Bad Pick-up Lines People Use

Transcript

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Hi, this is Donna Lynn and welcome to my hot wife podcast, where we discuss all the good, the bad, and the really erotic of the swinger lifestyle. Hello everybody. This is Donna Lynn and welcome to my Hot Wife podcast once again. And I'm here today with my wonderful husband. That feels so wonderful. Yeah. Why don't you enlighten everybody about your little adventure last night? I was working. I didn't have anything to do with this. Didn't really even know about it. Just a moment of stupidity. Just a moment? I think there was hours of stupidity. Okay.

Yeah, my neighbor had a chili cook-off that I participated in, and it was a BYOB event. I brought a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 proof, and between 2 o'clock and 5 o'clock, I finished a whole bottle myself, essentially. Almost. There's like maybe. No, that's a different bottle. That was one that's been down here. Oh, okay. I just brought that as a joke. Well, the funny thing is. Now, a couple guys had some shots out of it, but for the most part, I drank 95% of that bottle myself. That's frightening. And I kind of had a blackout at 5 o'clock. I don't know how I got home.

I mean, I know now my neighbors drove me. Right. I don't remember from 5 o'clock last night to 9 o'clock this morning. I couldn't tell you what happened. Well, I was getting these like, not weird, they didn't sound like they're drunk texts. It was like, you just sent me like, it was a bottle of wild turkey, just like that one with about as much in it. It was like the back of it. I'm like, why is he sending me a bottle of wild turkey? turkey. And then it was like, oh, you know, you're the love of my life. I couldn't live without you. You're my everything. And I looked at that. You told me.

You didn't believe me. I don't remember sending them. But I don't remember getting home. I don't remember climbing the steps. I don't remember throwing up. Vince does not get sick often. That's why when you threw up, I was like, I don't believe this. Like the first time. The first time I've thrown up from drinking. Oh my God. And it wasn't that much where you tell me, but I didn't have much. That's my problem. I, I had, you know, a couple of spoonfuls of chili tasting them. Right. But it didn't have like a bowl of chili. It didn't have a lunch and it didn't really have dinner.

Well, that's not smart. I had turkey for my dinner, but anyway, so that was wild turkey. Yeah. Yeah. Like kicked my ass. Well, the thing is like when you pulled in, I'm like, Oh, he's home. Okay. That's great.

And then I see you're sitting down on, the lower step just sitting there I'm like are you okay do you need help and you're like some people think so and then you're like you had to like crawl going up the steps go ahead and then you were able to stand and you were able to go up the rest of the steps but it's like you could tell your eyes were like glazed over and you're like holding on to the door frame to step over the door jam to get in like you're real careful yeah you're like okay I could have been gang raped last night and I wouldn't have known it I blacked out but in the perfect night to eat your ass after a chili contest oh yeah who'd be the winner on that one certainly nobody wins there no that's you know that's terrible like i said i'm at the age now you don't trust a fart do you really want to have a man in that kind of a position that would be prone to helping gas expel and then put your face there is this really what part of this is attractive Just the fact you won't remember it.

It's like you always tell me, like, I'm going to get you drunk one time, but I'm going to put granny panties on you, and I'm going to take pictures of it. It's like, no, you're not. I've never been that drunk. Never. You were one time, but I didn't have granny panties put on you. Oh. But anyway. Thank God. Awful. A fate worse than death. So, again, if you want to reach out to us, hotwifepodcast at gmail.com. And if you want to see where Donna is, what she's doing. I'm at hotwife.donnalynn.com. And that is a, all my links are on there, all the different platforms I'm on.

Of course, the podcast is on there. A lot of other stuff are on there. So, also don't forget Spunk Lube. Don't forget Spunk Lube. Yep. Got to buy Spunk Lube when you get to the, the cash out, the checkout, whatever you want to call it. You want to, you Type in Hot Wife. Hot Wife, one word. I'm still working through this. Man, you are. I'm hurting. Oh, boy. But type in Hot Wife, you'll get a 10% discount. Again, non-sticky. It's a great lubricant. You will not be disappointed. No, it's great. And the magazine is coming out soon. The new March issue, made on the first for 50 Shades of Pleasure.

