we need to find a whole uh i was going to say herd, that's wrong, troop, group, party, gathering, gaggle of short girls and offer elf strippers during the holiday season. If you don't think people would pay for that shit, you've lost your mind. Think about, think about. It probably already exists. Well, maybe, but I haven't seen it yet. And and if it does someone needs to send me an elf stripper gram the nice thing is you don't need as long a poll thank you thank you very much I will be here all fucking week long I am fucking there have you not lived with me the last three months? Good Lord. Just saying. It feels like we're there. Oh, fuck yeah, we are. See, I got people. See, I got. I'm here to help people. We're here to enlighten and make the holidays better. Look, if you want to have a great swingers party, no one's ever done this before, and we should, actually. I'm just not thinking about it. should have a decorate the swingers decorate the tree party and the thing is everybody's got to get naked and decorate the christmas tree and then whatever happens happens because there'll be balls and let's fake it every fucking person i don't matter if you're fucking two or 82 you hook the ornaments on your ears and all that kind of shit well think about a bunch of dudes walking around with around with dicks hard. You know people get putting... You do that. I don't. Guys do, and if a guy's naked and has a boner, he's going to fucking hang an ornament on it. Is he not? Yeah. Is there a pretty good chance... If the hook was wide enough, because it might hurt otherwise. Is there a pretty good chance if somebody's got some sort of peppermint thing, there's going to be some jokes about going up cooters and whatever if people are naked yes so think about the christmas having a holiday instead of an ugly sweater uh a christmas tree decorating party and everybody comes over and the thing is everybody gets naked you all you can wear is a santa hat and and elf ears and that's it and and there's there's eggnog nutnog whatever and uh and uh that's your name it Nog, not Nog and drink and decorate the tree and just let shit where it goes. It goes. That would be a shit ton of fun because you'd have Christmas movie going and it'd be funny and people would be having a good time and it'd be fucking under the Christmas tree and there'd be chestnuts roasting and, you know, just saying. I mean, I'd be a little cautious about that whole stringing popcorn with a needle thing. That could get a little weird. But just saying, if you're into that kink thing, then you're seeing, you know, a little needle play. This is the kind of shit that we're here to do. This is what we are here to help people come up with great ways to celebrate celebrate the holidays i think how much fun it'd be to get really fucking drunk with you and like six of your six other couples of your swinger friends all of you get fucking train wrecked drunk get completely fucking naked put on fucking over boots santa hats and go christmas caroling and show up at your fucking neighbors christmas caroling fucking cold it'd be hilarious because we need do you know how fucking can you picture your neighbors looking out and there's a whole group of you fucking laughing and giggling drunk as skunks making naked snow angels in the backyard my ass ain't going down the cold you would get worn back up again that's what what the rum's for. But I'm just saying, that would be funny as hell. What a great way to make friends during the holidays. With your neighbors? Yeah. A lot of people don't know their neighbors like they used to. What a great way to meet them. Hi, I'm Bob. You're so fucked. This is Shelly. This is Amanda. This is Brenda. This is Tom. If you can figure out who's with who, good job. It's like the match game. Just saying. So funny. All the stockings were hung by the fire with care. In hopes that St. Nick would soon fuck right there. And there arose such a clatter i saw mommy fucking santa claus just saying we actually need to do that at some point in time i need to put on the hat and the beard no well you can't obviously get tag teamed by santa then brock but at some point in time we need it like you need to be in your half elf and i'll put on half santa stuff and we need to fuck so that officially that we fucked. I guess we'll have to invite the kids over and not tell them what's going to happen. See, congratulations. You just saw mommy fucking Santa Claus. They're adults. It's okay. It'd be funny. I mean, until they were thrown up. But other than that, just saying. They would definitely be thrown up, running out of the house. Yeah, but think how much more interesting that holiday season would be. That'd be the Christmas that lived on in infamy. Do you remember back in that time in 2021 when we came over and Mom and Dad were fucking and role-playing and fucking under the Christmas tree? I didn't think we were ever going to get to the presents. Actually, you know what I should do this year?
Speaker5: What?
Speaker2: Seriously, what I think I should do this year, because we now do our presents Christmas Eve, right?
