Soft Swap is Dying

There is nothing wrong with Soft Swapping or whatever your choice of play is. We've gone from soft swap to full swap and are now back to soft swap until.

The point is people like what they like. I get it if "soft swap" turns out to be code for "looking for g/g only", but if someone is looking for what most consider soft swap to be, I see no point in atacking or demeaning someone for that.

@hotlvrs:

"I’m always a bit surprised by the number of people who think soft swap is a total waste of time.

Let’s see, soft swap could be two women going down on me at the same time. How in heavens name could that ever be a waste of time?"

^^^^THIS^^^^

I’m always a bit surprised by the number of people who think soft swap is a total waste of time.

Let’s see, soft swap could be two women going down on me at the same time. How in heavens name could that ever be a waste of time?

There are a good number of soft swap couples in our area, however we prefer full swap as it's hard to put the brakes on once things get rolling. We have played with a few soft swap couples where we swapped for kissing, foreplay & oral sex then switched to our own spouses for intercourse. Just be sure to make your limits known before things start.

Ha, @that7girl, my error. I was doing a few things and had to get away and forgot where I left off...lol.

Correction is that both my wife and I agree that soft swap is a total waste of our time. Sorry.....lol

disney, I didn't look at your profile just at your Age Range Preference, which is for people slightly younger down to half your age. That's pretty strange and ominous.

Disney, Folks who talk like that we just kick to the curb. Of the rest some get lucky.

Soft swap is dying, she sat on my face and broke my glasses again.

@disney - Not sure if you are new to the LS or just new to this site, but see you've been a member since the end of Sept. of this year. My take is that getting the messages you have are BS and people should not be trying to tell you what the LS should be to/for you.

In a way I think it's good that you have clearly defined your boundaries. However, it comes across as you having a lot of rules. Still, nobody is everyone's cup of tea so it boggles my mind that someone would actually send a message to attack you.

I recently ran into a case where soft swap seemed to imply girl/girl play only.

We're OK with the "everything but penetration" version but the "start with or girl/girl only" thing is not what we consider soft swap.

Some people really do have a different version of soft swap. First time we've run across that in person in 5+ years, but will be more aware of that in the future even though our profile says that girl/girl is not our thing.

That post just does not make any sense to me.

Soft -- or what I would call "softer" swapping, may in fact "die" in the mind of a couple or individual, but it certainly isn't going away generally. As long as people are different and are at various stages of swinging, there will be every type of swapping. It may be harder to find exactly what you want when you are more selective, that's all.

We're full swap all the way. Both wife and I agree full swap is a total waste of time. Here's the issue.....everyone has a different SOFT-SWAP meaning. Every time we read a cpl's post soft swap only, it's girl on girl play, with no male intercourse. The only playing is done between the women and men are lucky if they can touch. One my wife is not bi, two if we go to meet a cpl the wife will always shave, do her women thing just incase, cause spur of the moment thing can and will happen. It's happen to us just on meet and greets, no one expects to play and things got hot.

We all know why we're here and we have an idea of what we really want......sex, so either your into the cpl or your not, that simple. That's whykeeping profile current is pretty important to us, but many don't up date theirs.

My lady and I love the watch, soft aspects. That's really the main attraction for us. We love to watch each other engaged and oral is a huge part of any evening. Our best case conclusion is finishing each other off and in the aftermath of an evening spent in visual and active love making we cherish the cuddle time after... with each other.

Maybe it seems that way, but I don't think it's dying. I think a lot of couples who are worth investing time in are likely flexible to your needs. We've play with a couple who were okay with it. Another who wasn't. Whatever.

We love focusing on soft swap because, to me, it can be so much hotter than just screwing each other and calling it a day. First, it makes the experience last so much longer. And secondly, we are exhbitionists and voyeuristic so even if there's no touching - it is still a memorable experience.

Hard reality: almost all normal couples will have trouble meeting others that match exactly what they want out of this. So just stick to your guns. You may not have the numbers of the couples who seem to live this lifestyle 24/7, but you'll have much more memorable experiences.

Would be a nice search feature, but I'd be happier if the site just plain worked reliably. It just took me 4 attempts to actually get in, and it was NOT a mis-typed password since that is cached.

Two thoughts that tie together:

First, if Full Swap profiles are not at all interested in Watch or Soft, it would be great if they updated their preferences as such so those interested in Watch and Soft would know not to reach out to them. Accordingly, Watch and Soft profiles should not indicate Full if they are not really interested in Full.

Second, I believe one of the issues is the lack of a good filtering system. It would be great if there was a way to filter out profiles that do not match your interest level. It would save everyone a lot of time and awkwardness.

We have meet and played with Full Swap couples who were accepting of our limitations. And we completely understood when some Full Swap couples were no longer interested in us when we informed them of our limits. We have learned to be very upfront by politely working our limits into the conversation when we meet and we have updated our profile to eliminate any confusion.

SLS should add an option in the Preferences that would indicate that they want to be contacted by profiles that have a particular interest by level. Similar to selecting an interest in Couples, Females, Males they could add Watch, Soft, Full.

This way, since we have not indicated that we want Full, we won't show up in a Full Swap profiles search and Full Swap profiles will not show up in ours.

We know people that also jumped in with both feet and did fine. For them to do soft swap at this point is boring. That's kind of my point.

When you're new, there are things you may find exciting that no longer will be after you've done them a couple of times. If you started with full swap, then soft swap may have little to no appeal.

As for dealing with others at a lessor play-grade, we came into the LS relatively slowly so get why others want to do the same.

We feel that if we focus on the "friends" part the "benefits" part takes care of itself, but it's not always a popular belief.

People have limited time and want what they want. Luckily we're in a place where either works for us and we have friends that we've had a lot of fun with, slowly bringing them up to our play-grade as/when they were ready.

The wife and I never did anything soft, we jumped right in, balls deep! If someone wanted soft play, they wouldn’t be for us.

It’s not dead FL.

Some may have tantrums perhaps as they desire more.

Tantrum folks are not my kind of folks.

An interesting thread. The prior poster hit the nail on the head. ALL sexual behavior is contextual. This is true for self-play; play within marriage or a committed couple; and consensual non-monogamy. It depends on comfort, mood, and a host of other things. There are plenty of circumstances where a full swap couple says "nope", and some circumstances where a soft swap couple says "yes!". Absent respect and situational comfort, the answer is almost certainly "nope" and that goes for everyone (full swap, soft swap, and "we're just looking).

We'll make the observation that play starts with foreplay, most activities falling into the soft swap class. We do not think soft swap is dying--or dead for that matter.

@cd - You are certainly not the 1st couple with the issue of meeting people in a rush to fulfill their agenda.

So much of being successful in the lifestyle is simply showing people you care about THEIR wants and desires.

As a couple, we each know that we would do anything for each other. The result is that each WANTS to do things to make the other happy.

The same thought goes into meeting people. We are told right up front at times that a meeting will be a meet and greet only. When you show people you respect that, they want show their appreciation and many times we wind up playing anyway, but we are honestly good with it either way.

For us, we can truly enjoy people and have a good time regardless. So, this is a "reap what you sow" kind of thing. You plant a seed and tend to it and hope it grows, but if you enjoy gardening it's all fun regardless.

Well, at least you know how worthlessly FOS his posts are, best to just ignore or block him, it definitely has it’s benefits.

It’s hypocrisy folks.
Should never had tried to reach out to anyone. The wrong people answer.
Adios amigos!

Ok Ron n Kathy. Don’t act like know it all ass. If you don’t have anything constructive to say keep it to yourself. No one is here to take your crap. So crawl into some other internet hole and have fun!