Nice. And actually, I just got an article in today from one of our friends and listeners, a And we also know Tom from the party. Right. He submitted an article that I haven't proofread or anything yet. Right. But we're going to get that in the magazine. It's going to be a two-part series, I think. Sweet. If somebody told me the amount of words, we'll see. Right. And, yeah. That sounds great. So, again, we invite people that if you have something, you want to contribute a story, an article, have an idea for an article, let us know. That's 50shadesofpleasure.com. F-I-F-T-Y. Not 5.0. Wow.

But yeah, so check it out. It's free. You know, to my knowledge, it'll always be free. On mobile devices or your computer, whichever. You know, you're sitting waiting for your car to get fixed or at the doctor's office. Want something to read that's entertaining? Just make sure people aren't like looking over your shoulder. Yeah, fuck them if they do, nosy bastards. Well, there's no like... Don't look over your shoulder. No porn, but there's some skinty, sexy pictures. There's no nudity. There's no nudity. No, no nudity. The worst thing in there in this one, there's an ad from Spunk Lube.

It's a big white dildo. So you see his big cock dripping with Spunk Lube on it. If they're looking over my shoulder, fuck you. You know, fuck them. Don't look over my shoulder. Yeah, I agree. Don't be a nosy prick. Yeah, but people can misinterpret that. Oh, look, he's watching porn and blah. Then next thing you know, it's like child porn. Next thing you know, it's, you know... You're a sexual predator. If you're watching child porn, you deserve to be shot. I know, but people blow things out of proportion all the time. Like ass eating. Anyway. Just like ass eating.

I'm so glad you brought that up. Let me clarify that. Ass eating a woman is fine. I know. A woman eating a man's ass is just not sexy. Well, my playmate enjoyed it immensely. Apparently. As painful as that was to watch. That's maybe why I drank so much yesterday. But we did this weeks ago. It's still there. It's still affecting me. Therapy isn't working. Oh, my God. So, anyway. So, another one of our listeners, fans, I guess, wrote in with a topic. He gave us a couple topics, but the one we chose to go with for today's show is... Pickup lines. Worst pickup lines. Well, it could be worst.

It could be cutest. There are no cute pickup lines. There could be ones that worked. Yeah. Has a pickup line ever worked on you? Has anybody ever said anything to you that made you want to go home with them or go on a date with them? Yes. Okay. But I'm not going to get into it right now. Let's go. You want to do the corny ones first? Let's do the corny ones first. All right. You want to go first? Sure. Okay. I don't even... I didn't look through all these. Oh, geez. Yeah, I found a site that had 200 of the worst pickup lines.

Now, as we were reading them, some of these are obviously from other countries. Right. So some of the words they use. Yeah, I'm not even going to go over them because I don't know how to pronounce what they're talking about. Oh, my God. I've got to get a highlighter here. Okay, you're going to highlight. So I can check off the crap I did. fucking red. That's terrible. Oh my god. Oh my. Roses are red. Violets are blue. With a smile like that looks like I'm doomed. What? That is no. Didn't work? Okay. Okay, there's one like that here too. Let me see your pussy. Still dry? Still dry.

Oh, here's one too. Same basic thing. Roses are red. My face is too red. This only happens when I'm around you. It's like, oh my God, that's so corny. Who would do that? Who would say such a thing? Oh, wait. Okay. Go ahead. No, you go ahead. Do you have a bandage? Because I scraped my knee when I fell for you. Oh my God. That is ridiculous. No? Still dry. Still dry. Okay. Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control because I just saw a fox. Okay. Actually, I did. You just did, actually.

Yeah, the dog was barking crazy, and I came out there, and there's a fox up there on the ridge. But I did not call animal control. You know, if I was a cat, I would spend all nine lives for you. Oh, I read that on one of the other pages. That's ridiculous. Yeah. Didn't work. Still dry. No, not even a little bit. No moisture factor? I bet you $20 you're going to turn me down. Ha. Well, at least that one. Well, you get either way. You win either way. You either get 20 bucks, you get a date. And she's like, yes, you're right. And here's your 20 bucks. I seem to have lost my phone number.

Can I have yours? I read it on one of the other ones. Yeah. Let's flip a coin. Heads, I'm yours. Tails, you're mine. Wow. That's terrible. Oh, my God. Are you a bank loan? Because- You have my interest. Yeah. Wow. Still dry? Still dry. Damn it. This one's really stupid. Here we go. Boy, you're proof that aliens are real because I think you just abducted my heart. Corny. I'm hard now. Are you now? Okay. This one's got to work. Okay. Okay. So you just get the moisture meter out. This is going to do it. You ready? Okay. If you were a triangle, you'd be a cute one.

