Krazy Truth about Swinging #358 Mind reading is not an option

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth about swinging. I'm your host for the most and the other got the name of the show. I'm Cole. I'm here with the lovely, lovely I'm here with the lovely, lovely Miss Amanda. Hey. And we're here to tan late and titillate. That is not what I was called last week. No, you were not. I was called by some guy. A butter-faced cunt. Yep. Not exactly sure what a butter-faced cunt is. But in Australia, it's delicious. He said he was Aussie. I'm like, I don't really give a fuck what you are. This is Season 9, Episode 358, for those of you who follow along at home. Quick shout-out to our sponsors, ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. If you want to know what's going on in the adult world, as well as lifestyle, check it out, ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. He's stroking. Oh, my fucking God. Motor Bunny, don't trust your cooter to just anybody. Quality products, quality name that you know you can trust, whether it be the original, the buck, the new handheld tools. Toys. Toys. So much more at MotorBuddy.com. You can find those on FullSwapShop. They can be tools. You can even make a tool belt. You can. That's right. And you can buy them off of FullSwapShop. You can. And confidence is sexy. Confidence starts with knowing your status. STD Hero puts you in control with discreet at-home STI testing powered by our CLIA certified laboratory. We serve everyone. Doesn't matter if you're a swinger or not. and up to adult performers, including with the past certified Ultimate Hero panel designed for the highest standards of sexual health screening. If needed, they will also provide follow-up care options for you as well. Skip the Clinic, Skip the Awkwardness, STD Hero, Science You Trust, Privacy You Deserve. And you can get those on all of our websites. So we're actually going to be running a special. There is a great, one of their tests, it's the STD The Common Test. Okay. It's $69. Okay. So you can add the oral swabs with it as well. It actually takes and will detect up to 90% of all the things that you would run into out there. It's $99. If you have played, we're just, here's the deal. If you have fun at Crazy Winter Nights, you need to go and get one. You should be getting a test. It's really funny, and we're going to be publishing it on their site. They've got statistics monthly of like all these, all different things that are out there. 1.87% of the people have an oral STD, gonorrhea, syphilis, whatever the case may be. What that means is, so out of every 100 people, at least two of them have something orally. And people go with the swingers, here's the thing, we all go, oh yeah, yeah, we Use Condoms. Yep. And how many of you give a blowjob or suck a dick with a condom or use a dental dam? It's time to be honest about testing in 2026. Check that out. Full Swap Shop. Also, seriously, it's the STD Common Add the Oral Swap. It's $99. Don't miss out on that. So we'll be publishing more on that stuff. I had a meeting with them today. And so they're showing me on their website where they keep and they update the monthly statistics so you can see what is being tested, what they're finding the most of. and, you know, like how and the whole nine yards, what diseases. It's really fucking amazing. And the number of things that you go to the doctor, they don't fucking, they're not going to test, they're not going to do swaps. But I know a lot of people, we had this conversation of how many people are afraid they see anal. Oh my God, but I don't do anything like that. You know, good Midwestern boys, oh, I don't need anything around my butt. You know what? You don't have to. Get the oral and the blood and urine. And I'm telling you, You can be safe. So check it out as far as that goes. So we're going to have a lot of stuff that we're going to keep pushing on all our platforms because, damn it, it's so easy. They're talking about four other diseases now that are no symptoms. That's fucking amazing. No fucking symptoms. And you can be past them all. So there you go. There's a few of them. There's a lot of them. There's a lot of shit. The thing with it is it's so common sense. 99% of what we talk about on this show is common sense. Really, when you stop and think about it, right? And the topic that I'm going to hit on today, it goes right along that same vein in terms of just the common sense factor. Okay. It's hard that in the lifestyle, you try to tell people, Don't overthink things. And we all do it, especially when you're new. Yeah. And there's a degree of common sense, but there's, you're trying not to, you know, it's a new world, social norms fit in, not do something wrong, not, and I get it. What I want to talk about today is I want to talk about interacting with people. Okay. Okay. We see this, and of course, we just got on a crazy winter night, and we're coming up on, what, three weeks is St. Paddy's Day. A lot of St. Paddy's Day parties are getting ready to come up and get going. And there is all this discussion about rules and communication with couples and singles and rules. And it is just, it is amazing to me how much We overthink stuff. Okay. So let's, I'm going to give this scenario first. You are new at your job. You've been at your job eight months, right? You came after the holidays. So you're coming up and you're getting ready. We're back into Christmas season, Santa. You're coming up to the holiday season and there's going to be a holiday party. So you've never been to a holiday party. You and your spouse have never been to a holiday party yet. Okay. and they have a party, whatever. And so, of