Soft Swap is Dying

Hey Ron and Kathy that’s not me at all. My lady asked me to do this. Totally surprised me. Your input just went out the window with us. Thanks but no thanks on the help anymore!

We talk to more and more people and so many have a different view on what soft swap Is.

To Ron and Kathy- I agree with changing profile photo but 90%+ of profile photos are female only. I’ve had people say “it’s all about the ladies”. I don’t fully agree with that statement but........

We have been "soft swap" since the beginning. Have never had complaints, many requests for repeats.

I guess it is in how you define soft swap.

In our case everything is on the table except penetration below the navel by genitals, blood and scat. Play for us is straight. Although there has been some light touching with the ladies it is not sought out.

We are very new but my lady says NO to full swap. It’s been a turn off to many couples. My lady would love to be with the other lady. She’s fine with men present. It’s not working out well

Kpnit—

It boils down to the proper match. I do not think soft swap is ruled out however I believe that just as in any environment ; communication is paramount.

Well said Knip. That's exactly how we are and unfortunately I keep running into the dive in, head first, sewing machine type of guys who use the LS as a means to satisfy their personal sex addictions and simply cannot fathom anything less than full swap. You would think that LS enthusiasts would be wanting to increase the interests and participation thereby increasing the number of potential partners. Instead, they are discouraging those just coming into the LS resulting in them leaving before they really get started. The "it's all about me and what I want" attitude is really counterproductive to the life of the LS. Just my thoughts. No doubt some will disagree.

Having flexibility sort of like a Swiss army knife where you can enjoy watching/soft/full to adjust with everyone's comfort levels can be more fun that running full steam to the finish line and never enjoy the ride getting there. Also, keep in mind there are many in the LS who are addicted to sex and can only focus on FULL which is fine. Unlike us this is only a hobby so we tend to enjoy the slow build up from watching to soft to full rather than a guy diving in and going at it like a sewing machine...I am rambling now so I'll stop but you get the point we go with the flow.

what you think? Is this soft swap? Only had soft play in a 3sum scene. She,s was spoiled, and enjoyed being orally pleased by myself and a buddy on several different occasions.

My opinion is that when the SLS site basically eliminated the free members, most of the people that remained were the more experienced couples and they seem to almost always look for full swap only. To each his own of course, but soft swap, which we prefer, is definitely in the minority group. If you really want to get into swinging I would suggest looking at soft swap as an intermediate stepping stone on your way to full swap. If you want to stay soft swap, you will probably continue to have the same experiences. There just are not that many to pick from.

I feel we are having the same problem. We go to clubs, which are great. We anticipate that there will be at least some soft swap going on.... and nothing... Everytime it ends up just us playing alone in front of people. What are we doing wrong. I really thought we would get , hey I want to do this with your girl or I want to do this with your guy. Don’t get me wrong. We love being with ourselves but, give us more here!!

Trust your gut. If something feels "off" then for you it probably is.

Trust each other Be worthy of the trust placed in you.

Do not worry about looking like newbies everyone has been there.

Do not be in a hurry. Patience Patience Patience,

Do not over script. It hardly ever works just as you plan .Sometimes it is better others not.

I must say, my post has received some really good and helpful comments and suggestions. I guess we maybe trying to step into the SLS like it's a minefield ready to blow up at any time. We both want to do it but at the same time we feel naive and fear that our inexperience may show and make us appear stupid. I am learning a lot from the comments. Feel free to say more... Thanks again.

Offradar, you all aren't too unusual considering you are seeking to attain a certain comfort level before playing. One of the bigger issues that you all have is your female half is straight. Like posted below, many couples are fine with the male not swapping as long as there is female on female play. Some consider that soft swapping and others do not. Most couples are in the market for female on female play. That limits your field of possibilities down quite a bit. When you consider the average couples might be able to meet maybe 2 times in a month it really means that they try and use their time well and probably don't want to wait 3 months to play and then if Aunt Flo shows up at the wrong time it may be even longer. However, if you are shopping for soft only then it may be best, if you haven't already, make it to some clubs and parties and make use of the playrooms. Also, try and go on a regular basis to find those you really click with. One concern that I have is that it doesn't seem like both of you are involved in SLS. Why can't both of you sit down and rewrite your profile? Why is there only a picture of her? You mention that one of you isn't willing unless trust is involved. The concern is that you all may not be communicating as well as you could be. Working together step by step can make things a lot of fun. Good luck.

