Krazy Truth #31 Christmas Party fun On air.

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey kids, the program you're about to listen to contains some adult situations, adult language, themes, and other adult topics. If you're easily offended, this show's not for you. Do you need a little more slide in your glide? Is it just not quite as smooth and slickery as it should be? You know what? You need to visit our good friends at Spunk Lube. That's right. Spunk Lube is used by us here at Crazy Kasbah. You can go to their website, www.spunklube.com, and make sure you put Kasbah, K-A-S-B-H, in the coupon section and get your 10% discount today. Hey, you crazy motherfuckers. Welcome back to another edition of Crazy Truth.
Speaker2: I'm your host with the most. I am Cole. I'm here with my lovely, lovely, drunken little elf, Amanda. Hey. We are at episode, what the fuck, episode 31. Look at me go. We're all over this shit. So we're trying something new today. So, hey, are we live on Facebook right now, too? We should be. We can't. I haven't checked. Oh, we are. We are. Hey, there we are. Look at there. We're new a new technology that's what we do amanda gets drunk and we do new technology uh so and we love that shit so hey uh we're ready to roll you're ready to roll you got shots pulled there thank you oh lord here we go land in the lollipops all right so uh you know we normally start off with uh uh what do we use to start sex news news, that's right. Weird, weird sex news. So, I want to take a second here. We're going to revisit a couple of different stories on sex news this time. Okay. Okay? So, number one, give credit to our sound guy. He was able to point out, if you remember a couple episodes back, we made the joke that we were sure that somebody probably, we didn't have a sex story, that somebody probably fucked a turkey.
Speaker3: Do you remember that? Do you recall that? Right. And we said, insert your name there.
Speaker1: Well, come to find out there's several people that fucked turkeys. We cannot put clips on here because, well, that's bestiality and the turkey was dead, so that's, you know, that's even, that's getting really weird. But we did find proof that there were people that did fuck turkeys over Thanksgiving, so we wanted to give an update on that. Number two, we wanted to give an update on the sex story I'm going to show an update on that. Number two, we wanted to give an update on the sex story we had a couple weeks ago about the high school kids that streak naked across their football field with Oreo cookies up their asses. So luckily one of our listeners actually was able to tune me in on exactly where they got this idea. This was from a TV show, Blue Mountain State was a TV show, aired in like around 2010. And in one of the episodes, they had the freshman and one senior race with an Oreo cookie up their ass. Now here was the deal. So they had to make it the entire way uh 400 yards and whoever if you lost your cookie uh you need everybody's you need your cookie oh so that's where they got it so you know let's give a big shout out to youth of today they're looking at things in the past and and eating cookies out of your ass uh which goes well because we have lots of folks that you know we talk about this that like to eat ass and now just ass with an oreo flavor there you go okay and the other weird section is i'm just going to put this out here because it's not really news it's not new uh if you're on any social media you've all seen the memes out there right now because tis the season uh for treats right yeah for candies everybody loves a loves a good candy at the holidays, where you can actually take and go and have a mold of your butthole made into chocolate and give the one you love. Nothing says happy holiday quite like 12 delicious pieces of chocolate that are molds of your ass. None of your ass, of your butthole. so uh if you haven't seen that mold you haven't looked up please please take the time to do that uh because when you see the position you have to be in and the fact you have to have hot chocolate uh or wax whatever poured on your asshole uh you may want to think twice about that uh and you know i i'm gonna put this out here right now you know we have the the our, and we're talking about sending us treats and Christmas cards. Do not. I'm not, no, I'm not going to eat them, but we will absolutely, anybody who sends us a mold of your butthole, a chocolate mold of your butthole for this holiday season, we will give you your 15 minutes of fame. Yeah, we will. Okay, fine. If you're drunk, you'll eat it. I don't know if I'd eat it. How drunk are you? Have another shot. Then we'll see whether or not we'll eat it or not. Then we can kind of go from there to see how the quality applies from there. Because here's the deal. I want to know what it tastes like. I'd better get a chocolate version. Chocolate? What you hope. Is it milk chocolate? Is it fucking dark chocolate? Who dark chocolate do you? Are there nuts in it? Do they put pieces of corn in the chocolate?
Speaker3: Oh.
Speaker1: That would be funny as shit.
Speaker3: No.
Speaker1: You could put like Skittles. There's yellow Skittles that look like corn in there. Oh, yeah. There you go.
Speaker3: Yeah.