course, there's nerves, right? Because your spouse, you know people, but you don't maybe know people super well yet, right? You don't want to sit alone. We're the ones that sit alone. We choose to sit alone. No one wants to sit alone. Nobody sits alone. But you don't want to be outcast, but you don't really know what to do and your spouse doesn't work there and so they don't, you know, they don't know the people. And you might talk about that. a little bit of nervousness, whatever. But do you have rules for how other people can come up and talk to you? Well, no. Of course not, right? You don't sit there and say, you don't sit there and say, if it's my company party, right? You don't sit there and if somebody comes up and says, hi, who are you to you? your answer is not, well, you need to talk to my husband. Right? Well, I mean, that sounds absurd. And if it's your company party, it's not that, you know, you tell your coworkers, you have to talk to him because we're here together. You have to talk to him. You would never fucking say that. So, yeah, when you get into a lifestyle setting, everybody has these rules. Supposedly, in the lifestyle, we're supposed to be teaching the concept that there's no expectations, right? We're supposed to be teaching the concept that just because we talk, you and I talk, we don't know each other, we talk to each other, doesn't mean that we're required to have sex. We're supposed to teach the concept of they're meet and greets, they're mixers, they're all people with a common interest, so we're just chatting and learning to know people. There's no expectations. But if we have a rule that only we know about, it's our secret handshake, it's the stink, dun, right? We do our little secret handshake, and only we know about it. We are ensuring that somebody that's never met us could come up and break our magic rule, because they don't know. Like, we don't wear a sign that says, talk to him. Like, if we walked in, if every couple walked around with a shirt, and you had to wear a shirt that said, I'm with stupid, whichever one was the one that was allowed to talk, we don't think that's fucking idiotic, right? Right. So if we all wore a shirt around that said, you have to talk to him, or you have to talk to her first. How fucking, I mean, when you think of it like that, how obscenely idiotic does that sound? How obscenely idiotic does it sound to go to a company outing for the first time and go, no, you have to talk to them first. Or even worse, we'll say it's a company picnic. It's a company picnic. It's a picnic. And somebody comes up to you. to my company picnic, which we all know, I'd want to be at that. Anyways. Comes up to me, comes up and talks to you. And then says hi to you, the guy. You know, my coworker guy, coworker, comes and says hi to you. I'm Bob, you are. Oh, you must be Cole's wife. And then in turn, I get pissed at you and grab you by the arm and go, we're fucking leaving. And then I don't talk to that guy at work because he broke our rules. He didn't talk to me first. Who the fuck would do that? How fucking incredibly asinine does that sound? And I want this to sink in for a minute. I want it to seem that fucking absurd. Because, honestly, that is exactly... When you have rules about initial contact... How's anybody supposed to know? How's anybody supposed to know? And the first thing everybody's going to do is they're going to go, well, but singles, if the expectation is that just because you talk to someone, you don't have to fuck them, what difference does it make if it's a single? Now, let's put the parameters here, right? Okay? Like you're getting fired up and I don't know before. Okay. Let's put the parameters here. I understand that if a single male corners your wife's Or a single female corners your husband somewhere. Or your wife somewhere. That's not going up and just having a conversation. Okay? Even at the company Christmas party, if Bob from fucking accounting comes up and corners you somewhere, we're going to have a fucking problem. Right? That's a different ballgame. I'm talking about the single guy that walks up at KWN, at Naughty in New Orleans, at Eye Candy, at Island Riders, whatever, and says, hi, I'm Bob. Why are you pissed at him? How does that make him anything but a dude saying hi? Seriously. Now, if he doesn't stop, if he doesn't, if he then starts touching him, it's hi and shakes a tit, that's a different ballgame, obviously, right? If Michelle, that we don't know, walks up and says, hi, Michelle, and shakes my penis versus fucking my hand, That's a problem, right? I get that part. Go ahead. You want to say something? Jump in. No. All I was going to say is if someone approached me and I felt uncomfortable about it, I might say, you need to speak with my husband. You know, I'm sorry. You need to speak to my husband first. Actually, the appropriate thing would be to say, great to meet you. Our rules are, you need to speak with my husband first. You can't... Do you know the only creepy people there are at lifestyle events? You ready for this? Yeah, I think. I bet you don't. But I bet some people are going to spit pop when they listen to this. The only creepy people at a lifestyle event is the person walking up and talking to you. What do I mean by that, right? Okay, so let it simmer. I'm trying to process. What it simmers, what it simmers for a second, okay? What that means is, do you know who the creepy person is to the other person, the other people? Us! If the only creepy person is the person, the guy that walks up and says hi to you by himself, do you know what, or the girl that walks up and says hi to her by herself to me, do you know what we are, do you know what