First meetings

What Hollyblue said.
My assumption is that the guy is married and afraid someone will recognize him out in public.

Best place to meet= lifestyle club or event (meetNgreet)

2nd best= open air public place

We have run across a lot of people especially sm's who won't meet in a public space. We just assume that they are married or scared of being seen in public. Seems many have the idea, from porn or short stories, that you just meet at your home or the hotel room chat for 30 seconds and play. We have had some pretty hysterical conversations with a couple guys who didn't believe us that people wanted to meet first and talk. Apparently they had watched movies for years and that never happened in a single one of them. The best was when they assumed we were just trying to lure them out into the public to get some incriminating video. But, we generally tell people that we like to meet on neutral territory for the first time out. However, there are some couples that are so sensitive about discretion that they won't meet in a public space at all unless they are x miles from home. Just ask if it is a discretion issue and if they have other creative options other than someone's home. You definitely, as mentioned, want to swing how you swing but without being demanding on the other party. Typically, if they are legit then both of you can work something out.

Personally, being new to bi, ive had three bi experiences. Chatted online first, then did a face to face and then met at a public place.. Actually met four in person. One guy had wrinkled pants, old baseball hat and dirty sneakers which looked like they were his only shoes. He was a definite no. One guy was ready to do it in his van. WTF, another definite no. My first time, met the guy three times for drinks and chatted got to know each other and I decided he would be my first. That was 15yrs ago. but it was something that I was willing to try again, just never had the chance or opportunity until I met someone recently. Got to know him well enough to try again. Things went very well and both enjoyed the company. Still nervous as hell and somewhat embarrassed but I got though it. So my personal opinion is to meet in person before any commitment, especially if you are hosting. Still can be somewhat dangerous but we all take chances. Fortunate for me, I made the right choices. Just my personal opinion. but to each their own.

Always go with your gut feelings. When we plan to meet with a couple for the first time it's always at a public place or Lifestyle venue. We also voice verify via a phone call to speak with both halves of the couple. First to make sure there is a female half & also to get a sense that she's not having her arm twisted by the male half & is equally on board.

Because of our schedule we tend to do a lot of chatting online or via text. Fortunately, this weeds out a lot of the pushy people and it gives us some time to get to know the people who understand our situation.

We have met people in public for coffee, drinks, for dinner, but also in their home. It just depends on how comfortable all of us are. If we do meet, and we have been talking for a while, chances are pretty good I'm getting naked.

This is what currently works for us. It has changed over the years and probably will again at some point. Stick to whatever you both are comfortable with.

It's been said but I'll repeat it. Trust your gut and common sense!

When I was a SF on this site I INSISTED on a public meet, usually at a French Quarter bar since I lived so close and no matter what time there would be people around, plus I never gave out my phone number until after the meet. I dodged some seriously sketchy people using this method (except this sketchy dude called Bridgetender :-)

After I met and fell in love with my Scamp and became a couple, I took a solo trip to Savannah. Scamp surprised me by setting me up a hot date. I sifted through the replies, sadly couldn't meet with a super hot couple that replied and, after sifting out further unsuitable single men and couples I picked a hot SM. I gave him my cell number and we commenced to flirt. His profile had no face pics so I asked him to take a selfie and text it to me. He wouldn't. I asked him if there was a bar near him where we could meet. He said no, I should just come to his house. I told him I wasn't comfortable and his only reply was he would meet me outside and we could sit on his porch and chat. I said no. He was so confused why, without seeing him, knowing his real name, or going to his house, I was reluctant to meet. I think I told him, "You aren't a woman" and that was that.

Funnily enough, this guy actually had a cert from a fellow forumer. It was still a Big. Fat. NO!

~rabbit~

Thanks all! Great advice!

I usually go with my gut. If I chat with a someone online and get a good feeling about them then I'll consider having them over the house. We do have a number of restaurants close by though so it's also easy to just meet for a drink/bite and go from there.

In the cases that we had any issues, I'm not sure that meeting in public first would have ferreted that out. More often than not (in our experience) it seems a jerk in person will present that way online too. Usually they'll either be demanding or look for the worst possible meaning in anything you write. Always glad when we find that out BEFORE we even meet.

What Scamp said..

This is your journey. Do you. The true you. Have fun!

Always trust your gut instinct and never allow yourselves to feel pressured to do something that doesn’t feel right.

This is your journey, take it on your terms and and enjoy the ride.

~S~

We are new, and the only in person meetings we’ve had was at a bar takeover and a “second date” with a couple we hit it off with at said party.
Another couple we’ve been chatting with was very interested in meeting, but the male insisted meeting at the female’s home. (Non married couple). We have an iron clad rule that we only meet in public the first time and go from there. The man got a bit pushy about it, so my partner and I decided to end the conversation.
It seems logical to meet in public. Everything I’ve read about the LS says this, but I’m wondering what others think.
I think we dodged a bullet with at least the male. He seemed sketchy anyways.