Speaker1: So after we get back, you know, done with mom when she goes home and all that fun shit, I should go in and just fucking get in and just put a big bow on and just come and sit out there because it was like, what in the fucking bag'm your christmas present you're old enough to understand it now kids so you don't don't mind your mom and i i'll bet they'll get going earlier in the evening i bet they'll leave sooner you can come out with a bow on your boobs and your cooter and i'll come out with a bow on my dick and we'll just sit there and be like, yeah, enjoy Christmas, guys. Are you done yet? Are you done yet? We gotta go. They'll leave all the leftovers. They'll just fucking bowl down the fucking door.
Speaker3: See what I look like.
Speaker1: This is fun shit.
Speaker3: Seriously, he comes with the wildest, stupidest shit known to be.
Speaker1: And people copy me. That's what's really fucking retarded about this whole thing fucking true god but i'm just saying this okay so we need to have it okay so okay so we need to have our our drunken christmas episode right because we love doing the shots and stuff right annual drunk podcast and that'll get us from being so straight laced like we tonight. Yeah, right. Okay. And then we need to do a session on Cole's fucked-up Christmas carols. Yes, yes, we do. Because he has a lot of them. I do, I do. So mimic that. That'll be cute. Yeah. And then we'll laugh and giggle the rest of the way through. Yeah, because season five, we're going to do one on squirting because I found a gal that is a fucking, is, is. You going to have her on here? Yeah, no, in a pool, in a pool. I didn't say to make her squirt here, but. Well, yeah, we would need raincoats and all kinds of stuff, yes. Yes, so, mm-hmm, yep. Oh, you damn well better believe. We do start doing these lives on this slutify shit. We're going to have all kinds of stupid shit. Oh, boy. I'm telling you what. This shit's going to go to a whole new level of stupid. You see these three awards right here? For those of you, if you tune in to our YouTube channel, you'll see them. Our awards are, you know, we we'll be adding awards like none other we'll be getting woodies for the shit that we'll fucking pull up out of our asses and do it will be awesome uh okay so we actually people listen i guess i could read stuff uh we do three christmases with family don't buy the kids present or anything taking them south to uh padre for their present fucking a. Brandon, Jennifer, let me help you out. Mom, Dad, we love you.
Speaker3: We might be their parents.
Speaker4: Shut up. Maybe they
Speaker1: want to fuck a old couple. Without grandkids, we're no title. We're not gilfs. Or gilfs.
Speaker2: Gilfs?
Speaker1: We're just old people. Now we're just I'll see you next time. kids we're no title we're not gilfs or gilfs gilfs we're just old people now we're just what would that be what would be what would be it would be now we're just arps i want a fucking arp yeah that's a we're an arp don't look like that hey we're still a kid ask the Christmas song until 92 do you remember think back to this do you remember when your grandmother turned 93 and we were out there and I said hey this is your first year as not being a kid at Christmas thinking I was being funny I think she would laugh and she looked and she goes yeah that's not funny and I'm like oh god. And then she laughed after I felt a lot of embarrassing shit. Just saying. So there you go. You done sniffing? No, because I'm sick. Yeah, uh-huh. I don't mean to. This is what happens when you do lines upon lines of Benadryl. Benadryl. I don't know. I'd be passed the fuck out if I took Benadryl. I don't know. Have you ever snorted Benadryl? Who snorts pills? I don't know. I've snorted Smarties, but that was one time it was college and I was drinking. That was a totally different story. It was a holiday thing. It was. It was actually after we got on the finals, we got really fucked up and did that. We need to get like a stupid. The thing that our kid told us about sniffing fucking Kool-Aid powder. I don't know where it gets at. His mother is such a horrible influence on that kind of shit. Yeah. Do you realize how many... I've never snorted anything. Do you realize how many swingers we're helping with this episode? Not a fucking one. Not a fucking one. Absolutely. We have managed to absolutely probably scare the lifestyle with this shit i look everything we talk about here is stuff you can do naked and with other people well i mean most part i wouldn't have a party anymore snorting kool-aid and stuff that's kind of weird but but it may i can tell you this what it does do it makes your snot because it causes drainage the same color of whatever the Kool-Aid was. There's one to grow on. Just throwing that out there in case you didn't know. Look, that's an important fact to know. If you snort red Kool-Aid, know you're