Oh, isn't that so very mathematical? Geometry. I'd be like, yes. I'm acute? Well, it's better than being obtuse. Oh, yeah. Pythagoras. Okay. My next one is going to melt your thong right off you. Ready? Okay. You're just going to take it off and throw it at me. That's going to be sopping wet. Okay. Here we go. On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9, and I'm the one you need. Oh, that is so corny. I'm wet. I'm so wet. I'm the one you need. Oh, my God. That's fucked up. I mean, and I'm sure these have been used. I don't get, I've never had to use a pickup line.

I don't even, you can't tell me this is even real. No, I don't doubt it. I mean, I've seen, you know, when I use a pickup line. to hang out in bars, I watch guys use lines. And it's like, really? How about you just go, Maggie, can I buy you a drink? Hey, you know. Hi. I'm Vince. How are you? Oh, boy. Okay. Let me first tie your shoes because I don't want you falling for anyone else. Oh, that's great. That is ridiculous. That is just so dumb. Oh, my God. Some of these make weird... Oh, here's another brainiac one. Okay.

You must be the square root of two because I feel, I feel irrational around you. Oh my God. These are math puns. It's ridiculous. I guess if you're at Harvard or something, you might want to use that. Oh yeah, if you're a math nerd, you know, that's how math nerds would, you know, pick each other up. That would make sense. Oh, is your name Duncan? Because I do not want to spend another day without you. Oh, my God. Are you a magician? Because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears. Oh, my God. Well, here's one that makes an obvious Harry Potter reference.

If you're not a Harry Potter person, you're probably going to be like, what the fuck are you talking about? If you're not a Harry Potter person, you have a life. Well, I enjoyed the movies, but okay. You don't dress up like, you know, Hermione or whatever. Our connection is so strong, it could not even, Snape could sever us apart. Oh, Jesus Christ. That is horrible. Yeah, Snape's name was Severus Severus Snape. Yeah, I get it. Can you help me find my Facebook friend? She's definitely here somewhere. We'll look together. Oh, my God. That sounds so pathetic. So pathetic.

People, I mean, really, this is one. Oh, no. Okay, you're going through? I got another dumb one. You look familiar. We were in the same class before. Were we in the same class before? I could swear we had chemistry. Oh, my God. No? Still dry. Actually, that one, if you just say it like normal, people might say, yeah, maybe we did have chemistry together. Then it might click, but it's like, that's a pickup line. Oh, my God. Here's one that's really stupid unless you're like into baking and stuff. If I'm vinegar, then you're baking soda because you make me feel all bubbly inside. Okay.

No, that's irritable bowel syndrome. Irritable bowel syndrome. Oh, my God. Well, if I'm formaldehyde and you're gasoline. My doctor told me I'm missing vitamin U and you helped me. Oh, my God. That's terrible. I'm telling you, I want to go out to the bar now. Oh, my God. I bet. You're ready to use all these? Is your father a terrorist? Because you are a bomb. Oh, my God. No. That's still. That's almost borderline inappropriate. No dripping going on yet? No, not yet. Don't I try? If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print. Oh, my God. Is your name Google?

Because you're the answer to everything I'm searching for. Oh my God, that's terrible. Okay, hold on. Let's see what the second page is. This is awful. I can't believe that. Oh my God. Oh my God. Can we take a picture together? I want to show my mom what my future looks like. I show my mom. I'm learning about important dates in history. Want to be one of them? Oh. Not working? That one's actually kind of cute. It's just corny. It is corny, but it's not bad. Okay, hold on a second. There was, I had some on my phone too. Some of these are very, not of our culture, so I can't.

Good thing I bought life insurance because when I saw you, my heart stopped. Oh my God. No, not working? Well, here's one. It's definitely more Indian. I see you're wearing a sari. Well, if you go out with me, I guarantee you won't be sorry. That's so funny. What would I be? I'm so lame. Not for nothing, but you would not be sorry. So lame. So terrible. You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent. Oh, my God. I'm not a photographer, but... But I can definitely picture us together. Damn, girl. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection. Oh, my God. That's terrible.