Speaker1: Nothing says Merry Christmas like a fucking... Look, I got chocolate-covered peanuts. I got kisses. I got buttholes. Yeah. This is fucking great. I don't know. The fact is that somebody was like, we need to up business. How should we do it? Hmm. Hmm. What should we do? I know. Let's make chocolate molds of people's assholes. And even better than that is the fact that people were like sweet you're making chocolate molds of assholes me me me first i have just the person to send this to what the fuck all right so there you go so we want to give updates you know here's the crazy truth we don't just we just don't report the weird fucking stupid shit we actually follow follow up. Ooh, I'm going to follow up with one other one. Do you guys remember I was talking about the electronic brothel that was going to open in Canada? Right? They opened one in Canada where you go, you know, pay your money, fuck your robot, call her good. In Texas, they just shut down, the city council, I believe it was in Austin. Is it Austin or Dallas? I don't remember which, right off the top of my head. Regardless, a company was trying to open the very first robotic brothel in Texas. And the city shut it down. So, damn Canadians are always ahead of us anything. First, it's legalized weed. Why did they shut it down? Because they were robots or because it was a brothel? Because it was sex. Because they were all, like, uptight. You know know what they needed to have their buttholes made in mold because they were all poochy get extra chocolate out of that so because of that uh once again leave it to the damn canadians leading the way they can uh you know smoke some grass for fun or for medicinal purposes and uh you know like a robot in texas All we can do is just take him you know go catch a long hook him horn okay sorry for the state of texas i know i just pitch out anyway so they're gonna look at look at that falling up with shit we we follow through okay this is why we drink and by the way for those of you that don't know this is a special edition we were just at a holiday party. It was festive. We got lots of drink tickets. Miss Amanda took advantage of those drink tickets. It's a work party. Why the fuck not? And I used to work there. I'm glad I don't. Anyways, so we took advantage of that. And so we decided to just keep drinking for the whole episode. So get your drinks ready, kids. Because tonight it's Drink with Casbah. Here we go. One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready. Fuck y'all. Here we go. Oh, fuck. Alright, so this could turn into Cool's Christmas Party tomorrow. We're just going to keep drinking. What are we drinking? I know they're not sponsors, but what are we drinking? We're drinking a reindeer. It is a Kentucky cider. A Kentucky cider. So it's like... Whiskey. Apple cider liqueur and Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. So we're drinking whiskey out of a reindeer's ass. It's actually what we're doing right now. You've got to bring it in front of the cameras. If you don don't have our YouTube channel you want to catch up yep so there we go we're drinking reindeer piss so cute would you use that as a dildo would you show that up there with the rain what if the horns were a little harder no are you sure yeah it would rut you need different points for different I just have an issue. They can't keep it up. Because you know why? It's got too much booze. Weird. Okay. So, okay. So now we're going to... Are you ready? We good? Uh-huh. Now, remember, we're doing this live again. My mic sounds kind of weird. Just, you know, sound guy. I don't know what happened. Can you hear? Oh, there I can hear. I can hear you. Okay, so for those of you who don't know or don't remember or don't care, we do this live in front of our Facebook page, Crazy Kazmas, which we'd love to have you join and be a part of. We're growing like a weed. Old person reference. So we may be getting some comments from our lovely membership as we go. On my phone, it doesn't show us moving. But people are, like, watching and shit. Does it show them moving? I don't know if we're moving or not. Okay. All right. Is that a dick with arms? That's a dick with arms. That's right. Hey, by the way, you know, one of the cool things, this is going to be a show of randomness, just so you know. This is like chaos in motion. Why don't you pour us another cocktail? What is chaos? Why don't you go ahead and pour us another little shot of reindeer piss there, dear? I am not chaos. A little more. A little more. The sound guys. He's like flipping off the computer. I don't know. Are we still live on Facebook? We're pretty sure. Okay. All right. Well, hell's breaking loose. Anywho. I feel that a little full. Sorry. Just a scotch. This is his booze. Does he care? I don't know. He shouldn't have given it to us if he did. I guess we'll buy another bottle. Adult supervision. Anyways. Well, look at the bottle. Fuck. We'll be hungover tomorrow. What was I even saying? I've got all butterflied there. Have you been drinking? You have.
Speaker2: You said it was a show of randomness.
Speaker1: Oh, it was a show of randomness, yeah.
Speaker2: And then he was slipping off the computer.
Speaker1: Yeah, he got me all butterflied. So we're trying new stuff. We're trying to be all techie.
Speaker2: So you just had to bear with us. So what's random?
Speaker1: Oh, so I know what's random. So at the Christmas party, yeah, you had a chick that wants to uh munch your munch your lunch munch your box okay a couple of times she's walked behind me and goes oh look at that badonkadonk and i'm like oh at the workplace i don't know how appropriate that is but yeah i'm like oh yeah no uh-uh and i play tonight she scratches my shoulder she comes across the room in front of people to come across the room to go uh i think you're a naughty elf i know and so one thing is we're helping miss amanda uh come up with ways to make sure that uh she hits on that she hits on that not to not no we're not making sure you hit on that so you can tap that okay so you can tap that and and my suggestion was i told her tomorrow at work you just need to go up and and catch her alone and go do you want to find out how naughty of an elf i really am all right so the thing is is bottom line you just you you tell her you ask her if she wants to find out how naughty of an elf you really are have your phone with you because you can just go and show her how naughty of an elf you are at which point in time guess what you're gonna be fucking her in a closet of work i'm just saying there's a distinct possibility that are you totally opposed to that
Speaker2: that's just kind of awkward
Speaker1: that's just kind of weird well do you have past experience is there a story somewhere in this no there isn't one in that one because that's all new to me and that's why i'm acting all shy and shit don't act shy she want look she's not going to continue to sexually harass you if she doesn't want to fuck you that's how this works that's one of the first so weird why is it don't know you you fuck girls because i don't know who she is and she's not a swinger you don't know that no i don't know that she's obviously someone who has a fine taste and desire for putang i don't know that if she didn't why would she be hitting on you i don't know she just wants to come up and touch you? That's her kink. It was the fingernail. It was the fact that she chased your ass from one end of the fucking... She went all the way across the ballroom at work in front of people to touch you to say, you're an audio. And look over her glasses at you. What was my response? You're like, oh. And I turn around and go, you have no idea okay because i'm like fucker go for it oh we could have gone outside and made out but we were leaving you could have made out right then it would have made the company fucking christmas party a hell of a lot more fun can i say that there's other people i probably would have made out with more and you might have got to make out with them too you never know because there might have been a line for me we could have made money your holiday christmas party with a fucking kissing booth going on what the hell is going on over there i know we didn't win any of the prizes you want a tv want a fucker give me the tv i mean we could have fucking walked out of there with some fucking you you could have got a mini cooker thing she would have fucked you you know that girl want you. She's bi. No, she doesn't want me. Yeah that she's bi but i don't know she's afraid of her boyfriend but i guarantee you she's afraid her boyfriend would be opposed to her being bi yeah and you know that tells me i know exactly she tells me her boyfriend's an idiot she goes well you know i'm afraid to tell him that i'm like into girls too i'm like why i'm like, why? I begged for 20 years. Please tell me you want pussy. Please tell me you want pussy. I said, every guy likes to watch girls with girls. No shit. You know what, though? I guarantee you, a couple cooters come popping out of dresses at the holiday party. She wouldn't even remember her boyfriend fucking existed, and it had been a tongue wrestling match going on. I'd have made it forget. Fight! It had been all over. I'm telling you, you might not have been invited back to the next Christmas party. It's a work Christmas party. They can't not invite me. No, but you could have charged them. Look, that shit didn't mean it free. No. But I'm telling you, you need to, Monday. Who wants to watch? I'm telling you, Monday, tomorrow, because we record on Sundays. You hear this on Thursday. We record on Sundays. you need to follow up with this tomorrow don't get all fucking like like fucking don't become like a dude i have to have liquid okay well then take shooters in your lunch tomorrow because here's the deal if you're not nailing that six foot tall blonde chick before the holiday stuff your stocking stuff her stocking whatever you're the right size you can. Stuff her stocking. Whatever. You're the right size. You can fit in her stocking because she's tall. Somebody needs to be in somebody's. There needs to be a pile of stocking somewhere. That's what I'm telling you. And you need to jump off. And I guarantee the people listening are going to be all in on this, too. If you're listening right now on our live giant Facebook page and you think Miss Amanda should fuck the hot blonde chick, you need to give us some hearts. Give us a sign. Give her the power. Tomorrow, that's positive thinking. Did you think Miss Amanda should fuck the hot blonde chick, you need to give her some hearts, give her the power. Tomorrow, that's positive thinking.