not bleeding through your nose. It's because of the Kool-Aid. Just so you know. So, I mean, it only gets weird when it's like purple and shit. That kind of gets scary and shit. Just saying. Just, yeah. Hey, are we to the midway point of the show? Oh, we're beyond that. Oh, fuck yeah. Let's take a quick break, shall we? Oh, good God. I don't have anything funny. I need bells. Ding. No, hey, you know what? Check out all of our shit. You need to be checking out Crazy Winter Nights. You know, you hear us talk on the show and you go, these people seem so serious and uptight. What you really need to do is come see us in our natural environment of fun and enjoyment. Crazy Winter Nights, January 14th and 15th in Omaha, Nebraska. It's the fourth annual award-winning Crazy Winter Nights, and you need to be there. How can you get tickets? This is how, www.crazywinternights.com. Get both your Friday night tickets and your Saturday night tickets. Then you'll get the link to book your to book your room we can't wait to see you there crazy with a k ding well wasn't that a good commercial look i'll do you know we had santa come on last year oh jesus christ we're not going there you fucking you give me helium a balloon, I'll have elves on this motherfucking show. I mean, other elves besides you. The angry kind.
Speaker3: I'm not an angry elf.
Speaker2: Huh.
Speaker1: How do we answer that question? Let's see.
Speaker3: Oh, the bitchy one.
Speaker1: No, that's when you're one of the dwarves.
Speaker2: Grumpy.
Speaker1: That's one of the seven dwarves. That's the rest of the year. During the holiday, you're an elf. See how that works? During the holidays, you have a night job. Night job. What do you do? I toggle Santa. Keep him awake.
Speaker2: I'm just saying.
Speaker1: Anyways, okay. So, here's a good question. As swingers, can you send other swingers Christmas cards?
Speaker3: Yeah, why couldn't you?
Speaker1: Well, because if you put pictures of penises and stuff on them, that'd be weird. See, you didn't even think that too very well.
Speaker3: No, I didn't. But, you know, who said it had to have a penis in it?
Speaker1: Okay, a vagina. I'm just saying. Who said it had to have any butt in it? Actually, we got a Christmas card today From somebody on our page
Speaker3: Awesome
Speaker1: That's damn nice And it didn't have a penis or a pussy In the card So now I've got to get a different card From what I was going to send out Because that would be awkward and weird No absolutely Just saying Holiday season Got anything else? Hold on. As a teen, I was dared to snort. Crashed up smartly. That was horrible. Yeah, it does hurt like hell. Burns forever. Roman collective body heat. See, there you go. Beth is thinking about how to be warm after running out naked snowing. Right now, doing naked snowing just would be great. It's like 70 fucking degrees.
Speaker3: I was going to say, there's no snow to do.
Speaker1: Adult content, if online, vanilla through the mail. Oh, yeah, because if you send dirty pictures, it's like pouring through the mail. See, no. Oh, if it's across the line, you pictures, it's, like, porn through the mail. See? No. No, if it's a cross line, you can't.
Speaker2: Yeah. See? There we go.
Speaker1: Our listeners are the smartest listeners because they protect us. They stop me from doing things that won't make me wind up in federal jail. What are you looking at now?
Speaker3: Why do you have those on your hands?
Speaker1: Because I was reading.
Speaker2: That's why. And I'm practicing. Let's not be all judgy. Oh, yeah, I can. Why? Because I want to be. You know what? Maybe somebody has a Santa fetish. Maybe there's somebody who's like, you know what I always wanted from Santa was a big fucking rib-tickling fucking thumping. And they're like, hey, you know what? That guy fits that build. I would with a hat on. Don't you think? I need what? I love doing shows when you're doped up. This is so much fun. I look like Santa. Maybe somebody has a Santa fetish. I'll bet you there's some sort of Santa fetish. You on fucking your boots and a fucking santa hat and we'll go at it no you're sick i don't want to get a cold i got the christmas is my busy time of year no the thing is the thing is is what there's got to be a santa fan santa fantasy no a santa fetish there's got to be some sort of christmas fetish like i want to be fucked by a christmas tree or I want to get, you know, gored by a reindeer. I don't fucking know. Some shit. You know, I want to eat cookies till I explode. I don't know. There's got to be something. Why are you looking at me? Okay, oh, we can't Google. Both of our phones are tied up. We have no way to Google. One of our listeners wanted to do porn, make porn with eggnog. Yeah. And you agreed to do that. Yeah, I did. Oh, Mike says,
Speaker1: any ladies with Santa... Where'd it go? With a Santa fetish, I can be your jolly fat man.
