Ckmate... I would love the invite to a small meet and greet style house gathering. And would be OK with the No Play concept. It definitely takes the pressure off for meeting people the first time.
Singles or Couples Only... its your gathering... just be upfront about it.
Adding it to Hot Date.... I think this changes the vibe from a private hand selected group to open to the public. We have been to both… And enjoyed both, but the vibe is different.
Mr.
Good points. Thank you AJ and Mayhem.
I think you are spot on that we ensure matching preferences as much as possible (e.g. what they are seeking, ages, smoking, etc. etc.). Whether we allow a few select singles will depend on those preferences. Appreciate that reminder.
Mayhem has a valid point. Our returnees have a much higher % of actually showing. Probably 80-90%.
AandJ's 50% hit rate is probably closer to the mark for people you don't know. For our parties we pretty much know everyone that's coming so we get more like an 80-90% attendance from ones that RSVPd "Yes".
Something to consider for your invite list is what people's play-grades and preferences are. The closer you can match those the more fun the party is likely to be for everyone.
If looking for 8 - 10 couples I think I'd go for about a dozen that RSVPd "Yes". If limited on space, indicate in the invitation that the party is limited to the first 12 couples that sign up and any beyond that will be wait listed.
Many wait till the last possible minute to sign up in the event they get a better offer. If they do, they may be no-shows.
As for singles, that really depends on the preferences of the couples that you invite.
Having hosted a few of these we see a pretty consistent rate of about 50% attending. So if you're looking for 8-10 couples get about 16-20 to rsvp yes.
Sorry for the delayed response to many of the relevant answers and opinions to our OP. Very much appreciated.
Since we just moved to a new part of the city, our plan is to host (very similar to what Fundamental posted) an informal gathering where people can meet in a no expectation environment and get to know each other for potential relationships later. One of our questions is How many couples to invite in order to get 8-10 couples to attend? We know there will be no shows, those who don't respond, and those who come up with last minute emergencies.
Also, would inviting a few 'select singles' be a show stopper for couples to attend?
Fundamental said they invited 3 dozen to get a 25% return. Wow!
We will provide food, icebreakers, drinks, etc. in our own home so no fear of being associated with a hotel, bar, etc.
I think we will end up sending emails to couples with similar demographics within 50 miles or so and possibly posting a 'hot date' to invite interest.
Again, thanks to all for suggestions to our original post. Very helpful!
Good to know. That place reminds me of Chemistry, though the security staff isn’t nearly as hot as the officer working up there. I told Mrs C he was gay just to tease her and she looked like I had cancelled Christmas.
Catchy,
The guy you’re talking about is Mrs. H’s boyfriend, at least that’s what we jokingly call him because he always walks over, stands just on the edge of our personal space, and stares.
He’s actually pretty harmless. The Mrs, being who she is, the lover of all misfits, engages him in conversation, and is actually quite friendly with him. He’s become something of a fixture at that club. But yes, he comes across as quite creepy.
@necouple We had that happen at a LS club in Louisville. They have a masseur in the club that came up to us after he got off and just stood there staring at us while we fooled around. When we finally made eye contact, he offered to join in. Completely creeped us out. We haven't been back.
A decade ago, we moved from the midwest to our current coordinates in Atlanta. New jobs. We knew no one locally in the LS. We dutifully changed our SLS coordinates, sent some notes and...crickets. Hmmm. And the meet-and-greets in the area were for groups that didn't quite match our demographic or interests. It was really hit or miss for the first year or so
A few months later, we looked at the calendar and decided to host a meet-and-greet on our own. Looked at SLS, picked out three dozen couples that held some interest for us, and sent invitations in the blind to join us in a function room at one of the local casual dining restaurants. We spent a couple of hundred dollars on some appetizer trays, wine and beer--and guests could purchase mixed drinks at the restaurant's bar. We picked the lull "after the holidays and we have the midwinter blues and waiting for springtime" period where we figured people would not be busy and have just enough cabin fever to get out. We also picked early on a Saturday evening 6-8 pm so that if people had plans for the evening, it would make sense for them to stop by for a drink, size us up, and wander on.
We sent three dozen invitations, RSVP, via SLS. We got about 20 replies, of which about 6 were "no thanks", 8 were "maybe" and 6 were "sure, why not?"