you are when you walk up to somebody you don't know? You're the creepy fucking person! I didn't mean it like that. No, I know you didn't. What I'm saying is that... Where are we going with this? What I'm saying is people have this concept of that, well, it's always the other person. Well, they acted creepy. They acted strange. They acted this. This couple was this. This couple was that. Look in the fucking mirror. Guess what? If somebody doesn't know you, you're the creepy motherfucker. Because if you use your own logic, not your logic, just the logic, get how that works? That's why initially, instead of assuming someone's walking up being... or being whatever. There's nothing wrong with saying, if somebody doesn't feel comfortable to say, great to me, here's our rules. There's nothing wrong with that. They didn't know. You return the salutation and then you're directing them how it's supposed to be. Now, if they don't take that hint, obviously, if they don't take that direct communication, then it makes sense. Then now it's a different situation, right? Okay. But we can't just walk around. and only send out the vibes. She's hot. She's hot. Come say hi to me. Come say hi to me. Not you, fucking ugly dog person. No, you. We can't send those. You can't do that. Anybody that walks up, it's a thing of they don't know your rules. All they're doing initially is trying to make contact. I did have someone reach out to me one time saying, can I message you or do I need to ask your husband first? I'm like, no, you're fine. That's nice of them, but really when you think about it, folks, do you understand how sad that fucking is? I'm not going to yuck anybody's yum on their dynamics. Here's the thing, and right there it is. That's not dynamics. That is not fucking dynamics. If you're considered property, it might be their dynamics. Mind Reading is not a dynamic. That's the fucking thing with the lifestyle. Mind Reading is not a goddamn dynamic. It'd be great to have because I'd really like to know what some people are thinking. It would be awesome. But that's the problem. Everybody thinks, well, that's the way we do the lifestyle. Well, congratulations. When someone has no way to know that ahead of time unless you wear a sign that says it, that is not a dynamic. That is a wall. That is a lack of social skills. In life, whether you like it or not, at your job, people are going to interact with you. And you don't get to just look at them and just go and walk away because you don't like to interact. Doesn't fucking work that way. Grow the fuck up. There's nothing wrong. Once initial contact's made, that you have the opportunity Let them know your dynamic. That's fine. But initially to get fucking pissed or to stop people before it even starts because they can't read your fucking mind. Fuck you. At that point in time, you're wrong. Your social skills suck. Does something happen to you? No. The thing is about it, what annoys the living shit out of me. Okay. If you're dynamic. No, it's not your fucking dynamic. If your rules are that if I want to fuck you or I want to talk to you or I want to acknowledge you exist, I have to acknowledge your husband first. Okay, great. If you, if as your husband, I have such little faith in your ability to control yourself, So show restraint, follow our rules, interact with another human without being a fucking whore slut bitch, whatever. That if someone talks to you, I'm going to panic. You should not be in the lifestyle. You're not ready. You're an idiot. If you can't, if I am going to be so fucking, you should be insecure. If I am so fucking insecure that someone can't walk up to you and say, hi, I'm so-and-so to at least give you the chance to say, hi, here's our dynamic, here's our rule, then what I should be watching for is you doing the hand sign going that you're in trouble. Because that's the fucking truth. Now, the reality of it is, is that there's nothing wrong with people if that's, after initial contact, if that's how you, if that's your rules. Right. That's great. or a creep? Initial interaction. If they walk up, hey, baby, and act like it's fucking Herb Tarlick in 1973, that's going to tell you everything you need to know. You won't know that if you don't get that interaction. Just saying. Okay? But the lifestyle has even went to the point and people go, no, Cole, they're going to say, no, you don't understand. It's for all these other reasons. It's the wristbands. It's the fucking... It's the fucking... You need the chart to figure out... Oh. It's a... It's a chartreuse wristband. Do you even know what color chartreuse is? It's a chartreuse wristband. That means I'm allowed to fucking slap them upside the head with my dick, come all over their face, and fuck their earpods. There was one party that we were at that had the colored cups. I had to keep going back to the table to see what it meant. It's like a game on Facebook. You're like, you don't know which one, which hard to pick because you got to fucking. I understand the concept of to try to take and make it. So phone's trying to read shit. To make it so people know. But there reaches this point where it's like, sometimes what you have to do is you have to. You have to interact. You have to... You actually have to have some vague form of social skills. And because... Here's the reality of this. If you have a wristband on that says, I... That is like, I'm only open to casual conversation. Okay. Great. Okay. Here's what that wristband will not do. Because remember, this isn't like, it's not an Avengers wristband. It's not like a Batman wristband, right? It's just a regular wristband. It will not have the ability to stop a drunk guy or girl from annoying