I've been there. I'm 65 and met an awesome 31 year old lady and have had the time of my life. If it works for you then enjoy! Isn't that what life should be, enjoyable! If she's happy and comes back for more then I must be doing something right. Age is just a number as far as I'm concerned.
Re:"can tell by the glances and sideways looks"
When I was in my mid-40's I would sometimes get those looks if my middle daughter was with me. I was buying beer at a grocery store once when she was with me and the cashier said, "I'm going to need to see her ID." I looked at her and said, "Why do you need to see my daughters ID for me to buy beer?" She quickly realized she misread the situation ;-)
There are 15 years between us and for a lot of people it seems to be an issue one can tell by the glances and sideways looks. It's extremely hard to meet people around this area as most are judgemental. I delight in telling them "I'm not robbing the cradle... She's robbing the Craftmatic Adjustable Bed"
Yes.... but it doesn’t specify their desired age range if you were looking for younger interested in older
"It would be nice though if the system could search by age range...it is one of the first things we look at."
If you click on Search you can specify an age range.
I do get a kick out of threads that change topic....from age, to beards to profile critiques to condoms....lol
So for us when it comes to age we like to stay pretty close to ours mainly because it's nice to have the common ground that usually comes in late fifties bracket. No babysitter requirements, more laid back and not in such a hurry to fit things in a schedule....etc... Though it is cool and sometimes flattering that a much younger couple showed interest in us, as we said to one 30 something couple they would probably fuck us into a heart attack....lol... We wish we would have gotten into swinging in our early thirties but for us we are not looking to fool anyone in thinking that we are trying to be younger then we really are. Don't get us wrong , the sight and fantasy of playing with a couple in their thirties or forties is very exciting but most likely would not be fair to them....like one of my favorite sayings "what I use to do all night long now takes me all night to do" but at least I can still stay up all night....
It would be nice though if the system could search by age range...it is one of the first things we look at.
Now as for guys with facial hair my wife prefers it.... I once had a full beard and getting tired of it was about to shave it off half way through she comes in and burst out in tears crying for me to stop....so we compromised and I keep it as a goatee. Now there have been many profiles that we don't bother with or couples that have said no to us because of my facial and it might be a coincidence but it seems like the women who state that they are bi/bi-curious are the ones who prefer hairless guys. Which kind of makes sense, my wife is very straight and likes hairy guys and I adore hairless women...No bush for this mush...
Michael, first you need to have a really well written profile with good pictures. Many do not respond to accounts without pictures.
Next, you need to set up your account so that it is open to couples. Many if not most of the ladies/ cougars you are looking for will be part of a couple.
If you do not present yourself well, as a gentleman, then you will not have any luck or a terrible experience. Be sure to write messages that introduce yourself to the lady or couple and lets them know you read their profile.
Now be aware that many of us are wary of the average 19 year old because they are in general not very respectful and unreliable. Be aware that we are indeed real people and not just some unlived fantasy. If you really aren't prepared to follow through save your time. If you are ready then put in some work communicating well and building a good profile.
Good luck.
"Ive been looking for an older woman to talk to on here but so far nobody answers the messages when Ive sent them out"
"Michael, That’s is so surprising. I wonder if we can figure out why that is happening to you."
Well, no, it really isn't all that surprising. I mean, sure he's clearly a catch and eventually someone will answer (it'll probably be a man pretending to be a woman, but, hey, somebody is better than nobody, and on line you don't need to figure out how the parts fit together), but most of us have busy enough lives that we don't want to waste time with 19 year olds who can't be bothered to have photos or a decent profile or the ability to spell.
Basically, Michael, you don't offer anything of interest in an on line venue. Except to that guy who's looking for the other half of his fantasy. Him? He's out there waiting for you.
Michael,
That’s is so surprising. I wonder if we can figure out why that is happening to you.
Ive been looking for an older woman to talk to on here but so far nobody answers the messages when Ive sent them out
I bet you were super excited to play with such an honest, trustworthy couple!
Ironically I heard something recently that the highest increase in STDs these days is among seniors. Other than the Mrs, I don't see us ever not using them.