Nine or ten couples showed up, many knew each other from the local LS scene, and all were gracious.
We ended up dating some of them. We received invitations to--and attended--several house parties. The return on the investment was substantial from our perspective.
In retrospect, what mattered was that we were seen as decent people, generous hosts, and ultimately good guests.
The idea is to actually get together in a no-stress environment, make first impressions, and let people decide if they want to see each other again. Nothing needs to be scripted. Ultimately people are interacting and asking themselves the usual questions:
No, they've definitely been hotel employees. The only people we've seen hired as part of the party were an occasional bartender within the ballroom here and there and security on the party floors. Other have had hotel uniforms complete with hotel branded name tags.
BTW - I do remember there being a feud of sorts between house party hosts in our area quite a while ago and the police got involved. Things can get complicated if you're charging a fee for a party.
At a minimum, unless you had the party registered as a business and claimed the party income in a legitimate way, I suspect tax evasion could be one of the charges. That could be particularly nasty because they could hit you at a state and federal level.
I thought that the bigger hotel take-overs hired their own people to work the party? If they are getting comped the room/ticket price in lieu of pay, it would make sense that they'd actually join the party at some point.
Many years ago when we first got in to this there was a party being thrown at a public event that was raided and many people in attendance arrested. Someone local who was a frequent host was jaded and had a beef with another host from another local group and decided to strike by reporting the party to the police. What a crappy thing to do.
We've often wondered how the staff feel at some of the hotel parties we've been to since they have to work in the banquet areas where the dancing/food is. Then sometimes we would see hotel employees, in uniform complete with nametag, loitering in the hospitality rooms attempting to join in. Didn't like that much.
Some of the best Meet & Greets we've attended were so much fun because it was a relaxed atmosphere where we can converse and get to know other couples without the pressure of "hooking up". Anything that lightens the mood yet strikes up a conversation is always a good thing. In fact a trivia game ("Been there/Sone that") where players find out little tidbits about others is a good way to engage others while letting newbies talk about themselves!
We have house parties but it is all people that we've met either at other LS events or 2 on 2 at a local restaurant or our house for dinner/drinks.
I guess it depends on what you're looking for and who attends, but we usually do a pot luck/apps/snacks thing for food. We've not had great luck with games at our parties but have been to some that were neat. Naked croquet is one that comes to mind.
NO KARAOKE! Never a good idea to have drunken folks caterwauling in an attempt to sing while you are trying to have a conversation with others. Also the more private the event the more you may need a simple ice breaker game. Personally being a boob man I love the idea of collecting beads (lollypops, poker chips, etc) but usually it is better in a "larger" party versus say 5 couples. The one (male or female) who collects the most wins a "prize" which can be whatever. The best time ever with such a game was a $20 gift card and I don't remember where it was to but it gave folks something to "work" for without being a huge reward leaving out those who are more shy.
Aside from the already good suggestions and reasons mentioned may I suggest doing this in a private location would be best. Of course knowing the laws in your area are important when planning any even but I am going to give an example of a good idea gone wrong with it perhaps being no fault of the organizer but they bear the responsibility. Keep in mind it is your "party" wherever it is held and much like a bar who allows a customer to imbibe too much the host of a party can be held accountable and not just for someone being drunk and stupid. I cannot cite any recent examples first hand nor do I know your area but back in the late 90's early 2000's there used to be a few meet and greets at local bars. Being as they were still open to the public things got a little dicey when vanilla people found out what was going on. In one rather extreme case it involved a waitress who reported to the local police there was all sorts of lewd and illicit behavior going on on the second Saturday night every month. They actually sent in undercover officers posing as a couple. A couple months later they had built just enough of a case to raid the meet and greet arresting not only the folks who organized it but the bar owner as well for allowing it along with a couple attendees. Now to my knowledge there was no sex going on publicly at the bar but lots of flirting (including with vanilla folks like the waitress), lots of flashing of both boobs and lower regions (I live in the south and this is a no no in a bar), and unconfirmed reports of a few BJs being given under the table (never saw it or experienced it but we quit going long before the raid as we found a private location we liked better). Now this sounds like "normal" bar behavior depending on the bar but it was "organized" and at least one person did not like being exposed to it at work. BTW there were several other such meet and greets going on at other places during those same years that got shut down by either the bar owner or a visit from the police without arrests but the threat of if it continued. Oh and it was not just the "public" type events that got hit. One local town (same as above) kept the undercover officers real busy with private events for a while especially if they asked for a cover "donation". To my knowledge the laws are still on the books yet they no longer enforce them as strictly. They do occasionally enforce them when they get complaints just to show they are "working". Just a warning to make sure you know what you are getting into. Having friends over to your house for a party (regardless of what goes on) will always be the safest meet and greet. The less "private" the location the more risk involved and not just in people finding out what you do but what others you have no control over do.
