Disappointing 3-somes??

I sometimes have trouble getting hard. I have bought sex toys so something hard is going in. Would women get mad if I used sex toys rather getting hard.

That7girl - While that may be the case, if the SM is the one suggesting it I can see where that can come across negatively. This was just mentioned in another thread. A SM was nervous about performance and suggested that very thing and at least one couple commented that it would stop the meeting in its tracks. I can definitely see this coming across as the SM being in it for HIS experience, not everyone's.

That said, this is the very reason we got around to playing in either the same or separate rooms though. Some guys just can't perform in front of another guy and/or with their SO in the same room.

That7girl with a \body like yours \you are going to get as much experience as you want. Just Wow!

I have only a teeny tiny bit of experience with this. But from conversations, I am pretty sure the SM a couple meets up with is likely to perform better if he starts with some alone time with the wife, and the husband/BF joins after a while. Like when the bed is squeaking, or the wife.

hotluvrs that's just it though many guys with performance issues do misrepresent themselves. We met a guy once who said he had no issues with condom use. of course he had none when the time came although we were prepared. Thing is even if he had no issue with condom use he had an issue simply getting it hard. In fact once tit was determined there was a problem he stared saying "I wish I would get hard." "This has never happened before." and then "Let me go get my pill." which turned out to be an OTC. Obviously if he even went and purchased a pill he knew there was a problem. In our experience a lot of the problems happen when it comes time to slip a condom on yet these guys say they do not have a problem with condoms. We have even had a few suggest trying again without the condom (hard no). Then you get a guy who can actually keep it up to get a condom on and then a few strokes in things go wrong and he deflates, not cums just deflates. We have seen this a few (although rare) times over the years and there is always the "I don't know what is wrong." statement. Now it could be too tired, too much alcohol, or simply medical issues but regardless it is the guys fault.

That brings up the ones that want to blame the woman. Using your example of her not being wet (never happened with my wife but we do carry lube if it ever does) that might be an issue when it comes to trying to get it in. I imagine that might be frustrating and cause a deflation but if nothing else that is what foreplay is for. BTW my wife has never been told it was her fault but we did see a married couple almost come to blows because he was blaming another woman and his wife laughed and said something like "Just like it is me at home."

We truly think most guys over 40 (and definitely over 50) know when they start having issues and most are in denial. Some "wake up" and seek treatment while others remain in denial and think it is the woman so a different woman will solve the problem. The ones who deny there is a problem ruin it for others that may be experience a little performance anxiety however their reaction to the problem is the difference. We noticed since we got seriously back into swinging we have met more men with issues and in denial than we have that can actually perform. Thankfully we have met a few that can perform however it does leave her frustrated and yes mad which also makes me mad about the time wasted. This is compounded when you spent the time and effort to ask the right questions and then find out they lied.

"Can you imagine a guy being mad at your wife because she wasn’t wet when he tried to enter? "

What the lube are you talking about?!!!!

Reminds us of one the "experienced" sm's we met and was fascinated by the little pump bottle because he had never seen lube before.

While I understand a woman being disappointed, I fail to understand women who get mad. It's as if they think the guy is disappointing them on purpose.

(There, I fixed it)

Rustic,
I understand what you’re saying. No one wants to be lied to, or wants someone else to misrepresent themselves. Not being able to wear condoms is a different issue.

Maybe it’s just me (and my wife). I can’t imagine being mad due to failure to perform. Can you imagine a guy being mad at your wife because she wasn’t wet when he tried to enter?

hotluvrs a lot depends on how the guy handles being disappointing. If he is genuinely apologetic (only seen this in the case of someone we have played with before a few times then there was an issue) it is one thing. If he starts saying "This has never happened before." he is not only being disappointing but also lying if he claims to be experienced in the lifestyle. Anyone can have a bad night but deflating between being given oral and say before a condom is rolled on is not a "bad night" but there is some other underlying issue. Denying that is a problem and is what women get mad at.

While I understand a woman being disappointed, I've usually understood women who get mad. It's as if they think the guy is disappointing them on purpose.

