WTF Profile Text

"We have jobs and a family so we can't post any pictures online"

Do these people actually think that almost all swingers are unemployed and have no family connections whatsoever??

From a SM profile

"Very oral ladies till you can't go any more.
Lick and play till the cows cum...and they do!!! "

Is he calling women cows or talking about actual ones? The former is mean and the latter is gross and illegal in most states.

~rabbit~

" blonde, 5'6, chubby, super cute, GG boobs, no booty, always smell like lilacs"

There are no pics of this woman, so I am not certain as to what someone with 30 lbs of boobs and no ass looks like.

We're all saving it for her, didn't ya know. lol

:-D

Velma, I'm rather fond of Dorothy Parker's take on talking behind someone's back.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me."

But I'm kind of a crusty misanthrope. ;)

Or like the classic example of why punctuation matters.

"Let's eat, Grandma!"

"Let's eat Grandma!"

I never, ever post here because I don't like to make fun of people behind their back but this one is too good to pass up:

***
Timing is so hard as we have an 8 year old . He likes to play with other women and wife loves to watch and participate as well.
***

Subject - Predicate, guys. It matters more than you think.

Ouch!

8^O

Tramp

I usually have a picture that says: "Arguing, drama-filled couple seeks hot, fun friends to take sides."

Hey - I just want to be honest.

Not "WTF" - more like awesome.

"We are the greatest people ever, and our humility makes us even more special. We look for people willing to join our personality cult and follow orders, cut our grass and take out the trash."

"
He's a little shy and but will come out of his shell once he gets a blow job or acquainted"

LMBO.

Just got an email from a guy who has a lifetime membership. He copied and pasted his match dot com profile. Including mentioning that he is trying something new by being on match.
Sigh.
I resisted the snark that I felt, and replied that I didn't think he was in the right place. A match profile isn't going to get a lot of attention on here, even with women who are looking for a primary partner or long term FWB.
I can't wait to see what his response is!

I know, right...

Tramp

LOL! Makes you scratch your head.

"No Pics on your profile, don't bother contacting us."

This is from a profile that has two pics, both closeups of a foot.

Interesting perspective of quid pro quo.

Tramp

This is from a local hot date. Not a profile, but I've seen similar things in profiles.

"This is a NO Drama party, so if you are a couple prone to drama, please don't bother."

Really?

Like there's someone reading that, who would want to attend their house party but then they're like, "SHIT! They say nobody with drama should reply, and we have drama. Dammit. I guess we can't respond to the hot date."

Tag line for a local couple online tonight:

"As 2014 is Gone, 2015 Is here! & making New Resolutions, friends and SOME NAUGHTY FUN!!!"

Some excerpts from a single female who showed up in our WhoViewedMe...

No fucking "Free Members". Yes, I know I'm a " free member" myself but I get to be because well....Unicorn.

Most importantly I'm a Magestical Unicorn! I'm truly bi and love dick as well. I expect to be treated as the rare creature I am. YOU will buy the drinks, YOU will pay for dinner and YOU will do everything/anything I ask.

One last thing. If you voted for trump you can stick your head up your ass. If you are a trump apologist you can stick your head up your ass after you've eaten 2 ponds of laxatives and "centipede" yourself to death.

Very few, I'm thinking.

Tramp

SM fantasy:
" would LOVE to have a threesome with (2) FEMALES. I always dreamed of it but never had the chance to experiences it."

Ok... Nothing to out there about? such a fantasy... Except that his profile pic is of him on a bed with two women. Two women who's faces aren't at all obscured. Does no one update their profile?!

That's a straight up WINNER if I ever saw one.

Annie

This is the partial text, the problem parts, of a couple profile that just appeared in our "Newest Matches". I'm guessing this dude will get schooled when they start sending email to other couples. I certainly will if we get a message from them. The funny thing is that he posted pictures of himself with very distinctive tattoos and jewelry.

"We will need you to host as he lives with his wife and two kids and she lives out of town. Discretion is obviously a must due to both our careers and him living with his family."

"Being honest up front, he will not send pictures beyond what's on this profile and he also won't give his real first and last name so no one can google him then contact his wife. He can only meet during lunch or when his wife isn't home. He can't pay for anyone beyond himself because she watches everything."

From the profile of a SM that contacted us.

"Looking for couples or Moms that want too share there (sic) daughter and show her tbe (sic) ropes. "

Eww

In his email he claimed to be 9" plus. He opened his nude pics. Nowhere close to 9". Scamp couldn't help but ask him if he was measuring in centimeters and that we were not interested

He didn't take no for an answer so I wrote him back to tell him that something Scamp failed to say is that I found his profile creepy, he was never going to touch me and to stop emailing us

~rabbit~

Or at the very least, update their profile once in awhile.

Like the folks that have things like "looking forward to New Years 2014!" in their tag line.

The ones that say "new to this", but are several years old, always get me. I want to say, 'if you have been around that long and still haven't had any experience, maybe you want to switch up your tactics!'