Krazy Truth about Swinging #300 Angry Vag!!!

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth About Swinging. I'm the host with the most cool, or bandit, and I'm the lovely, lovely, and not putting out Miss Amanda.
Speaker2: Hey.
Speaker1: We're entertaining, titillating, and guess what? Spartans, what is your profession? Ho.
Speaker2: That's right.
Speaker1: It is show number 300. And it's backwards. Why didn't I write it backwards? I don't know. Because this is your first day. But seriously, this is actually really. You just turned it upside down. This is a really big deal. Seven years, 300 shows, 300 times we've come to you. And so this is an exciting thing. There's not a lot of shows out there that can say they've got 300 episodes. So we're pretty excited. So, and with that excitement comes our sponsors. Sure does. Yep. A couple of them have been long-term sponsors with us. ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. If you want to know what's going on in the adult world, as well as the swinger world, ASN is the place to go. And hopefully today is the last day, which is, if you're listening, is Tuesday for voting. So hopefully we won a couple of categories. If you haven't voted and you're listening, go to ASNLifestyleMagazineAwards.com and vote for us for Crazy Winter Nights for Best Adult Takeover and Best Expo Trade Show Convention. We sure would appreciate it. Also, hey, Smokin' that's right dot com uh let me spell it for you why so you can go to the website and have your meat taste better than it ever did before s-m-o-k-i-n-m-e-a-t-s bbq t-r-e-a-t-s dot com uh you can use uh casbah 15 get a 15 discount on any one of their six delish flavors hickory dust lemon pepper sbg orange mango habanero pineapple paradise and sineque but wait there's more coming up you can now also get very soon you can get our very own special blend casbah special blend meat rub now your meat can taste like mine okay what was on your pork yesterday uh on pork yesterday was hickory dust yeah correct it was very good uh so and the thing is is smoking meat you know makes me think of truck driving you see smoking long way to go short time to get there uh finally hey you know what and we'll talk about this more baby your vag uh if you want to get it beat up by a machine you know what only do the very very best motorbunny.com a name you can trust in vaginal and clitoris stimulation uh check them out today motorbunny.com prefer a friend get a discount that's right don't leave your clit to just anybody leave it to the best motor bunny all right so we are on episode 300 there's been a big deal it's been a big deal coming and getting here because holy shit uh it is there's i think we figured it out over the course of the last seven years seven seasons we've only probably rerun three or four Rerun, I don't know. Myst, I think only probably rerun three or four. Rerun, I don't know. Missed, I think, has been like three or four. Three or four. Here, recently, we've had a couple where we've had to miss, but we haven't missed very many to get to 300 shows, and it is damn exciting to get here, and what a fucking weird... We have cupcakes, which means the man is horny. So, she likes likes cake did you do the other thing you were going to do did you did you do that picture you were going to do i don't want to say in case you didn't so to ruin anything it involved the leftover yes yes i did okay okay there you go so we can't we can't say the ones on snapchat saw it oh so we can say we say what you did, for those who didn't see it. Yes. It won't, it's a spray, okay. So because you fucking painted your titties, and I haven't seen the picture. Just one. Oh, you haven't seen it. No, I haven't seen it. Why would I get to see it? I was busy getting cool shit from my mom. You didn't see it, like, opening Snapchat. I was driving a car, so safety first. That's how I roll. Anyways, you got to see Amanda's tit covered in whipped cream.
Speaker2: Cool.
Speaker3: Or icing.
Speaker2: Icing.
Speaker1: That's for a birthday treat for next week. That's coming up. So there you go.
Speaker4: There you go.
Speaker1: If your date mismanaged your birthday, you get titties and frosting. Just saying. So with that being said, so no, but we have come a long fucking way over the course of 300 shows remember when it all started when it all started everybody needs to go back if you have never listened to the first episode and it's horrible you can hear me smoking you can hear me fucking dragging on a cigarette the whole show and hacking uh you hear the dog barking which that dog is was three dog four dogs ago so if that tells you anything that that would be ace that we used to that would be barking yeah that dog's four dogs ago uh you could uh we would we were sitting we started this had to put him down like two years ago no that that'd be five years ago no just about five years ago because we had jack right we just gotten jack okay four years ago it was four years ago i remember i remember because in that time frame but since we moved here we've nobody cares about this part but uh the topic of show one? Oh, that's an excellent question. Hell, I don't know. I do. Ask me how I know. Because you're going to cheat and look it up. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I am. I can even tell you the date. Yes, I want to hear the date. Okay, so. It's got a load, though. Okay, so we did it in our kitchen. Sitting around our kitchen table. We had our oldest kid came up and said, you need to do a podcast. And we're going away. We didn't even listen to them. No, no, I never listened to a podcast. So we're like, okay, fine, we'll do one. What is this thing doing? Oh, my God. It's thinking. Yeah. And we're like, seriously? seriously yeah i'll help you out well it'll be no big deal i was originally going to do it myself the first one the very first one that we did uh was called raw and uncut number one and it was edited we've never well we don't edit these now. So that was done. Our very first podcast was May 28th, 2018. And, yeah. But what was it about? Ron and Kyle. It was just about what we were doing for a podcast instead of talking about sex and what it was going to be about and everything there. If you go back and listen to some of our funniest episodes, our early episodes, because we were telling stories that nobody had heard yet at that point in time. I mean. And then it was more funny to get the reaction of your oldest that was playing your sound guy. Yeah, who would look up when you're talking about, you know, his mother. Giving a blowjob in a parking lot. Sucking dick to some guy she'd never met before in a parking lot. That was. And he's like, oh, my gosh, you seriously did that? Yeah, sure fucking did. Yep yep i don't know so i'm trying to get back to where we're at because all of a sudden all kinds of shit started because you have 15 windows no i didn't i know she is uh i didn't open all these i just know i amanda seriously i did not open the fucking windows how why would i have four fucking email things open? See that? Now, this sounds very familiar. Here, go to that one. Okay, there we are. All right, Allison, we're back. So, anyways, so that was our very first episode, and it was a shit ton of fun. That was, oh, my God, that was, we had no idea what the fuck we were doing. We didn't know what we were doing.