We've been to "social get togethers" quite a bit in both public and private settings. In private ones, we think that the idea of a quick introduction is a great idea. Especially when there are people new to an already established circle because it can be intimidating and difficult to break in for newbies. All the meet and greets we've been to that we count as having been worthwhile were ones where the people were welcoming and inclusive rather than breaking off into their little cliques, retreating to respective corners.
In public it's a bit more difficult because of the others around that are not involved. Usually public places where these would be are loud and difficult to have conversations, never mind discreet ones where you don't want to be announcing to everyone else what you and your significant other like to do behind closed doors. We can't count the number of times we've noticed a crowd of vanilla's getting increasingly closer so they can eavesdrop our conversations with other participants. One of the best ideas we've seen at the public ones was that those in attendance could 1) wear a particular item of clothing that would discreetly signify to others they are there for the meet or 2) had a benign question that could be asked if anyone was unsure if the person they approached was involved. If the answer was yes, then you know they were there for the meet. If the answer was no, then either the couple truly had no idea what the ulterior motive was or they did, but wanted to remain anonymous and watch how things go down from the fringe without getting outing themselves and feeling alienated.
Good music is essential. Carefully consider tempo, and volume.
Have people bring finger food. Contributing makes people feel more invested.
I like the idea of a group trivia game, but make sure everyone participates. I don’t like the idea of card games or board games because some people will be left out.
We moved to Kentucky last year. As the new kids on the block, we received several “hellos” and requests to meet. Since we had very limited time, we scheduled a meetNgreet at our home. It worked out very well.
We set some ground rules. This was a meetNgreet only. We set a time limit. There was to be no playing beyond general flirting; we had some brand new lifestyle folks coming, and we didn’t want them to feel any pressure. Everyone was local, most living within a ten minute drive.
Since then, we’ve played with three of the four couples who showed up, and I believe they’ve made some good connections amongst themselves.
The no playing rule made it like meeting a couple out at a public place for drinks, but gave us the feeedom to have much more frank conversations.
We run meet & greets locally and they're proving to be very popular. We don't do anything special - no games, speed dating or anything. We just all meet at a local bar/ restaurant at a predefined time.
We do ask folks to check in with us and give them a wristband to wear. It's a very discrete way to identify who's in the group. We introduce them to a few of the couples and let them mingle as they wish.
Seems to be working very well. We had about 30 couples at the last one and already have 20 signed up for the next one which is still 2 weeks away.
We also send surveys after to get feedback. We've had 1 couple ever complain that we don't run games or ice breakers. Most seem very happy with the event.
We do make sure that the location is in or close to a hotel for those who wish to play - or imbibe a little too much to make driving home risky.
Hope that helps.
Just moved to a new place and we have discussed hosting a social get together for about 6-10 lifestyle couples. Could use some ideas, thoughts, advice on what you think would make it successful.
Our thought is to make it a low-key, meet n' greet type event to allow new (or inexperienced) couples and experienced lifestylers to get together in a no expectation enviroment, meet other like minded folks, ask questions, socialize, and open up the possibility for some new fun and relationships.
We've thought about a few ideas to include:
1) Speed dating type of introduction where we allow each couple to spend 5 minutes introducing themselves.
2) Having a few trivia type games with teams of two that are chosen from a draw.
3) Music, possibly karaoke, and good finger food.
4) Areas set aside where couples can talk more privately and possibly some play.
Sure would like to hear if some of you have done this before and what you could recommend as other ideas, what worked/didn't work, etc.
