Krazy Truth about Swinging #272 Toys

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Hey you crazy motherfuckers, welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth About Swinging. I'm the host with the most and a hat. I'm Cole, and I'm here with the lovely, lovely and slightly mosquito-bitten Miss Amanda.
Speaker2: Hey.
Speaker1: Her nebbles itch, but that's okay. I swear to God, it was just the mosquitoes. For those of you following along at home, which I'm sure we all are, we're anxiously awaiting Cole, what episode is this? What year are we in? Let's have a little quiz. What year are we in? What season? All quiz what year are we in what season all right that was awesome thank you very much six season six this is why we're at one of our i'll tell you about one of our sponsors in a minute season six episode 272 you know why 72 is important as you are born anyway it's 27, and we're happy to be here. Miss Amanda will be catching up with us in about 12 months, and we're excited for her to get here. There you go. You all right there? Uh-huh. I was combing my hair because I saw it parted in the thing, and I'm like, ooh, and then I started combing it, and then I had a hair attached to my hands. I was like, shake it off. Shake it off, baby. Ooh, you can't do that.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: Great, I can't move for the whole show.
Speaker2: Sorry.
Speaker1: Okay, so a quick shout-out to our sponsors. Hey, you know what? If you want a sex toy that will just pound you silly and make you come and come again reliably for years to come, that's what I did there, motorbunny.com.
Speaker2: That's right.
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Speaker2: Guess what?
Speaker1: And when this show comes out, officially is launched, the new magazine will be out. So you want to make sure you check that out?
Speaker3: Here, this is on the last day of the month.
Speaker1: Yeah, it comes out on, no, because, oh because oh that's right so the day after this comes out the first uh also hey you know what safety see this is why we want to make sure you don't get roofied so you know what season it is you want to make sure don't become a statistic kids one in four and we're not fucking around here one in four people get drugged without their consent every year and you don't need to become one of those statistics if you get a my cup condom so you want to make sure that you get yours taken care of today you can go to mycupcondom.com backslash discount backslash caspaten doesn't not just lifestyle you You've got people going to college, friends, family. Get one today. Mycupcondom.com. Now, finally, here's the thing. We are on the verge. We are on the verge. When this comes out, the Huskers play their first game of college football. And we all know what happens during football season. Tailgate, tailgate. And what do you do to tailgate? You grill.
Speaker2: Right?
Speaker1: What do you grill meat now if you just throw a slab of meat on the grill that's like but if you have an awesome meat rub now you're cooking see what i did there cooking meat gotcha thank you this is why the sponsors like us and you need to support a lifestyle business out with an incredible product SmokinMeatBBQTreats.com That's S-M-O-K-I-N-M-E-A-T-S B-B-Q-T-R-E-A-T-S.com. Check them out today. They've got incredible flavors. They have got Hickory Dust, Lemon Pepper, SBG, Orange Mango, Habanero, and Pineapple Paradise. But wait, but wait, wait they have a brand new brand new flavor and the brand new flavor is say it out loud for the kids at home sine cube sine cube that's right now here's the great thing these folks uh tremendous supporters of the show tremendous folks you can go on their website use casbah k-a-s, 15, and get 15% off your order. Your football season will be much more complete when you have the new meat rubs. Now, I was going to try the new meat rub on the air. Here's what happened. I was really hungry because I'm kind of on a diet, and I already ate it. So I will officially eat a fish one on the air next show. But I can can tell you this the new meat rub is freaking awesome yeah absolutely awesome so huge thank you to them for uh sending that to us now here's the other thing we're gonna do they want us they said hey you know what it's labor day weekend it's a barbecuing weekend give away a full set of the meat rubs not just one not just one a full all five flavors so what we're going to do all you have to do to be entered shoot me an email at crazy k-r-a-z-y k-r-a-z-y dot kasbah k-a-s-b-h and put meat rub at gmail.com Go at g gmail.com I got to the meatrub part And put meatrub And you're automatically entered to win The full set of meat rubs Okay, so there you go Alright, so we are ready to go for the show Are you ready? It's going to be a good, good show I think Are you sure? No Why do you act Notice I'm not wearing my shades So, okay. You're not. No. What the fuck? No, because I have my hair out, so I thought we'll go this way. We're going to start. I'm going to fire right out of the gate today. Okay. I want to make sure as many people hear this as humanly possible, so we're going to fire out of the gate for us to go there. I want to take a minute. to take a minute i want to take a minute because on this show we take and demolish all the bullshit myths that people like to yammer about in the lifestyle right all the bullshit about you know the things that it's great to say but they don't do as they say all that kind of stuff And so the myth that I'm going to go out and I'm going to slam out of the ballpark today is this silly damn myth that everyone is in the lifestyle to make the lifestyle better. Our only concern is how we can make the lifestyle better. We just want to make the lifestyle grow and be better and we see this out of groups nationwide and i just want to say for just a quick moment in time for those people that are dedicated for those people that are focused on making the lifestyle better and truly that their top priority is how to make it grow and reach new heights of inclusivity and activity and love and fun why oh why oh fucking why do you need to be an admin of six or seven different groups? Are you rich and like a board of directors person? Are you on there to make it better or to get your name everywhere? Because if you want to make something great, if you want to make something better, you will take and you will focus your energy on an area to make it grow and make it better. We know a lot of people. A whole lot of people. And I am the admin of our