Speaker2: Did you think she was hot?
Speaker1: Oh, yeah, I'd fuck her. But she wasn't touching me to find out what kind of elf I was. So, yeah, I got to live.
Speaker2: She probably didn't realize that you were my husband.
Speaker1: I'm too tall to be an elf. The thing is, I'm a fat elf. I buddy the fat elf. No, so you could ask her what her favorite color was. Is it pink? Look at the hearts coming up for the fucking, yeah, people want to fucking, I'm just telling you. Look, here's the deal, man. Tis the season. It's better to give than receive. Oh, my God. You need to give her a tongue lashing of her life yeah you just i'm telling you nothing nothing says the holiday season like making a girl just fucking weak knees you can't walk i it is what it is man now granted you need to turn your phone on so i can listen that's gonna make my holiday okay so at the at the the christmas party right there one girl i'm pretty sure is lesbian was with a dude yeah tell me how i'm like okay it's raining cats and dogs are living together all the kind i haven't hit on her but i don't really have much of a desire she's actually She truly is. She is shorter than me. If she had longer hair, I would have asked her to pull her hair back to see her ears. Not even right. She is shorter than I am. I've been looking at her some points there. She's like a half inch shorter than I am. What you need to do tomorrow is you need to wear little ears, put little ears on and go into her office. Like, hey, so I wanted to talk about last night. Jingle and just just go right go right with that hey look at it this way everybody else in your staff won fucking shit you didn't right now that sucks okay well you can win you know how you win she's a bitch to everybody else in the office but you i wonder why that is huh so you know what looks like you can continue to win all the way through you might have to work late tomorrow night too you might have to go drift over to the her store and say you need to go over some figures like my figure i know all the other people hate you but i don't i don't by the way i'm hiding a candy cane want to find it uh yeah no i don't think she i don't think she knew who i was nor do i think she gave two fucks yeah probably not she was she was focusing on your jingle bells and she wasn't that's yeah not too often you get hit on it a fucking not that fucking party usually people flirting more like you know you're a naughty elf yeah no shit she even did it with like his soft hands no she scratched me with her fingernail. I was watching. I know you're watching. Yeah. Usually it's, like, subtle. This was, like, walking up going, I would like to eat your cooter. Yeah. Yeah, it was a stereotypical Christmas party. Everybody was getting drunk. Well, everybody's getting hammered. Maybe we shouldn't have left. Fuck the podcast. Let's go back now. They kept handing out fucking drink tickets. And it's like, well, if you're paying for the booze, I'm fucking drinking it. Yeah, I should have let you go ahead and turned my other one in, because then maybe you'd right now... We did. Well... I used yours, and then they had extra drink tickets, and we took a shot before we left. Yeah, another shot, you'd been on the bar fucking putting on a show. Nah. You didn't even have your extra purple dilder. That has scared the shit out of some people. It wouldn't... No, it wouldn't have. You'd have made... There'd have been dollar bills flying around like a goddamn strip club. No, I didn't say there weren't people that wouldn't like it but you know they wouldn't have expected it from me no which would have made it even hotter you know how i know we would have made money i'd have been i ran up and grabbed the microphone that from the karaoke motherfucker and like step right up here we go kids now it's a fucking party the karaoke motherfucker was your And he's a douche douche But you know what I promise you Him and his boss His boss has been throwing $100 bills But you're sure that his boss is a fucking swinger Swinger slice cheater Well they're both cheaters I looked at his wife and went yeah no In turn they're like pseudo swingers They're pretend swingers Oh. Oh, we have an open line. So, no, you don't, motherfucker. You cheat. You just both happen to be doing it. It's just no one's left out of it. Well, you're making excuses why you're not home. She's making excuses why she's not home. You both should just be saying, hey, we're fucking other people. But we're staying together. They don't even stay together for the kids. It's for the fucking money. Seriously, it's for the fucking money. It is what it is. Hey, you know what? On that, if you're playing along at home, kids, break out your glass. Whoop, whoop. Break out your bottle. One for the money, two for the show, holiday cheer, up your fucking nose. All right, there we go. All right. I thought he spit out his nose. There we go. See, stick cheers are gonna get good shit no you're just drunk as the cheers the cheers are gonna get way worse as as the cheers rah um okay hey so why we're on top we are gonna answer are we on a topic yeah we're on top of your cooters and cheaters you got it you got a good week possibly land out for this week if you don't fumble on the play what the fuck how you got a fireman coming in town that needs training to work with his hoes okay happy holidays can i spray that for you uh sure hope you find your dad buddy we have to sneak around the co-workers though he's the yeah you know how you do that you get the room at a different hotel it'll be so hard it might be hard better be you'll have a frozen hose you know what's gonna be funny what if he plays his cards right he could get it could be like god i can't believe i'm going here he could be like if he eats you out, depending on how everything works out, right? Think this too for a minute. It'd be like a mama bird regurgitate because it could have already been eaten once earlier in the day. Well, this seems pre-chewed. Oh, that's from a chick. Oh, my God. I'm going to blow. I'm going to come. Actually, he would like it. It's her that would go, huh? Well, that's why you need.
