"We know a couple who had an angry wife of their "single" guy show up on their doorstep while they were having their MFM.
She didn't leave quietly and the cops showed up. Good times."
Sounds like somebody wasnt a very good cheater. Dumbass prob left his GPS turned on and wife used "find my phone" to track him down.
"Or did the wife in the case you cited do that and then still show up with eyes ablaze?"
No, she was clueless that he even had a SLS account. The couple we know was aware that he was a cheater but chose to invite him over anyway. We quit hanging out with them once that became clear.
We mostly play at house and hotel parties and may have played with a cheater or two over the years but were unaware of it. We just wouldn't do it intentionally.
We are the same. Loev helping others and don't mind watching while either of us is pleasured or help pleasuring others
One of the things we do when we get together with couples is to simply ask them what they would enjoy. Both the Mrs and I love to help others fulfill any fantasies that we can help them with. I can't image that there aren't others like us that enjoy helping. Neither one of us mind being the 4th person out once in a while because we also know how hot it is to just watch sometimes.
2muchfunclub2 — “We know a couple who had an angry wife of their ‘single’ guy show up on their doorstep while they were having their MFM. She didn't leave quietly and the cops showed up. Good times.”
Precisely the reason we’d want to meet the wife in person … so she’d have to look us in the face and tell us it was OK. Or did the wife in the case you cited do that and then still show up with eyes ablaze?
mayhem8 — “If you're just mainly looking for a MFM experience, why not just enlist the male half of one of the couples that you already know that would be willing to help you with that?”
Uhhhhh … because we’re not bright enough to have thought of it for ourselves? ;-D But that sounds like a really good and workable idea … much appreciated!
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“Are you looking for more of an on-going poly sort of thing?”
Nope … just some NSA fun!
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“Just curious, but once you do find an acceptable guy, what would need to happen for you to actually pull the trigger on it? Sounds like a lot of work so far for a ‘maybe we'll try this’ kind of thing.”
Actually, the first decision will be whether we’re gonna do this or not. If our decision is yes, then we’ll start looking for the leadoff batter. If our decision is no, we won’t even bother meeting anybody.
"I'm assuming that they didn't invite her to join in. I'd ALMOST think it was worth it to film her reaction. Almost. ;"
Just watch a few episodes of "Cheaters", you'll get the idea.
I'm assuming that they didn't invite her to join in. I'd ALMOST think it was worth it to film her reaction. Almost. ;)
We know a couple who had an angry wife of their "single" guy show up on their doorstep while they were having their MFM.
She didn't leave quietly and the cops showed up. Good times.
NC_Seniors - If you're just mainly looking for a MFM experience, why not just enlist the male half of one of the couples that you already know that would be willing to help you with that? Are you looking for more of an on-going poly sort of thing?
For us personally, we don't play with cheaters if we can help it. It's more of a karma thing than a judgement or "risk of gettitng caught" thing. We've made one exception in our 10 years in the LS with a woman we got to know over a span of 6+ years first.
We do lots of MFM's or MFM+'s at LS parties, and there's always a chance we've played with a cheater. We just don't play with them in the future if we find out. We otherwise can't relate directly to the OP's question because it is extremely rare that we'd engage with new SMs outside of a LS party. It interests more as time goes on but, for now, generally it's guys reaching out to us rather than us actively looking and interviewing SMs online.
Just curious, but once you do find an acceptable guy, what would need to happen for you to actually pull the trigger on it? Sounds like a lot of work so far for a "maybe we'll try this" kind of thing.
Speaking as a single guy who runs my own business and is also a caregiver for an elderly parent, I don't have a lot of time to prove that I'm actually single, so I miss out on a fair number of play opportunities. And I'm okay with that. I just tell the truth about my situation and if things work out, great. If not, then I'm mature enough to accept their decision.
Basically, if they get pissed off, start begging, or get whiny about you deciding that it's not worth investing time into them as play partners, they're married/attached. A true single who understands the lifestyle will cheerfully wish you well as you move on without playing with them.
We do not play with a solo man, single or partnered even if he says he has his partner's approval. We don't know what goes on in their life, what she might get pissed off about, or how it could blow up in our faces. Better safe than sorry is how we play it.