KiND of like Location, Location, Location.

It's Preperation, Preperation, Preperation.

Don't drink too much
Don't be over tired
Don't wait until 1am

And a little of the blue pill, doesn't hurt either.

We also have had a number of disappointing 3 somes with guys just not able to perform. The usual oh this has never happened before excuse or what seems to be a problem for straight guys is that there is another male in the room.Most of the time my cock is bigger than the extra guy but we have played with a guy with a nice big fat cock and I have had no problems staying hard. The wife gets pissed off when these guys can't perform. I do make sure she gets satisfied though.

A friend we played with couldn’t handle me being involved so I let them finish alone. He played with her alone once more after that. All of it was pretty meh for her.

Only a couple of times and it was a performance problem for the extra male. They had trouble keeping an erection. One was an older gentleman and I felt sorry for him. He had trouble having intercourse with me. I did get him off orally, but it was a disappoint for me. It also happened one other time with a guy who had a very large cock. He'd get hard but wouldn't stay hard. Too much alcohol. We've had a lot of threesomes and those were the only times that happened.

“ tearful confessions pre or mid play”...

well, that just sounds a bit akWaRd

We have seen our fair share of duds with sm's not getting up, underperforming, etc. It has ranged from condemn anxiety, spontaneous ejaculation, not being able to handle other people in the room, one pump and dumps, shrinkage once they see they are the smallest guy in the room, whiskey dick, tearful confessions pre or mid play, and of course being snickered at uncontrollably because of gross misrepresentation.

On the flip side we have had several instances where we had a single male involved and it went like this. We get to where we agreed upon to play. We go inside. Small talk. Things start to heat up and then after several futile attempts the guy says "This has never happened before." This has happened frequently enough we have almost started to expect it. We also have a hard time believing the "never before" statement. We have found a lot of guys are not honest with themselves and are perhaps too embarrassed to go see a doctor. In these situations a second chance is not given however if it is someone we have played with and he has an "off" night (or whenever) it is understandable because it happens. The problem is when things go wrong the first time because it makes a bad impression.

Yup. I didn’t take it personally but they were such a cool and very hot couple. The chemistry was so good.

But yeah. Part of the game lol. I’ll definitely pace myself next time I take a weekend off like that.

Noir44,

Sorry to hear about your disappointing evening, and thanks for sharing.

We’ve all (or almost all of us) been there. I’m guessing that while you knew you were exhausted, you pushed on anyway, hoping that you’d be able to rise to the occasion. Odds are that you had already begun to doubt your abilities. Once you hear that little voice of worry in your head, it’s like a death knell for your erection.

You also mention, without elaboration, the condoms. I suspect the presence of the condoms added some extra pressure. A lot of lifestyle guys simply can not perform when there’s a condom on the night stand.

If condoms are a problem for you, I recommend that you start practicing with them. I mean, use them all the time, even use them during Porn Hub time. After a while your brain may become conditioned (it works, ask Pavlov) to be aroused every time you see a condom.

Don't take that personally. Your junior partner just was having some down time. You can only guess what he's in the mood for.

Yes.
I was the single guy in the 3some.
I was on vacation and met a couple at the pool of a lifestyle resort I was visiting for the day. We had a great conversation along with a few other couples. I didn’t think anything of it.
I was surprised when the husband asked me for my number to maybe get in touch. They were also in town for vacation.

We met at a club in the area and played briefly in the play room...too many gawking single guys (this was my first time at a club. I get it now lol) who wanted to join us.

The following night we met for drinks. They invited me to their room.
Now by this time I was exhausted. I’d been playing all weekend wasn’t eating well.

So we get up to the room. Me and Mrs can’t keep our hands off each other. Husband drops the condoms on the bed beside us and sits down to watch. I just couldn’t get it up. This had never happened to me before.
I’ve also never played that much in the space of a weekend either.

They were clearly disappointed and upset.
Haven’t heard from them since.

Has anyone ever had a disappointing experience with a 3-some (or group)?

What happened?