Hall Pass Love/Hate Venting

"I have a question. It involves shades of grey in the HallPass arena. We have played separately even gone on dates with halves of another couple. This is mostly for the sake of convenience or lack of interest in going to some activity. We have gone to hotel parties where we check in on each other passing in the hall, with the only surety being that sometime before sunrise we will both be alone in the same bed. We have never had anything that we consider a hallpass although each of us has a greenlight. Somehow Hall passses seem limiting. Is there something faulty in our understanding of the concept?"

Like anything in life, we don't believe anything in the lifestyle is black or white. So, no. There is NOTHING faulty in your understanding. Personal opinion; what you're describing we would personally call one of many forms of hall pass. We do overnights and destination trips with people we trust. That's probably the only addition, but don't think that's more common than not in hall pass situations.

I have a question. It involves shades of grey in the HallPass arena. We have played separately even gone on dates with halves of another couple. This is mostly for the sake of convenience or lack of interest in going to some activity. We have gone to hotel parties where we check in on each other passing in the hall, with the only surety being that sometime before sunrise we will both be alone in the same bed. We have never had anything that we consider a hallpass although each of us has a greenlight.

Somehow Hall passses seem limiting.
Is there something faulty in our understanding of the concept?

Every "hall pass" couple we have met in 10-plus years in the lifestyle are no longer together.

That's just our experience and YMMV. But it seems like risky business to us.

Genuine hall passes are okay, but too many are fake. Ultimately we prefer to play together, but we travel for my job and she occasionally stays home to get a break. During these times she is free to play with couples we know.
The exception was while she was in Europe visiting her Mom for 3 months she had permission to see a guy she had dated in High School, but had never fucked. I said if the opportunity ar I se she should find out what she missed. The opportunity arose several times.

We have been contacted numerous times by "couples" but only the male playing at this time. Also many married guys openly admitting they are cheating on the wife or that she has medical issues where she doesn't play anymore. Probably never did to begin with. We pass those players right on by!

pcbguy01830 yeah but it is a lot easier and less time consuming to sort through things if you reject some options outright due to past experiences. For us the words "hall pass" get mentioned and it is pass on by.

It’s all about due diligence and vetting. Some hall passes are real, some are not. Some SM srecreal, some not, some SF are real, some not, some couples are real,some not. There is no silver bullet. Everyone needs to invest the time, and be opened minded as we sort through the options!

"SM profiles with "hall pass" permission is usually suspect and in my personal experience, isn't true and she's unaware. A couples profile with the added "we play solo and as a couple" sounds more promising and legit."

We get the same suspicion with those. If we engage, we're much more inclined to ask for her contact details to confirm it's all good.

Just realized this in saying that; we don't do the same for single female profiles that say she has a hall pass. However, it's been our experience that more times than not with those, it's a bait profile where it's a couple trying to lure people in with every intention of her husband or guy friend playing too.

SM profiles with "hall pass" permission is usually suspect and in my personal experience, isn't true and she's unaware. A couples profile with the added "we play solo and as a couple" sounds more promising and legit.

My wife and I both have hall pass privileges and use them. We’re lucky in that we have multiple long time LS friends that we play with regularly as couples but there are times when we’re not all available for a play date. Hall passes work great in those cases. We always voice record our separate sessions for future enjoyment and all parties are onboard. My wife used a hall pass pre-pandemic where she hosted the male half of one of our LS couple friends while I was out at a running club event. When I was done I went home, took a shower and joined them for some MFM fun. I’ll also be using my hall pass with our friends wife so it’s fun for all.

BTW additionally that military base (Navy) also had the effect of not being able to trust finding a "single" woman in this area although the rotational influx of horny single men meant there was no shortage of choices . I need to add I met my wife right out of high school and it was years later before we got into the lifestyle so my "single guy hunting" experience is limited to my teenage years. The following is based on second hand information. According to my single guy friends who did not care the Navy wife syndrome was great for a lot of one night or repeated visit when hubby was out to sea activities. Simply put we never wanted to get involved in a bad situation and worked hard (and still do) to avoid cheaters.

sorillo1000 if you are ever on the east coast in our area I (the male half) would love to buy you a beer and cut fool. Oh and yes she would be there at least for eye candy anything more well is up to her.

