Single Males not welcome here

Hi. SLS is a terrible place to start - as is any online swinger match site - and it is particularly terrible for single men. The ratio of single men to couples and women looking for them is very much not in your favor, even if you have every other advantage. Since you're further hamstrung by having no photos (I really don't care what your excuse is, not having photos in a gallery that you open for anyone you message will pretty much guarantee that you will not do well, no matter what else you bring to the endeavor) and a less than engaging profile, I can't see your current circumstances changing much.

Others have touched on this, but I want to make it clearer. You say you've been interested in the lifestyle for years, but I don't think you truly understand it. Whatever we hope to get out of swinging, we also have to fill some sort of need for others. What need are you able to fill? Are you making it easy for people to choose you? Do you understand that this is not some sort of mecca of slutty women waiting to, yep, jump on your dick? That you actually have to work way harder than you would on a more evenly gender balanced site like Tinder?

I hope after the responses you get here, it's easier to see why a nice message that tries to emphasize that you're not creepy and that photos will be provided later (if you like, I can further explain why that's the worst thing you can do) isn't going to work 999 out of a thousand times.

You've been here less than a week - did you expect a free-for-all with ladies waiting to jump on your dick?

A lot of couples prefer full swap - so they're looking for other couples. A lot of couples desire girl/girl encounters - so they'll look for single ladies as well as couples. A smaller number of couples prefer MFM and look for single gentlemen - but there are a lot of single gentlemen to choose from.

Single males are very welcome here - but this is not the best place to make contacts if you're hoping for quick and easy sex.

Not having any public pictures will definitely impact your success - also having no private or personal pictures will pretty much guarantee no replies. It's easy enough to put a full-length, nicely dressed picture in a private gallery and open it for someone when you send an initial message (and tell them you opened the gallery in that message). Leave it open for a few days or a week to allow someone a chance to see your message and check out your profile.

Multiple references to discretion is often seen as a sign of a married person that's cheating. Most everyone involved in swinging is discreet - very few of us broadcast our involvement to the general public, our co-workers, our vanilla friends or our families. Mention it once if you must, but don't harp on it. You are not the only important, recognizable individual on SLS. And please learn the difference between discrete and discreet.

Spend some time reading in all four of the Successful Swinging forums. If you feel especially brave then request a profile review - but you can get a lot of good advice just reading other reviews. This is called a lifestyle for a reason - take things slow and don't expect immediate results.

And if Bridgetender and Sorillo offer advice - pay attention!

Good luck, have fun and stay safe.

The advice given here is pretty much spot on, but I'll add something a bit more general. It appears that you've made one of the classic blunders (the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia". But I digress.) Namely, you appear to have explored the lifestyle as a means of getting laid in general rather than as an enhancement of an existing social life. Truth be known, the vast majority of us single guys who get involved in the LS get started for that very reason. Hell, I'm no different. The trick is to get past that.

The single guys who have some success here are largely in the LS as an ADDITION to their sex life, not as a substitute for it. To my mind, that's the key. It's like having a sprinkle of cayenne in a dish which is already delicious, in order to enhance it even further.

Blue, I’m going to suggest that you create a new thread, asking for advice on your profile under the Successful Swinging/Better profiles area in the Forums. Your profile, which, along with your photos (if you had them) is your marketing piece. Since yours is visible, I took a look. Don’t kill the messenger, but it’s not very noteworthy. For many, the lack of photos will be a non starter.

So, try the profile critique first. Be open to the tough love advice that will be offered.

Keep in mind too, you’ve had a profile up for less than a week. Even in the best of cases, and honestly, this isn’t one of those, this stuff takes time. So, offer up your profile for critique and suggestions and you’ll likely come away with many good recommendations that you can implement to improve your profile.

A last point on photos, you’re thinking that writing a nice note, stressing how normal you are, and offering to send photos is an acceptable alternative to having them uploaded to your profile, but you’re not taking into consideration that couples and single females aren’t interested in putting forth the effort when 90% of SM already have photos posted. If you were 6’ and 185 lbs, you might find those who might give you the benefit of the doubt, but it’s likely they still wouldn’t. YMMV

Lastly, I have to ask; where have you been hearing for years that this is a kind and accepting community? Honestly, it’s a pretty judgmental community, or to be fair, it’s no more or less judgmental, kind, or accepting than any other community. Personally, I think people adopt that belief and convince themselves that this is all about free sex, a quick and easy way of finding people to fuck. It’s that story that people tell themselves, and then, when it doesn’t fall from heaven upon them on day 1, they can’t fathom why.

Sincerely wishing you the best, and remember, patience is your friend.

Have fun,

BT

If you contact a couple, send them a pic off site and they recognize you, then what? What difference does it make where they saw the pic? They'd know either way. And most people aren't going to out you, because that would out them. If you're worried about random people finding you, put a pic in a personal folder. Then you'd at least appear to be a little more serious and not just a pic collector.

Keep in mind you've been here for a few days. If you are in a hurry to meet, find clubs and meet & greets that allow single men. Online stuff is hard. Even harder when you have no pics on said site.

You might have better luck if you posted some pics and worked on your sparsely written profile.

When we see a single male or female profile without any pics we assume they are married or attached and here on the sly.

Thanks for proving my point. No one is feeling sorry for themselves. I don’t have any issue with my looks, but you definitely come off as incredibly vain. If you read my profile you’ll see that I’m open to meeting almost anyone with a good personality. “We love our sexy, classy, sensual singles” is hardly an inclusive statement.

Not TRUE we love our single classy sensual good looking guys.. have so for years.. and play often.

So maybe stop feeling sorry for yourself and work on YOUR issue.. you know what it is... stop hiding!

Yes we are a tough crowd... !

Yes try again next year after you have accomplished your goal if thats what YOU choose.... if not you are just one more single guy in the crowd!

I’ve wanted to be a part of this lifestyle for years, but mostly too nervous, and not really sure where to start. For years I’ve heard how kind and accepting this community is. I figured SLS would be a great start!

I soon realized that it’s impossible to even start a conversation with anyone. I sent dozens of polite introductory messages to members within a 50 mile radius, not a single reply. I understand that not having a picture effects that, but I started each message with “I’m sorry I don’t have a picture posted publicly, but I’ll happily send one privately!”(I am self employed, and have a public facing career, so this is something I can’t just put out there). I realize that there’s no shortage of creepy guys who have bad intentions, so I made sure to be overly polite to give a good first impression.

Based on my experience so far I don’t expect anyone to really care about this post, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s not easy to take this step, and much less so to have to put yourself out there. A lot of you seem to have forgotten that.

Maybe I’ll try again in a few years.