Age Gap

Hunter,

Twenties? Nah, thankfully not anymore lol. While I realize now I didn't mention my age in my original post I did mention his age and our age gap. I don't find my age gap shocking either, but I would guess that it might be easier for a single swinger (male or female) to handle an age gap. How would you suggest making out ages a compliment to who we are? Just by owning them fully and unabashedly? I can see that. After all, I think our age gap is one of the reasons we work so well together as partners; he is wise and has history, and I enjoy learning from him, and I keep him feeling young (or something else super cliche).

As I mentioned, we aren't "club people", but we do attend parties very regularly since our time in the Lifestyle (almost a year). We have made a TON off new friends, and as you know, that's not easy to do as an adult! That has been my favorite part of the whole experience.

Ah, jealousy. I don't disagree with you , but I wonder if Mr.888 hits the target closer. Lets find out!

Ms. Molly,

Well thank you for the kind words. I am still working on it all. Working on the confidence. Working on not being shocked when someone does want to have sex with me, trying not to think that it must be a mistake, or a mix-up. But hey, it's a much better mental place than my 20's, so cheers to that! I can only assume it continues to get easier with age and experience.

I do agree (most of the time) that age is just a number. The Mr. and I could certainty reevaluate and revisit the age range we are comfortable being with.

" you may just make all the other women his age just a little bit jealous. "

Hunter: Agree they will find their place, yet fixed it for you, no disrespect. We have seen and heard "private" talks it on numerous occasions that a couple will pass an "age gapped" couple over; there is a trading up/down effect that goes on with some....err...…. a bunch, that will eventually become less transparent to them as time/experience is gained.

~Allen

Before I went down to your profile, I was thinking you would be in your twenties. I don’t see any shock value in your age difference, but I understand that others may. This lifestyle isn’t easy for any of us. I understand how it can add to your doubts. If I were in your shoes, I would make our ages a compliment to who we are.

I don’t know your area, but I glanced over it. There must be some clubs around. If you are willing and wanting to make the LS more than just a past time, I would start frequenting clubs and parties and become recognizable and known. Kind of get your name out there and make friends. Just friends, no expectations right off. Once people know you, they will understand what you both see in each other and realize that you’ve both got so much more to offer than a 24 year age difference. And who knows, your husband may just make all the other guys his age just a little bit jealous.

In the meantime, enjoy the forums. There’s a lot of experience here. I’ve come to enjoy the ideas of those that have already commented and look for what they have to add specifically. Hope to see more from you guys.

Okay, your party sounds perfect, so everything's great. Except for the part where you're concerned the age difference is too much for people. Oh and the part where you suggest confidence isn't firmly in your wheelhouse. On that last, I have an opinion (my slogan since about 1921 ;-) ): You have an amazing body, you're bright and articulate, and have a husband who no doubt adores you. Have enough sex with enough people who don't love you to reinforce your desirability and rely on your husband's good judgment regarding the last and see if you can't raise your confidence level appreciably.

Age is just a number to many of us who have been around awhile. If you agree, maybe reinforce that by seeking out people of all ages at the party or parties you go to?

“where do the two of you stand on the age difference between a couple you might be with?”

Em, That’s not a question for a cut-n-dry answer. Although Mrs. 888 will try to hook me up with younger women (and sometimes I have been known to accept), I prefer older women, while Mrs 888 prefers younger than herself. It’s really hard to find a couple with a younger guy and older female and we have come to terms with that.

Outside of our preferences, we don’t really care what your age differences are, that’s between the two of you and we dare judge not. What we absolutely do care about is if you are attractive enough inside while not looking like mom and dad or acting like our adolescent offspring.

~Allen

Ms. Molly,

Yes, it does make sense, tho I'm not one for being overly confident lol.

The parties we attend have all spectrum of people! From 18 to 65+, big, little, short, tall, gay, straight, everything in between that, every color of the rainbow, blue collared, white collared, kinky, not kinky, local, not local, new, experienced. It's awesome, that's a main reason why we go back! I suppose there are plenty of other options and parties, and perhaps it might be time to move on and branch out even more.

And yes, I was being very sincere! You are insightful, and sure, you're opinionated too. Then again, there's nothing wrong with being opinionated, we all are. People get in trouble when they don't know how to properly express their opinions. You don't have that problem in the slightest.
Not to mention, you are on a forum, made for people to freely give their opinions :)

Allen,

lol there are NO parties in this area (tho it's a lovely area!). We always go north in some capacity.

While your Mrs. might not be interested in being with someone as old as her father (and I totally get that!) where do the two of you stand on the age difference between a couple you might be with?

You need to party northerly westward and get away from Gainesville area.....lol

Mrs 888 doesn’t care for daddy age guys, but hey, your man is at least neatly tight on his beard.

