I have helped several couples like you two. I use to work as a massage therapist and husbands would contact me to give their wives erotic massages and hoping she would have sex with me. Well my massages are so relaxing and sensual that the wives easily hit turned on and wanted sex. You should consider something like this. Find a local guy that gives erotic massages to see if your wife gives into her desires!
to the OP - Do you two interact and get to know couples or are you just watching? Our lady gradually came to want to experience more over the course of a year or so. In the beginning she did not want sexual contact with others but did explore voyeurism, exhibitionism and play at clubs but only us together. This removed those particular taboos and she enjoyed excitement without contact with others. During the same time, we met couples and enjoyed their company. She learned swingers are like everyone else but way more fun to be around. So seeing those ladies enjoy others after having friendship bonds formed made it OK to do these things. I feel that was important. Women are constantly barraged by society to not be a slut, protector of the pussy etc. So taking that step, any step, is a big one for a lady who has never been promiscuous or sexually adventurous. To take that step is large, of many facets and to a degree still affects our lady to this day. Example - I love her braless and she is hesitant, outside a lifestyle setting, to show the nip. This is a lady that has always been sexual and in the lifestyle for almost 20 yrs.
I have helped a few couples get started. Men have contacted me because they want to watch their wives have sex with another man. I use to work as a massage therapist years ago and have given thousands of massages so I’m very good at giving massages. The men that have contacted me want me to give their wife one of my erotic massages. It’s up to the wife how far it goes. No pressure to go all the way but I have yet not come across a wife that hasn’t had sex with me. They get so turned on during the massage that they just surrender to their desires! All their inhibitions just disappear once the massage starts! Most of these men were in your situation and wanted their wife to explore the lifestyle. Every first time couple that received my erotic massage for their wife started their journey and their wives wanted to start seeing other couples and singles. It’s a great way to get your wife started. Find another man that will open that door for you. Once she gets a taste of the lifestyle she will want more! Contact me if you want more advice!
Twohearts...
You're very smart and very correct. Starting off without the goal is pushing her into the lifestyle, but talking about her desires, her fantasies, and her likes/dislikes is key to understanding a lady. Possibly, if she feels really safe, secure, and loved intrinsically, she'll want to explore all manner of new things with you.
While you are hearing a great deal of negativity; please allow me to put a more positive spin on it. Instead of specifically talking to her about lifestyle activities maybe leave the lifestyle specifics out of the conversation and simply talk about each of your fantasies. The lifestyle isn't the end all be all of eroticism. I'll be perfectly honest in saying that most LS clubs exclude us and most couples shun us so success in the LS is rare for Nina and I. Howeverjust talking to eachother about what success will be like if and when it becomes a reality gets us both hot and we often just lay in bed both masturbating furioulsy listening to eachother's fantasises. Would this work for you and perhaps your wife will someday feel comfortable living out your fantasies" Only time will tell and we hope the both of you the best of luck.
F&N
Maybe she was afraid of being embarrassed by you.
Mayhem- with the woman I was with, she also said later it was because she loved me, but in my case I would have agreed to not have sex with a woman. We could have had MFM threesomes only. We could have done hot wife. She could have played with a woman while I played with her. She could have just let me watch. So, while I can understand not letting me be with a woman while she is with 5 guys or 2 girls or a 50 person orgy, I can't understand a woman who is into the lifestyle but will not share any of it with the man she loves.
P&W - "Then it took several more years to convince myself that he'd still love me if I had sex with other men."
The force can run deep in some ;-) Between this and New_Hotwife_StPete's advice about asking about her reluctance, I can only guess the answer lies in this general area. Even what YMicheal said had merit.
We started play with a newbie couple where she had been in the LS before but not him. They had talked about it, which is how/why we met. We started and she abruptly stopped play because she could not handle seeing him have fun with another woman.
I did find out later that he asked her how/why it was OK with her ex and not him. Her answer was that she really didn't love her ex nearly as much as him. Apparently she felt she had more to lose, but she kind of let the horse out of that barn. Not sure what ever happened to them, but I do know that he really wanted to experience the LS after getting a very brief taste of it.
Don't ask me.
I dated a woman, she was into the lifestyle. Loved telling me about all the fun she had without me. But I could never get her to let me join her.