the fuck out of you and not following along with whatever it's supposed to be. It will not stop your significant other from being so tied up with whoever they're doing that they don't notice what's going on. It will not stop the event host from seeing that somebody's breaking that rule to remember. In the dark, it will not make somebody be able to see it and will not make a drunk person stop or do anything. And if you're drunk, it won't make sure that you keep your fucking pants on or your legs together or your dick in your pants. It will do none of those things. After the first 10 minutes and once you want to start It has absolutely zero value. Which, like I said, I can't read it. So is the spouse insecure or controlling that they are vetting individuals so that they can save their partner only for certain people? Possibly. I don't know. And, you know, and it's okay once, and that's a great question, why that rule is in place for couples? I have no earthly idea. And I'm just going to go out on a limb and it's either insecurities, but most likely insecurities masked by some other thing. Right. Or like a sub-dom relationship where she can only talk who I say she can talk to type thing. Or slave. Right. Relationship. I don't know. It also is a great safety device way to, help to make sure, especially when you're new, to make sure it gives you, it gives either spouse an out if they need it. Yeah. Which, and understand, once after initial contact is made, if that is the dynamic or the rule that you as a couple determine is the best rule to have for you, that that's what works, there's nothing wrong with it. After initial contacts, mate. I think the part that is frustrating to me is I see people, I've been watching a lot of posts with parties coming up, and what people better know, by God, you better not talk to her without talking to me at first. You're asking people to, A, be able to read your mind, B, you're assuming, and what does assume do? It makes an ass out of me and you. You're assuming that people have the same Relationship Dynamics that you do. So let me give you an example of that. We, one of us is not in control of the other one. Sometimes I'm in control. Sometimes you're in control. But the reality is you, you, I don't fucking own you and I don't tell you who you can. If I have concerns, I'll step right the fuck in and I'll, without saying, I'll hover over you like a goddamn male lion. I've hovered over you and you ignored it. Exactly. But I'll make my presence or you'll make your presence known. So it's, it's, I feel like it's rude if I, to stand there and ignore a woman. I'm not going to stand there and ignore a woman. That is not who the fuck I am. That's not how the fuck I was raised. And you know what? You don't own anybody, and I tell you what, if that's your dynamic in your real life, great fucking for you. But if you think I'm going to fucking bend and be a dick to somebody because they're a woman, you've lost your fucking mind because it ain't happening. And I will always show respect to the woman the way I was taught. Now, by the same token, with that being said, if you say to me, if I say, hi, I'm Cole, and then you say, here are our roles, I'm also going to respect that at that point in time. What can she? Different colored cups and wristbands have different meanings. Let's just make things more complicated. It does. I don't want to have to go look it up. The thing is, and understand, I'm not trying to yuck anybody's rules. All I'm saying is you have to, if your rule is no kissing, as a couple. Don't get around Cole when he's drunk. No shit. No shit. To be perfectly honest, that's not our rule. Right. I don't understand that rule. Do I think it's a dumb rule? Doesn't matter what I think. If we had that rule for us, that'd be a fucking stupid rule for us. We both like kissing. But that's us. But the thing is, is if you don't fucking tell me, if we decide we're going to go play. I remember those days. I remember those days we could play in a fucking couple. Anyways, if we're going to go play and you don't fucking tell me, I'm not even going to think to ask, to be perfectly honest. If we're naked and there's shit sticking in each other, I'm not even going to think about that, to be honest with you. But if you don't tell me and then I go and I go to kiss, you go, our rule is no kissing. Okay. You know what? Now I know. Awesome. If you don't tell me and then when we're all done, well, our rule is no kissing. Well, fuck you. You didn't tell me. How the fuck am I supposed to know it? Yeah. I'm anybody. I mean, that, that's what it's like. It's what's What's the key foundations of the lifestyle? We say it all the time. Communication. And that's what it is. We have our rules, but we expect other people to magically know them. The cuffs, the cuffs, the wristbands. What that is, and I don't fight anybody tooth and nail on this. I don't fucking care. What that is, is that is a way to fucking take the lazy man's way, the lazy person's way out of communicating. Oh, no, no. Instead of saying, having a conversation and saying, it's really nice to meet you. We're really new. We're just getting our feet wet and just talking to people. It's a way. To fucking not have to sit. Oh, look. I'm going to hide behind my little cop. Look. Fuck you. Use your words. We're adults. If you can stick your dick in somebody, if you can have a dick stuck in you, then use your goddamn words. Because what happens is when you use your words and when you say, we have a no kissing rule. There's no confusion. Yeah, I can't read anything tonight. Because you have dirty glasses on. No, because I only have one contact in. You always have only one contact