Without confirmation from the wife you always run the risk of getting caught in their drama. The lifestyle should be fun. When dealing with anyone becomes a hassle or unwanted risk then move on and find the fun folk. Is meeting a wife and confirming a hall pass part of the fun or just a hassle? Maybe something risky is fun and exciting for you and maybe it’s nerve wracking. Don’t pressure yourselves or let anyone else nudge you away from the fun escape from daily life provided by the lifestyle. If a single, semi-single, or pseudo-single guy isn’t a perfect fit politely move on.
Who knows why he waited to mention his marital status. Who knows if you'll get a straight answer when you ask if his wife is aware and supportive of his swinging. The very cynical would point out that someone intent on cheating might have you meet a lady acting as his wife instead of his actual wife.
Unless you have serious background checking resources and skills you have to ask a lot of questions and trust your gut.
Then you have to decide where to draw the line in the sand - any cheating is a no, cheating under certain circumstances is OK, the wife is aware but doesn't want to know, you need to hear from the wife, you need to meet the wife, all married men are too much trouble. And it's OK for your line to shift over time or as you get better at figuring out how to vet guys that want to play MFM.
Good luck - playing MFM is a lot of fun. ;-)
I would say your play is whatever you are comfortable with. Some people won't play with married people. Others are ok with it. Balls in your court.
Irish Rose — The profile doesn’t mention his marital status in any way at all … but it IS a single’s profile. Only after 3 weeks of correspondence did he — unprompted — mention the wife. The question is … why did it take that long? We’ve been contacted by three other married men, but they all either have a couple’s profile or said they’re married right up front.
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Requiring that we meet the wife lets us know if the guy is (somewhat) on the level. If she shows up and tells us enthusiastically that he’s got permission to play on his own, then we at least know he’s not a cheater. (It doesn’t mean we’d like him enough to do it, but at least if we did, our consciences would be clear.) But if she’s the least bit hesitant … or seems surprised by the whole thing … or doesn’t come at all … well? Seems like a dead giveaway!
Horney Wife — But in this case, the guy told us he’s married without our even asking. So now that we know this … what’s our play here?
I'm at odds with myself on how to answer this. Did the profile state something different? Not sure how requiring a meeting helps anything. To answer the questions that were asked, I suppose I would try to ask specific questions to learn certain answers we wanted to know 5he answers to early on. If there is anything that makes you uncomfortable, move on and learn from the experience.
Each person is responsible for their own lives, who are we to judge. I mean after all, what would most of your vanilla friends and family think about your choices to be in the LS? If a person's lack of candor or marital status doesn't suite your interests, just move on. We ourselves don't care to engage with married cheaters because it doesn't feel as fun to be a part of that. There are many more to chose from.
For us that's a huge red flag and we cut off contact immediately when that happens. We tried going the route of meeting the wife to confirm he was on the up and up and not one of the guys would oblige. 1 even agreed then just ghosted us.
This happens all the time, 97% of singles and probably 50% of listed couples are married or have significant others, while they're trying to cheat. Way to many fakers, I wish there was some way the site could vet people, so only sincere people could connect.
If this happened to us, we'd always be wondering what else he was hiding, or if we could trust anything he says. We'd always be waiting for the next shoe to drop. Especially if, during your discussions, he kept you believing that he was single before dropping the "I'm married" bomb.
Trust is such a massive part of opening your marriage to others. Once not respected, I don't see how you get it back.
OneHornyWife had a great suggestion: If they can't or won't host, then that's a sign they're hiding something.
When chatting with a guy we have interest in we usually ask about him hosting or meeting during the evening or weekend. If all of those present a problem then the guy is most likely married. At that point we ask straight out about it. We decided after that.
We’ve never done one of these but started talking about it several months ago. At that time, just to see if there’d be any interest in us, we unblocked our SLS Profile for single males. We’ve now heard from more than 50! They’ve been weeded down to maybe half a dozen prospects that we’d consider IF we decide to do this at all. (The jury is still out.) Today, one of those half dozen, who’s been corresponding with us off and on since a week before Christmas with a single’s Profile, revealed that he’s got a wife who “has no interest in anything sexual anymore”. WTF? Now we don’t know whether to just blow this guy off (figuratively speaking) due to his complete lack of transparency or — if we decide he’s otherwise the first choice — call him out by requiring him to bring her to our first face-to-face. So! If you’ve ever had this happen, how did you deal with it? If you haven’t had it happen, how do you think you would deal with it? Thank you to all who take the time to reply.