I have seen a number of profiles for seniors that appear to be looking for something relatively exclusive with the seeming intent being they want to play bareback. Also had a couple reach out to us whose need for discretion was so that a couple they were "exclusive" with wouldn't find out.
I'm going to use condoms with everyone except my primary relationship no matter how old I get.
AND, JOSEPH, PLEASE STOP FUCKING SHOUTING. IT'S REALLY FUCKING IRRITATING AND MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT.
Joe isn't shouting, he's emphasizing...……
:-)
~Allen
@ JOE
WHY ARE WE SHOUTING? LOL.
You're damn right I want condoms, now while I'm 33, when I was 23, when I'm 43, when I'm 53. My choice to protect my sexual and physical health and the health of those around me and who are/might be with me does not change with age. I'm not turning 43 or 53 and saying 'fuck it, who cares anymore", and I would imagine most don't.
Nobody "likes" condoms (okay, I'm sure there's a condom fetish out there somewhere). I don't like condoms either, I'd much prefer feeling actual cocks inside of me, but this is a personal (responsible) choice that we make, and to me, that choice has nothing to do with age.
NOT INTO YOUNG GIRLS,THEY ALWAYS WANT A CONDOM,OLDER WOMAN ARE MORE RECEPTIVE AND DONT REQUIRE A CONDOM,CUTS MY FEELING DOWN JOE
How ironic this thread was recent. Found out last that the female half of a couple that is 8 years my senior recently has been telling her husband we have cancelled the last two couple’s play dates, when in fact, she has called us to cancel. He is 16 years senior to Mrs. 888. It just dawned on me that before this, she asked me, “why do they have such hard and loud sex?”
Her and I also have sex and send him pics to keep him in the loop while he is out of town.
Been seeing them for approx 3 years and kinda bums me.
~Allen
In all of this I'm thinking, "We are talking about these confidence issues as they relate to feeling confident/desirable around guys, Right?" I don't doubt that they happen, but if you could put yourself in the mind of a guy you'd probably have a good laugh that you could ever think that way ;-)
@Excaliber - "How do the swingers on the forums feel about an extreme age gap?"
For some it would be a huge turn-on to connect with a younger girl, others will be indifferent about it, and yet for some it would be a huge deal breaker.
There is nothing you can do about it and there is nothing "wrong" about it, so embrace it and be who you are. There are many reasons people will pass on any other person. Too big, too small, too fit, too fat, too blond, too brown, too bi, too straight, or whatever. We all have our preferences who we would like to play with, and we all have our own traits that some will like or will not like. Everyone is not for everyone and that is OK.
Enjoy the people you do connect with and don't let the ones who take a pass get you down.
"Will there be women your husband's age who feel inadequate around you? Sure. There will also be women your age who feel inadequate around you for reasons that have nothing to do with age. "
Ms. Molly - You bring up a very good point. I honestly feel inadequate about the most frivolous of things sometimes. Its amazing how many silly reasons can creep in our heads to cause us to feel inadequate - there are SOOOO many blondes locally, maybe I'm not as desirable as those chicks, maybe I should become a blonde...(no, oh my god, that would look terrible lol). But truly, you're correct, if it's not one thing (age hang ups) it could always be another (hair color, weight, height, boobs etc.), and they aren't directly about me. But I agree there are things I can do to help pull the fangs out, if they happen to be there.
NJNY - I already...I don't want to use the term regret, because I don't live with any. I am already... deeply aware (that works!) at 33 how my self doubts have prevented me, held me back, slowed me down, dragged me down. Self reflection sucks, but it's necessary. It seems like (for the most part anyway) that those self doubts regress with age, I hope it's true, I hope with pep talks and cheerleading it continues to get better. Self affirmation can be powerful! Thank you for your reply :)
"...when you get to your 50’s what you will regret the fact that you let self doubts (whatever we want to call those little voices in our heads that really deserve a swift kick in the @sses) get in the way of so many things and people you deserved to experience. so....kick those little voices in their @sses and cheerlead for yourself instead."