pages. Only. Because I spend my energy to focus to make it grow i'm not the admin of my group and seven other groups now there's nothing wrong with being a group or two so so we have a lot of folks that a group or two we see that awesome But when you start getting your admins of two and three and four groups, and they all do the same thing in theory, why? What possible grandiose plan do you have to spread yourself that thin? How is that helping? What is that really doing? it's a lot of fun to babble about a level of dedication. It's a lot of fun to preach about a level of dedication, but it's a whole different ballgame to actually do something that focuses on making something better. I'll be damned. It's not rocket scientists. So here's the question or the thing that I post to all of you. You're all, wherever you're at in the country right now, wherever you are hearing this, you're part of probably, I don't know, four or five, six groups, minimum on Facebook. Minimum. There may be a few of you that are only in one or two groups, but I doubt it. For the most part, you're in multiple groups. Do you want to test my theory? Go look at your groups and see how many of your different groups have the same admins. And then ask yourself, when they preach about how they're dedicated why and then ask yourself what do you expect out of your group and what do you expect your groups to do for you if you expect your groups to help your lifestyle experience be better, then I would hope that you would expect your leadership of your groups to be focused on their group, not their personal growth. I'm sure that it will trigger some people, and quite honestly, I don't give a fuck. Because I'll say what no one else will. That's why our show is called Crazy Truth. I'm not allowed to say Crazy Fucking Truth, but that's what it is. Just saying. Anywho, that's why I didn't wear my shades tonight. I don't want anybody to accuse me of hiding behind my shades or hiding behind anything we say i put a post out there today and i'm very glad i did and my post simply said i used to be a gdi i am still a gdi and i will always be a gDI. And what that means is, god damn independent. That is what we're about. We don't need the herd mentality. We believe in focusing to make shit better. Go ahead, you can talk now, I'll be quiet. God. But just so you all know, we just lost like 50 sales for tickets and probably got kicked out of three groups, and I really don't give a shit. No, you didn't. Oh, good lord. Don't kid yourself. Anyways, we actually... So, what did we do this weekend? You were just a busy little slut. No, actually, we had a great time this weekend. We did a couple of different things. We went to your work team building thing. And that was fun because we got, well, I got drunk off of your boss's dime. Note to self, you probably shouldn't say, just hold yourself at the bar. The tab's open. Just put it on my tab. So it it is what it is so between him and the other guy cole who who is the hr's husband so it was okay because the hr lady said we could they just kept getting shot after shot after we each had about nine nine shots of crown and then the audi was over like nine so we still had time to go out for the So then we went out and proceeded to have a little bit more. Not a ton, a little bit. The reason we didn't have a ton more is I was too drunk. You weren't completely ham. No, but I had realized I had hit that magnet point. But it was funny going to work on Monday. Well, how's Cole feeling? Cole. You know we still went out and drank, right drank right cool when the first thing he did was have another shot when he got we had two drinks before everybody showed up three oh yeah no two you're right two two that's right yeah i know we started yeah and then we started so so we had fun so that was that was neither here nor there that was amanda had to behave and we had fun and i didn't we were the lot we you know we cracked a lot of jokes and shit. We were entertaining. The cool thing is, so our cool little group that we have, like, a weekly meeting group that's not official. We just have people just come and hang out with us, and that's so much fun. And it's so big cool. I'm sorry. Hold on. One second. We do this in front of our live Facebook audience, CASBank. Shh, don't tell the others.
Speaker2: Mike, go big red.
Speaker1: As in Wisconsin, that is not allowed.
Speaker2: That you can go ahead and send your donation to CASBank Harris for $25 for that penalty.
Speaker1: No. No, so, and then Saturday night. So, Saturday night, we went west, young man. We went west. So, for those who don't know, we are in Nebraska is where we're out of. And so, we went out to another little gathering, another little party in Kearney. And we went out there for two full reasons. One, because we thought it was going to be a good time and we wanted to. And two, to check out a hotel out there, which we did. Nice hotel. Cole's a little brain. It's just a little hamster. He's sobered up. He's got so many parts that are just absolutely perfect. Oh, my God, yeah. And just a little hamster he's sobered up so many parts that are just absolutely perfect oh my god yeah and and my little my hamster once he sobered up that little fucker ran and ran he's still spinning good things are coming uh and but then we had a great time and it was awesome okay if you've never had a chance to go to an event with us that's not ours we don't have to work we don't have to work so so we get to totally have fun and it was so much fun it was so relaxing i i mean you know just big group shooting the shit everybody laughing having a good time it's it's like being it's old people being young again type thing and it's just an absolute blast super just what a ball i i don't think i was in tears laughing so hard imagine that and then there was sex stuff and amanda fucking she got dick in pussy she was practicing okay. Nom. Okay, so. Yeah, yeah, yo.
Speaker3: For the funny part, because I was talking to you and Work Guy about it. So, Amanda uses a strap-on, right?
Speaker2: Mm-hmm.
Speaker3: On a female. She's on her back. I'm pretty much on my knees, and I'm just fucking. You and Work Guy both goes, my gosh, you must have gotten a massive ab workout.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: I still don't know how you did that.
Speaker3: What hurts are my calves and my hamstrings? So I don't know if I just tense the fuck out of my legs, but I never once used my abs.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker3: I mean, y'all must go like a little.