I think we might be in a "minority" on this subject or at least as far as finding those with a true hall pass willing to verify. Honestly that is when the whole thing starts to fall apart is getting verification. Suddenly "She does not want to know who I am meeting." or "She is not available to talk." or whatever other excuse they come up with. Granted we have not met a lot of women who have or at least say they have a hall pass as men who claim to so this might be a bit of a one sided view. We simply decided there are enough single men (let's be realistic single or hall pass women are far outnumbered) out there that meet our requirements and pass the "test". We really have no reason to bother with the extra effort it takes to verify a "hall pass". Of course those playing separately at a party are much easier to "verify" and there has been a case or two where the wife broached that her husband was interested. We would not be opposed to meeting someone outside of a party under that circumstance but someone making the claim then having to jump through hoops to verify it is too much trouble and we have found it a waste of time. Of course this could be a location thing and due to the military base nearby (now more a training facility so things may have changed) that fueled the high number of "hall pass" males we encountered that made us simply pass on when we see it mentioned.

There, there, dear. The pain will pass.

calcanfun, not to worry. I assume benevolence until there's good reason to change my mind. ;-) Anyway, I think I dislike swaps partly because it's hard to find a four way connection, partly because I like to concentrate on who I'm with and to watch and those things aren't easy to accomplish at the same time. Also, it's both too many and not enough people.

Smart? Me? I'm offended! You take that back!

huddles in the corner, sobbing

We both play with passes and have accepted them. We will go through a bit of effort to make sure that there is 4 way communication happening in a group chat and vid chat if we haven't met. We will also offer to both meet the other party together unless we are traveling separately. Typically, though it is with someone we already know and have a connection with.

The amount of cheaters out there makes the process daunting when opening the lid on hall passes. Most have been burned and really have no interest in the potential drama especially when there is a surplus of sm's in circulation. The cheater sees the hall pass mentioned and it is kind-of a free ride in his mind. Most ghost when it comes to mentioning vetting of any kind. We have had several wives actually initiate contact for the husbands and it does seem to help the process. It is nice to connect with couples at any level who are interested in connected their spouse with someone else. If one or the other was reserved then they wouldn't care to communicate or help in the endeavor.

goodgolly -

Literally just came back to the computer worried that last message may have been received the wrong way. Thank you for (hopefully) taking it the way intended and for the kind response!

Same room couple swaps for us have been basically as you describe your own experiences. Not our favorite. The best times have been with mostly separate room (less distraction) with some group play where things you can't do without more than 2 are typically the main events. But even with the separate play, we've found it ideal (when available) to find a couple we can both hang out with socially outside the bedroom. Hope that clarifies it a bit.

Really appreciate your thoughtful insight.

He's smart that way. ;-)

I've been preferential as a single and as part of a couple and can't say there's a difference in my experience between the two. It's been easy, basically, to be a hall pass person and to find others ditto. Couples swaps on the other hand have never been a favorite, so I remember each one vividly. All five of them. Oh, and one not at all, because it was at the beginning of a very long night.

Also, I forgot to say how much I enjoyed your mini-rant.

Sounds VERY responsible for your health and safety, at the very least, sorillo! lol

Oh, we know they're out there, goodgolly. It's not like we haven't been successful ourselves, and most of our play over the past 3 years has been hall pass situations. We both have very successful hall pass close FWBs we (pre-Covid-19) see about once a week. The vent is more about the principal of the matter. And I'll also argue, that as a single female profile, your experience is likely very different than ours as a couple. And that's not a dig. Just don't think it's entirely comparable to the mutual dynamic of a married couple in the hunt that we're venting about. The fake stuff and lying. Yes. Bet you get that. How hard it is to find people, especially mutual matches? Just not comparable.

Your point about desire is well received, however. Something we've thought about, but you reinforcing that as a possibility is very helpful.

Oh it's not about being responsible. Its about not wanting a justifiably pissed off husband banging on the door. ;)

"Hall pass males and females are 100% our preference. However, real hall pass males and females are just harder to find than a single male."

