Newbies

"As a committed member of the No Newbies for Us group, it's not a matter of time required. It's the burden newbies put on others to gently guide them past their own hesitancy and however many years of monogamous sex."

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Lol. I resemble this remark. However, once in a while I'll be pleasantly surprised by a 'newbie' who takes the plunge at a party / orgy. I have friends who enjoy seeking out newbies and enjoy the hand holding, patience, high maintenance, and constant pursuit. More power to them.

Totally agree Sorillo.. we too chatting with a single guy who reached out to us stating this week is good for him.... cant answer questions on lets go, when , where and time we are ready... including suggestions where we can meet.. CRICKETS!!

Week later with no excuse he apologized after being on SLS everyday... but we told him too late tells us all we need to know about him... we dont play those games!

Not a dentist pulling teeth or showing people how to communicate for a sex date!

Also, when you decide that you're ready to reach out to another couple/person, make sure that you actually COMMUNICATE. I'm currently talking to a local couple who don't seem to be capable of stringing together more than 3 words at a time even though they reached out to me first. And getting more than 2 words at a time out of them is like pulling teeth. If I was here as part of a couple, I'd have already gone with a great big "NO". But as a single guy, we need all the help we can get. Still, if I can't get them to talk like normal human beings by tonight, I'm out.

Carmen.. do NOT look at who views me as anything other than a curiosity on what your profile and wording is like.. we turn it on and off and look at profiles always to get ideas, find playmates locally and abroad while traveling, for some laughs, etc etc.. the who view means nothing more than what one does with that information.. for us we dont care who looks while who views are enabled.

If you find someone interesting and they match what you are looking for.. reach out , its that simple Those that sit on sidelines will fail.

Good luck and enjoy.. from longtime swingers well over 25 years!

@Carmen: Don't be afraid to take the initiative & reach out to those you feel you may be compatible with. Worst that can happen is they say they're not interested or no response at all. (Which is a response for some)

Carmen- SLS and swinging can be tough. Most are looking for trophies and will not contact you if you have any, what they consider, defects. They may think you are too old, too great of an age gap between you two, do not like motorcycles, do not like your cowboy hat, do not like that starry filter you use.
You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why.
It doesn't hurt to message someone who looked and just say thanks for looking. Or check their profile and tell them something you liked about it. You might get a response.
You also have to remember when a couple is looking for a couple you have four people who have to agree and get along. Most couples can't agree on where to go for dinner. It takes time.
Also, online is harder than in person.
Go to the "events " section and look for clubs ,meet and greets and parties in your area. Also join any groups that interest you. Meeting in person is usually a lot easier.

CarmenS76 - It's very hard to say why people look and then don't reach out. IMHO you can't really reach any conclusions as to why.

It doesn't hurt to reach out if you have an interest in the people looking at you assuming you're a match based on what they're looking for. Keep in mind that the hit rate on any sort of response tends to be pretty low on SLS (i.e. 20% or less) unless you're very lucky, or rock stars.

There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to someone that interests you. If no response just move on you are sure to find someone

Hi. We are new to this and were wanting some advice. We are getting alot of views but few messages. Should we message first or does that mean they are not interested?

Wives have to contend with the pressure society places on them to not give into their sexual urges. Guys don't have that issue. If a guy fucks a roomful of horny women he's a hero. If a woman fucks a roomful of horny guys, she's a slut based on societal standards/norms.

It was a mutual decision for the Mrs and I to get into the LS. I basically just came right out and asked her. Even after that decision was made it took her a long time to realize that this was all just recreational sex that was not going to hurt our relationship together and in fact, enhance it. It's no surprise that any women would have fear and hesitate to give into her sexual urges as a newbie. The idea that a husband would WANT to see another guy fuck his wife is completely foreign to most (if not all) non-LS women.

The fact that some have already scrutinized the OP's profile and read things into it is evidence why meeting people online is so difficult, and why I suggested looking at parties vs trying to get traction online for meeting people. Yes, the OP's profile needs work, but the OP did not ask for profile help. They asked how to meet other couples that may be newbies like them. Newbies that will actually meet with you do attend parties, and especially Meet & Greets.

I can almost guarantee if the OP took an online only approach to meeting others that they'll still be newbies a year or more from now, In our first year in the LS we progressed from newbies with zero experience, to a same room, full swap couple. That was ALL due to attending LS events/parties.

“ The line where the female is hesitant appears to indicate the profile is a married guy hoping to get his wife into it.”

Agreed, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I bet that half the couples in the lifestyle started as guys hoping to get their wives into it.

The line where the female is hesitant appears to indicate the profile is a married guy hoping to get his wife into it.

Put together a well written paragraph for each of the profile questions. Review and refine until you get it right. Use spell check!
Lots of people in your area with no teeth?

5 or 6 good photos (for us, no pictures, no response).

Exactly.. no photos , poorly written profile, sorry it speaks volumes already!

Like anything put some time and effort and it pays great dividends sexually as it has for us well over 25 years!

In fact meeting a new one next Saturday from SLS!

"We are coming across a lot of well experienced couples that don't want to take the time required for this to play out."

Online is the worst possible way to meet others - it requires a lot of work and time. You've only been on SLS a few weeks and have a slap-dash, minimalistic profile - you haven't taken the time to successfully navigate these waters.

"We are coming across a lot of well experienced couples that don't want to take the time required for this to play out."

As a committed member of the No Newbies for Us group, it's not a matter of time required. It's the burden newbies put on others to gently guide them past their own hesitancy and however many years of monogamous sex. I'm in this for me and for my partner (or sometimes for my partner and for myself) and the effort involved, along with the likelihood that the sex will not be great (you've had years of practice in what turns each other on and what feels good, but everyone is different and your habits are unlikely to work all that well for others) doesn't fit my needs.

We were all newbies at one time

I would highly recommend looking into local parties/events to have fun while you're deciding how wet you want to get your feet, and how quickly.

When we first started out, we looked for and attended lifestyle (LS) parties, starting with Meet & Greets first. M&Gs take some of the edge off because there is generally no place to play at a M&G. It's strictly to meet and a get comfortable with talking to other swingers.

Once we felt we were ready to take the next step, we found and attended a house party. The house party had public and private play rooms. When new, the Mrs and I would grab a private room and just play with each other with the door shut. Hearing others and others hearing us was hot for us back then.

Next step was leaving the door open a bit so others could peek in at us, and eventually we got to a point where we played with others in private rooms, and finally in open rooms. It was a progression and we allowed ourselves to get comfortable with whatever the next step was.

Pics and a real profile will help tremendously. As your profile stands it's a automatic nope for us.

First recommendation is to get some pictures.

Hi- we are as green as green gets. Looking gor other couples in the same boat. We are coming across a lot of well experienced couples that don't want to take the time required for this to play out.
Near Buffalo NY but travel A LOT.