in. Yeah, I'm tearing up a lot. I'm crying. I'm so sensitive. If your rule is you need to speak to both, then one cannot go wandering off leaving the other by themselves. You just opened Seymour, the door for someone to step in. Awesome. Exactly. Exactly. I love you, Larry. Because, I mean, right there's the perfect point. Do I kiss again? Do they pucker? One does. Pucker and droop. Better. The thing is, is that if I don't know that that's the rule, if I don't know that that's your rule, you're in, what you're in doing, and when we're I knew this is easy to do. And just as we go through, it's easy to do because jealousy can creep up anytime. Insecurities can creep up. What you're doing is you are ensuring your, if your rule is yet to speak to both and you're not together, you are guaranteeing that the rule is going to get broken. Now, we've talked on this show through the years multiple times about how your rules change, right? We had the story how at one point in time our rules had to go to the touch rule because We learned the hard way, whatever. Now we're way past that part. But... Are you past the saying thank you to guys after you talked their wife? Yeah, I am. Dollar rules, what you said now, but it's like, yeah, no, but I mean you... I was going to do pot, hello. Yeah, but the thing is, is that, and your rules can change. A lot of times, and I truly believe this, and I, and really kind of, it goes back around to, like the whole concept of not, of some magical rule that all you know about it's almost like ensuring you're wanting to make sure that you have a reason to be pissed off you have you're giving yourself a reason to be angry at your spouse to not having hooked up to something because you're ensuring that a rule is going to get broken because they got a 50 50 shot of getting it right if it's some magical fucking shit and here's the deal some people have some really fucking unique rules. And I'm telling you, unless you're wearing a shirt that says these are my rules, it's a Star Wars thing. It's a trap. Some people should. They should. Mary, it's my responsibility to tell you my rules, not your job to know them. Absolutely. I understand that, you know, when we did the seminar on how to say no, right? I understand in communication and in lots of things in life There are conversations that are uncomfortable, awkward, difficult, whatever the case may be. And I understand that there's a degree with the lifestyle because we're not for everybody. There's one person can look at me and go, oh, blah. And the rest of the people are going to go, yeah, I get it. And so it can be difficult. But if they're your rules, you should have conviction about your rules. Your rules should mean something to you. If you're a single, these are the rules that you've established about your self-respect, about your safety, about who you are. It should be no problem to stand the ground for your convictions. If you're a couple, your rules are about protecting your unity, your experience as a couple. There should be no problem expressing those rules. If you can't communicate with clarity, with conviction, and with honesty, the rules that you have, you are not at a point in your life, you're not at a point in your relationship, you're not at a point that you have any fucking business being at a swingers event. Okay, there's times I've used you as an excuse. Does that count? Absolutely. Sure it does. Sure it does. But did you do it secretly? Did you do something like to make sure that I'd come over pissed as hell? Or did you just use me as an excuse? We don't. No, I just more use your excuse. I have one guy. It's like, can we meet? And I'm like, well, you have to meet my husband first. It depends if you're okay with it, because sometimes you wouldn't be. But you know what? That's... You still communicated with him. You didn't just go, I'm not going to tell you, and then I'll expect you to, and then leave him wondering why you're not ever meeting him. You still communicated with him. Well, no, that's not even the reason. It's just I really don't care to. Well, and the thing is, look, you still had a communication. We're working on the being honest. a seminar. We're working on the being honest. But the truth is, is that think of it this way. If you can't communicate at the very, very beginning of an interaction, there is nothing sexual, nothing unique, whether you're at a meet and greet, hotel party, your job, Christmas party, whatever. In an initial meeting. Initial greeting. That level of communication is the same. Hi, I am, you are, nice to meet you. That is simple. You can take that exact thing and put it at the company picnic. your mother's nursing home, going to your sibling's place of work or church or worship, a swinger event. That's basic, human, polite, mature interaction. If you can't get past that, if you can't handle that, there is no way on God's green earth that you are going to have the ability to communicate what you like, don't like, what's okay, what's not okay in a highly sexually charged situation. I'm talking about when you're naked and all of a sudden wrong hole. You're not, it's just the truth. You're not going to be able to communicate it because you're not, if you are terrified of that part, and I understand the first time when you're brand If you've never been to an event, you're going to walk in and you're going to be nervous and the first time somebody says hi, you're going to be like, hi! It's like, holy fuck, what do we do now? They're talking to us and we suck their dick. What do we do? Okay, I get it. We were all there, right? You're going to fucking, the first time you walk in and you see a couple headed towards you, you're