Speaker1: No, you worry. Okay, this is what I'm going to gonna think now and i could be wrong here you it's like when you you were watching okay intently in fact you you used your hips more it's it's like what makes a girl sexy when they dance is and they're moving their hips, right? So you used your hips more it's it's like what makes a girl sexy when they dance is and they're moving their hips right so you used your hips more so you were like it was like it was it was like your your you weren't you could tell you weren't using your abs as much if a guy would have done that if i would have done that my abs would have been sore for two days because we do we use it guys use their abs you were using it's like lifting with your legs instead of your back you yeah i mean it obviously worked because she squirted twice yes but i was laughing because as i'm explaining it to to work guy which by work guy she means boy toy not like her boss at work that's not in the lifestyle i was using a straight one this point in time knows that we always need to put it just my previous work right fuck buddy anyway so he goes well that's why our abs hurt and that's why we slow down in the middle because our abs are cramping y'all like don't stop don't stop and we're like what do you want us to do we gotta breathe we gotta breathe but then also guys are more on top but my calves yes i didn't feel like i could the strap on and i actually noticed i'm not just i noticed this and because i thought it but actually for once i didn't say what i thought i know it's very hard to believe in rare but honestly the fuck honestly the dick on the strap-on doesn't okay so when when my dick is hard think back many moons when you've seen it that way i know it's been a while i saw it earlier today right okay so my dick's not a 10 inch dick right so it's not one that's so big that it doesn't get all the way hard but when you watch a porn and you see a dude and he gets completely hard his dick is sticking out straight right think about it right so this okay but this one on the strap on is down at an angle so the angle you were going at if it would have been straight you would have been using your ab think about the one time you use the the uh the hook your cooter fucking strap yeah that one. And it using your ab. Think about the one time you used the hook your cooter fucking... Strap. Strap. Yeah, that one. And it was your ab is more. This one, because of the way the dick hung, so you hit it differently. Well, and then as I kept saying to her... We should have made her get up on her knees because she was way taller than you and done it doggy style because then you would have had to stand up and that would funny as hell i think you'll be here all week your dick um yeah anyway a couple of times i said to her i'm sorry you have to let me know if i'm hitting it just right because i don't have feeling in it right and she goes and she's just like you know and then squirt you i must have been you were hitting it apparently you were hitting it at like a breakneck part of the
Speaker2: thing is Like, you know, and then squirt. So I must have been doing something. You were hitting it. Apparently. You were hitting it at, like, a breakneck.
Speaker1: Part of the thing is this. You don't usually have a penis.
Speaker2: Right?
Speaker1: So you get a penis. It's that baby elephant thing.
Speaker2: You get a penis.
Speaker4: Woo.
Speaker1: You put these girls on a strap.
Speaker3: I did that when I put it on.
Speaker2: I put it on. Right.
Speaker1: And when a girl puts on a penis, they're like, yay, penis. And they're just like, na. We have one all the time. We understand it's a marathon, not a sprint. That's the general rule. Okay, yeah, I was going to find that. And as more as you get a dad bod, it becomes more of a marathon. It actually becomes more like a 3K that's a marathon with a donut stop somewhere in between so that that kind of that kind of helps now do you regret because you your your strap-on has a um a reverse dick for you right for the strap yeah and i wish i would have been set up but it doesn't fit in my bag that way and i was in a hurry to put it on that would be her toy bag not her vagina we're not referring to her vag as a bag because you can't care it's not like a kangaroo pouch you can carry stuff we hold this coin yeah it has actually like okay so the vagina shut up i'm sorry so the strap on is like eight inches bigger than me dick not by much but the one that goes in me is only like five.
Speaker3: Right. But girthier.
Speaker1: Right. It's basically a small pop can.
Speaker2: No.
Speaker1: I'm surprised they didn't have that adjusted that you can make that a butt plug. Think about this for just a minute. They have some. If that had been adjusted around the way, so then as you're thrusting back and forth you're like fucking her and fucking yourself in the butt at the same time Wouldn't that just be a sloppy mess of fun Alright we're gonna My engineers Does he understand the logistics behind that Nope sure don't I can't even hit the hole without somebody guiding it in most of the time If I'm hitting something forward Nothing's gonna come at me from the back An object in well, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. So the strap on, unless it sucks into you, there's a give factor. So as you're going this way, as you pull back, it's going to loosen up, and then bam, boom, bam, boom, bam. Wow, we need to put the strap on, let me see how it feels. But then I'll have two penises, and how does that work? One for the ass and one for the vag. Duh. Or. They make an attachment for guys for that. You know that, right? I could just have two girls, one sucking the real one, one sucking the fake one, and we could switch it back and forth. I guess, if you want it that way. Look, knowing me, think about this for just a second. What I see happening is the funnier it gets to me and the more drinks and the more I know it will make people laugh, I'm going to have the strap-on on my head. I'm going to have the one with... I'm coming!
Speaker2: Yeah.
Speaker1: I'm going to be like, charge! You'll be like, yo, somebody say I'm charged. I'm going to have it on my head.
Speaker3: Is this made me a unicorn?
Speaker1: If you can have both of them, I'm going to have a mohawk of dicks on my head. We know this. We don't even have to wonder if that's going to happen. I mean, I'm just saying. Wait a minute. You can't shake your head at that. No woman can shake their head at any weird shit guys will do with their sex toys. And you don't want to know why? Why? Document this, folks. Guys, this is your argument for life. Ladies, write this down. You ordered, and you were proud of the fact that you ordered, these alien fucking dildos. No, they're not alien. No. Whatever. One's a tentacle. They're like weird sea creatures type things. And you're not the first one. I remember a good friend of ours that I hooked up with that had one that jizzed green goo out. No. I got one that was rainbow, but it's a small one, but it's got a lot of ribs on it. No. That one makes me wet as all good. It doesn't have ribs. It has a fucking parasail or like the one dinosaur with the fin thing on its back. That's what it has. No, you're talking about, are you talking about the clear one? One of them. You have a plethora of ones that do not look like penises. The tentacle, no, does not look like a penis. Women have sex toys that could look like dog toys at any given moment in time. If you could replace them, if your dog could come run out of your bedroom in front of a company, gnawing on a dildo, and no one would think it's unusual, you cannot make fun of a guy because they're going to put dildos nowhere else on their head. Seriously. I mean, wouldn't you be disappointed? Ladies, if any of you can say this in true, if you have a suction cup dick for the shower or wherever you want a suction cup, the floor, the ceiling, whatever, and your significant other, your boyfriend, your husband doesn't, some point in time, if you leave in the shower somewhere, doesn't doesn't, out of just fucking, because they're a dude, suction it on their forehead. Can you really say your marriage or your relationship is good? Are you really proud that that's who you're with? I mean, come on, it's our job. Just like it's our job if our kids are older and go, hey, look what I found on your mom's. It's our job. These are the things that we do. It's what makes us more it makes us men than our testosterone or nuts or anything else it's what we do with stuff like that so thanks to the original topic he's had good times of crack i just yes i had a good time i want to buy a sex toy because it's a lightsaber and it lights up. Okay. For you or for me? For you because I want to see what happens when you stick it up your cooter and see if your cooter will glow. And I want to go... And I want to say right before I stick it in, I will become even more powerful than you ever imagined. Woman, I want to do that. I can't help it. I know it's not.