We have a wonderful couple with whom we only play soft. Its just as much fun. Soft play is not dying in our opinion. We have another couple where the gentleman and my wife play full swap and his wife and I enjoy soft swap. We could go on about the different styles of play in which we participate but we think you will get the picture. As another correspondent wrote its about taking baby steps. Take your time and enjoy yourselves. Its always good to reconnect afterwards with your life partner to discuss what you liked or what you didn't like and what you might want to try. We started by watching and being watched then ventured to soft swing and eventually full swing. We didn't rush into it and we always ensured that our life partner and play partner were ready and willing to take the plunge. After 20 years in the lifestyle it boils down to individual choices. Sometimes its predicated by a partner's ability to perform too. Communicate, communicate, communicate. If it feels uncomfortable don't exceed your boundaries.

We love soft swap. As a matter of fact, we’ve often been inadvertent soft swappers, having arrived back home, only to realize that we never did actually fuck the other couples we were playing with that night.

For those of you who believe that our profile could use some "fine tuning", I would probably agree with you. I know that my writing style tends to be less than inviting. I am a lawyer and I really don't know any other way to write and yes, that does seem to be a handicap in these circumstances. Broadening the field may be a good idea but I just want to be candid and honest upfront so that there are no surprises. Is that a bad idea when looking for partners?

While we tend to be "mostly" full swappers, it is simply because "most" swinging couples are and prefer that.

We are 100% content however to be with soft swap couples. Watching the two girls play together or watching both girls on the other guy. Having both girls playing with me. Maybe swapping partners for 69. Me fcking my own wife doggie style while she goes down on one or both halves of the other couple. Watching the same with the other couple. All this is simply awesome in our book and we do not see any downside of only fcking each other.

Yes there are many couples that tend to be full swap or nothing, but rest assured that does not apply to all, or even to all that are "mostly" full swap.

As others mentioned, I believe your profile could use some tuning, but I would also suspect your geography it not really a "hot bed" of active swingers. All this limits your options to some degree. Being "soft swap only" limits them even further, but does not mean there are not those out there seeking exactly what you are. The more you narrow the field however, the less opportunities you will find for a match.

Soft swing is alive and well.

I have been into swinging ,off and on since the 80s and I can tell you that Soft swap or just watching has never been very popular. Not to say we have never run across it but it is not common. If you do find that special one or couple, definitely put them on your Cristmas card list and hang on to then

Thanks, that's probably about the best advise that anyone could offer. Sad thing is that most everyone is full swing and really have no interest in anything else. We would like to move on into full swing but no one wants to play 2-3 times before that to develop the trust that we would like to have. Oh well, that's the way it is I guess.

Offradar: the beauty of this lifestyle is the freedom to explore your sexuality in an open, fun environment, at your own pace. Every person and:/or relationship is unique, and you shouldn’t feel like there is any right way. For us, we dived into the deep end into full swap, but had fantasized for a long time before taking that leap. But we've also played with just each other in front of a room full of people and greatly enjoyed the sexual energy from everyone watching. So go and seek out places to play or people to hang with that can share in and add to your own journey. Good luck!!

I have joined this site off and on for over 10 years. When I first joined there were numerous couples that eased into full swap by starting off with soft swap, and then after a few times, if everyone agreed, they moved to full swap. Now it seems that it's full swap or no interest. I just wonder if they all stepped into the lifestyle doing full swap, or did they get their feet wet and when they felt more comfortable with it, they moved to the next level. Oh well, we're just not quite there yet and it doesn't seem like we will ever get there. Comments, suggestions, or opinions are welcomed.