going to get kind of sweaty and you're going to be like, and you're going to do fucking elbowing each other and you're going to be like, you know what? Your first day at a new job, as you're going around meeting people, you're going to feel nervous and anxious and sweaty and like Jojo the circus monkey and all the same things. That's okay. That's natural. But when they get up to you, if your response to them, when I walk in and say hi, say hi to me. Hi. Ah! If that's your response, maybe you're not ready to be there yet. And that's okay. If you're first initial response, say hi to me again. Hi. I don't know anything. I'm a magician. I make a million dollars. Love, you gotta go by. And you just spew a bunch of lies at him. You're not ready to be there. Say hi again. I don't know. I'm afraid to. Say hi again. Hi. You can't talk to me. You don't have permission to talk to me. You have to talk to him first. What are you doing? Don't talk to me. All those examples are things of you are not ready to fucking be at a swinger thing. You're just Can there's some people just be socially awkward? There's one thing to be socially awkward. There's another thing to be socially, mentally, mentally unable, whether it be nerves, like, you know, just so nervous that they can't get over it. Okay, he goes, if you're new to the lifestyle, stick to your rules, no questions asked. As time goes on, your rules are going to change, but do not change them to please someone. and change them when you're comfortable with the change. Very much so. The worst thing that can happen at a swinger event is you have the rule like the one we're initially talking about. You have to talk to the husband first or the wife first. You have to talk to the significant other first. The worst thing that can happen is that lack of communicating that. and lack of having that understanding that you have to do basic communication to begin with and have it immediately kick into a fight. If you want to ruin a swinger experience for yourself or have a swinger experience go completely south, get in a fight. Get in a fight with your spouse. We've never done that. No, huh? We haven't left a party fucking screaming at each other halfway home back from doing one. No, not at all. But that's the truth. And the thing is, it's like, so as a couple, here's the deal. When you're figuring out your rules, right? Think it through. This is our rule. We want to make it so that they have to talk to me because all these guys are just going to want to fuck you. Okay. Right. Now, wait a minute. So until they know the rule, how do we make sure somebody comes to talk to us who knows the rule? Oh, okay. So what we need to figure it out, we work out that, hey, we're going to say, hey, great. you, the way we do this is, I want you to, you need to meet my husband, you need to meet my wife. Like, that's, that's, rules are not. I think the shirt idea is excellent. Here's my rule. It is. And talk to him first, you know. The thing is, is rules. But people won't read it. No. Oh, God, no. And, you know, you get really drunk, you can't read. The, the, I think what people misinterpret Misinterpret with the rules. Rules in life. Rules like laws in a country, rules on the road, rules at your job, rules at lifestyle events, rules. Rules are not necessarily, they're not meant as a way to, they're not designed to hurt you. They're not designed to just be a killjoy. Rules are most of the time designed to protect you and to ensure that things are, people don't get in trouble, people don't get hurt, things are safe. And with a couple or with an individual with rules and lifestyle, those rules are not designed, they're not supposed to be a killjoy with it. They're not, you know, if you're using the rule, and I think some people, especially when they do, they think that rules are like this. They're like a baseball bat, right? So they can be like, don't do it. No, you're not. That's not the concept of the rules. When you're coming up with the rules, it's supposed to be a way to, so that you have common ground so you feel comfortable, not so you feel imprisoned. That's why, here's the magic part. Remember what we said, communication. That's why it's so important to talk about the rules. And like Larry says, the rules will change to go too. Maybe initially you have a no kissing rule or insert whatever rule it is. We have the touch rule. And then as it goes along, you go, we don't need that rule anymore. I don't like, hey, do you still like that rule? No, because I really don't like that rule. Oh, well, how about we change that rule? You communicate and you talk about it. Because initially, maybe you needed, you both felt like initially a no-kissing rule took and protected the intimacy of you as a couple or the sanctuary of you as a couple. Right. And then after you've done it for a while, you don't feel like you need that. Maybe you always feel like you need that. That's okay, too. But maybe you don't feel like it. But it was never, it wasn't a shackle put on you. It's not supposed to be. And I think people misinterpret that. that and misinterpret what why we have rules. It the frustrating part with the lifestyle is that. And the reason people are so walking on eggshells so much at lifestyle events and it happens. We're so afraid of doing something to offend somebody when because we've had people just lose their fucking shit. because they had some rule that we didn't know about, that they didn't share with us, we had no way to know about, and all of a sudden we're in trouble because we broke a rule. And it's just, you don't have to sacrifice certain things that are important to you. You shouldn't sacrifice. If your rule, if what you feel