Speaker2: You're good with coming up with shit off the floor. When do we get to eat the cupcakes, by the way?
Speaker1: Just like you're asking.
Speaker2: Just didn't know. Is your mouth watering?
Speaker3: Are you drooling yet? You should smell them.
Speaker1: Our kids have watched or listened to the oldest one.
Speaker2: Our oldest kid quit being our sound guy about four years ago, five years ago, when we moved here. He quit being the sound guy. He did a couple early ones, and then he had showed us, and he was, I think, all he could handle. Yeah, well, he got into a certain religion. He found God, and he wasn't as comfortable. And we're all cool with that. So the youngest one, I I don't think is listening to any. Middle one is on the page, but he might have listened to something. I think they try to avoid it to the most part. Well, but we used to do it in the kitchen. So you had everybody in the living room watching. Oh, yeah. And listening. Yeah. So they were listening to it when we were doing it. We didn't start off doing them live. Yeah, we did. We didn't start off doing them on one on the page yeah we did because we had people commenting because jim would always comment about throw the dog some bread and throwing bread off yeah you see us trying to keep the dog quiet yep throwing treats across the room to get them to go yeah we've done we've done a show we did a show live at at the second crazy winter nights we did a show live. We have done shows in the car, recorded them in the car. We've recorded shows in hotel rooms. We've done one or two in a hotel room through the time and on vacations and stuff. Yeah, we've pretty much done this shit everywhere. Oh, my God. Not quite. You haven't done one in the bathroom. Not yet. Well, not yet. But if it was up to to our old one he would have because the sound was better uh yeah so now obviously we finally moved we got into our we created our studio okay so we created this studio because it's one of the bedrooms but i wouldn't classify it's not a legal bedroom by any stretch with wise i'm gonna guess this room is maybe maybe eight feet wide if even yeah from this wall to that wall is eight feet yeah yeah and then from that to that is probably 15 12 half of the room it actually has a little drop down and half the room it's lower and that's the studio side. And that side isn't going to paint it or shit. The other side is storage of all of our Kazma shit. Yeah. And we have a little bit of Kazma. From parties to all of Cole's suit coats. Yeah. Hats, memorabilia, stuff. Hats, stuff that people have left at events that ended up coming to my house. So if you're missing something, let me know. I probably have it. Stuff that people have given us. Which, by the way, I don't have it in here with me, and I apologize. I don't have my newest Elvis thing, but it's in my office to hang up. Okay. But, yeah, I don't have my Elvis. Yeah, it's going up there. So, yeah, there's that. The first time other people have seen this, like the first time Beth walked in, she's like, wow, this is small. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker1: It's not as near as glamorous as it appears on TV.
Speaker2: Great idea to show in the bathroom while Miss Amanda soaks in bubble bath.
Speaker1: See if the show can last longer than the bubbles.
Speaker2: Oh, that's true. Eventually, we're going to try to do some stuff on our website so that we can actually be like topless and we can do some shit like that. So that we can't do it on Facebook. No, I've not hung it up yet. Gordon, I've not hung Elvis up yet. It is in my office by my desk to go up. I just haven't got it done yet. So that's this week. No lights back then. No anything. Oh, my God. Well, it was in our kitchen. We actually used to use headphones and stuff. Because you're supposed to listen to yourself. Oh, fuck that. We're supposed to edit shows, too, but we don't do that either. No, I don't edit a damn thing. We have never edited a show. No, no, that's not true. There were times I went back and edited out a fucking burp or something. I told you you were stupid to do that. Yeah, but most of don't do that fuck that we don't it is what it is it's the most real show out there that's why it's fun to do because honestly what you get if I say something stupid you're gonna hear it we used to drive when you listen to our early episodes you will hear me say random company names and just drive my kid insane. Dad, you can't say that. You're going to get sued. I'm like, Disney. I don't even fucking care. It was so much fun. And it's still fucking fun. That's what we love. Awesome. We got people listening to watch this in Florida. I haven't seen y'all forever. No doubt.
Speaker3: Send naked pictures back here. Maybe when we go to Miami and we're driving from Mississippi to Miami, maybe we need to get in touch with them. We do. We do. And visit along the way. We could. That would be fun as hell. Yeah, it would. Have a kick. Have a kick just saying. No, so yeah
Speaker1: We have This show is what Caused my parents to find out what we do all right because because people that listen to the people that listen to the show what one of them was an on the page was a waitstaff at uh a maristar i believe at the casino where we'd go for christ Christmas dinner and came running up to give me a hug. It's you! Ah! I was like, who is that? Somebody that we know. And then when they came meandering down, she came to the house for Christmas and they were walking around. She went to go to the bathroom and went to the wrong door. We had it blocked off with a room divider so she wouldn't look in and see all the shit. All the crazy stuff.
