playing separately

Ncal’s presentation falls on deaf ears; but hey, there’s an upside, I see the parking attendant that made it all possible, but beware, if you try to tip him, he has been known to reach for the whole thing.

:-D

And now there's a quorum. I'm not sure what to write on the meeting placard though.

When most everyone was single in our twenties the sex was spontaneous and pretty wild, it was the time of freedom and individualism. Women took responsibility for their actions and sex was for fun.

When everyone got to the age of twenty five everyone started getting married and by thirty the only people single where people that had problems. Then after that it all changed as people started getting divorced and angry and so on.

Today the meida has made women into victims and sex as something evil, violent and to do for material gain. Its so sad. The end of the free love era was really really fun!!!!! Everyone had a book or two on how to bring sexual pleasure to another and it was fun to try out what the books said.

Today Mrs has almost all of the fun playing alone, women are so screwed up by the meida.

No worries, I'm sure there will be a like-minded feller or two who will jump in to lift his spirits soon.

Oh, wait a minute...there's one now. As soon as the Vegas guru shows up, we'll have a quorum. ;^D

Tramp

“Didn't mean to get you all worked up. ”

You will find some individuals have fragile egos that have to be kid gloved. You may find a clique of fluffed SMs gathering to troll you otherwise. lol

Aww Trampy-poo, you misunderstand NewCouple!

It's not that they dislike SMs, they seem to hate all singles, SFs too. As they said in "getting "started; the elusive unicorn", "Most of the single girls on here feel their worth is much more than it is, especially when they are not they hot."

In a single day they managed to ostracize themselves from, and insult, both parties.

I'm not always the quickest to pick up on things but it doesn't seem like a good strategy in swinging.

I wonder if those sex doll companies will make exact replicas of them as it seems they only want to fuck themselves.

~rabbit~

And one other thing...

As far as being passionate about something, Lady and I both are very passionate about not trying to handle our own insecurities by casting out blanket condemnation of any group, be it SMs or anyone else.

But, that's just us. Your mileage clearly varies a bit there.

Tramp

"Tramp- topic was about playing separately, I see that you two are passionate about SM's good for you! Didn't mean to get you all worked up. We both like playing with girls, if you like playing with guys it's okay, it's okay buddy, like you said, get it off your chest."

Well now, NewFeller...

It's good to see ya drop back in. I see you've been busy deleting all the posts you threw out over the past few hours.

I hope you aren't offended that I took the liberty of quoting your most recent attempt...just in case you get itchy fingers again. Lol

"Worked up"? You'll have to try a little harder if you want to do that, dood.

Once you've been around the Matrix here for more than a couple of days you'll find that ole Tramp doesn't take himself very seriously, these forums even less seriously, and folks like you...not seriously at all. ;^D

Tramp

Tramp- topic was about playing separately, I see that you two are passionate about SM's good for you! Didn't mean to get you all worked up. We both like playing with girls, if you like playing with guys it's okay, it's okay buddy, like you said, get it off your chest.

WTF.....

I just read (or tried to at least) a little of your last post.

Dood...

How the frick did we get to talking about rentals? Did that have something to do with the church episode?

Tramp

I'm still failing to see the connection between your straightness and all SMs essentially being losers who can't get a girl on their own.

But admittedly, I'm known to be a bit slow at times.

And while we're on the topic of your straightness, I'd rethink repeatedly telling other straight guys just how straight you truly are...let alone twice in the same post.

There are some (not me, mind you) who might improperly infer that you might have something you want to get off your chest (so to speak).

But, it's all good cap'n...may the force be with you, dood.

Tramp

Damn....

Before I could even finish the post, the legend appeared. Like minds truly do migrate towards each other.

Tramp

Well then, cowboy, you cleared that right up.

Thanks a million for that quick glimpse into your thought process there, I believe I got it.

Accordingly, let me be the first to recommend you follow the posts of one Mr Ncal around these parts. I believe he holds pretty close to your beliefs.

And just one question as a quick afterthought...

Since you show up to the party with more than one gal, am I to understand that you're ok with women who can't get someone on their own? It's just the males who you figure to be in that spot that you guys have no use for?

Did ole Tramp read that right?