comfortable as a couple is, you need to talk to the other spouse early on. If that's what you as a couple, feel is important. It protects you. You feel comfortable with it. You shouldn't sacrifice it. But you have to be smart about how it gets there. You just can't just be a fucking loon about stupid shit. Again, are you a loon? Yeah, I think, you know, here's the reality. I think we, I think we all are, especially early on. Yeah, we, yeah. And that's why shit like this is so important, because it's like... But you're trying to figure out how to navigate it. You are. And hopefully something like this will help, because you know what? I look at our event, Crazy Winter Nights. It... Crazy Winter Nights would suck if, as a couple, you... You have this rule that you're not going to instigate, and they can only talk to... But, you know, whatever. all this stuff. And so to make sure that rule doesn't get broken, you basically sequester yourself back away from anybody else. And so then you go and you sit at this event and there's dances and they're meet and greet and there's all this stuff and there's all these people and you're gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna guess you go to any event that you're gonna see somebody that you're like, mmm, yum. Yeah. But you can't, take a chance on breaking a rule or you can't take a chance on them breaking a rule. So you spend the whole weekend just protecting yourself. You got what? ABBA. Oh, nice. But I mean, how miserable would that be? Right? And then you're going to go, well, the lifestyle kind of sucks. Well, no, the lifestyle doesn't kind of suck. The self-imposed experience that you had kind of sucks. You know, I guess the thing is, no one should, you don't want anybody to think that they should change. You should never change who you are, but you have to have, there's a little common sense that goes with this whole fucking design, you know. Rules are made, rules are made, I can't read. By you as a couple, for you as a couple to follow and to stay safe, not for others to follow at first. They don't know. Yeah. Yeah. That could be on a shirt, too. Brenda, keep track of that first. It becomes more important, in my opinion. Now I'm getting older, right? So, yeah, get out of my yard. Fucking squirrels. So, the younger generation communicates differently. Yes. And honestly, they communicate shittily. Well, it's a technology world. You don't have to communicate by mouth. Yeah, they don't talk. And so, making sure that we learn, that we don't fall into that mix of, you know, of not communicating. communicating. Like, swinger events will get to the point where no one talks to anybody because they'll be like, because nobody knows how to anymore. It's like, no, we have to get past that. I don't think that'll actually happen. No, they'll text each other. Yes, but eventually you're going to have to say something. Am I allowed to text you? I don't know. You're going to do stand next to each other and go, want to fuck? Yes, there are people that will do that. That's why we have 17 different cops. Did you get a butterfly there? Are you all good? I was just looking at notifications. No, no one messaged me and asked me if I want to fuck. It's so... Me and Larry offered you to cuddle with me. Oh, there you go. That's nice. When we're headed to an event, we always recap our rules. Absolutely. And you should. You should touch... You should visit your rules after every event. You should visit your experience after every event. Yeah. And you should have the communication of what... What went well? What didn't go well? It's really funny because as an event planner, I do that. We do that. Whether we go through, you know, what, that was awesome. Ah, that sucked. You know, whatever. You should do that in the lifestyle with your rules and with your experience. Because you know what? There might be something that you go, when you look back, you go, wait, we did this. We did this day, and we got X, Y, Z. We got the same result. We didn't like that result. Okay, so you have, if you will re-examine what you did or didn't do, hey, you know what? Wow, we saw this couple and we really were interested in that couple and we never walked over and said hi to that couple. Fuck. You know, and figure out how can you do better? We've been doing this 14, almost 15 years. You know what? It doesn't change. There's still things every time that we could do differently. We could do better. We could do, you know. And do we still have roles-ish? We do. I mean, we still, it's a different conversation. Like I said, I'm still going to walk up and say hi to people. It's just the nature. To me now, as we get older, that was not, you did not hear about that role when we first got in Lifestyle. You didn't hear about, I think social media had a lot to do with that, because it transitioned from, you know, we have to be in a group text or chats, and it's kind of transitioned over. Shit, when we first got in, it was like, hey, let's go to dinner as a couple. Yeah. Our very first, but it ended up not being an experience, because, you know, Amanda got her period. Yeah, and I put the car in a ditch. That was on the way home. But, yeah, but I mean, you didn't have that rule of you have to talk to somebody else. You didn't have that. And I think some of that, that's why I think this is such an important topic, is some of those rules have come about because of the internet, right, and because of social media, and because of, you know, getting hit up by singles all the time, you know, online and all the rest of the stuff. And it translates over to real life-ish. Yeah. I don't think that every rule that is prudent and appropriate online necessarily transitions into live and in person. Like, I mean, you know, it's it. So I was we're out car shopping. I was out car shopping with a friend. And and the guy, the car guy, I have the conversation about transmissions. Why are you still Chrysler Jeep Dodges? So in the 80s, when Chrysler went to the two-form of a minivan, they had lots of transmission problems. When I was still in cars in the late 1900s and the 2000s, people still... 