Speaker4: And she did.
Speaker3: It's storage. And she goes, well, I want to see. No, it's storage.
Speaker1: But she would.
Speaker3: But I want to see. And then she picks her up and she goes, oh, well, what's that?
Speaker1: And let the tour begin. And that's where, yeah, so the show is going to totally be outed, which now, if you notice, have you even noticed where I put the post a show every week? You told me you put it on your regular page. Because the way the shit's changed, I put it on my regular Facebook wall. And then I don't care anymore. It is what it is. Can I at least lick some of the frosting? Have a fucking cupcake. Fucking time. Anyway, so, yeah, we did, yeah, all kinds of fun shit. It's been fun been fun it's been fun getting to 300 we're one of the very few shows out there so it's a big source are there some days that we're run down and don't feel like doing it fuck yeah there are i'm like you're not eating the paper are you no not yet someday i think the the best show we ever did was the one after my nut surgery. Yeah. Like the day after I had my nut removed.
Speaker2: Mm-hmm. Hmm.
Speaker1: She started to send me naked pictures. I love her.
Speaker2: Oh, please.
Speaker3: Oh, jeez. Fuck yeah.
Speaker1: And rock on. Thank you very much, Becca.
Speaker2: You're welcome.
Speaker1: You fucking rock. God, I love that.
Speaker2: Oh.
Speaker3: But yeah. Yeah, you're best. Excuse me one minute. Your best one was after nut surgery. Yep, after nut surgery. Grandeur nut surgery was Saturday. We didn't always record on a Tuesday, though. It used to be Sunday. This is why you don't eat cake while doing a show. It used to be Sunday. We've had to move it around some during the years. And there's sometimes we didn't move it when we probably should. Like, you know, after my work Christmas party.
Speaker1: Oh, when you were drunk.
Speaker3: When I was drunk. Oh, yeah. I wasn't drunk. I was just really tipsy. I felt good. And then you go, gosh, that's the most vocal you've ever been.
Speaker1: You know, you get drunk more often. You finally talked on a show. It took 17 episodes before we got there. That's all right. So, no, Amanda will kill you if you get me too buzzed. Don't get me buzzed. Get me buzzed. We didn't have shots. Why are we not drinking? I asked if you wanted shots. I never got the answer. It's because I didn't get past the cupcakes. I'm not even going to lie. I got cupcakes, and I'm having a hell of a time with this one. It's fucking good.
Speaker2: Wow. Really?
Speaker1: You'd think with you shooting porn, I'd be used to that sound.
Speaker2: Whatever. Okay.
Speaker3: Was that good? Did you like the cupcakes?
Speaker2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker1: They were fucking awesome.
Speaker2: Okay.
Speaker1: All right. So we do have others to talk about. Hold on.
Speaker3: We don't really have anything else to talk about.
Speaker1: Your angry vagina.
Speaker3: Oh, yeah. We'll try to post pictures soon, but Facebook keeps shutting them down. No, Facebook won't allow it. The reason I've not got to touch her vagina. Wait a minute. Someone thought it was like, we can't do it off adventures and babysitting. Lisa, you're going to get an extra lap dance for that. She gets a lap dance. You know why? Why? Because in that movie, the dude had bib overalls, right? I don't remember it. But he had long blonde hair and it looked like Thor because the little girl thought she was Thor and carried a hammer and wore a hat. And the guy comes up, I don't think it looks like Thor. So Lisa's saying that I look like Thor right now. You know what? Believe it or not, you can't see it, but you just gave me a boner. Just saying. I'm supposed to show you how to eat a cupcake. What? I was told to show you how to eat a cupcake. Open your mouth really, really wide. So, nope. You take it and you split it in half. Save that for the end. And eat the cake in little bites. Okay. So you can still talk. Well, you don't ever talk anyway so what does that make that's a lie I had a deep throat with the cake do I get to go fishing down your titties later for the frosting the cake you dropped well why Miss Amanda daintily eats her cupcake oh you have no idea I want to fucking just absolutely face plant you in that right now so okay so let's talk about your angry vag and see what happens so okay but let's talk about your angry vag here it's like this if i keep doing this do it up and flicker she'll get angry and i'll look like her vag no she went got waxed so i used to get wax a long time ago you did but the gal. W always burned me fire fire and i literally would come back with burn marks and she'd start on my leg and that's where i'd have burn marks it's like and i would go oh my gosh it's too hot she goes you just have sensitive skin so i'm like fuck that i'm shaving screw that uh-huh and so you did so then i screwed it and screwed it and screwed it well when i shave i since i have curly hair i either get ingrown hairs or i get a clogged duct it happens whatever so i decided i might try waxing again and someone said oh try my gal she's super good and blah okay fine so when i set up my appointment i said i have super sensitive skin and i burn easy okay first time generalist can be hurt like a motherfucker and it was red and it was mad but it healed up really quick and that was all she wrote each time it gets worse and worse except the last time i had it healed up in two days because i was trying to see how fast I could heal it because originally I was supposed to be leaving, like, tomorrow to go for a porn shoot that got moved to June. Yeah. Thank God because she— She apparently lit her vagina on fire and left it there
Speaker1: and then put out the fire and got rid of the smoke
Speaker3: or the hair that way besides the fact that I don't even it's burned she burned it she burned down my leg she drew blood it was the worst experience it was extremely painful it fucking hurt
Speaker1: she sent me a picture I should make it my screensaver I don't know. blood it was the worst experience it was extremely painful it she sent me her she sent me a picture i should make it my screensaver she sent me a picture too and it was like oh oh and i sent it to beth oh oh ow ow ow uh and it was bad i tried to wax her one time got the wrong wax, and it turned into a huge nightmare.