Speaker3: Yeah.
Speaker1: Don't don't have fucking a surprise and gooey mess for her. That might be like, you know, what's that taste come? Ah, you don't want to scare her that way. If I were you, I'd try to spread out the week. Don't don't pile everything on one skate one day. Play your cards, right? Make this work. I think I need to go do some more paperwork somewhere else why no reason didn't you have on different pants before weird anyway so yeah so you've got all kinds of stuff you got like you're switch hitting all over the place it's like it's the all-star sex week for you it could be i don't know it could be if you fuck these up then i'm gonna beat your ass hey most of the time it's not on me yeah okay the other chick might be but she will be on you if you play the other guy because you're shorter yeah here's what's really funny you bitch because you got all these guys that don't fucking like are not aggressive fuck it you don't need a dude all you need is a hot blonde she was aggressive she did not hesitate in the fucking least she was like a young hot version of bridget nielsen because bridget nielsen now wouldn't be hot because she's fucking old saggy and weird and shit but that's what it is she was like drago wife there it will break you so yeah, so you've got all kinds of fun stuff going on this week. Would you know what that means, don't you? What? See, this is payback. This is karma week. I figured it just dawned on me. It's karma week. Oh. Because last year, that was sweet. We're already almost happy. Last year, last year at this time, you were all pissed off because I was hooking up with Wendy. I'm allowed to say her name now. For those of you who don't know, Wendy's part of the group. She's a special member. She's a special member of CASBED. The only reason and the only reason I was pissed off is because I was cleaning the house, getting ready for your parents to show up the next day. Yeah. So you were gone for like six hours. It wasn't six hours. Oh, yeah. Well, with drive time, yeah, it was six hours. So anyways. And it's just like, how long does it take to fuck a chick and leave? Hey, when you're standing on some special delivery, man. Ho. Anywho, so yeah. So yeah, I was a little irritated.
Speaker2: Now, not so much. I know, Wendy, it's all
Speaker1: good. You think? Let's see. Okay, maybe a little bit. We went from two to three. Weird. So the thing is, so actually, it's only fitting if you want one of those two needs to be the day before Christmas Eve. That's why I'm stuck in the... Okay. We think that works. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Who's chestnuts? I don't know. And the way it's going to go, you're going to have somebody's chest and nuts all over you, so shouldn't work out uh you can't can they sue me for old you can they can't sue me for old christmas songs can they maybe yeah what the hell it's a fucking holiday big cars we suck my dick it's a christmas song they can't get you for rights on that anybody can sing it probably not on the air though yes anybody can sing it have another shot we'll wait a second this is awesome okay so no i had actually i had actually pondered and had some questions but i'm still here's the deal no here's the deal i'm gonna totally go completely uh i'm gonna kind of talk about it i don't know what i'm just bear with me a second here okay, here's the deal. I'm going to totally go completely, I'm going to kind of talk about it. I don't know what I'm going to do. Just bear with me a second here. Okay, so here's the thing. We've had this come up before. There's this, I made a joke about your boss's boss and cheating and swinging. And we've actually had questions on this come up, right? Okay. Okay. So, and, you know, here's the deal. Everybody likes to get into this deep fodder and fucking thought process when it comes to swinging. Number one, let me just put out there, anytime you're thinking about anything with swinging, if you make it really deep, you're doing it wrong, okay? Not if you make it really deep. Do you want to like it? We're drilling for answers. Okay, yes.
Speaker2: Some like it deep.
Speaker1: Some like it deep. Some like it hard. Some like to drill fast. Some like to drill slow.
Speaker2: Just saying.
Speaker1: All I know is you better be careful where the geyser comes out because that's when people get throat punched.
Speaker2: Wrong hole.
Speaker3: Wrong hole.
Speaker1: That hole's already been drilled.
Speaker2: A geyser, I wasn't thinking that.
Speaker3: Sorry.
Speaker1: Spreading a little Christmas cheer.
Speaker2: You didn't get squirted in the face.
Speaker1: Everybody loves a little glaze on their holiday donut.
Speaker4: Uh, okay.
Speaker1: So the question that came up, ooh, look, liquor. Uh, the question that came up.
Speaker3: More?
Speaker2: You know your bottle's about gone.
Speaker1: You're fine. Okay. The question that came up is, is it a different standard with when dudes do it versus chicks do it? Well, let me explain what that is. You totally phrased that fucking wrong. Okay, so let me try this again. Yes. In a coherent sentence. Poor Rick at SLS is going to be like, oh my how do i edit this episode uh okay so what what is the question is this when guys are playing without their wife's permission they're cheating okay people get all kinds of fucking butt hurt right but when a chick is doing it without her husband's knowledge all of a sudden it's like it's like a pass it's like oh that's okay and and so that came up on our on our page which is the crazy casman we're the biggest around we kick ass and everybody should join our page anyway so we're gonna address that because uh double standards suck for one and it's a legitimate thing why is it okay if a chick is off you know sneaking around on her old man but it's not all right if a guy is doing it or or are either one of those examples examples of swingers so there's the first question are there is a person doing that a swinger in your opinion my drunken little elf without the spouse's knowledge without the spouse's knowledge that is not a swinger that is a person who cheats on their spouse and they find ways to get around it. And calling yourself a swinger will get you there. Right. I agree. I agree. And do you agree it doesn't matter if it's a dude or if it's a chick? I've totally turned guys away saying, you're cheating on your wife. I don't want to have anything to do with you. What if it's a chick? I would do the same thing. What if she's really hot? It's still the same thing. I mean smoking hot. I don't give a shit. Victoria's Secret model, hot. I don't care. They're like anorexic. I don't care. Okay. Now, for a guy, it'd be a different story. Because guys are thirsty, and they don't care if a chick is cheating on her husband no no you cannot say every guy is thirsty i didn't say every i said you said no you said it would be different because guys are thirsty i didn't say every guy i'm not thirsty you're implying you know why i'm not thirsty you know why we're not thirsty i'll tell you why i'm not fucking thirsty because it's time to take a shot hickoryory dickory, doc. Don't choke on that cock. Here we go. Down we do with the shot. All right. Work's going to come early tomorrow. Not for me. It's not. Working from home. Being mind aware at the command center. Yeah, but you have to take me. It sucks. No, I don't. I'll make a dip. So here's the thing.
