Curiosity!!!!

Absolutes always (or never) fail.

Being steadfastly, unwaveringly uncompromising kinda says that you are done growing, or at the very least, you are no longer curious about change.

I like most of BT’s math less than half of the time.

While some rules regarding safety may never change, the desire to push boundaries usually does. It's usually more about evolving than compromise.

BT-I like your math...and other things. :)

Kissing is one of those rules that can change over time. The Mrs said it felt like cheating when we started so she had a no kissing rule. That didn't last long, and that's not uncommon.

We used to have a "same room only" rule, but as we got more experienced and comfortable in the LS, that has changed. We do not do separate dates and may never do that, but if that works for others, that's great. I certainly wouldn't try to convince someone otherwise just because we don't do something.

YMMV
FWIW
JMTC...and worth every penny
IMHO

I think MOST opinions that are shared in the forums should contain one of the caveats above...
MOST people aren’t really good at math...and by MOST people, I mean Less than 50%, but of that number, MOST think exactly the way that I do...so, I’m very comfortable with that number AND those people..

Compromise is such a horrible word these days. Most people hate that word, as far as I know, and don’t try to change my mind because you won’t. I’m 100% certain of that most of the time.

BT

I’m not judging anyone. I’m just stating facts...and that’s the gawd’s honest truth.

“UNcompromising boundaries leads to resentment and drama.”

Esperanza,
There. I fixed it for you.

"To hear people say they "gave up" on that "rule" is ... well, whatever works for them... To me, it sounds like compromising boundaries. For most people, compromising boundaries leads to resentment and drama"

Or maybe, they found that a different rule works better for them. I don't know any lifestyle couples who have the same set of rules as when they started, especially after 3 years. I hear a lot of "We were so silly and naive to have that rule!" a lot.

I think it's weird for lifestyle couples to judge other lifestyle couples by rules that don't fit in their relationship. What works for 1 marriage doesn't work for all marriages. It doesn't have to do with parience or drama and resentment.

If it doesn't work for you, that's ok. Nobody is judging you for it, why judge others when it works for them? "Stay in your lane" and don't worry about stuff that doesn't affect you.

At first I thought your question was because you were a relative newbie, but see you've been a member here 3 years longer than us. We started out with the "rule" you impose on each other, but abandoned it early on for a number of reasons.

First off, we do this for each other. If each of us was given a choice whether I or her would play, I would choose to let her play and she would choose to let me play.

I get fairness, but we measure fairness over a longer span of time than a single party. There are times where I have played with 7 different woman at a party while the Mrs only played with one guy, because that's all she wanted to do. There are other times where I played with nobody but the Mrs, and I helped coordinate a gang bang for her. Both of those situations were VERY enjoyable and neither of them could have happened with "your rule" ;-)

jb3ton good for you you found what works for you. That said why are you questioning what others have found that works for them as if they are doing something wrong. As has been mentioned some people find it hard to make a 4 way connection. Others actually have no problem with it. Some men like to watch the wives be the center of attention others the reverse. It's all in what the individual couple or individual wants not what you think.

OP: We don't just think of ourselves because our spouse is our top consideration. A four way connection is so very rare that we've almost but all gave up on it, yet is still our primary goal. We used to have the both or nothing too until recently and we have been experiencing fun times with couples looking for the male only and female only. Although not long ago I hit it off with a couple in our group looking for an extra male, while in the same group, another couple enjoyed company from the missus and we were in close enough proximity we could almost touch each other. In other words, I was having fun and she was having fun and we both got to check in with each other's well being without interrupting, plus it was hot watching her be the centerpiece with a couple, especially having a man show nothing but the whites of his eyes because I know what he's experiencing with her at his helm.

It could be a four way connection not to be found, so either one of us without the connection may bow out and not keep the other from having a fun time. Sometimes either one of us not into the other party enough to get naked will watch from the sidelines.

~Allen

Uh. Let? Really? Like allow? Huh.

Well then.

However, if I ignore the bullshit part of the question, there are all sorts of reasons why one partner might play and the other doesn't. Sometimes it's situational, sometimes it's a choice couples make because that's what turns them on.

You do you. Don't worry about who's doing something else.

My wife and I have a promise to each other. Either we both play or neither one of us plays. Why do so many men let there wives have sexual encounters, and they get what they are getting at home already?