Speaker2: It was bad.
Speaker3: We were both covered in wax, and she saw it in hair. It was a sticky wax. It didn't solidify. But that was the worst experience I've ever had.
Speaker1: She sat yesterday with ice packs on her pussy.
Speaker2: Crotch. Yes.
Speaker3: And went to bed and had to position herself. when we were legs are spread open to get air i didn't think about airing it out today but oh my god it would hurt to sit down oh god yeah yeah now it's not as painful because okay amanda's go-to healing whenever you have red bumps or whatever the case from shaving waxing whatever people look at me and go you've got to be fucking kidding me it works do not knock it i wouldn't put it directly on any um open source no well open sores and I wouldn't put it on the actual vag itself just the skin around it is vix yeah vix it clears up everything vix not only to clear your nose it'll clear your pussy too and if you happen to have a stinky pussy if you put vix on it at which point in time it'll be much more edible for the rest of us that's horrible guys If she has a stinky pussy, you don put Vicks on it, at which point in time, it'll be much more edible for the rest of us. That's horrible. Guys, if she has a stinky pussy, you don't want to say anything, carry Vicks. You can put it on her pussy, or your nose. Either way. Vicks, the cure-all for sex. I'm sure we're going to get a sponsorship deal out of Vicks anytime now for that ad-a-load. Just saying. But, yeah, no. But it works. If I would have wanted a divorce uh all i would have to do is walk out and go and just slap it it's not even hard just tap it like a little love tap like i can sit down now but i have to like pull my pants the seam away because i don't wear panties whatever so i have to pull the seam away to sit down because there's's one spot that's just sore as fuck. Aren't you glad you don't have giant meat flaps? No, actually, they'd probably protect it. If you had giant, no, you'd have meat curds. They would be flopping around and hitting stuff at other places. No, they all smicken together. You'd have to tuck them up. No, they all smicken. Lick them, stick them, tuck them in. No, they smicken together. It's all good. How do you know? Do you have them? So Amanda's really actually very much considering laser. Or. Because this is bullshit. Porcupines down her pants. You set them to wear off because it'd be less painful. It's just I can't do, even look at laser for six weeks. Is that what I read? couldn't exercise you can't fuck you can't touch you can hardly walk yeah i let somebody touch it now actually i was like i was putting fix on it before we came in here there's still wax on it it's because i made her stop see this is why she
Speaker1: sets her appointments for this is this is why she makes her appointments for monday see how this works you get what i'm saying man it's it's a time schedule i get it trust me heal heal faster I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker4: I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know. I don faster. We buy gallogenesis. I don't purposely, so Amanda can clear my sinuses, I don't purposely do it on a Monday. I do it when she has time available and it works for my schedule. Which is a Monday. Because I was supposed to be leaving tomorrow. Right, right. And and i'm like well i'm pretty sure i can holy crap no way in hell well i can tell you this and you're never going to work again because now after this show we're going to have gigs for everybody when they have a cold or flu-like symptoms they will call you to come over so they can sleep better at night.
Speaker3: Baby oil, remove wax. I don't have any baby oil around the house.
Speaker1: Do what? They're going to call you so that you can come over so they can sleep better. You'll be like a...
Speaker3: Let me be your allergy treatment.
Speaker1: No, you're... What are those things called? Like the misters and shit. Humidifiers. Humidifiers. It's a pussy fire. But I hope there's not two people sitting in the house. You'll be tired jumping from face to face. Oh, I'm sorry. Place to place. Anyways. It's so needless to say. I'm not happy. In fact, I'm really pissed off. Wait, which is pissed off more? Me or my vag? Right now, me. Yesterday, which was more pissed off? My vag. Yeah. It was angry. The little fucking smiley thing going, taking his tongue out, it wasn't. It was swollen and angry. Well, I had to put an ice compress on it. And you loved the cold. And then she had the gall to me when she was ripping the hairs out going, oh, you're just super sensitive. Didn't I say that before my first appointment? Actually, what we've learned is if you put fire on your junk, you're super sensitive. Your skin's sensitive to that. It's like you're not supposed to burn yourself. No, actually, when she put the wax on, it wasn't overly more hot to me. What you need to do, you need to go to the right type of place. You need to look up the wax. It's like nails, okay? Here's the deal. When you go to a nail salon, the best nail salons, what is the staff? The staff, it's usually a family, right? The staff and an Asian family that's tremendously, tremendous artists, whatever, right? Can do all kinds of cool shit.
Speaker2: Okay.
Speaker1: So stick with this. Actually, just go on with the show.
Speaker3: Lisa, I'm hoping by the next time I see you, wax will be gone she does bathe on occasion I did it today I'm just like very so gently trying to clean it you need to find a waxing studio run by like a Mr. Miyagi but then it isn't just around the vag too it like goes down to the butt and I'm'm like, what the fuck? That's where the fire ran, like, lava.
Speaker1: We need to open a waxing salon called Mr. Miyagi's Waxing.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off.
Speaker2: No. No.
Speaker3: I'm going to do laser. Get it done. Over with, and then.