Speaker2: Then buy one.
Speaker1: I don't want to spend the money just for that because then I'm going to run around. I'm going to have to buy two because we're going to have to get a hold of one because I'm not going to be in the backyard having a dildo fight because the lightsaber is going to be funny.
Speaker2: Yes.
Speaker1: It would be hilarious. It would make a great TikTok video. You know it. I know it would be awesome. I mean, you might not want to be a part of it, but every guy out there that's going to listen is going to go, I need one of those. This is the greatest thing ever. It is what it is. What other sex toys do you like? Huh? what other sex toys do you like huh what other sex toys do you like i want to talk about sex toys i want to talk about sex toys because i think it's fucking funny i don't have that many i mean i do but i don't right not compared to other people mine are kind of dull most it seems, if you look at most sex toys' bags, technical sword fights, most sex toys, if you just walk through the store, it can be made into a sex toy. Damn near. Well, the magic ones are back massagers, right? And like Spot Wilders are a sex toy. Well,agers yes okay and who has ever has anybody ever got a disgusting part of the plot line does zach and mary make porno i didn't know that i didn't know i've never seen it so this year for christmas here's what we're gonna do oh good god i we should buy, like, my sister-in-law, my mother, and, like, maybe your sister, the back massage, the wand, right, and give them to them and have their look on their face because when they look at us, we have to keep a straight face. to be like, well, you know, like my sister-in-law is very athletic and does like, you know, rides bike stuff. Because we know you work out all the time. So I figured you'd like this for a massage to help your muscles recoup. And I want to do that because I want to see their faces. Because you know, just as well as I know, that they're going to be like, uh, but I want to do that because that will be hilarious. I think I got Christmas shopping done. I'm going Christmas shopping this week. This is going to be awesome. I want to see my mother write a thank you. Thank you so much for the massager. Actually, you know what?
Speaker2: We'll have that.
Speaker1: The boys give her that. That'll be funny. That will be hilarious. But she already knows some of the sex toy collection right but she doesn't know that and stuff that was given to us but if but if that one because the boys and i want to see the boys when she's going oh thanks boys you picked this out yourself and i'm just gonna try not to die because it's gonna be the this is gonna be the greatest holiday ever oh my lord i'm already so excited Oh, boy. This is awesome. Okay. What does that say to be the greatest holiday ever. Oh my lord, I'm already so excited to take that. Oh boy. This is awesome. Okay, what does that say? I can't read anything.
Speaker3: Mainstream movie. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Got that. So what do you want to know? What I have?
Speaker1: What's your favorite?
Speaker3: Favorite? I think it actually is dead
Speaker2: now.
Speaker1: He was a wonderful man too. He lived here for a couple of years
Speaker2: There's... favorite? I think it actually is dead now. He was a wonderful man, too.
Speaker1: He lived here for a couple of years and we tried our best to save his life.
Speaker3: Seriously? It's my pseudo-rabbit thing. It's not technically a rabbit, but it's
Speaker1: It was a pet rabbit. It was horrible.
Speaker3: It was an eye. Everybody knows what I'm talking about.
Speaker1: He went over the ring.
Speaker3: But for some reason, now when you hit vibrate, it makes a really
Speaker2: I don talking about. He went over the ring.
Speaker3: But for some reason, now when you vibrate, it makes it really loud. You could think you plugged in a fucking motor bunny for the sound of that.
Speaker1: No.
Speaker3: I'm just like, ooh, I think we're broken. And then the head's like totally separated and flings from the rest of the body.
Speaker2: I'm like,
Speaker3: I think it's gone, though.
Speaker1: Wait a minute.
Speaker2: It just randomly flops, huh? No, you know. That's horrible. I just shot this, it was last week. It sure was, but it's just starting to really take effect now. It's awesome. Should we have a ceremony? I mean, do you just throw those in the garbage i don't know what to do with it yet i don't really want to let go of it because it's like my favorite one but sometimes you have to let it go i know you you can't keep it forever but it's still worse without the vibrating part of it yeah but. Yeah, but do you have the patience to use it by hand? No, not really, because I like the vibrator part of it. So, you know, sometimes you just need to stop holding on. Because I actually used it externally for a clip. So is it, could it be like a training tool? Shut the fuck up. Could it be something we could put on the garage sale as some other item?
Speaker1: Someone would probably buy it or go, oh, my gosh.
Speaker2: Again. So, actually, so my next favorite one, I'm going to keep you going. Okay, so my next favorite one is my, oh, I don't even know how big it is.
Speaker3: It's the suction cup dildo.
