This is why single guys get a bad rap

Necropost of the month award.

Typically I really don’t like jumping in on these discussions mainly because most people aren’t really here to consider another side to an issue they just want to scream their opinion.

Everyone please, write something constructive. I am a single male and I do my best not to bother with those whose desired age group I don’t fall in or those who just don’t care to play or meet Single Men period. That said, for those of you who hall in either you these categories I have the following suggestions.

If you don’t want to play with Single Men than; state NO SINGLE MEN at the beginning of your profile.
For the couple in NJ, if you really don’t want to be contacted by Single Men, stated it up front, I just scanned your 15 paragraph profile no including the Miscellaneous sections upfront and I did not see anywhere where you had stated no desire to have single men contact you. If I missed it I apologize maybe stick it right up front where all can see or better yet just block all single man. Trust me I’d much rather that then waist my time reading through your long profile only to find in the 14th out of your 15 paragraphs you say “ Single Men” will contact you when we want you. How disrespectful. Do you have the controls used them stop wasting our time.

Single Men, this beef if not unjustified. Just like in many of the Swinger Clubs, Single Men swarm like sharks, many stepping way beyond the boundaries know by swinger and those of the clubs with regard to Couples areas or private rooms when the door is closed, honestly, if you don’t want to be treated jerks, stop acting that way. For those men who are decent guy, help police the ones that don’t .

For everyone- we all want to enjoy the lifestyle let’s all be a big more considerate, BE RESPECTFUL and yes, that means replay when someone you don’t want to meet reaches out to you, how long does it take to say, No Thanks or Not Interested. Stop putting your egos above everyone else and just be nice.
Thank you for reading this through.
A SINGLE GUY just looking forward to meeting new friends in the lifestyle.

having been around the lifestyle many years we have written and talked with a lot of single guys but only a very few got to meet us. . Most women here would agree I think that they had to help coach their new husbands on dress and couth a little and of course there are exceptions to every rule. Many guys approach this as if all the couples are all like the porn movies. They must be horny and want sex, right? I have told many that the rules of respect and courtesy apply the same here as in the vanilla world its just that the cards are face up on the table. If you are young good looking and the ladies are bi then chances to score go up log arrhythmically. Having a great physique can be helpful but if the guy in the couple feels threatened or the lady thinks he might feel that way or the pictures portray him as self loving its a albatross around the neck. Most guys and girls look at a "10" and don't even bother to write because why would such beautiful people even answer but sometimes they do. Our biggest problem has been investment. Most single guys just want to meet have sex and disappear. If they are asked to stay in touch for a few days they ghost before they even meet us. This is a smart beautiful woman and if a guy can't invest some interest and time we don't want him. Still others don't show up and then call a few days or weeks later with stupid excuses we know by heart. If any couple or single we talk to has ghosted on people we don't want to waist our time on them. Dick picks can be sent as requested 'most' women don't want that up front.

MoT, I did tell you the muscles don't appeal to me. You seem like an honest and attentive enough man, but your pictures are literally _nothing_but_ displays of musculature. It implies that this is you.

Saying I "misread" is a weird attempt to deny that my assessment is valid. My judgement is all that I have here.
I can also imagine the woman who would prefer "regular, older" men feels similarly.
Being manhandled can be sexy as hell. Getting pushed around is not.

Sounds like I’d have some work to do too then ;-). Oh well...

Good luck to you! Movie stars do that shit all the time; Thinking DeNiro in Raging Bull.

BT

Killing time between conf calls today... Reading the thread-bare threads....

@MoT...

Wait....what was that about regular older guys??

BT

Coach,

Let me see if I’m following you...Admittedly, I’m not a bright man. So, bear with me...

You emailed a couple whose profile expressed an interest in SMs. You opened your photos upon request, and only then, did they block you... OR...You opened your photos to the same couple after seeing their stated interest In SMs, and then, emailed them, only to be blocked. Are one of these two scenarios correct or close to correct?

If so, while I understand first hand, the balance of your commentary, it’s no consolation that being blocked, or simply, never getting a response is par for the course. Many couples experience that boomerang SM question “Why?” when they DO respond to inquiries like yours with a thanks, but not interested. So, they take the No Answer IS The Answer approach. You don’t have to like it, but it is what it is...and it won’t ever change.