Speaker1: The manager will be managed by Danielson.
Speaker3: Such a goober.
Speaker2: Crane. Wah!
Speaker3: Wah! Such a goober. Yeah, just saying. Yeah, so there's that. It's a vat emergency. It is. I thought we were going to have to, like, dip her. And, like, if we had a kiddie pool, I had to fill it with ice and dunked her in it yesterday. Well, even then handed me the little gauze pad with oil on it. She goes, I put a little aloe on it to help with the soothing. Awesome. I don't think it's going to do much. And this little pad isn't really going to cover that much of my back and my ass. And you'd think she would have known that. She was just nose to lips to it, face to face. She doesn't get that close to it, but yes. That's how come she misses some hairs. Maybe she needs to get a little closer. No, she missed some hairs, so I told her to stop in the one area. Stop ripping my lips off. I'm like, I'll shave that part. Still. So wait a minute. And then poor Beth. She goes, well, this is what i use for laser but you can go to my waxer she's really good no no no i think we should just i will never give no i will never give anybody another chance on waxing no what if they want to do candle play? That's, no. Not on my badge.
Speaker1: Anywhere else?
Speaker3: I might let them drip it on my back or something. The snorting area.
Speaker1: You need a new tattoo there, by the way.
Speaker3: What's that going to be, a line of Coke?
Speaker1: No, what I'd do is I'd put a circle and probably put coke here or starting line it'll be funny shit okay just saying what the fuck yeah no yeah yeah amanda's done with everything She's done with gummies after fucking the whole thing at Exotica. She's done with. I have a bad enough experience. I'm done. You know what you could do? Take a gummy and get waxed. Then your vag would be high and pissed off. I don't think that could be even more. We're going to put a GoPro on you for that fucking time. What we needed was for her to wear a GoPro, because I would have killed the scene. Your facial expressions as she's shredding your vagina. Oh, my God. Lady, I don't want it to look like an Arby's. Oh, my God. I don't know if they're going to go back. You should go get Botox God Poofy, just saying So there you go, so we had that to talk about See, that was important stuff I never thought I had sensitive skin It's your pussy Is it getting thinner as I get older? not my pussy my skin dipshit you know as you become elderly your skin becomes more paper have you thought about getting botox in your lips to poof them up and maybe that had a layer of protection which lips these are those i don't know are you gonna wax your face or what if you're if you're fucking if. If your face is going to look as pissed off as your pussy did, don't do it. Because every girl can have resting bitch face and that'd be scary. Just saying. Anyway. But Botox, if you Botox your lower lips. That doesn't make it bigger. Botoxing makes your muscles not move. So you have... It paralyzes them. Wait a minute. Would that mean your lips would turn into more like a wall? No. If you had... But now think this too for a second. Just hear me out on this. It doesn't make it stiff. Just hear me out on this. You give a shot of it in your dick and find out. I wish if it would work, I'm fine. Just think this too, though. If you had meat curtains, all of a sudden they got stiff.
Speaker3: They don't get stiff.
Speaker1: Well, you see, they won't move. They paralyze them.
Speaker3: Okay, first of all, your meat curtains don't have muscle in it.
Speaker1: They could. They flap on their own anyway. anyway no i don't have any control over it in comes the wind uh skip i know white vinegar helps take the sting away from sunburn wonder if it would use take the sting. Also, I mean, you'll smell like a salad, but who doesn't like eating a salad? Oh, my God. Now it's healthy, too.
Speaker2: Just saying.
Speaker3: Oh, no, I have plenty of hair.
Speaker2: Oh, yeah.
Speaker1: She was fuzzy like a fucking wombat.
Speaker3: It had been.
Speaker1: Two haircuts ago. Five weeks.
Speaker2: Hold on
Speaker1: If her pussy had been around in the 60s It's dad would have been yelling Get a haircut hippie Just saying April Wax Cole's butt
Speaker3: March 11th
Speaker1: Ah fucking
Speaker3: So it's been one, two, three, four, five Six, seven weeks
Speaker1: It was not like
Speaker3: Or did I get done on the first?
Speaker1: It was not like previous No I got it done on the first. So it had been four weeks. It wasn't like, oh, we need a machete to fucking fight through. I'm still thinking about the salad thing. I hope that's an olive. Tomato? It wasn't like the seven, you, before she was saying we had to, like, fight through it.
Speaker3: And there were the sounds of monkeys. I can tell you're thinning out. Okay, great. I'm thinning out. But, wow. I think you took a layer of skin off.
Speaker1: You should have went to a weigh-in right after that.
Speaker3: Shut up. I'm just saying.
Speaker1: Wasn't that a, I mean, you know.
Speaker2: Shut up.
Speaker3: My fear is, is she going to keep pulling it out. What? Is she going to keep pulling it out? Keep pulling what out? Your vag. What? Your vag. I'm afraid eventually it's going to pop all the way out there. Oh, my. Like the turkey's done. Put it back in there. In fact, she takes the little gauze thing and moves the labia over so she can get to the hair. So she just has to grab it with her hand. She doesn't touch it with her fingers. Which is better to use that than like a fork. I mean, that would be kind of weird. If I did that for a living, God's not a truth for shits and giggles i would do shit like one day i had chopsticks i would do fun things like that just to make people laugh but then i started reading on laser treatment right it's supposed to hurt more than waxing what it says is it feels like somebody's just smacking you with rubber bands.
Speaker4: Well.