Hang in there!

~Allen

"Insightful" generally means something along the lines of "wow, aren't you the opinionated one," but I believe you're being sincere. Thank you. ;-)

You might be going to the wrong parties. The more homogenous they are, the more likely anyone who stands out for any reason will run into an issue, because of what I suspect is a mild form of unconscious xenophobia. The advantage of clubs is that they're not usually homogenous, but I know they're not for everyone. Based on what I can see of your faces, you seem to be equally attractive and a very good match for one another, so maybe proceed as if you're a catch and everyone would be lucky to spend time with you. Does that make sense?

Ms. Molly,

We actually attend parties often (multiple times a month). In fact, we have only ever met one couple from SLS, and that didn't go anywhere past dinner.

We do find we run into similar issue at the parties. Perhaps it's just certain parties, or that group of people. I'm not sure. As far as clubs, we aren't really into clubs, be it Lifestyle clubs or regular clubs, so I can't speak on that subject.

I do agree with you that once you are able to talk with people, face to face, that issues/"hang ups"/or preferences can and lots of times do change!

Thank you for your reply! I was hoping you might. I lurk and find you very insightful!
~E

Oh yay, another member of Team Beard!

I think you would be fine at clubs or parties, where people work from a starting place of attraction. And nobody asks for your ID. On line, where the impulse is more about ruling others out, the large age gap is likely an issue.

However, even on on line, there are those for whom the age gap isn't a problem, even if their own ages are close together. Make sure your profile is as warm and inviting as possible, so that the age gap is the only barrier, and you'll be fine.

OP: The Mrs. would agree with you on playing with younger partners. She's put a hard and fast limit at 30 YOA because anyone younger could be a child of ours.

As far as advice, keep in mind that (more often than not) a healthy, sexually active married couple is with someone that they at least find attractive, and it's quite likely their ideal in every respect. I absolutely love everything about my wife, even the things she considers flaws. She says the same about me.

Why is that relevant? I say this with 100% sincerity: You'd be a WONDERFUL match for us in terms of ages. She's naturally attracted to older men, particularly those with grey hair, and would probably leave me if I shaved off my beard so she'd find his attractive. I'm naturally attracted to younger women, particularly curvy women with wonderfully responsive breasts (like my wife).

My advice would be the opposite of Velma's: Keep the beard, don't color it, and own it! Rock the fuck out of who you are! Focus instead on finding couples that have similar age disparities. They don't have to be 20+ years apart, just look for older men and younger women in the couple. That's something they're at least comfortable with (or they wouldn't be together), and may even be their preference.

Disclaimer: Your Mileage May Vary, Don't Drink and Drive, Always Play Safe, All Stunts Performed by Professional Drivers On a Closed Course.

Thanks Velma! I can completely understand where you're coming from with that!

Good point about the beard. He has has one for the last 30 years, I love it, and he looks ridiculous without it. BUT, he does color it now! So updating those picture to reflect that is a stellar idea that I didn't think of!

He's gonna hate that I said that, lol. Oh well, who cares, I color my hair too!

Actually, you’re close enough for me to put this theory to the test.

The biggest fear I have is that the male half is using the female half as bait.

In your case, I don’t think it’s like that because the guy has pictures and he’s in good shape.

Probably the best thing the guy can do is shave.

For some reason, guys start going Grey, so they grow a beard so... they can look even older I guess? If the guy looks younger (ie: no gray beard) I think you will get more interest.

Hello all!

My questions to the group is: has anyone ever had issues or difficulties with an extreme age gap between yourself and your swinging partner? How did those issues work themselves out? How do the swingers on the forums feel about an extreme age gap? Is it something that you personally avoid? Or is age nothing more than a number?

I always had concerns when starting on this journey that it would be something that could potentially create difficulties for my husband and I. Recently, I'm starting to think that is most certainty not something that is helping our situation with finding local couples. I use the term "extreme" because IMO 24 years difference is pretty extreme. To put that in perspective, my husband is the same age as my mother...

While I happen to enjoy both men and women older than myself, I know some individuals that are not at all comfortable having sex with someone who is young enough to be their child. I also know some who are not at all interested in having sex with someone old enough to be their parent.

We haven't come across many couples around us who also have a large gap in age. And when we do, while they might have a 15 to 20 years age difference, the youngest of the two tends to be around 21. Not only is that a little young for us personally, but the difference between a 57yo and a 21yo starts to leave the realm of having sex with someone old enough to be your parent and enters the realm of having sex with someone old enough to be your grandparent. Which most people really seem to have a hang up about.

So what to do? Obviously we can't change our age, and I'm not willing to lie about it. Feeling pretty stuck and it's frustrating! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

~Em