Speaker2: Awesome.
Speaker1: Shelly, there you go. Santa and a sexy elf encounter. Booked until 2022.
Speaker2: Yep.
Speaker1: No, I have not watched Bad Santa, so you can tell. Ben Franklin and a Santa. Stop it. Sorry, can i'm worth hundies making it rain uh see now we got all kinds of parties we can have we could have like a founding father's sex party thing a historical figure sex party that's what it'd be historical figures and then we can have a santa fetish party just saying i I really want to know what the other Santa fetishes are, or what the other Christmas fetishes are. Look, if there are chicks out there that are fucking looking for, you know, okay, look, there are people that do the horse and pony thing, you know, that they act like horses. You know there's some reindeer variation of that shit, right? I mean, whatever, and whatever. Maybe it's just that same thing, but a more festive it's a horse drawn sleigh whatever anyways but if there's a fetish out there of like gals that want to fuck a guy like Santa Claus I think it's very important that I know that because I think it's important that we educate people and let them know uh that that's that's going on oh allison came skyline with a great idea president day sexy party in february there we go i'm in for that four score and seven years ago i banged this chick just saying uh mrs claus fetish Oh, i will die if there's a historical founding father's party stuff i know uh i'm a man to come sit on my lap she'll talk about santa fetishes and whatever whatever else pops up i have my m Mrs. Claus lingerie on now. Kick ass.
Speaker2: See?
Speaker1: Here's the thing. And this is where, if I'd have had a prosthetic with a jingle bell in my nut sack or a light up thing, I'd have been like, here comes Rudolph now. Look, it's glowing. That's not his nose.
Speaker3: Ralph around the house.
Speaker4: Cheek.
Speaker3: I can see that.
Speaker2: Okay.
Speaker1: So we've got a couple of Santas lined up for people that want to, if you have a Santa fetish, let us know. We want to know about that. Tell us about it. If you have an elf fetish, not just fucking midgets, an elf fetish, you need to let us know. They're little people. Little people. And I will have pantalones, pantaloons, is what I would wear, Beth.
Speaker2: Ben Franklin thing. And if you have a reindeer fetish of some variety, not fucking beastie, I don't want to know if you want to fuck deer, but whatever, if you have something like that, let us know.
Speaker1: We want to know. We want you to send us in anything of your Christmas, your holiday fetishes. Maybe you have some New Year's Eve fetish. Look, somebody had a fetish. I can see if you're into the bondage thing being wrapped up like a present or some shit. Yeah. But I don't want just like, oh, I like to be tied up with a ribbon. I want to be like, you want to be like wrapped in a box and like contorted and shit. That's the shit I want to know about. Okay, you know damn good well the whole like New Year's baby thing. That was some fetish. That was somebody who was into that being a little and all that shit to run around and party in a diaper and a sash. That is how that came about. You know it is. So we want to know all about, you know. I'm telling you, we're going to get emails with some fucking cool weird-ass shit. We're going to get somebody that's going to buck in the top of a Christmas tree or some shit. I guarantee it. When we get, when the Casbah Studios go bigger. Go to Google. No. Well, you can't. When the Casbah Studios get bigger the thing is, is we are totally going to have a dildo tree. We're going to set up a Christmas dildo tree.
Speaker3: I'm in the process of doing a swinger tree.
Speaker1: Yes, you are. You are in the process of doing that now. So that is something
Speaker2: I'm not going to set up a Christmas dildo tree. No, I'm in the process of doing a swinger tree. Yes, you are.
Speaker1: You are in the process of doing that now. So that is something that's forthcoming. And we'll have pictures of that. We absolutely... Yeah, we are high tech here. This is going to be awesome. Why do I see like a whole series of shows?