I call it the crap loop. I think most of us have it, although I can't think of one good reason for it. Anyway, it definitely has a volume control knob and you really can turn it down low enough that you don't hear it except maybe once in a great while. The best way I know of to turn it down is to practice self compassion. If the voices in your head are not saying things you'd say to someone you love, then don't let them fucking say them to you. It doesn't actually take too many whip cracks of self love to train your crap loop to shut the hell up. Admittedly, it helps to start from a place where you don't have confidence issues, but I've watched others successfully wrestle the beast and have the confidence come later.
Allen, it's really the scope that we disagree on and I wonder if that's not a matter of perception. A small number of unpleasant interactions can feel overwhelming sometimes.
Anyway, my experience might be different because I've learned over the years how to address things proactively. On my own, I gravitate to those in existing relationships and to be successful in maintaining those over the long term, I have to be prepared to be reassuring and non-threatening. I used to have to think my way through the initial bumps, now it just happens naturally. That is the lens through which I view things, which I doubt is yours or Mrs888's.
For the OP, all those people really do want to have sex with you. Imagine that. ;-)
Em, not everyone will agree with me and I’m fine with that, yet, if we didn’t experience it as often as we have, it wouldn’t be worth the mention.
Without a doubt, we have experienced more jealousy from older married women of a couple than married men of a couple; I do not reference single women or single couples women.
Also, once again from experience, a lot of older women (single and married) I find absolutely amazing, do have body confidence issues, NOT ALL though. Some men do cue on that and they may not be approaching you due to their own wife’s issues, jealousies or even lack of confidence at their age (just as NJNY mentioned). By your own posts, it’s truly not your confidence that needs boosted; You are trying to figure things out, which you are on a good path with your questions.
“Working on not being shocked when someone does want to have sex with me,”
Ya know, we had a similar issue to this at our pool party this past year. 30 people showed, ages 24 to 58, all having a blast. Of one of the couple’s, he was 46 average body and she was 25 with an absolutely sexy firm gym body you could bounce quarters off of. They were the only couple that was more than our own 6 yrs apart. To make a long story short, she was sad with disbelief, due to the lack of attention she received. They split off to have their own fun like most couples did that night and while he had already been with 3 or more of the ladies over aprox 3 hours time, she only received light touching that I witnessed when scanning the area. Specifically, when talking near the end of the night, she didn’t understand why none of the much older men she was with had not attempted to fuck her.
Anyway, good luck in your search for answers why no interest is shown.
~Allen
I can see where some people see the age gap thing as a plus, as in a kink they like to experience. I do know the Mrs has an unwritten rule that she doesn't play with guys younger than our youngest kid, but she has broken that rule before, usually unknowingly.
I know that, as a man, I personally have no such age restriction. For me, it's more about how much the woman can kick back and enjoy herself rather than her age.
Kind of an interesting side note is that we watched a show about how we sort of trend behind the Japanese. A trend they were experiencing in Japan at the time of the show was senior porn. If a 20-something year old girl finds it hot being with a much older guy, who am I to argue? ;-)
I used to be 99 and then I had a birthday. ;-)
I disagree with the comprehensive nature of Allen's assessment. I think confident women regardless of age are cheerleaders of other women. Regardless of their age.
Will there be women your husband's age who feel inadequate around you? Sure. There will also be women your age who feel inadequate around you for reasons that have nothing to do with age. In both cases, it has nothing to do with you. And, by being friendly, welcoming and sincerely complimentary, it's quite possible to pull those fangs if they exist.
Oh Allen, dropping truth that I didn't really want to hear, but figured maybe could be there. Although, I would have rather seen you leave in "some" rather than "a bunch". A bunch is a lot to work against.
Trading up/down effect? Meaning what...could you elaborate for me please? I haven't had enough coffee yet this morning.
So, how does one effectively combat against something as fierce and primal as someone else's jealousies? I can barely handle my own, let alone, someone else's. I feel like finding someway to be proactive is about all I can do since I can't change our ages.
Wait, we can hide...conceal our ages tho....should we pull a Ms. Molly and put a 98 as our age in our profile? Or will that only serve to make things messier in the end?
~Em