Speaker3: Okay. Not every guy. There's the problem, though. A cheater is a cheater, and I don't give a shit. And I understand that all the way through. And you're like, dirty to the man.
Speaker1: Hickory, dickory, dog. Hickory, dickory, dog.
Speaker2: The bitch suck my cock.
Speaker1: Keep your cock. Hickory, dickory, dog. Don't let that bitch suck your cock. Oh, the thing is here's the thing and i get told i get a lot the thing is this okay but that's what everybody else goes well here's the thing is that you know chicks they're deep and they care and that so it hurt their feelings guys are just like we'll fuck. I will not stick my dick into just anything. I mean, the longer the drought goes, the closer it gets. But I'm not going to just stick my dick into anything. I'm not going to walk up to a honey tree with a hole that's got bees in it. Well, there's a hole and it's lubed up. Okay, and that's what it sounds like. So just because a bitch is hot, I'm not going to necessarily be okay because she's cheating. What the fuck does that look for? Yeah, that's me.
Speaker2: He is the key word of hot.
Speaker1: I mean smoking hot. I mean fucking.
Speaker3: I don't.
Speaker2: There were some girls at that party that were fucking hot. But high maintenance as shit.
Speaker1: Okay. Well, okay. As a guy, and I'm not speaking for all guys, send all hate mail to the drug and health.
Speaker2: What about that blonde with the fucking knee-high boots and you just went, we both wore like...
Speaker1: Yeah, the one where I almost slobbered the prime rib down my shirt.
Speaker3: Who's she with?
Speaker2: I'm like, oh, she's with that guy.
Speaker1: Yeah, you talk about fucking batting out of your league. That fucking dude was a dork. I was like, whatever, no shit and here's the deal you know the joy it is totally off topic we're not even gonna answer questions you know the joy of being older is seriously what's that is that i can dress like the way i was dressed for the christmas party tonight right and because i'm older and stuff like that yeah maybe as a 10 inch cock i doubt it if he had a 10 inch cock if he got a heart on he'd pass out because there'd be no blood at anyone else's body the thing is is that i can a little bit he could a little bit of gray in my hair okay and a little bit of a salesman i can convince a 20 something that i got money yeah total lie complete broke as a fucking joke i can convince a chick thatsomething that I got money. Yeah. Total lie. Complete joke. Broke is a fucking joke. I can convince a chick that I got money. Mm-hmm. Okay, and that is a wonderful, wonderful gift to have. I think halftime happened like a long time ago, didn't it? No. Because they said five minutes like 30 minutes ago, I thought. And this is why we keep drinking, because the clock just keeps drifting away. Okay, so we're going to come back and just say, you know, this show is going to be the most disjointed clusterfuck we've ever produced.
Speaker2: No, the funny thing is, he isn't getting all pissed off.
Speaker1: No shit. We keep getting the sound guy drunk. Look at this shit go. Oh, hey, so we got to...
Speaker2: I doubt he's drunk. He's just laughing at us, because I've had drinks with Audrey. All right, so white giggle box here is going, let's welcome our second half sponsor. You know who it is? It's us. It's us. It's crazy winter nights. That's right. It's our big hotel takeover, formal hotel takeover. Crazy Casbah. Lifestyle of the Year Award is going to be there. We're having a vendor fair. We're going to have over 600 people. If you want to come to a real party, the best party in the Midwest at all, this is the place to be, Crazy Winter Nights. You can find out more information. You can register at Crazy Winter Nights at, you can send us an email at crazy, K-R-A-Z-Y, dot Casbah, K-A-S-B-B-H at gmail.com and just put Crazy Winter Nights.
Speaker4: And we're back.
Speaker2: I'm like, what is this?
Speaker3: And believe it or not, that is actually English at some point. Oh, fucking A.
Speaker1: I start laughing and I start crying. Okay, I agree with Amanda. Cheating is cheating in regards to gender. God, everybody agrees with you. Look, at this point, and you're right, Amanda, there is morals. Yes, I agree. Guys are not more likely to overlook anything. Yeah, we are.
Speaker3: Bullshit. Maybe we are.
Speaker1: You know, Shelly sent us treats. Shelly sent us treats. She is a baker.
Speaker3: Yay.