Speaker1: It's the size of a plunger. It's not the size of a plunger.
Speaker3: It's probably an 8-inch dick with balls.
Speaker1: That suctions.
Speaker2: I've tried to suction it to the shower. It just does not work that way. You know why?
Speaker1: Why? It has too many balls. Just say. Let me ask you something. This is an important question question did you keep it with both balls on it i'm not gonna mutilate it their balls are hard it's part of it so what do you say nothing i'm not i'm not just so does that mean i don't tamper toys. Does that mean when you use it, you're not thinking of me?
Speaker3: You're right.
Speaker1: I'm not.
Speaker3: I'm not thinking about you when I'm using it.
Speaker1: You fucking dirty slut, really? Who are you thinking of?
Speaker2: Really?
Speaker1: Who are you thinking of?
Speaker3: Do you think of your hand as my vag every time you jack off?
Speaker2: No. I do.
Speaker1: Well, yours or somebody's.
Speaker3: Somebody's, right.
Speaker2: The joy is. It depends on whatever pictures I'm looking at at that moment in time.
Speaker1: Oh, Amanda, you sweet thing.
Speaker2: Sometimes I'm like, oh, baby, oh, baby.
Speaker1: What are we having for dinner I get butterflies chicken wow see I did that chicken you know why cause we eat it every fucking night no cause I'm jacking up I'm choking the chicken so it's's already ready to pay. Thank you very much. Ta-da-da. Wow. So. So my next favorite one is the glass one. The expensive one, okay. No, it's not expensive. It's just a glass one. I won't put it in the freezer because I will not have something that cold on my computer. Now let me ask this, and this is an honest question because I just don't know. You know, if you take and stick your tongue in the winter, if you stick it on a pole, your tongue will stick to it.
Speaker2: Shit's wet.
Speaker5: The glass is cold.
Speaker1: What if your lips are like... What do you mean? Well, I've had somebody pull one out of a freezer and use it on me and I didn't stick to it, so I have no idea. Gosh, you're a 12-year-old. I don't know. Look, this is shit that people want to know. No, they don't want to know what my preference is. No, but this will cause conversation there. Someone's going to turn to their wife and go, do you have that? Do you like that? And vice versa. This is going to cause conversation. I'm like, what else do I have? Do you like the glass one better than your stone one? Because you have a stone one. You have a quartz. I have a quartz crystal one. The glass one has more texture to it. Would there be bubbles? Kind of. No, not really.
Speaker4: It has more texture to it.
Speaker3: Ribbed for her pleasure.
Speaker1: Or maybe ran out of breath and he's blown it. Should have had waves.
Speaker3: The stone one is just a smooth curve
Speaker1: with a ball on the end it's more it's more primitive well i mean think about it that's the whole idea that you know how many cords have come out of the perfect shape of a penis maybe it's also designed for a prostate i don't know well it could be. It's yours.
Speaker2: I don't know.
Speaker1: I would have got a different color. I mean, have you tried it in your butt?
Speaker2: No. Why not?
Speaker3: I never thought about it.
Speaker2: Did you?
Speaker1: So, you've got your phone there in front of you, right? Right. You love to make lists on your phone. I'm not going to. Things to do lists. No, I'm not going to make a what to do with dildos. It's not all of them. Maybe you don't want the alien one up your butt. I don't know. I'm just saying. So, my little hand vibrator is turning into a favorite because, well. The necklace one? Yeah, I use it over. I've used it here because my other one kind of died. Do we need to put that on, like, your list to get more? Like, do we need to buy those in bulk? What if it runs out? Well, I just need another one to use at home. Okay. We'll do that. We'll get to. Hey, let's take a quick break shall we find the midway point this is awesome whatever um i do the do the midway point i'm sorry awake powder it's just gonna keep you going for hours and hours we're gonna have red bull be a sponsor again full swap radio check this out okay so if you can turn them into jigger bombs possibly so here's what's funny you didn't get toys until you were like that we were well into this before you ever had a toy other than
Speaker3: the stupid one i tried to buy no we weren't really into this the very first one we weren't into it
Speaker1: at all well the one that i bought that doesn't count but then the first one after that was
Speaker2: Thank you. the very first one we weren't into it at all well the one that i bought that doesn't count
Speaker1: but then the first one after that was one that one of our fans on aff got me right so now okay so here's what's funny so you had never you had never used toys at all until that point correct now let me ask this do you ever or can you even really enjoyably get off without using toys no is it because you don't have the patience because your arm gets tired is it well okay just doesn't feel anywhere close to as good this is gonna be amanda reveals herself. Uh-huh. Sure is. So when I was an adolescent, I'd get off clitoral with my fingers. Right. As strong as arms, right? Mm-hmm. Well. Being in band, it helps. Your arms get tired. You don't say. Okay, go on. No guy understands that. So then once you find a vibrator, you don't dare go back to your hands. I've tried it. It does absolutely nothing. So really, the problem is your hand just can't move fast enough. For a long period of time. Because it takes longer. So, so. I don't know why. is it well i mean is it something you could do exercise i mean in case of emergency in case of emergency i'll deal with it until i get home you could be stranded at sea what if you were stranded at sea or stranded on an island somewhere? Then I'll find something there to use. I won't need one. Don't kid yourself. I thought I must have. That's a lie. That is a total lie. That's our generational thing that women say. If I get to that horny, all I have to do is touch it and I'll come. It's all good. Wait, that's possible? If you wait long enough. How long? I don't know. I've never waited. Well, see, maybe this is something that we can do in the interest of science. It'd be funny as hell. That's going to be funny. thing is is that why you can't like change it up if you like start to slowly reintroduce your hand like start off with your fingers and work out to like kind of reintroduce him you know rehab him into the thing don't start up all one time going straight back to fingers and trying to do mach 7 but you know what i mean would that work possibly i guess have you ever okay so but you always you just said you only use your fingers for clitoral stimulation correct you never like nope have you tried that yeah it doesn't do anything can you not find your own because i have short stubby fingers i find it you have to get past everything and it doesn't do anything. I think it's because I have short, stubby fingers. I find it. You have to get past everything, and it doesn't go up far enough for me to even get off. You don't have short, stubby fingers. The fuck I don't? You might have short little arms, but you don't have short, stubby fingers. I'm just saying. So, under that, we're almost to Halloween, right? So they have the, like, fingers extender things. You can put them to make your fingers look longer. Don't get lost. Well, tape it on. I mean, obviously, you've got safety first, so we need to make sure that it's not going to lose in there. But tie a string on the iron case it comes out out and pull out. Whatever. But then when something like that works, you store stubby fingers. Oh my god, that's the greatest line I've heard yet. Well, it doesn't go in very far. Like maybe like this much. It's like, okay, an inch, that isn't going to do shit for me. If your arms were longer, maybe.