Speaker1: And I'm like, uh. You know, I don't necessarily have any plans for Saturday night yet.
Speaker3: But, I mean, we could try it out and see. Okay, Denise said I've been lunky and only had problems when on antibiotics. Well, I'm on a constant antibiotic.
Speaker1: There it is. Oh. Don't you think they'd ask you that? No. Does that make your skin thinner? Hold on. Let me think back to year two of med school. I have no idea. I'm still interested to see if we can sit here. And I know, I guarantee I can... You're still stuck on a salad in the forest. No, actually, no. What I know is, I know that I have a partner in crime that would probably agree that we could both sit there with Robert Pan and go, tink. We'll each pick a side. And if you do that, neither one will even see my badge for a very long time. We'll do rock, paper, scissors. You're not supposed to do it with your
Speaker3: antibiotics. It will cause skin tearing. Well, isn't that
Speaker2: nice? Left lip.
Speaker1: Right lip.
Speaker2: Click!
Speaker4: Well, that
Speaker1: kind of sucks. Can we have a
Speaker3: third for this? Well, but see, this is the first time I've really had an issue i've been on the antibiotic for a long time six months yeah five months yeah uh-huh something like that yeah yeah but it's only a mild antibiotic it's for acne what if we tried because i take testosterone what if we tried like maybe didn't start with rubber bands what if we chose something different something softer we can work your way into it he really wants to get hurt I'm just asking me and a friend my friend isn't going to comment his shit but I know that he'll go, he'll go along with whatever I suggest. He might be eating dinner. You know, you might only have, you have one testicle. Yeah, I got all that. Shall we test a rubber band issue on you? You first. It will not, well, okay, one spot right now. Okay, yes. Actually, I'll do you one better.
Speaker1: You let Eric and I sit there and spend an hour. One of us get to each side. An hour doing the little rubber band thing on your fucking pussy. I'll let you get out the tattoo gun and go and do the tattoo on my nutsack. Remember, I want the fucking gas gauge.
Speaker2: Empty, full, halfway, full. remember i want the fucking gas gauge empty full halfway full the temptation is there that's what's so fucking funny the temptation is there you're pondering you're like no the temptation no the thought is what the fuck what do you mean what goes on in your brain what it would do it's because we make your hair frizzy it's because we care so that look if you've had it then it won't be such a big deal when you're going to have the laser and it'll be like no yeah it's like it's conditioning your pussy Yeah, it's because we care No, we really not going to condition my skin. It's like conditioning your pussy. Yeah, it's because we care.
Speaker1: No, we really do, trust me.
Speaker2: What if we did it in your sleep? What if it happened? I wouldn't be sleeping. Let me rephrase this.
Speaker3: What if it happened while you were asleep?
Speaker1: Not that we would have done it, but... It would wake me up. Not if you were passed out. What happened the last time you did something in my sleep? Not if you were asleep not that we would have done it but it would wake me up and not if you were passed out the last time you did something in my sleep not if you were passed out because i did bite shot everybody just saying i'm just looking for fun things to do activities that's all things's all. Things to liven up. Things to talk about. Things to move forward. Bottom line is, I think you should post. You said acne meds are the worst. Here's the thing. My doctor, when I meet with them next month, want to take me off it, which is fine. I think that you should put the picture of the angry vagag on Twitter. That's what I think. And go, ow! I think that has squeezing your hands. What? No, why? This is awesome stuff. I'm just thinking outside the box. Yes, it is. I really want the tattoo. What can I say? Actually, what we need to go do after Mom moves, I think I'm doing her shit with her on Monday, what we're going to do is go get her nose pierced. Okay. I should do it before that. Surprise. See if she noticed. Santa got his nose pierced. Yeah, I'm just saying. Interesting. Can you take a nose piercing out? Yeah. And put it out and put it back in because you can't go with Santa's nose piercing yeah you can put it back in I can do it with porn but I can't do it with fucking piercing I mean no way to keep it out for too terribly long well no it would just be long too white no it's just why you're doing the immediate thing I could probably probably pierce half my nutsack now and not care. But it would weigh it down for me. Well, you know somebody that does have their nutsack pierced. Yeah, but it didn't hurt. Right, but he's got two balls in his mind. Mine would hang weird. It'd be a whole awkward thing. I mean, it would be. I mean, it's just saying. I don't know. I just, I mean, we could, like, wrap a chain all the way around it from one of the piercings to the other and say it's wrangled my nut or something, but that'd be, I don't know. Actually, if I got a piercing, I would put a keychain, a little ball hanging off and be like, that one tried to get away. Because that'd be funny as shit.
Speaker2: Just saying.
Speaker1: I didn't think you had two balls.
Speaker2: I don't know.
Speaker1: That one tried to get away, but I caught it.
Speaker3: I've got nothing.
Speaker1: It was tethered.
Speaker2: Just saying.
Speaker1: You know what you should do? You should sniff that cupcake. I think that'd be an excellent idea. Okay, so.
