I think single guys are welcome here, as a single guy traveling the swinger world, I’ve discovered a few things. Single guys for the most part are pretty awful, completely insincere and one dimensional. The bad apples have ruined it for the rest of us good apples to some extent, so if you’re a single guy you can’t complain about couples not picking up on you automatically. Single guys have flaked too many times for a couple to get overly excited, without verifying a little bit harder. Advice to single guys, that I have used to help me be somewhat successful, be polite and be sincere and read their profile over and over until it sinks in! Make sure that you understand this as a couple and their relationship means more than you, safeguard their relationship more than you take care of your own pleasure. I’ve had a wonderful relationship turn to shit, so relationships mean a lot to me and people staying in them means a lot to me. I make it a point to get along with the male of the couple just as much as a female, what’s more fun than hanging out with friends for a night or afternoon and then having a sexy night cap? Use your common sense guys. But I’ve had a lot of couples flake as well, And even when they do flake I’m still extremely polite and understanding, because you don’t know when they may come back around again and we actually ready to play.
Single Males not welcome here
I mean that in terms of reasonable expectations. When you go shopping at Large Online Retail Establishment, you have a right to expect that you can pick out the item you want, pay for it, and receive it within a reasonable amount of time.
Any similar expectations regarding rate of return with an online dating site is just pure frivolity and naivete... and that's a nice way to put it.
NC Single.. close but dont think so either.. he would be on after every post going back and forth..
What dont these guys get about swinging and what many woman want as something exciting , sexy, and different vs a 5/7, 280 lb guy with NO PHOTOS !
@Esperanza- “This is online dating, not online shopping.”
IMO, there’s definitely an online shopping component, and many folks are seeking a bang for their buck. …or from their buck, as the case may be.
Though the OP sounds a lot like our friend, NCSingleGuy, I don’t believe it’s him.
BT
" SMs are also notorious for saying things that aren't true."
Not just single guys, because folie a deux is an actual thing, but it's easier to be delusional if you don't live with someone else. I think my very last vanilla dating site date - I went on four and if there is a more inefficient way to find a sex partner, I never found it - was a great example of lying to yourself.
While he didn't have a full length photo, he described himself as tall and buff and his stats were in line with that. When he arrived, it was hard not to laugh, because he was barely taller than me, he waddled, and had to take an alternate route to my table because he was so wide. I can see being massively wrong about the meaning of your weight (we've all seen people who are 50 pounds overweight describe themselves as HWP), but who thinks 5' 5" is tall?
This is online dating, not online shopping.
So, if a woman contacted you, and she didn't have any photos at all, and she were 5'7", over 200 pounds, insisting she has a muscular build, you would move forward on that?
This is a rhetorical question.
NaturalLovers, I think the guy is amusing. He’s used the same shtick for about a year now. Gets the same response from the same players every thread he starts. Then he disappears, probably laughing hysterically “got em again”, or stays and fights for a few days. If nothing else he’s entertaining.
Blue - "The comments about height/weight are comical. Not that I’m overly concerned with anyone’s opinion at this point, but I’m actually an athletic build..."
Comical? Football players are in shape, and you don't see them at 280 lbs unless they're in the 6'+ range. Now you may possibly be in shape, because there is a case of a 400 lb sumo wrestler that ran a marathon, but it is HIGHLY unlikely you have an "athletic" build.
The point is, you'll never have a chance to prove that unless you at least post a body pic of yourself. SMs are also notorious for saying things that aren't true.
FWIW - Lou Ferrigno (aka - The Hulk) in his prime was obviously massive, and he weighed 275 lbs and was 6' 5". A pound of fat takes up more space than a pound of muscle, so you have more than the Hulk's mass on a 5' 7" frame.
"Sadly, the majority of the feedback is exactly what I expected. Nowhere did I say I was looking for a quick hook up, and that was made abundantly clear in any messages I sent."
You don't want a quick hook up, but you are complaining about no responses after being on the site for 5 (now 6) days?
And if you really are 5'7" and 280, you are out of proportion. I'm 5' 6" and weigh 180, and I'm a little overweight. So you may be fat, or you may be not fat, but in either case, you are out of proportion to your body size.
People like well-proportioned individuals.
Take your time. I haven't looked at your profile, and I am one of the last people I listen to, so take my advice for what it is worth.
Blue - One interesting thing to note is, how many of the people you messaged checked your profile after you messaged them? These are all people that you could have potentially had conversations with had your profile been more appealing. You have multiple people telling you that you have multiple red flags in your profile that can easily be fixed. So why not fix them and see if it helps? It certainly isn't going to hurt.
What we (and probably most people here) have found is that people that put visible effort into their profile are more likely to put that same kind of effort into actually meeting people. Read through the forums and see how many people get stood up/ghosted when it comes time to actually meet. SMs in general are notorious for this, so It is no wonder that nobody wants to engage you.
The problem at this point is that it sounds like you reached out to what could have been the low hanging fruit in your area, and you usually don't get a second chance to make a good first impression. If you look at a profile you'll see a link to Notes. People can simply put one in that they see next time you reach out that says, "Checked out profile. Not interested".
Worse yet, some use the Block feature to filter out people they decided they're not interested in. Then you really don't get another chance, unless you meet them in person at a LS party.
@NewandNaughty-that's what I thought too.
"The comments about height/weight are comical."
Given the relative inactivity of most Americans, assuming fat rather than muscular is a fairly safe bet. In the absence of any pictures we're all going to use our imagination about your body based solely on the numbers - so no, the comments are not comical.