Speaker5: Maybe, but you've only tried, like, laying on your back.
Speaker2: You don't know that.
Speaker1: Well, they want to know, and I want to know now, too.
Speaker2: If you were standing up, let me ask you this.
Speaker1: This is a legit question right now.
Speaker2: Legit question.
Speaker1: There's a stubby.
Speaker2: If you were standing up and just bent over.
Speaker5: It would be like getting fucked standing up.
Speaker2: Right?
Speaker1: If you were standing up and bent over. Standing up. You were standing up on your feet. Bent over like you were going to tie your shoes. But stopped at your vag instead. Could it go further? Would that work? I mean, you wouldn't want to fall over.
Speaker3: Probably, but never thought about being a contortionist. I don't know.
Speaker1: It would be a way to... Thank you. Would that work I mean you wouldn't want to fall Probably but never thought about being a contortionist I don't know I've never thought about But wouldn't that be a way to combine Masturbation and yoga If you're actually getting off You're actually going to like faint And fall on your head I would lose my balance And fall on my head Okay so we know some additional safety measures that we would need to take in this situation. I get it. These are all just hypothetical things. You know, I'm just... Look, I can't stand up and jack off in the shower because I'm lightheaded. I'm afraid I'm going to pass out and drown. I'm not going to lie. It totally takes me forever and it's not even worth it. All I am is tired and sweaty that I'm in the shower and probably drown. Not going to lie. It totally takes me forever, and it's not even worth it. All I am is tired and sweaty. I'm in the shower and probably got cum going all over, which is weird. So I'm just trying to think through logically because for a guy, we don't have as many neat options. I've never tried a pocket pussy. I don't see that I would actually be able to do a pocket pussy. We have an anal one. You said it. We have what? We do? Yeah. What? Really? Yeah, it's in a box. Well, it's all dusty now. Yeah, so it's in a box. That's what you're looking for. A box. Thank you very much. So, but I just don't see, like, I don't think I could ever get off with a doll. And big enough, I don't think if I popped her that that would be hot in any way, shape, or form. But I just, I don't, I don't see that.
Speaker3: Well, I can't imagine the blow-up ones being worth a crap.
Speaker1: Choke or do-hardening. It's all fucking weird. But I mean, I just can't.
Speaker3: But a pocket pussy might feel good.
Speaker1: Maybe, but I'd still be someone Thank you. choker too hard. It's all fucking weird. But I mean, I just can't. But a pocket pussy might feel good. Maybe, but I'd still be so much tired because you're still holding it. You're still doing stuff. I don't even totally know how it works. Unless it's suction so you can fuck the wall. With my gut the way it is, all I'm going to be doing is belly slapping a wall. And if I pass it on, I'm going to go through a wall, that'd be horrible. That would just be, that would be, no, it wouldn't suction to the wall if I had to, like, you'd have to put a drill hole in the wall, and like stick it in there. I just, I just don't see me that, I can see, maybe if you get in the right head space or no booze, it'd be like, it's like a glory hole in your house. Okay, so I know what I'm doing on Friday night. You're putting a hole in the wall and I'm fucking it? No, I'm getting the pocket pussy out. No, we're not going to do that on a Friday night. No, not at all. No, not in the fucking least. Great tonight. Why? Because you never tried one. You might actually like it. Maybe, but... Man, I had a hard enough time. The last time I jacked off, somebody knocked the door out. I was trying to slip putting clothes on.
Speaker2: It was horrible.
Speaker1: I can't imagine if I had to clean something up. I would hate to forget to clean it up. Then you got this sticky mess. Oh, shit.
Speaker3: Hold on.
Speaker1: I gotta go clean my pocket pussy. Do you use like a bottle cleaner? How do you even clean that? That's just funny. Okay. Never had one to do that. These are okay look these are all things i'm gonna learn this is gonna be awesome um okay so i had a train and it had a thought on it and now somewhere along the way it was like uh everybody's side with you now great okay so what's a toy that you've seen that you really want to try that you have not, you've never got to try, whether it be at an event? Because some shit you've got to see or try at events. Other people had one and people were cool enough to share and whatever. What's something that you really want to try that you have never seen? Dishwashers say, I am the dishwasher here in our house.
Speaker3: The rose.
Speaker2: What?
Speaker1: You've got to tell me what it is.
Speaker3: Well, there's one that has one that you insert and one that sucks or licks or something. Does it have a tongue's lick?