Speaker1: And she sent us treats so that we can review them on Tuesday's show. So something else to put in your mouth. You can't say guys more like to do shit. I have not eaten a random girl's pussy in a parking lot. You've sucked a random dick. Of course, I did fuck that girl at the same time. I don't remember her name. Leaving the grocery store smack my ass and it hurts so bad i'm like oh my god all those people i saw you smack my ass they were all teenage kids and they were like does this what is this what love means what is this love well when we're in the checkout and i call you a dick yeah and then you know what and eventually the checker loosened up a smidge and was like, ah, I'm like, yeah, he's a fucking asshole. It's all good. Yeah, and then you know what? I got my Pimp Pimp strong. And then you went smack, he smacked it just right. It burned for fucking a half hour. I was trying to rub it out, but I was laughing too hard. Not even going to fucking lie. That's a true story. I don't even, you know, here's what's going to be funny. I saw the card, I'm like, look at my ass, it hurts. right now at this point in time anybody that's a true story i don't even you know here's what's gonna be funny i saw the card i'm like look at my ass it hurts right now at this point in time anybody that's watching our life you guys absolutely need to help me come up with a name for this episode because i have no fucking idea what in the fuck we're gonna name miss amanda my drunk elf here now you know what oh fuck we need to do a follow-up episode this episode tomorrow morning you need to be back here about 6 o'clock no because I leave at like 6.40 it's going to be a hell of a lot less funny I don't think it'll be less funny how's your ass been surprised what pour him up let's go we got to get through the second half of the show. Oh, my God. I'm going to be so... I don't get hangovers. Oh, my God. I'm going to be so reindeer. I don't get hangovers. I feel bad that we had to buy more booze. I don't. I do. Do you want some more? Do you need some more? No. Well, he's the one person that needs to be in control. You still have some in that glass?
Speaker2: I buy a pretty big glass.
Speaker1: A pretty what?
Speaker3: Hold on.
Speaker2: A pretty big glass.
Speaker1: You're going to close it and not let him have any?
Speaker2: Oh, okay.
Speaker3: What?
Speaker1: It was...
Speaker3: Oh.
Speaker2: It was $10.
Speaker1: He wanted some more, and you're just like, wow.
Speaker2: I didn't fucking get that.
Speaker1: Hey, so everybody's following along at home. Okay, so if you're not, whoa, you're about, whoa. Save some for us. We've got a whole half a second to have a show to go. Jesus Christ. Uh-huh. This was, like, new. Oh, I showed the label. We may have to go do a liquor run. No, we're good. Okay, so this is for the second half'm sorry i gotta hold on i think about this for a second we've already been in the second half for a while i know but this is we're just shooting and drinking at this point in time okay so here's to me here's to you i don't remember the rest i'm starting to get drunk cheers drink up motherfuckers, motherfuckers. Look out. Wait. Oh, wait. Oh, good. The sound guy's got one.
Speaker2: He's got one.
Speaker1: He's got one.
Speaker2: What is it?
Speaker1: To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet.
Speaker3: Cheers. Okay.
Speaker1: All right. So, go ahead.
Speaker2: I shot that whole thing and you barely even did that.
Speaker1: I'm trying to make mine last, drunky.
Speaker2: Oh, me not.
Speaker1: Me not?
Speaker4: Me not.
Speaker1: You know what's going to be great? You're going to get one of these new little sound things over here.
Speaker3: Stop.
Speaker1: Oh, my Lord. Sweet mother. Quit blowing the microphone. Now you've got to shut it off. Oh, my God. I don't get it i don't either oh okay okay i'm like okay stop jack what were we talking about i don't know hopefully oh i know somebody's gonna name this motherfucker for us because we're yeah we're out on this so here's what we're showing here's what you're learning if you're you know our second half sponsor which was us crazy winter nights uh isaiah needs one here you go one for the money two for the show three to get ready what he said he needed one oh yeah well if you would like to order the Crazy Truth drinking game, we're going to have this out soon. Is there actually a game to it? It's just shooting whatever the fuck you want to. No, no. There's a method. They have to drink. There is no method to your madness. No, there is always. Occasionally. I'm going to light you on fire. There's always a method to my madness. The thing is, you have to drink when we drink. Come here. Fuck no. What are you doing? Get away from me. Ow. Ow. You fucking. Ow. I'm rude of you. Ow. Oh, yeah. It's not going anywhere. Put your tongue on there. Anyways, I hope you're drinking long and homer. This show is going to be fucking moronic Uh okay So yeah well we got people Stephanie I'm trying not to read your names out loud In case you don't want me to Oh there everything went away
Speaker2: Because you turned it sideways Goofus
Speaker1: So okay
Speaker2: I should send y'all some of the homemade moonshine
Speaker1: Oh okay If you need to send us some homemade moonshine You need to contact us separately Because I have a separate address Thank you. I should send y'all some of the homemade moonshine. Oh, okay. If you need to send us some homemade moonshine, you need to contact us separately because I have a separate address that you can send that to, and we would absolutely love it. No. You can't send that to the post office. Moonshine? The fuck you can't. If it's sent in a box, they deliver. They ask ask if it's explosive if i have the drug administration up my ass all right it's like you don't have to disclose it's alcohol 50 50 50 501 van hold on i don't i'll figure out our address in just a little while shut the fuck up i'm drunk no wait here we go uh Van Dorn Street Lincoln, Nebraska 6-8 506 No Wait Number what? Shut up 5100 Van Dorn Street Number 6846 Lincoln, Nebraska 6-8, 506 We're going to lose sponsorships Left and right Oh, whatever We're having fun It's Christmas season I thought you were going to say Christmas Eve. Okay, so. It is a Christmas Eve. No, I know it's not Christmas Eve. Jesus. No, it's not. Okay. So, yeah. All right. So, we'll figure out names. There will be a game coming soon. Oh, apple pie, cherry pie, root beer, orange cream. Oh, Orange cream moonshine might be pretty good Yes, it could be
Speaker2: I mean, I've had apple pie Moonshine Cherry, I can imagine that But orange cream I don't know, I've never had that one
Speaker1: There's only one way to know
Speaker2: But I can imagine that that would be pretty fucking good
Speaker1: There's only one way to know They need to send us some booze There we go Send liquor I don't know.
Speaker2: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker2: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker2: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker4: I don't know.
Speaker1: I don't know.
Speaker2: I don't know.
Speaker3: I don't know. Imagine. There's only one way to know. They need to send us some booze. There we go. There you go.
Speaker1: Send liquor. Send liquor.
Speaker3: Send help. Yeah. So, no. Send us. Yeah.
Speaker1: We'll try it. We'll review it on the show.
Speaker3: Absolutely.
