Older couples have a rough time partner and I are 70 and 72 everybody thinks you're dead at this age and won't even reply even if their profile is 18-99 age group....we also started about 7 months ago bug our experience have been generally positive.....but I screen everyone first to make sure they are serious
Hemingway:
We recommend you take Molly's advice and do a relaunch of the profile. This is where you highlight your best qualities and really "sell" yourself to prospective "dates."
It will take some time to find your groove, find your lifestyle mates, and identify what behavior you really like and don't like. I say this last phrase because what we started with 15 years ago in expectations in the lifestyle was way different than what we enjoy now. Now is way better.
We also recommend hitting parties or vacations featuring the folks, proclivities, and ages you want to see. There is a sexy community for everyone here.
Out of 100 LS interactions for us, 97 have been positive, and many have been inspired.
We can also understand your frustrations. Not all cities have a great LS community, and dating from online contacts can be super difficult. Once we decided to also travel for our fun “hobby”, did our journey improve immensely. We’ve been on a LS cruise, visited clubs and hotel takeovers. At the end of the day, what we have come to realize, is that it’s not necessarily the experiences themselves that make this journey worth it, but it is how we have grown so much closer as a couple. That positive impact has made our own struggles worth the effort.
I'm unsure how to respond to individual responses, but thank you for your help, vent, and feedback. Again, thanks.
OP - your post says you are 65 and 63, but your profile says 64 and 60. In addition to the previous advice on improving your profile, having the correct information usually helps also.
2 hearts - other possibilities for not wanting people who cannot drive at party:
Having to wait around while guests wait for ride at end of the evening and the ride could cancel which is common later at night.
If for some reason, the guests were asked to leave under not so good circumstances, again waiting for transportation is not ideal.
Ymichael14, yes exactly, they turned their noses up at us. I never told them why we don't drive but I suspect they wouldn't care.
Twohearts- I would guess you couldn't attend the party because they looked down on you as peasants. Which is sad that people have to be that way.
I can't think of a reason why I would turn someone away because they didn't drive. I know it is common in large for people not to bother buying a car or learning to drive because it is too expensive and no place to park it. So I do not know why it would be a surprise to find someone at a party that didn't drive.
No one can give you advice on whether you should quit or not. Everybody is different.
If I wasn't 1,906 miles away, I would contact you.
If you expect this to be like shopping online, just pick what you want from 100 choices and it shows up at your door, then you will be disappointed. You are going to have more disappointments than successful encounters. That is simply because there are far more fakes and flakes then there are serious people out there.
Hi I am not sure if our situation will make you feel better or worse but I hope it is the former. Many moons ago, with my ex we were active in the LS in New York, when it was still for the most part called swinging. I am now in Boston and married to the love of my life. Once we had a very rock stable relationship, I mentioned the LS to her and she was interested. We have had a profile on here and haven’t generated much interest. Obviously, we experience the same range of fakes and flakes everyone else does. The pic traders, the people who ghost us, the couples that are only interested in the female half of a couple and the ever-popular single men who pose as a couple and when you get together their “wife” suddenly is out of town visiting her sick aunt. There aren’t any public clubs in our city so we wanted to attend a house party. There aren’t many parties near us but there is one about 25 miles away, so we wanted to attend. We contacted the hosts to RSVP and mentioned that we would get there by Uber or Lyft since we don’t drive. To our horror the long and short of it is that the hosts won’t allow us to attend because we don’t drive. After that incident we had the same feelings as you and considered throwing in the towel. We took a deep breath and regrouped. We have always believed that folks in the LS are open-minded and nonjudgemental … baloney. However, we don’t need anyone to have a good time. We have each other. We’ll leave our profile out there, respond to anyone who messages us, and we’ll still take our summer vacation to a LS-friendly resort but we won’t let lack of success bring us down.
Frank & Nina
We cannot attend parties or clubs and utilize SLS as our only method of finding swingers - and even with MFM as our main play we go through cycles of feast/famine. So what you are experiencing is normal - and finding couples is more difficult than finding single gentlemen.
If you are feeling brave, post a request in the Better Profiles forum and request a profile review. But most of the advice is almost generic so read a lot of the threads in that forum and apply what makes sense to you.
Look at SLS groups and see if there are any parties/events nearby. Joining a variety of groups brings you to the attention of others in the group online, even if you don't attend an event. And obviously attending events puts you in contact with others that actually want to meet and play rather than the multitudes of fakes and flakes you encounter online.
You're the only ones that can determine if the time and effort are worth it.
Hi. I mean, quit if you want. You're doing this for the two of you, after all, and if it isn't working, there's an easy answer.
However, you might also want to consider that your profile isn't great, which is determining the quality of contacts you're getting, plus that parties and clubs are much better for people than online, where most of us are doing great if we connect with a tenth of the people we interact with.
Yes, you're on the high side in terms of age, but so are a good sized chunk of other folks.
If you decide you wish to persist with your current course, go to Better Profiles and either ask for a review or just read a bunch of threads and put what you see into practice.
No one ever said it would be easy. We have been very active in the LS for the past 7 yrs. Some great experiences and some not so great. We get lulls in the play contact then all of a sudden, we get many. Is it harder to find reliable people with all the fakes online? Yes, but you can either step away and have no possibility or hang in there and hope for the occasional good ones. We had a lull for about 3 weeks and had a great time with a well-hung guy last night. We will have him back again.
We got into this lifestyle about seven months ago. I wish I could say we’ve had a good experience. We want to meet couples and singles, We are in the high end tier when it comes to age. I’m 65 and my wife is 63. We aren’t gym rats, but we do take care of ourselves. We are attractive and we are both educated. My wife has a knack for small talk and can start a conversation with anyone. I’m not as good but can hold up my end of a conversation. Our first experience with a couple was horrible. They were very nice when we met and we thought it might work. After meeting and chatting on several occasions, they invited us to their house. They are both big time 420 users, and though we partake once in a while, our tolerance isn’t that good. The night started out with good conversation, 420 infused tea, before we got started. We followed them into their loft and my wife and the female part of the other couple started messing around. He kept on narrating while they played. Really? I’m right here. The situation went from bad to worse. Long story short, my wife was pretty disgusted with the male partner. He smelled of alcohol and aggressive. Did I mention that they insisted on separate rooms? Bad idea. We left that night vowing never to return. We’ve met or scheduled other meets with four other couples, two were no shows, the third went extremely well. We had great conversation, had dinner, They had interesting stories, and we found out that she was in a relationship with another woman. No problem. The next day, she asked for my wife’s phone number which I gave her. She contacted my wife and explained that she was in a committed relationship with her girlfriend and couldn’t get involved with any encounters. They reached out us and while I understand that perhaps they didn’t find the meeting as great as we did, I think saying nothing would have been more understandable.The male partner reached out a week later and asked if we would like to have dinner with them. Unfortunately, we were going to be out of town for a graduation. I asked for a rain check and told them we would reach out later. We have met on young man who plays with us once in a while. Other than that, we’re beginning to think that most of this is not what we expected. Granted, we live in a different kind of city. Big enough, but with a small town mentality. We’re thinking about just calling this a wash. Any thoughts?