Speaker1: Like it's like, is it battery operating? Yeah. Is that the one I see on Pornhub all the time? Probably. When it goes in, it's like a thing going, like that? Yeah. There's one that sucks, but I don't know if that's that one or a different one. I don't know. I can't imagine liking a sucking one. Why? A lick and then they'll suck is one thing, but to constantly suck on something is coming. Couldn't you just go to, like, the Goodwill and get a breast pump to try to suck one? No. It'd be cheaper. No. It'd be easy cleanup. It would have suction controls. It would work, wouldn't it? Okay, so Ken says the rose, some leaves love it, some others hate it.
Speaker2: So, okay, so we need to get you a rose.
Speaker1: You need to try a rose. What's another one that you really want to try? Perfect World. Well, those are the two. Those are the big ones. We have a rose. Okay, David says they have a rose. What do you guys think of the rose? How would you rate the rose? We need to know how you would rate the rose. Think of it as our wedding song. That's horrible. Oh, God. If you get that, I'm going to totally have that song playing in the background every time you fucking use it. I'll quit it. But then I know you'd be thinking about me. Not some other too-bald guy. For those of you just listening and not watching, oh, it's got a remote control on it. 10 Powerful Vibrating. Huh. No, that's the Vibrator Sweet Pea. No. Oh. What? Oh. Okay. And then that. Huh. All right. Well, I see why he comes up with his name. Look at me learning stuff about toys. All right. And by the way, they have her deep. Shauna, she loves her rose. There's one with just a tongue.
Speaker2: No, that's not the one, though, that I see all the time on porn.
Speaker1: No. Yeah, the... Like that. No, it looks like the music ride where you go, doing, but there's like a tongue between...
Speaker3: Okay, see?
Speaker1: It says new rose. New rose. So you want a new rose. Shape sucker for women. Shape sucker. Okay, so David's wifey says it's an eight. So you got a rating on them. Okay, so you need to try a rose. Gotcha. All right. Well, look at me go. You've got, there's cool fucking options. Here's the deal. Guys, don't ever make them sick of trying to buy shit without telling your wife. Yeah, you don't necessarily know what we like. Well, the thing is. No, we don't know what we'll like. That's just it. What a great, okay, here's the thing with sex toys, I think. What a great together process, right? Yeah. Because honestly honestly you know I don't I don't fucking know that looks like
Speaker2: that's cool
Speaker1: and it could be something
Speaker2: that's like
Speaker1: it's the clit slapper you know
Speaker2: alright
Speaker1: I mean so what a great way
Speaker2: to like have something
Speaker3: yeah she'll like nipple clamps yeah she knows
Speaker1: something that you can both
Speaker2: like
Speaker1: you can talk about and you can play with stuff that looks cool or shit that you know somebody else can control use it that's the part of the lifestyle that can be a lot of fun
Speaker2: Thank you. You can both, like, you can talk about it and you can play with stuff that looks cool or shit that, you know, somebody else can control.
Speaker1: Use it. That's the part of the lifestyle that can be a lot of fun is that you can go to, like, the adult stores and stuff and, like, I can't try it right now if they have samplers. Here, try this. But, I mean, this way you can actually see what it is and this way you can find something you like together.
Speaker2: And make sure you get her something like that at the holidays and forget which package you put it in so they open it in front of the family. You've never done that. No, I haven't yet. You're not going to. You don't know that. I actually, no, I did a better thing to do that to you. What? I got you the bike helmet the one year because your boy tour likes to bike, and I got you the bike helmet, and I got you the bell that went on your bike, ding, ding, and I got you.
Speaker1: Did I get you a basket? No, I was going to get you a basket. I couldn't find a basket for the bike. I got the bell, the helmet, and something else. I think something like a decorative thing for it. Oh, I think I used a plane cart so you could put it so it would sound like a motorcycle. Tick. So that's what I did. A little bit different. We need more toys. The funny thing is there's a million toys. You cannot have too many toys, apparently.
Speaker3: No, but, well, I don't think you can because you're in a different mood for different things. It's like, ooh, I think I'll use this today. See, that's a concept as a guy I can't think you can because you're in a different mood for different things. It's like, ooh, I think I'll use this today.
Speaker1: See, that's a concept as a guy I can't understand. Ooh, I think I'll use this today. No, it doesn't work right. I'll just go with this one. Like, there's not a lot of thought. It's like, ooh, I'm going to use my phone to look at Pornhub, or ooh, I'm not. That's about as deep as it gets. There's not a lot of like delving going, oh, what should I use today? I'm not like backhand, forehand. Fast, slow. I really don't. I spend any more, the hardest decision I have, seriously, is figuring out which porn to look at that's going to get me off their asses.
Speaker3: Have I tried the clit pump that has bristles that vibrate?
Speaker2: No.
Speaker3: I haven't.
Speaker2: The what? The what?
Speaker3: That has bristles that vibrate.
Speaker1: But you could use that in the dishes, too.
Speaker3: Now, we know someone that has a clit pump, and she showed me pictures of it, and I'm like, eh.
Speaker1: That would be
Speaker2: yeah some of them
Speaker1: look pretty brutal not gonna lie
Speaker2: but
Speaker3: well it was all poofy when they were all done but I don't know what it's supposed to do
Speaker1: your clit
Speaker3: it pumps it
Speaker2: so it just
Speaker3: puts suction to it
Speaker1: right
Speaker2: but
Speaker1: well right
Speaker3: maybe it makes it more sensitive for sex
Speaker1: it draws more blood
Speaker2: to it
Speaker3: that's true
Speaker1: or whatever else you have floating around
Speaker2: I suppose Thank you very much. But, well, right. Maybe it makes it more sensitive for sex. It draws more blood to it.