After we broke up I asked why she wouldn't let me join her, even if it was just to watch her. Se said it was because she fell in love with me.
Maybe women only have threesomes with men they hate?
I have no idea where everybody on here finds these women.
I would suggest you accept the fact that it will never happen, and if it does, that will be a pleasant surprise.
If and when the time comes she decides to play you may also be opening a door you can't close. Suppose she gets so into the LS and she wants to fuck every guy she meets. You going to be ok with that? Maybe find someone that satisfies her better than you do. You ready for that also? You need to have a very secure marriage to be in the LS and not have any reservations.
Sometimes, a woman may have personal body issues that they feel uncomfortable about. Other times is may be health concerns. Have you discussed with her what her reluctance is based on, or what she doesn't like about the idea?
I agree with the others, that each person will progress at their own rate and there is nothing you can do to "speed it up". When they are ready to dabble, they will. But you have to prepare yourself for the possibility they may never dabble.
"Any shots or suggestions?"
Maybe a shot (or 2) of tequila? I've heard that tequila makes women's clothes fall off.
Kidding. Just kidding. :-)
If you both attend events together, it's possible that at some point she may decide to participate, but as others said, it's gotta be at her own pace.
Good luck and our best wishes to you both.
Everyone is different. Some are content to fantasize about swinging, some enjoy watching others and some search for that orgy room with a dozen people to play with. Your swinging journey has to progress at the speed of the slowest, most hesitant participant. Your wife may never want more than going to clubs and watching others before going home and enjoying herself with you.
It took YEARS of hearing about Phoebert's previous experiences before I even started thinking about the possibility of making some fantasies a reality. Then it took several more years to convince myself that he'd still love me if I had sex with other men. Thankfully he enjoys playing MFM because it took about ten years before I was comfortable and confident enough to think about him playing with other women.
You've been married only a few years - we've been married over thirty years, playing MFM for a little over fifteen years and for the past year have begun to dabble in full swap. It's sometimes a very slow journey!
If you’re wife isn’t interested let the lifestyle go.
The more you push, nag, suggest, or bring it up to her, the farther away from it she may go. You may not think you are doing that, but chances are she might. ~N
44878:
I agree with Onehorny...no pressure, no forcing, no emotional blackmail. You could easily destroy trust between you two. If studies are to be believed, between 10-25% of US couples experiment with lifestyle play at some point. My guess is that 10% or so stay with it and enjoy it for the long term.
We started out very slow and built into full swap in our marriage. But we took it slow after an initial introduction/seduction by another couple. We went to clubs, to house parties, and watched a lot. Then we dipped our toes, then jumped in with both feet.
Lot of discussion with love and gentleness is the order of business for you both. You may have to accept that she is not wired as you are and may not want this.
We may also recommend vacationing at a lifestyle resort. There are nice places in the US, as well as abroad. We went to Hedo early on and the environment, the people, and the vibe was so nice, Frau let go and had a great time. Vacations are more freeing than clubbing close to home.
We recommend talking a lot about her desires, her fantasies, and experimenting at home, just you two. See where it goes.
No pressure on her at all. This LS is new to us, and we kinda "stumbled upon it". Certain events took place after we were married that opened this door.
We watch alot of mfm porn, including bi porn. That is what leads me to believe that she would, at some point, enjoy it.
I'm hoping to hear from couples that we're in the same boat initially. I'm wondering how it progressed after time.
Well you have to respect her wishes and desires. If she is not comfortable participating sexually with others or even doing so with just you in a club then you can't force her. It is better to go very slowly and see if over time she changes her mind. She is a young bride. Did you not have these conversations before you were married? Does she know you are interested in MM play or are you hiding that from her? Honesty and open communication without pressure from either of you is key.
MWC here. Older male, young wife. Married 2 years. Both new to the LS. I was aware of The LS, but did not participate.
Wife was totally unaware that LS even existed.
We have been going to clubs for about a year. We love to watch. However, wife doesn't want to go any further (swapping, etc) She claims she is only interested in sex with me, doesn't want anyone else to touch her, or even see her naked.
My question to other couples is this: is this common in the beginning? Does the wife eventually change her mind and jump in with both feet?
I honestly she would enjoy the attention from other males, but just can't get past the initial hurdle.
Any shots or suggestions? Thanks in advance!