Speaker1: You just keep bopping around.
Speaker2: I kind of have to pee.
Speaker1: You know, there's no pee breaks. You already missed the midway point.
Speaker2: I know, so I just have to kind of miss it. So start talking about waterfalls. Oh, that's mean. Fuck off. Lick her. I hardly know her. That's true. Okay, yeah, we were talking about that at one point in time. Yeah, look at that tongue go. Those listening can't see that. But here's what you can see is we're a lot of fun. So we encourage people to join our group and party with us that's what we actually have a legitimate question this entire freaking episode we did it was about the whole cheating thing but it just kind of went did you ever voice the male side because i have voiced the female side i started my opinion but the reality of it is is that guys guys care too do you care if a female cheats on her husband i don't care if anybody cheats not my circus not my monkeys here's the way i look at cheating it's very simple you know what if you're cheating on your own man or you're cheating on your old lady uh that's your problem not mine you gotta live with that shit i don't i don't cheat I'm a swinger so uh you know do as that will because guess what when you get caught it's not my problem because my wife knows what i'm doing i have to say initially getting into the lifestyle as far as a male went i would not even vaguely consider a male that is cheating on his wife right you had trouble even a male that was playing alone if the wife knew you were really iffy about that but it came to the fact that i hooked up a guy with a guy that i thought was single and was cheating on his wife lied lied right and i found out like three years later that no he was married i'm like oh you're kidding me here's the reality of it so i'm like going okay so do i have an issue if a guy is cheating on his wife i do ish if you know if i physically know that you are married and yes i would have an issue yeah yeah well because i don't know what i don't know can't hurt you exactly well so if a female were to do it and i didn't know she was marrying okay run with it look i don't want to i don't want to help encourage people to cheat or how to cheat but let me just give this little simple piece of advice if you're cheating don't fucking tell people you're cheating dumbass no because in the lifestyle it is frowned upon the guy didn't it was like there's somebody else i found out he was married i'm like wait what then he introduced his wife into the lifestyle of 30 some years yeah it was awkward but the thing is is that it it is frowned upon and it should be frowned upon okay the Swinging is not cheating. Swinging is consensual sexual acts between adults.
Speaker3: Right.
Speaker1: Okay, so if you look at what cheating is, that don't jive. So it's not supposed to. But look, you got to understand, if you're a single male or female that you're playing alone, your spouse knows, but they don't play, don't be surprised if people are going to surprised people are going to want like confirmation okay because people don't want to encourage cheaters but the reality of it is as much as everybody can get all fucking butthurt and take a stand and about it the reality is you know what we are subject to what the fuck other people tell us if if the other person doesn't tell you if the other person doesn't wear a ring and doesn't fucking tell you that they're cheating or that they're married or anything else. You have no way to fucking know, because here's the deal with me. I am not spending fucking six weeks doing background checks and all kinds of bullshit. If I want to fuck and you want to fuck and you tell me it's legit, I'm going to assume that you're a swinger and that it's legit.
Speaker3: Right.
Speaker1: OK, if I find out afterwards, am I going to come back and go, well, well, fuck it. No. But. Wow. Allergies, damn it. No shit. But the thing is, is that you have to take shit out at face value. Write that down. She can take that cough out of it, would you? You have to write shit down. You have to take shit at face value to a degree. I mean, there are people that put on profiles cheating, or not cheating, in the lifestyle without permission from the other half. I had a guy that messaged me for years. I remember that. Married,'t know and he could never and i kept responding i don't care i will not have to do with anything with a cheating male yeah yeah exactly and he kept messaging he wouldn't he wouldn't quit i don't give a shit that you're a firefighter i don't care what the fuck you do for a living if you're cheating on your wife i don't care i want nothing to do with you because we don't want the angry spouse come busting no i've had a girlfriend they weren't even married and he lied he lied and rip my ass this is before we're sending a picture this is before we were even hardcore we were just dabbling we were toe dipping in the lifestyle and he was telling you that it was all cool it was all cool and all of a sudden one day you get an email and you come out of the bedroom from where the computer was at the time in tears does this fucking bitch a hose ass bitch a hose ass bitch and how home record and how can you do this and how you do that and it's like and what did i tell you what do you remember what i told you no i said fuck that fucking bitch it ain't your fucking problem no i said send her an email back that says get your fucking man under control because he told us he was single or no he told us that she was okay with he she knew she told he okay look man it is what it is but understand if you do cheat if you choose to do that shit, and then I get caught in the crossfire, I am not defending your ass. I will throw your ass so hard under the fucking bus, I will jump in with the bitch and drive the bus over it. The same guy. When I went there, behind her back was grabbing my ass. That was with a different girlfriend. That was with a different girlfriend. A different girlfriend, but the same guy was grabbing my ass That was with a different girlfriend A different girlfriend but the same guy Was grabbing my ass Because he knew what we did And I'm like whatever it's all cool And I'm like is she okay with it Well she doesn't know And that was not the story he told initially I don't want the drama I really don't Drama sucks and cheating drama is the worst drama Absolutely Absolutely. I'm out. Yeah. Now, okay, so this kind of ties into another... And his sister broke up with her. Imagine that. Whatever. Conveniently enough, if there's a chance he could bag you, maybe. This ties into another question, right? What that is, we've kind of dealt with it before. Can you cheat in the lifestyle? Yes, you can. You and I are both swingers. Is there a way to still cheat in the lifestyle? Well, fuck yeah, there is. We have your rules. If you break your rules with your significant other, that's cheating. If I go and fuck somebody and you don't know that I'm doing it, it doesn't matter what, unless our rules are that I have complete, and I've been drinking too much of that. Unless I can just randomly do what I want without getting permission, that's cheating. Yeah. So, I mean, you got to keep that in mind. Now, I do think that some people get a little holier than thou in the lifestyle because a lot of swingers are fucking judgmental cock-knockers. And so, I mean, you have to take in and, you know, they want to judge whatever anybody else does. You know, here's the thing. Keep your own house clean and don't and don't worry about it uh that's too much words for me sorry the sound guy's trying to send messages and the elf just can't seem to follow up 15 and drunk no we have 15 minutes till the end of the show oh really but we can go longer too because you're drunk for the drunk no man has really? Okay. But we can go longer because you're drunk for the drunk club. No, Amanda's really got to pee.