BTW, not sure what church services you've been attending or have read about, but I'm pretty sure that if Lady pulled a stunt like you described, more than a little would be said about it.

(Though I'll have to agree that the preacher might approach her afterwards wanting to sign up)

(I'm just poking at ya...put that gun away.) ;^D

Tramp

My wife has been in an open relationship and marriage with me since we where 23. Over this time she has had some hot short affairs with both single men and married men. When we where young the single men where fun for her because many just had not gotten married yet. Lots of spontaneous sex for her and me (with other women)

By thirty those men that where still single where single for a reason, she found that married men still had that worship of a woman thing going that my wife so loves. Single men got darker and darker and more angry as they got older.

Then came the internet and my wife put up a single woman profile to see what would happen, the single men where so bad that she took in down in a few months.

She has never gone out with other men more then two to around five times a year and at her conferences of course she has all her favorite men lined up before she showed up. Married men take the time to worship the ground she walks on while single men just want to get laid.

She had a short hot affair last summer with a very well known boxer here in Vegas, she loved it and he loved it because my wife did not want a dime of his money. He worshiped the ground she walked on because all she wanted from him was sex. Just to borrow his body for her pleasure..

A belated welcome to the forums.

"We def don't do single guys, in our opinion if they cannot get their own girl there's an issue."

I will totally agree that you're entitled to your opinion on that one, but I have to tell you that I also totally disagree with the idea that all (or even most) singles are folks who "can't get someone" on their own.

That might be true with some people, but nothing could be further from the truth with the SMs that we know...at least with most of them.

Some fellas (and gals) are single because that's what they want to be.

Again, welcome and happy foruming.

Tramp

We have been in the ls about 6 years. We started off same room only, progressed quickly to same house only. We have had some girlfriends that my wife would send to see me at work and stuff from the beginning but I couldn't get her to spend time with the male half of couples we were close with. (We def don't do single guys, in our opinion if they cannot get their own girl there's an issue) anyway, now we have went further by going on vacation separately with others spouses. We have traded places with couples, either the girls trading places or the guys trading places for days on end.

It is very exciting to push those boundaries, we are against controlling each other, we believe it's better to be together because we want to be, not because we are in cages.

If your relationship is strong and both of you understand the grass isn't greener (ever) and can keep emotions out of it beyond just caring about people as people then you should be fine. You have to be strong but wise as well.

re: RonKathy
That does seem like it could be fun and definitely less drama prone that way. I do get the idea behind it. One of the largest sex organs in the body is the brain. When the Mrs is playing in a separate room and I can only hear her, most times my imagination is more vivid than what is actually happening.

Playing separate, it's 100% imagination. I know couples that play separate and they go home and tell each other what they did and your mind is left to fill in the blanks and put the pieces together. I have a VERY active imagination so there might be a few "extra" pieces ;-)

Like I said, I'd never say never, but for now we're having a blast doing what we're doing. It's all relative and some probably look at what we do and think, "Wow. They're wild"...lol Perhaps some day if we want to try to push our limits a bit more AND the right set of circumstances occur....who knows.

Probably a topic in it's own right, but lately have been hearing a fair bit about the difficulties in finding a 4-way connection. Playing with one half of a couple or single separately (so long as everyone is on-board with it) is one way I suppose to get exactly what you want.

As for "keeping tabs", we are both turned on by the sights and sounds of each other having fun with others. Though some see that as a distraction, it literally gets us both hornier. One intuitive couple we play with picked up on this and the woman I was with told her hubby to fuck my Mrs harder so that I'd pound her even better...lol

For whatever reason we seem to be either blessed or lucky with the ease that we find 4-way connections., but it's also sounding like that is NOT the norm. We have also seen a lot of couples where the guy simply can't perform with me banging his SO right next to them. Everyone is different and you do what works for you.

@ seXX. You're right. The other guy keeping his focus where it should be is a problem. Imo, especially among newbies. And it's not only hard on you, but it is often the source of "performance" issues for him.

And while I completely understand your desire to have his complete attention, I would have to say that kind of play is not for us. We prefer everyone in one place, (one bed) because we try to do our best to divide our attention equally between our mate and our playmate. And we try to be up front with couples about this before we agree to play. Sometimes, (at parties amd such) you're kind of feeling it out as you go, so someone could potentially get their feelings hurt. All you can do is do what works for you.