Speaker3: That's true.
Speaker1: Or whatever else you have floating around, I suppose.
Speaker2: True.
Speaker1: Could it bruise it?
Speaker3: I don't know.
Speaker1: Like, if you use the vacuum? I'm serious. That's a serious question.
Speaker3: I have no idea.
Speaker1: I've never used one. Can we do a vacuum and try it? No. Why? Just say no, little bobcat. This is how we help people. Someone may be going, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to use a vacuum. And we might be able to help her save that. No, people don't do that. The hell they don't. I guarantee someone has used a vacuum. As a guy, if I thought it would work. You can turn it on low and you can fuck it. There you go. No, because I don't... My hand doesn't just grab it and hold on. No, but if you go like this and there's a suction and it's pulling... I don't want to have a tug of war with my dick. That's not what we're trying to do. That's not what we're accomplishing. Makes makes it more sensitive it's the it's the skin on skin it's like when you a dog doesn't start kicking their leg like oh when you just put your hand on it it doesn't do that it just looks at you but when you go oh then it's like oh same with a guy's dick okay well think about it it's A guy doesn't just stick his dick in your badge and then go, No! Fuck yeah. There it is. I mean, if that's a possibility, I mean, that might be a Jedi thing. I'd love to learn that. Like some sort of fucking mind-like jizz effect i'm in but it's it's you know see and there you go vacuum is not regulated suction i can't you know you know why i can't use a vacuum and i have one nut it won't clog it up but it'll make this sound like you know when you get a piece of paper in the vacuum goes that's what it would sound like you'll know you'll know if i'm using a vacuum because it'll sound like there's a piece of paper in the vacuum but it's actually the empty part of my nutsack slapping up against it all weird just saying wow that metal image just totally came into my brain i'm just like oh my god that'd be funny as fuck. But, I mean, it would hurt when they caught the one ball, and the one ball, and then it would, because then all of a sudden it wouldn't clog up, so it would just like, and it would be hanging there, and they're going, and I wouldn't be able to reach the office with it. You're like, shut it off! Shut it off! You'd have to have help. That's kind of like that embarrassing, like, amount of toilet paper you're screeching for help. Somebody unplug the vacuum, for the love of god, it's gonna rip my one nut off.
Speaker2: Thank you. That's kind of like that embarrassing, like, amount of toilet people use Screamtion for help. Somebody unplug the vacuum, for the love of God.
Speaker1: It's going to rip my one nut off. I don't really want to go to Dr. Bresch and explain that.
Speaker2: Can I ask what happened?
Speaker1: No.
Speaker2: Why do we have this dirty vacuum bag in here?
Speaker1: Because my nut's somewhere in there.
Speaker2: Just dump it on and see if we can find it.
Speaker1: Put it on ice, brush the dog hair off. It'll be perfect. Just saying. Wow. Hey, you know what? What a great place to go. Don't try those at home. These are all things. Everything that you hear us talk about. If I'm laughing, it means don't do it. Whatever. Check with your doctor before you use anything on your junk. That's how sex sent you to the ER. I was just thinking that because the very first one we watched was a guy that got his dick stuck in the camp stove. He did. That was funny as hell. And he's walking with the tray covered up with a towel. And they had to cut it off. The stove. No, seriously. Do not try anything. Anything you hear us talk about, just assume it's probably a horrible idea. The actual legitimate sex toys. If I'm laughing about it, probably don't do it. Just saying. Anyways, okay. Why don't you close the show? Let's go ahead and get that. Wow. Thanks for joining us today. Cole's been a little noopy. Noopy? Loopy. I can't talk. You talk. Stroke it out. Stroke. Okay. Hey, a quick shout out to our sponsors because they're glad to be with us. Smokinmeatsbbqtreats.com Get the perfect meat rub. And you know what? If you want to do a different flavor, just vacuum it off. Don't do that. Smokin S-M-O-K-I-N-M-E-A-T-S BBQ-T-R-E--R-E-A-T-S.com. Don't forget, send us an email, crazy.casma at gmail.com. Put meat rub to enter to win. Also, hey, seriously, safety. Mycupcondom.com, backslash discount, backslash Casma 10. Protect someone you love and yourself. Motor Bunny, that is a sex toy you can use. That won't rip your nut off or rip your clit off. Motorbunny.com, check it out today. That was not in the script. That was not in the script. There is, not me. And finally, ASN Lifestyle Magazine, that's right. If you want to know what's going on or read the story about things that could go wrong, check out ASNLifestyleMagazine.com. Three million readers. Can't be wrong. No shit. Oh, hey, one last thing real quick. We should be getting some videos from Exotica. So there'll be some new videos of you, like fucking people, going up on your OnlyFans soon. So we're pretty excited about that. So check that out. Miss Amanda Kazma on OnlyFans.com. Again, you can follow us on Twitter at TruthCrazy. Also, check out our website, CrazyKazma.com. There's still tickets for I'll see you next time. MissAmandaKazba on OnlyFans.com. Again, you can follow us on Twitter at TruthCrazy. Also, check out our website, CrazyKazba.com. There's still tickets for Night of a Thousand Screams coming up. Send us emails, Crazy.Kazba at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram, follow us on TikTok. We are everywhere. Don't forget our YouTube channel. That's right. That would be YouTube.com backslice Casbah. Check it out today. Thank you so much all for listening. We appreciate it. Thanks for hanging in there, staying with us as we laugh and giggled our way through. Another great show tonight. Thanks so much. Doing it the only way I know how, the only way I want to, and the only way I ever fucking will. Casbah Style, out.
Speaker2: Bye!