So, this leaves you with some choices; You can choose to take each of these perceived slights personally, and allow it to derail your efforts, or you can take the approach that they weren’t the right couple or single for you and drive on. I choose to take the latter approach which I like to think of as one of abundance vs one of scarcity. This was a hard-learned lesson for me, as I’m sure it was, and still is for many other SMs.

The more you read the forums threads related to not getting answers, the more you’ll see this common theme. You don’t have to excuse the behavior, but understanding where it’s coming from might help. That’s all I got for you.

Good luc’k,

BT

“Rudeness”

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

Ya, what Sorillo said.

Your profile IS your swing resume.

Your Certs are your Facebook freinds. These are the type of people you likely interact with.

You Forum posts are your Facebook posts.

Your Personal Pics are your "tagged" posts ;)

Those that bitch and complain about Its too hard, we can't find anyone, are either in Timbuktu, or are too lazy to get out THERE and interact with real people. As if the Forum posters are going to throw them a Pity Party so they can finally get laid.

Thank you for your advice and the responses.

One more thing. NNN hasn't even logged in to SLS since putting the question up. Which tells me that he probably wasn't interested in getting an answer. White knighting him isn't likely to be effective.

NNN's question didn't get a lot of responses for a couple of reasons. One, it's piggybacked on someone else's thread, without being particularly relevant to the thread topic, and most importantly, it's a question that's been put to the forums a gazillion times before, "how do I get people to respond to me?" which is just a passive aggressive way of asking "why won't anyone fuck me?". It's not just the single guys who ask that question either, happens with couples and single ladies as well. And all too often it's asked by people who don't appear to be willing to put in the effort to actually meet other folks.

Look, if you want to make connections, you have to WORK at it. There are no shortcuts. Be realistic and honest about who you are and what you are looking for in the LS. Write an interesting and honest profile in clear English, put up decent photos with obscured faces if you require some level of privacy (spare me the "I have a high profile job" excuses for no public photos). When you reach out to people that you're attracted to, be interesting, be funny, show them that you're an interesting person that they'll enjoy meeting. Get out to LS events/clubs so you can meet people.

If you won't do any of those things, you will fail. It's as simple as that.

Up4funli,

Not sure where you got the idea we weren't answering the question that was posed. We very clearly did.

Also, we're not sure what you're getting at with the rest of your response. What do you mean with this phrase?

fuel point of speculative reason from couples too.

NewandNaughty had asked a question. It looks like it is being ignored by couples. Is this being a bit of catch 22? It seems like AnJ would like to air out their thoughts, but are not acceptable to receiving other points of views. Yes, we single men get a bad rap, sometimes from our behavior, and we need to put it into check. Yet, we also seem to be a fuel point of speculative reason from couples too. Besides, being a club's source of running itself. Please help me understand how come?

NNN

It depends what you're looking for really. But the best advice we can give echoes what R&K said. Be open, honest, respectful and have a great profile.

Your profile needs a lot of work TBH. We suggest heading over to the better profiles forum and reading some of the advice there. If you're up to it post a new topic asking for a review. But fair warning, you will get very blunt advice. It's all meant to help you get laid but it can be hard to hear for some.

Have a question: no disrespect meant,,, but new to life and single,,, how does oneself begin to gain trust amongst couples or groups without reaching out and saying a simple hello,,,or is the lifestyle closed to newbies, like myself newly divorced and not wanting a relationship,, but crave adventure,,,ty

We have closed it again to singles. We thought that maybe the new communication rules would have weeded out some of the asshats. Guess not.

We have a much higher rate of couples who seem to have at least skimmed the profile and reach out appropriately. But, to your point, even there we see some (about 10%) who don't.

Hide your profile from them and the problem won't happen.

Most people just look at pictures and send a brief message. It isn't just the sm's that don't read profiles.

Our profile is very clear - we don't want singles to reach out to us and we don't want anyone to reach out via IM.

Yet - this morning we get an IM from a single guy simply saying hi and giving us his name. So we ask if he makes it a habit to ignore what people write in their profile. His reply? "All the time."

And you wonder why single guys are treated like lepers. Smh