That's just how it's written, too. Trust me. I'm not drunk. I'm just intoxicated by you. Okay. I might have the winner for the dumbest one. Okay. Do you drink Pepsi? Because you're so delicious. Oh, my God. That's terrible. I got the bank loan one. Oh, my God. I never believed in love at first sight, but then I saw you. I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet. What? I guess it means he has a big bankroll. Oh, my God. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute cumber. Oh, my God. These are terrible. Here's one. If your eyes are like the ocean. I would swim in them all day.

You know, all those cheesy. Are you a campfire? Because you're hot and I want s'more. That's so cheesy. Or in this case, chocolatey. Whatever. Oh, my God. Did you say the Spotify one? No. I also complained to Spotify because you're not being named this week's hottest single. Yeah, it's terrible. Is your name Chapstick? Because you da bomb. That's awful. Bomb. You're da bomb. Yeah. I think you said this one. Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine written all over you. Yeah. Awful. Oh, here's one. I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away.

Yeah, yours was a little different. Are you French, girl? Because Eiffel for you. Oh, that's just terrible. Well, none of these are good. I don't know. Well, here's one that's just... I wouldn't have enough guts to... I mean, to use any of these lines or a pickup line, I don't know, just like... I mean, I know people say they work, you know, they have one that they say that works. Oh my God. You know, it's like, I don't know. Yeah. I like they're terrible. I went back and I, there was just a couple pseudo pickup lines that were used on me and they, they did not end well.

And I, you, you, when I start to say them, you'll be like, Oh my God, I remember that. It wasn't by me. Not, by you at all. I'll have the setup. We were doing a shoot and a young man there, there you already know, and you were doing something. He was like, so, do you want to go out and make out? I was like, what? Yeah, you and I are just business partners. Yeah. And he's like, so, do you want to make out? I was like, ew, no, go away. Stop that. That's just, yuck. That's terrible. No. What makes you think I'd want to do that?

And then we were having a business meeting with another couple that she was another photographer and we were trying to figure out like how we're going to work the studio what kind of shoots we're going to do and her husband was there and what did he say to me how about when they talk business we go upstairs and fuck what that no okay they're in the lifestyle we're in the lifestyle okay I wasn't you know but I was like we're talking business here you fucking ignorant piece of shit no what how about no well he got to know that day oh yeah he got a big time no that day yeah so i've had a couple lines that people tried to use on me that were not even as oh i got the one i'm gonna use oh yeah you got the one we have 206 bones in our body can i add one more to your count that's terrible i like that one you like that one oh my i wouldn't use it i think it's kind of funny but Yeah.

Cute fact. Fun fact. How about 206? Yeah, 206 apparently. 206 bones in your body. Want to add one more? Can I add one more to yours? I don't know. How desperate do you have to be, Dan? I don't know. That one of these lines or a pickup line has to be your A game, you know? I don't know. I mean... Well, that brings us to the one pickup line that did work for me. Oh, here we go. I don't even know this one. Oh, you don't know this one. When I first met my ex, I was, I, we didn't know each other at all.

I was in the bar dancing and he was a customer and he was very, he was a little cocky, you know, very animated. And he said, I had very red hair at the time. It was like, like really a lot more red than what I have it now. And he was like, yelled from across the bar. Hey, Cherry, what's your name? And I was like, really? Like, just how he did, it was kind of playful and... Should have been a calling sign. Yeah, it should have been. I mean, he ended up being a disaster. But in the beginning of that relationship, he was fun. Then he became like Mr. Ignorant Fuckface. Asshole.

That's the only one I know. Douche. Yeah, exactly. Mr. Cocky, I don't want to do anything. And... Whatever. But in the early days, he was playful and fun and, you know, whatever. But people change. Okay. Okay. I found one that I actually like. Okay. I might use it. Oh, good. I think you should. Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes? Oh, God. Coke. I'm a Coke. Oh, my God. If you've ever seen Mood Dog Saints, you don't know that joke. That reference. I'll have a Coke. I'll have a Coke. So, yeah, I mean, I'm going through these. Oh, my God.

Some of them are so fucking bad, I can't read them. Oh, yeah. I'm just like, no, I'm embarrassed to say that. Well, mine have, like, a lot of Indian references that I don't know about certain foods, and they don't make any sense to me. So for me to read them, I'm like, I don't even know what that means. You know, I don't, I'm struggling. March was bad. April is gray. I hope we can go out in May. Oh, that's just dumb. That's like a bad poem. Yeah, well, it is. Do you have a name or can I call you mine? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's a lot of these that I don't even know what they are.