Speaker2: An attraction to trees. Yeah. Wait, do some of us have a Santa fetish? Yeah. If you want to fuck a tree, we need to know this. This is... Christmas kinks. On Pinterest. Seriously? That's fucked up. That is twisted shit right there. I don't care who you are. But then it talks about just Christmas themes. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know. That's not the same. That's going to be the one to be at right there. What's up? Oh, wait. Santa Claus fetish is a real thing, and here's all you need to know. Ooh. This is going to be awesome.
Speaker1: See, this is the kind of shit right here.
Speaker4: Why do you do this?
Speaker1: Okay, well, they have pictures of four chicks in hot Santa outfits, and they're hot.
Speaker2: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker1: Okay, so there is no Christmas out of Santa, and for some people, there's no pleasure without him. Santa fetish is a real thing known as Sanophilia, and it does restrict just your regular sitting on Santa's lap kind of fun. Wow. But it doesn't tell too much about it. Damn. Okay. Well, if you have that fetish and you want to sit on Santa's lap, you need let me know No, on average once per night Someone would sit on my lap And whisper their filthiest X-rated description Of what she was going to do with me When I came down her chimney on Christmas Eve Yeah, I've got some of those We know some of those fucking chicks Like. A lot of them. What is it? So on FedLife, there is a fetish community that brags about wanting to get spanked by Santa. I am here to help you. I just want it to be known. We aim to please at Crazy Truth is what we do. But so, okay. So we definitely need, we want to hear, we definitely want to hear your fucking Christmas fetishes. That is like a huge, huge thing to us. We want to hear your Christmas fetishes. You need to send them to us at crazy, K-R-A-Z-Y dot Kazba, K-A-S-B-H at gmail.com. You need to send them to us at crazykrazyy.kazbah k-a-s-b-h at gmail.com. You need to send those to us so we know what the hell we can interview you. You might be famous. Wrapping their wife with Christmas lights. Christmas bush. Don't let the cat eat that. That will fucking kill you. Follows no-save November. Ew. No-save November followed directly by candy canes would be a sticky mess. Ew. That there bush is crunchy. Anyways, there we go. Wow, what a good show. Whoa, look at that. Time just flew right by when we're talking about stupid shit. I'll be damned. And we talked about stupid shit. And we did. That was not even structured. Wow, we are totally going to end season four in just a complete clusterfuck of a note, aren't we? We don't have to. Well, at the... I'm going to sneeze. Oh, awesome. Hold on. Let me catch that shit. But that's just, yeah, it is what it is. Who cares? At this point in time, yeah, it's fun. Bless you. Fuck off. Wow. My medicine is like. It's called the loon. It's not working. That microphone would be crunchy with boogers. No, I went off. Stop it. Okay. With that being said, hey, you know what? So, again, shout out to our sponsors before Miss Amanda sneezes. Sneeze next. Kleenex is our sponsor. No. P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T, permescent.com. Please check them out today. We see your comments. We hear your words. We know that many people want to have better sex. Check them out today. KK15 for a 15% discount, 60-day money back trial guaranteed. Remember, smart, smart swingers read, even the Elfie kind. They read asnlifestylemagazine.com. Check it out. Huge shit coming out in their December issue. It's out right now. It's badass. Check them out today. If you want to be in the know, read the magazine that tells you all the answers. Fullswapradio.com out check them out today listen to our show we're on a mondays and friday or mondays at uh 5 and again 11 43 of the top shows in the country are on full swap radio so you want to check that out finally took su to fed this morning and a little more drugs man that's what we're gonna do it drugs uh with said, you can also send us emails, crazy.casma at gmail.com. You can follow us on Twitter, at Truth Crazy. You can follow us on Instagram. Nobody knows it. You can follow us. Crazy.casma. Be watching. We've got big announcements. And don't forget, get your fucking tickets to Crazy Winter Nights. Don't be a square. Be there. January 14th through the 15th, crazy with a K, crazywinternights.com.
Speaker2: Check them out.
Speaker1: With that being said, we're doing it the only way we know how, the only way we want to, the only way we ever will.
Speaker4: Ho!
Speaker1: Casbah Style, out.