Speaker2: I can go pee? Can I go pee? Can you hang on? Go pee.
Speaker4: Oh, I can pee!
Speaker5: Oh, fuck.
Speaker1: And there goes the phone. Alright, so while the elf is going to go pee, I'm going to keep talking. Yay! We'll just keep... She is going to kill herself somewhere in the studio. Sweet mother of Christ. So, wow. Jesus. So I'm hoping you guys are enjoying the show. So, you know, obviously tonight we didn't deal with a whole lot of like real serious issues and questions for obvious reasons. Whatever. But, you know that that's part of the holiday season this is actually a great show actually this is a really good show this show says you know we always talk about keeping your drinking under control when you go to parties and events and stuff here is the perfect example why uh as you've seen the normally calm relatively quiet uh miss amanda uh this is what a few cocktails can do yeah this is what drunkenness can do and and she you know this is live this is on a show uh so imagine when there's more booze flowing and there's more chaos uh at a party how how quickly things can digress really quick. It's fun, but any more booze, and she could very easily go over the top and go from having fun to not feeling good to puking to blacking out and doing shit that she doesn't even know so what she see what we did was we provided so what we did was this is we provided an educational thing you know what this reminds me of what's that seriously i i don't i this is an episode of a great tv show a great tv show for those old people listening this is such a wkrp set ever the time when dr fever was drinking and they were doing a speed thing on how their speed reflexes and the more he drank the faster he's got on his reflexes yes he made his vitrap was fucking hammered and so yeah so anyways you can but you can see this is why this is why we preach about controlled drinking and controlled at parties because you're really talkative, aren't you? Maybe. See, this is why we preach about controlled drinking and controlled at parties, because you're really talkative, aren't you?
Speaker3: Maybe.
Speaker2: That's alcohol. Actions are a different word.
Speaker1: Oh, yeah, because your history has shown that with alcohol, you become much more reserved and quiet in your actions.
Speaker2: At the Christmas party, was I like sucking on some guy's dick in the parking lot?
Speaker1: Two more shots you would have been.
Speaker2: I think not.
Speaker1: You weren't far from a clit.
Speaker2: No, the guy that was doing a shot with us at Nowhere Lifestyle, he probably would have welcomed that in the parking lot.
Speaker1: And a couple more shots, and you probably would have been there.
Speaker2: Yeah, give me like 15 minutes. I probably would have been.
Speaker1: See, and there's the whole...
Speaker2: Oh, he's not part of the page.
Speaker1: There's the whole thing. See, that's why we did this show. See, I found a cause. Actually, I made it like this was planned. Whatever. Yeah, no, this is just a fun show, but just keep it in mind. This is what we do all the way through. So we have that long to go?
Speaker2: You can end it whatever the fuck you want to.
Speaker1: It just kills Rick when I cut him short.
Speaker3: Rick? Yeah.
Speaker2: Who's Rick?
Speaker1: Rick from SLS. If you get a chance, make sure you listen to our show on SLS radio every Monday at 4 p.m.
Speaker3: Tommy!
Speaker1: Eastern Standard Time. Amanda's been drinking. When she drinks, she wants to have sex afterwards. In her elf outfit. Just saying. Oh, he likes elf outfits. I do like your elf outfit. You're the one that wanted me to wear it. I did. Because now, see, glad now remember what it was all right tigger remember what i remember what it was you said i'm just
Speaker2: shaking i'm not tigger i can't bounce the tits sorry remember you had the choice of this or the
Speaker1: low-cut red sweater and i told you to save the low-cut red sweater for later in the week
Speaker2: you did guess who's always thinking okay so what day in the week am i gonna wear it so i don't said
Speaker1: low-cut red sweater i don't know that's gonna be not tomorrow when you're hung over as fuck I don't know. That's going to be not tomorrow when you're hungover as fuck probably. I don't get hangovers so that's okay. But so now aren't you glad now that I said wear the elf outfit? So now you have something to have your attention. So wait till like Friday? No. You don't want to wait that long because people are more than thinking about Christmas. You got a to fucking bag her earlier than that. Wednesday, Thursday? No, I'd fucking shoot for ASAP is what I'd shoot for. So not tomorrow because I might be hungover. Well, we'll see in the morning. Or later on in the week. No, we will see in the morning. But remember, you've got to plan. You've got two. You've got two opportunities. Praying ahead, what? Yeah, you've got to think this through a little bit i said pray on a head trust me i did i just blew right past it like it didn't even exist and a little bit more magic powder for sandy claws yeah so did you just say sandy claws sandy claws yeah a little bit more for the reindeer yeah yeah with that holy fucking shit hey you know what actually let's do this fuck it we're almost at the end of the show let's kill this fucking shit. Hey, you know what? Actually, let's do this. Fuck it. We're almost at the end of the show. Let's kill this fucking bottle. I don't know why I'm letting you.
Speaker4: What did I do?
Speaker2: I actually, like, opened the bottle.
Speaker1: I touched something on the phone.
Speaker2: Yeah, don't touch my phone.
Speaker3: Yeah.
Speaker1: Now she's turning into an angry elf. Fucking South Pole phone.
Speaker3: Oh.
Speaker1: How did we just finish?
Speaker2: A full bottle that I just opened before we just started do you have any in yours no so we take this and we have it now my computer just is shutting down my computer just literally shut down and we're still are we still recording there's no lights on the camera i'm guessing no what the so we're still going on on on youtube yeah so we do
Speaker1: it regardless to the end of the show the only way we know how fucking at this point in time drink them if you got them out