We play alone now. This is after 20 years together and a lot of talking. It's working out great. I would rather be the total focus for one person and give him all my attention. My husband feels the same way. I don't like when it's a group and the guy having sex with me keeps tabs on his wife. It's insulting to me. I hate it. If we meet a couple and it goes great as a 4way we love continuing with them, but it's hard to come by. So we do MFF or play alone a lot.

We have not done this and perhaps never will for the same reasons others posted (we enjoy seeing/hearing each other and it would feel like cheating, and....) I think if we ever were to try it, it would have to be with another couple we already know and trust that would be OK with that arrangement.

One of the many ways this can end badly is if one or the other IS cheating and their other half finds out. I honestly don't know why someone would want to try to pull a cheater away from their spouse because common sense would say that if they're cheating on their spouse, they would eventually cheat on you but that does happen too.

Either of us can enjoy whoever we want as it is now and are fine with only doing this when we're together. I kind of get the "traveling for business" if it's for extended periods but, like the LifeStyle itself at any level of play, this is not for everyone.

For us, it's become a regular thing. She goes out to meet someone. And although not all the time, the date frequently ends up with her and the other man in bed. But it's not with out the husband (me) having the opportunity to weigh in on the decision to go out. It's a mutually agreed upon thing.
And that may possibly be the real key. If both of you are comfortable with it, discuss things whenever it comes up, and maintain open communication and honesty........... It could work for both. It's when one begins to try finding "entertainment" on his / her own that problems usually arise.

Playing separately is all for the woman. The woman gets the thrills and pleasures of being treated as a single woman, but much better since she is not looking for a relationship.
Men fall all over the woman, strut like a peacock you name it, all to try to get her in bed. Women like my wife who have an open marriage love this, just love it.

The only way it works for a woman is if she has a happy marriage at home and a very happy nest to come home to.

There is no vacation or activity that brings such pleasure to a woman then being single for the thrill of it once in a while and having a happy marriage and home.

Better then shopping, better then food, better then trips to Europe, better then anything else.

OP: For us this wasn't even an option when we started. However, we (as a couple) have changed since being in the LS. We do on occasion play in separate rooms. But its not really our thing. We both have demanding jobs, and as it is there is little time for "us" during the week. So, it is doubtful we would ever have a solo play-date locally.

My wife does travel a lot (once/month). After a few trips, I offered to her to "have some fun" while she is away. She is reluctant to do anything. Plus her trips are full of 10 hour meetings, and a list of action items that take another 4 hours to complete. I reassured her that if she had idle time, I am OK with her turning that into "play time". One concern she had is that she doesn't want her co-workers to know. She also thinks its cheating. Well, it can't be cheating, if I encourage it :)

So then we talked about the logistics of it. A SM at the bar?? I mean WTF, it's just a one night stand. But she is worried that she could pick up some crazy and he beats her. So, I suggested a "Hot Date", but if her conference runs late, what does she do then??

If we were to do this locally, it would be for a MFM 3-way. We would post a "Hot Date" for a SM, and see where it goes. If we were to search out a "Vanilla" date, it would probably end in disaster. She doesn't want a boy toy, she has a husband. We have run into couples that want nearly exclusive relationships with us. We already have a relationship, we are married, We just want to have fun (sex) with others. No overhead, no BS. She would be looking for NSA sex. Give her a fake name, we don't care.

So, for us, this is uncharted waters. Tread lightly though. No so much for the relationship between the 2 of you, but the drama that comes with a 3rd. We have had issue with SF's becoming clingy, and we are NOT unicorn hunters. The last thing we would want is a SM showing up at our house.

But, what happens at a party, happens. It seems to be a more controlled environment.

Hope this helps....

I would suggest the same amount of thought be given to this as you'd give to a decision to walk around holding a live grenade (pin removed).

I've heard stories of a few who routinely seek out this sort of adventure. I've not once seen a personal example where it did not end badly. I'm sure that this comment will bring an example or two though (purportedly).

An occassional one on one meeting with someone you both know and trust might be one thing. A regular regimen of seeking this is filled with opportunities for problems.

Just my take....

Tramp