If your numbers put you outside the norms then you need pictures more than most. A full length photo dressed as if going to a nice restaurant or church will generally give everyone enough of an idea of your build. If you crop out or obscure your face you can put such a photo in your public folder - it will get you much better results than the blue gumby.
Looks like another of NCsinglemale’s personalities has stuck again. This time he’s trolling from MI.
If you are looking to dip your toes into the shallow end of the pool then you might do better to find Meet & Greets where you can meet a variety of people in a no-expectations social setting. Making online connections takes a lot of time and effort. Most people here are looking for people to play with - and will concentrate their efforts on those with the greatest potential for success because everyone is busy and has limited time.
Having no photos on a profile with several red flags means that you will generally not be considered as a good potential playmate - and consequently will receive few, if any, replies. Complaining about no responses after less than a week just paints you as clueless and entitled.
Spend time reading in the Successful Swinging forums in an attempt to educate yourself - especially about the mindset required for swinging as a single. Then revise your profile a bit and add at least one private picture before you send messages again.
You gotta get past the picture thing. Like somebody said, put them in a personal folder, then you can open it up to others. Why would somebody respond to a message from a pictureless profile, when they prob have multiple other messages from profiles with pics. You are one sardine in a massive ocean of single guys.
You need to be patient, you are not going to have it fall in your lap in the 6 days you have been here. I keep telling new single guys that this isn't SLS Prime, you get pussy in 2 days or less ... but they never listen!!
Scintillating wit combined with puppets is about as close as you can get to a sure thing. Trust me on that.
"The people I’ve messaged are far less attractive than women I’d normally be involved with, but again, I wanted to explore the lifestyle. There seems to be an alternate SLS reality where 50-60 year old out of shape women think that they’re too good for anyone who isn’t 6’ 180 with a 6 pack. That’s laughable."
Yeah, you're not going to do well in the lifestyle, not unless you have a major shift in attitude as well as one in approach.
The alternative reality is the logical consequence of an imbalance in supply and demand. It's not that women think they're too good, etc., it's that there is an oversupply of men so it helps to stand out. It doesn't have to mean a 6 pack. It could mean scintillating wit, a big dick, a big brain, a real love of women, charm, kindness.
Entitlement, a misunderstanding of what women want, inefficient self marketing, and a bad attitude? That's a no for most people.
Some of you have made solid points, and offered guidance, which I appreciate. Sadly, the majority of the feedback is exactly what I expected. Nowhere did I say I was looking for a quick hook up, and that was made abundantly clear in any messages I sent. I said I wanted to get to know people, but that’s impossible to do when no one responds.
The comments about height/weight are comical. Not that I’m overly concerned with anyone’s opinion at this point, but I’m actually an athletic build and certainly in better shape that a lot of the men I’ve seen on here. The people I’ve messaged are far less attractive than women I’d normally be involved with, but again, I wanted to explore the lifestyle. There seems to be an alternate SLS reality where 50-60 year old out of shape women think that they’re too good for anyone who isn’t 6’ 180 with a 6 pack. That’s laughable.
The point of this isn’t to throw insults, rather to provide another example of something that would’ve resolved itself by simply getting to know me.
Lastly, this certainly wasn’t only about having sex, it was about getting to know people who could help me explore a lifestyle I’ve been drawn to for some time. I
I saw that...
BT
The OP is not coming back. This thread is dead… well, mostly dead.
Hotluvrs, for me, it was the Princess Bride quote that put Sorillo’s post over the top ;-)
OP- I hope that you see the generosity that’s being shared here by a host of experienced folks.
Have fun storming the castle!
BT
Oh YES on a week, no photos , and you expect people to say yes come to my BED.. you know why.. act on it as stated by ALL!
Pass the Popcorn!
Blue - Spend some time looking at other profiles and try to objectively ask yourself why ANYONE would pick you over someone else based on your current profile. There a 6' buff guys with clear pictures and well written profiles, then there are profiles like yours. Make no mistake, you ARE competing with those and every other guy in your area on here. It's clear that you had a misconception about what a profile on SLS would do for you.
You do not need to have a face shot and it's unlikely someone can pick you out from a neck down shot. At this point, all people can see is that you are 5' 7" and 280 lbs and you mention discretion 3x in your very short profile. Honestly, how are people not supposed to think "big fat cheater"? I'm not saying you are, but that's how it comes across, and now you're adding impatient to that list.
I get that you want to dive right in, but it takes time, especially online. Also, if you're targeting couples, what criteria are you using to gauge their interest in SMs? If you're using just the toggles, we indicate a slight interest in SMs, but doing otherwise would block the SMs we do know from reaching out to us. We are otherwise not looking for SMs outside of parties, which is clearly stated in our profile.
The point being, you'll increase your odds if you target couples that specifically say they are looking for SMs. Also, if you want to speed things up, look to attend lifestyle (LS) parties/events versus relying on online interaction only. You can find LS parties near you by clicking on the Hot Date link in the left pane and click on Events you see on the calander there. Good luck.
I was going to nominate BT’s response for “post of the day”, but then I read Zorillo’s post which was equally well written, and then I read AndWife’s and GGMM’s and can’t help but to admire their ability to express plainly and accurately the truth about this lifestyle.
And then… I thought, “what a waste”. I’m guessing that OP dood may never read those responses. And if he does happen to read them, he’ll be too wrapped up in his “life’s unfair” feelings to grasp the depth of wisdom offered up.
I hope he proves me wrong.