They're certainly out there. For ongoing, with the exception of two men, I've only played with couples and halves of couples for the past 10 years and I'm fairly active. And, yeah, I'm certain the halves of couples are playing with permission.

As to couples who don't want hall pass men for mfms, it's likely to be either a conscious fantasy or an unconscious desire to see her with someone who might theoretically want to take her away but who won't be able to. Married men already have wives and rarely desire a second one.

Being responsible is not being a wuss, sorillo. Excellent context. Thank you for the feedback.

Y'know, I've occasionally played with ladies on a hall pass, but frankly it makes me a bit uncomfortable. Because it's virtually impossible to know if the pass is genuine.

The one time I can say I was comfortable with it is a couple who I'd played with in a threesome first, and then HE told me that when he was out of town, she could play. In fact when I did play with her alone, if I remember correctly he was the one who called me and arranged the date.

Point is, some of us SMs are wary of the hall pass thing too. In my case, it's because I'm a wuss. :)

Rustic -

Thank you for caring to reply with such a thoughtful response. Really appreciate your interest and for sharing your thoughts on this.

The point about different libidos is a very keen observation. We've found that many cuck couples and couples where the guy just likes to watch fit that mold quite often. Not always the case or even factual for that matter, just a circumstantial observation of ours is all. And a another observation is that women are perhaps more sexual and capable of performing to the standard of the lifestyle than most men. Men like to think they're the sexual creatures, but there's actual evidence to support the fact that women are more wired for multiple partners than men. Read the book "Untrue" for anyone in disagreement with that statement, or interested in the subject. I could go take that one into a rabbit hole, and there's more, but I wont for the sake of losing sight of responding to more of your comments here.

Your definition of hall pass is the same as ours (labels are a funny thing, there's a spectrum for most things and as such there's not always a perfect definition). And yes, one of the benefits of hall pass that we enjoy is that like most, we at times do enjoy different folks with different strokes and want to expand our opportunities to explore with what and whom we're specifically interested in. Which really makes a strong point for hall pass in and of itself. No argument there.

Our take is that the people drawing a connection between hall pass and cheating really don't get a true hall pass situation. Cheating, after all, is doing those acts without the knowledge of, or more importantly permission from, their partner. That's not, in our opinion, what hall pass means or is.

Regarding verification, this too is unique to the needs of the couple engaging in this activity. Your point is valid (if we understood it correctly) that some couples require additional involvement by both. More engagement in that vetting process by the one not participating than perhaps for other men or women in the same situation. We're both good at vetting on our own, but it can definitely be almost more exhausting and frustrating than vetting single males.

So far (and we have been in the lifestyle off and on since the 90's) we have only found one male with a true hall pass and in the end he told us she was having some issues and he was taking a step back. Every other male we have spoken with that claimed to have a "hall pass" we have to assume was using that as an excuse to cheat and we never were able to get confirmation from her. On the flip side we knew 2 women with a "hall pass" and both could be described as nymphomaniacs with husbands who tried and could not keep up. Other than those 2 we have yet to talk with a woman that claimed to have a hall pass. BTW to us a hall pass means you are in a committed relationship yet swing alone meeting folks by yourself.

Now we have met plenty of couples who swing separately or together at parties but do not consider that the same as a hall pass because they are at the same location. Most seem to do it so one or the other partner is not "taking one for the team" and they can indulge as they want to or not due to whatever reason. It has come up in conversation that most of these couples will not meet separately and those that will only do so with select others they have met and formed a friendship with at a party.

In the end it we are of the opinion that "hall pass" is almost synonymous with "cheating" and personally think those who claim to have one would do better simply claiming to be single. Either way those with experience in the lifestyle will figure out the truth. Now there are those with a true hall pass out there and most will have the non-participating partner verify that. The thing is I imagine it gets old for the one not participating to have to meet or at least talk with every couple (or single) their partner has an interest in. In fact I do think some of those who you can never get to verify are due to this. On the flip side going through the hoops to verify a hall pass so you are not dealing with a cheater and potentially be drug into court also gets old when there are indeed single men (or women) out there you go through the same filtering process with and do not need to make sure they have permission.

BTW the We-I switch is the fact I the male half is typing what we have experienced and think and then my personal thoughts on the subject.