1900s, that sounds funny. But people were still talking about, well, you know, transmissions... Chrysler hadn't had a problem with transmissions for 20 years. But this long memory of, like, transmission issues, it's kind of the same thing in the lifestyle. It's like... Okay, well, you know, all these single males. Single males really aren't. You know, well, you know what? We're still stuck on single males are the culprits. You know, my nut got blown out by a fucking batshit crazy female that's part of a couple. I mean, you know, it's not. But we have that old memory thing there. And it's the same with rules. And we carry this stuff over from online. We have to do this. So it's going to transition over. into real life. And real life swinging takes communication. It takes interaction. It takes the potential for miscommunication. It takes the potential for misusing words, for misusing actions, for coming on too strong because you don't have the buffer zone. Here's the deal. You don't know a motherfucker who looks like Mr. Farley. See how many people get that reference. You know, you can't see that he's wearing a big old fucking collar with fucking birds on it that's silk and a couple gold chains going, hey baby, online. You can't see that. That's true. So the fucking dude that's just like you can't wait to meet from social media, live in person, it'll be a totally different ballgame. Smell a fucking cheap fucking cologne and all kinds of weird shit, you know. I tell people, you know, it has to go on a vibe. If you put off the wrong vibe, it ain't happening. And sometimes people can come up initially too strong. Come on, coming in too hot. Come in too cheesy. Come in too whatever. Come in too shy. Right? I'm a big dumb animal. You come in too shy. I don't know that we want to fuck. I'll take a shy guy over one that comes in a little bit. I want a girl who comes in hot, so I know, because I ain't going to know otherwise. I'm going to be terrified that I'm going to misread it. You and most guys, what is it with y'all? Because we're big, dumb animals. I'm just saying. Yeah, true. But then it's also with that, you have a chance, when you're live and in person, you have a shot at redemption. Because you can go, especially events like KWR, a lot of them that are two-day events, multiple-day events. Hey. You know, last night, I totally got that off on the completely wrong foot. I apologize. Great to meet you. Hopefully we can help you. Can we start over again? Hi, I'm Amanda. Yeah, you have an opportunity. And the thing is, is, but we have to allow ourselves to give people that opportunity. Yeah. I'm telling you, you go about to two events, two, three events, where you yip at somebody because they broke some fucking magic rule that they had no way to know about. you're not going to worry about people breaking the rule anymore. They won't. Because everyone will, people will know who the fuck you are. You're that couple. You're that fucking dickhead who thinks he owns his wife. You're that fucking cunt who thinks she's a fucking princess. You're that couple who thinks they're all that and better than everybody else. And they won't tell it to your face because they won't come up and talk to you because they'll let you just sit there by yourself. That's the reality of it. Very true. There you go. Now, what, didn't we learn some shit? See, you didn't see that one coming, did you? I did not see that one coming. Granted, you hit it a little hard initially, and I'm trying to figure out where the fuck it came from. Because you know why? I'll tell you where it comes from, is that as you're going into these parties and these events, it is so frustrating to watch people, to watch people take and... Don't throw it at them. To take and watch... people miss opportunities to take and have a good time. And they do it to themselves and then they turn around and go on social media. What did we used to do with Ace? Throw food? Throw food. They used to go, then they would come around, then they go on social media and squawk because, well, the event sucked and people were mean and they were, poor fiddle for them. It's like, no, it wasn't poor fiddle for them. You did it to yourself. Yeah. So, okay, so don't forget. The Dog's telling us we have to go. ASN Lifestyle Magazine. Don't forget, hey, March 1. Nominations. Go on ASNLifestyleMagazineAwards.com. There's a couple of different categories that we could be nominated for. Crazy Winter Nights could be up for like a Best Adult Takeover. We are actually there. We could be up for the magazine cover for last year. We were February. We were February. March. February, March. March, because you announced it at KWA. Yeah, we're March. So feel free to nominate us if you want to nominate us. stuff you can. Pornstar for her. There's a couple of them on there. Whatever. But it's ASMLifestyleMagazine.com. Oh, ASMLifestyleAwards.com. But check out the magazine. Of course, there's a sponsor. MotorBunny.com. STD Hero. Please get tested. Make it a priority to get tested. STDHero.com. They'll be at KWN again next year. They're excited. Follow us on all the shit that we do. So doing it the only way I know how is the only way I want to and the only way I If you ever fucking will. Kazma style. Out. Bye.