Speaker3: If you think I am dumb enough in front of you to do that.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: What am I talking about? i think that'd be an excellent idea well okay so uh if you think i am dumb enough in front of you to do that no why what what am i gonna do sorry i'll date the cats care if you get a tattoo during this show oh rock on all right i'll do it she can go get the tattoo gun right now and fucking start firing that bitch up i don't have any ink we have ink it's the needles that's the issue oh by the way so speaking of needles so here's the other fun things happen this week this is all shit that nobody cares about but it's funny uh that was last week no well last week he almost killed me with my testosterone shot she's just she's just poking my ass all over the place yeah so i just but um what the hell it's because michael's calling he needs to stop that shit jesus michael we record on tuesdays so yeah okay so that it was last it was last week i gave him a test on his shot and i go based upon a tattoo on his hip this cloud is the one i usually give him a tattoo i'm like well but he's kind of bitching you know move it around so i moved it to the cloud above it oh fuck so i stalk him and he goes wow that hurts i pull back there's no blood whatever so i go to inject it he's like oh my gosh that really hurts that really burning like a motherfucker at this point in time the youngest wasn't even talking to us because he was pissed off he had his door shut i go to pull the needle out and it just starts running blood and i'm like trying to catch it with my hand hollering at him to get me a towel and i'm like what is going on she fucking my hand was all drenched in blood the thing is i have to i have to my my hemoglobin's too high you have to be Be careful with testosterone. You have to do and not do too much of it. But I can't bleed out. I usually go give blood, and I can't. No, that isn't the reason you can't give blood. You can't give blood because you had cancer. Oh, so close. Because you had cancer. Right. I have dirty blood. I'm a dirty, dirty boy. Ow, my nipple, cunt.
Speaker2: So, yeah.
Speaker1: That's, you know, just saying.
Speaker2: But my dick works really well.
Speaker1: Yeah.
Speaker2: It does. Why do you say that like that? Because you're like a teenager. Well, right.
Speaker1: Isn't that the goal of to have your dick work really well?
Speaker3: I guess. Well, I'm just saying. Enough to when I went to my hormone doctor, I was telling him about how good the testosterone was working for you. Get that away from my face. Because if you dare. If I had a nick over every time I've heard that in my life. Get that away from my face. Just one little bit. You will get hit. It's a special occasion. No. There's no swimmers in this. No.
Speaker1: Look closely.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker3: I can't see that close. We know this. That's why I have glasses.
Speaker1: Is that better?
Speaker3: All right.
Speaker1: So, okay.
Speaker2: Wow. Look at that. They're dirty, though.
Speaker1: Do you know why?
Speaker3: Because they're on my head?
Speaker1: Because you're a dirty girl. girl dirty glasses for a dirty girl honk okay so back to 300 so we gotta figure out how the fuck we're gonna stay relevant for the next 300 shows which becomes more and more of a challenge every fucking week you know and so one of the things we wanna do is we want your ideas What is a sexual world record that you would like us to see if she can beat? Some of them are weird. But that's your homework. Because we were looking at them because we came across how many strokes on a nine-inch dick in 30 seconds. It's a world record one of the one of the gals has a world record true guinness book world record the tallest porn star actress nazi and and she's fucked her yeah uh so i mean but we want to see so we're like what could do something what else but there's one that's like girl they got her pussy burnt by a pizza and i'm like yeah there was one that the the heaviest gangbang everybody every guy in the gangbang was over 300 pounds it was 7.5 tons of men fuck the fuck this girl yeah so the thing is is oh the one that the gal that um the highest that she could fly a kite with her ass yeah Yeah, the highest she, yeah, yep, exactly.
Speaker3: So she stuck the kite string up her ass and saw how high it could get before it pulled out.
Speaker1: She was running, it turned sideways.
Speaker2: What?
Speaker1: One of the handles turned sideways so she could clench it.
Speaker3: You'd probably just clench it.
Speaker1: Has it been funny when she was running to get it to go to begin with?
Speaker3: Running until the kite's bouncing behind you. So uh the thing is is that here's your homework what we want is we want everybody to go look up world records whatever a legitimate and shoot us your suggestion for what world record we or should break or anybody let's we can yeah yeah get a group well hopefully involve groups that should be fun but we want to see we we think one of the goals in the next 300 shows needs to be that crazy truth is involved with coordinating or doing breaking a world record there's one is like how many who could stroke butt plug with a cat attached probably probably Lisa, good eye, good to know you. I'm going to go, you've tried that, good eye. But there was one that was like an eight-inch dildo. How many strokes somebody could do on it? In 60 seconds. Yeah. Here's the deal, you know. And you just go, how do you come up with these things? How do you not catch somebody on fire? Well, a dildo, you wouldn't catch anything on fire. Your own hand, you could. You could combust your hand. Boy, it'd have to be lubed up or in a pool. I would, not in a pool, because it'd be drag. That's true. Drag. Nah. But in a fucking, you know, but a dude, doing it on a dude, fucking speed jerking. As long as you grab the skin and the skin just moves. That's a gherkin, not a jerkin. Thank you. I'll be here all week. Let's have more cupcakes. Now the waxer knowing what we do. Right. She was at least having a conversation about, okay, soes hit one that they were finding um dildos and silicone bodies and stuff and trees and stuff and she goes i wonder if anybody claims those and i said well for the amount of money you spend on the silicone ones they might you never know or come back at night and get it and she goes i don't get it how do these guys fuck these silicone dolls without a head i said well maybe they're imagining who they could be fucking the same way they fuck some of the girls that are fucking filled with silicone and i'm like clueless one of the guys i did a porn shoot with had one it was like a body and the body was like maybe inches, and the waist was tiny, just enough to sleeve to fit on his dick. But it was a little body, and you just go, what? Our imagination is strong for this one. Farthest squirting distance, yes. And everybody can line up and give it a shot. We can certainly do measurements. It was like 13 feet. 18 feet, 18 feet, 18.7, because I went, ah couldn't do that. No, no. If you get lonely enough, lots of things become easy. Okay, that's fucking funny. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, that, well, I mean, you know, there's people that I've had sex with and I go, how the fuck do you have sex with that person? What the fuck was I thinking? It happens. With your dick. When you get lonely enough and lots of things become easy, just saying. That seems to be a shirt that needs to be made. Just saying. Yeah, I could see that. With a little gauge. Ding! A little ball that goes off. It's hot as fuck in our studio, too, just an FYI. That's because I didn't turn the air conditioner on. I know. And I'm all sweaty. Oh, my gosh. Life is going to end. I think it's okay. Don't touch it. You touch it, you get hurt. Will it bite? Yes. It will. It licked back. That'd be funny. Not really. Not funny. Well, it could be. I have a bite. Ouch. Okay. All right. Well, there you go, kids. You going to eat this? I guess you are. No, go ahead. You sure? Oh. All right. Wow. What? Oh my gosh, can you not talk with shit in your mouth? Guess you don't have any practice with it. Maybe you should learn. I've got a strap on we can see how well you can get it to work can you talk
Speaker4: don't you dare spit water on me
Speaker3: don't
Speaker1: do it Don't. Don't. Do it. I just want to cool it down. I just might squirt one time when you squirt on your face one time and you'll know how it feels. To be squirt on the face? Yeah. I know what it feels like. Not by me. It was your eye. That was one time. That was a long time ago. But it was still my face. It was a birthday, so it doesn't count. You get to do special things on birthdays. Anything to do with a birthday. Let me say this again for the people in the back. You get to do special things. She'll do special things on your birthday. Just say, there it went. There it caught on. It took a minute there, but that hamster caught up. There we go. Anywho, about those rubber bands. Tink I think it'd be fun I think you're over-exaggerating Which would hurt I mean, right now Right now it'd hurt like hell I'm going to name this show 300 The Vag Show Or just Angry Vag Okay That's what it's going to be. Next travel. Next travel adventure. What month is this? May. May. Tomorrow's May. Tomorrow's May. It's May Day. Do you think it was a May Basket? No. I didn't grow up with May Baskets. I never knew what it was until someone left one for a kid and I go, what the hell?
Speaker2: I missed that. Like we were supposed to do that.
Speaker3: Innocence and youth. Anyways, so the next traveling up. I always wanted to do a May poll because I thought it looked pretty.
Speaker1: And you know what? You still like to do May polls. And June polls and September polls. You kind of like polls all year round, don't you? And you'll be here all week.
Speaker2: Cupcake.
Speaker1: So our next adventure will see. I don't you and you're like you'll be here all week cupcake uh so our next adventure let's see i don't think we're slated to go on the road yet now that like everything's subject to change with us but i think the next one is we is june like this month we're relatively here ish we may try to actually take a weekend and go do something to us. Maybe. That'd be fun. But then once June starts, then we are absolutely... Not at home. I don't think we're at home more. I think we're at home like six days for the whole month of June or something like that. Six or eight days. I think that's longer than that. Not at one shot. in june we have ksn we have your class reunion we have uh miami and then and then we have a week literally eight no seven days six days and then we go to vegas and yeah so yeah we're on the roll road a lot in june so uh probably going to be be around enjoying the local stuff for a few this month as much as we can to try to get all of our shit ready to be on the road because we got a lot of shit to get ready to be on the road like we got a lot of merch to do and a lot of stuff like that to take with us places. So, yeah, KSN's in June, which, by the way, if you haven't got your KSN tickets, please, we still have tent electric spots, and we still have a few camper spots, even. So, it's going to be fun, so check it out. Come get your tickets for KSN. Don't forget KVN, Vegas Nights, that's only, Vegas is only, KSN is 39 days away or 38 days away. And Vegas is only 72 days away. And the second Crazy Summer Nights is only 90-some days away. And we are now under 300 to KWN. So, yeah. But if you want to take us to the June Crazy Summer N nights they're still playing so get those so absolutely please get them just saying we can fill it out it would be nice it's for your birthday so just saying uh anyways i'm not excited about my birthday I don, no. Okay. I'm getting older. But I don't look. You look older than I am. What a cunt. Why do we have to go to being somebody in the cunt factor? To make me feel better about turning older. And now I feel better, too. Anyways, I think with that, it's time to wrap up this special magical... I think it was cum. To end this magical 300 episode, because it just doesn't get any better than this. What a way to end. Seven years. Serves you right.
Speaker2: 300 episodes with 300 more coming up for sure. I don't know who the next new host will be, but I'm sure she'll pick a good one. With that being said, kids, again, shout out to MotorBunny.com, ASNLifestyleMagazine.com, and our good friends at SmokinMeatsBBQTreats.com. Thank you very much, all three of you guys, for being sponsors.
Speaker1: We sincerely appreciate it. will see you all soon we'll see you for episode 301 next week hopefully you'll be dry by then uh anyways doing it doing it yeah ending it the right way i'm missing me just wet again what a whore with that being said doing it the only way
Speaker2: I know how
Speaker1: the only way I want to
Speaker3: and the only way
Speaker1: I ever fucking will
Speaker3: oh by the way
Speaker1: send us those emails in the sex records at crazy.casma at gmail.com the only way I ever will Casma style
Speaker4: what the hell out
Speaker3: bye