I mean, here's one that's really stupid. If you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be the McGorgeous. Oh, my God. Isn't that terrible? Sounds like he's going to be McLonely. McLonely. Okay. Oh, my God. Okay, so we bored him enough with that. Jesus Christ. It was interesting and funny, I think, kind of funny. But, yeah. Yeah, actually, some of these are redundant on this list. Yeah, I got some, too. There was that one pickup line you hear in certain movies from time to time, and when I hear it, I'm just like, ah, I know where they got that from.

May West had a very, very popular, I'll call it a pickup line. See me sometime. Yeah, my right leg is, my left leg is Christmas. My right leg is Easter. Why don't you come up and see me between the holidays? You know, I can't say like she did, but I was like, that was cute, you know? And I think it was like Christmas and New Year's. Oh, she was very, she was a little slut. She was, my gosh. In real life she was? Oh yeah, she was very slutty. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, I remember reading things about her. I mean, I believe that's what I read. Pretty provocative.

Let's not say the word slutty. She was very, you know, provocative. She was very sexual. She had no qualms about making sexual jokes. Yeah. Well, and back in the day, back then, it was really taboo. Another person they said was actually very sexually adventurous was Betty White. I heard that, too. Good for her. Yeah. You know, I mean, I guess the golden girl just didn't do her justice. They always had the other character in there being the slutty one. Pennyway was kind of like Aerie and did a dopey, and she should have been the slutty one. Oh, she did a great job with the...

She did that in numerous shows where she plays the more Aerie... Aerie, yeah. Not all the eggs in one basket kind of girl. No, it's true. But I mean, good for her. I mean, I... I don't know why people have to jump through hoops to go through this whole mating process or dating or whatever it is. And that's where I just love, like in swingers, you don't need a pickup line. You don't need a pickup line. You take that right off the table. You don't need to jump through those hoops and do this song and dance. Yeah, no, I mean, I agree with you.

But like when you meet somebody, I mean, like at clubs or whatever, I'm sure you have to, but generally you just go over and interview. yourself. I don't know. I haven't been to a club. Yeah. Well, I'm just saying I would imagine in today's world, you know, especially in the lifestyle, it's either instant attraction because you're not going to have a relationship with these people. I mean, so to speak, you know, you're just like, Hey, you know, do I look like someone you might want to have fun with? You know? I don't know.

Maybe there's cheesy pickup lines might work better in a, in a swing or a setting. I don't know. I, I would, I would, tend to think not because you don't need all the bullshit all the games you know I think in a swinger setting somebody comes over and uses one of these bullshit lines on you you're gonna kind of like oh this guy's an asshole oh yeah he that's just not gonna work you know yeah wow what else do you have on you as a joke that's terrible that is terrible but anyway so all right well we'll wrap this bad boy up now Yeah, no more like little sleazy pick-up lines you can come up with.

And you never used any. No, never needed to. How did you pick? You didn't even have to pick me up. I was all, yeah, we just, yeah, we didn't have to go through all that nonsense because we were business partners first. And, I mean, back in a few I picked up in a bar, it was always, you know, there were people I knew that they were there all the time, these girls. And, you know, so I was always, came off harmless. Right, right. Except when I was bouncing. Right. So, you know, they had a nice conversation with me. You know, we had some dialogue. That's what.

One time I would just sit there and go, hey, you want to go out and grab dinner one night? Yeah, sure. Yeah, because you've already established some kind of relationship with them. I think that just works better than these stupid flimsy pickup lines. Yeah. I mean, and I think like in high school, I would just walk up to a girl and go, hey, would you like to go out on a date? That was it. And, you know, they were all no's. No, you had a couple yeses. In high school, no. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. Nothing special. Nothing special, but yeah. It wasn't all no's, it was mostly no's.

Well, you know, you just have to keep after it, and eventually after that hundredth or two hundredth one, somebody's going to say yes. Once you've gone through the holes, Somebody's bound to say yes. No, there was one girl in particular I really had a crush on. And she was within my wheelhouse. Right. It wasn't like going above my pay grade. Right. But she was dating a guy, a class ahead of us. Oh. And they broke up and they get back together. They broke up and got back together. So she, you know... She told me, she goes, if I wasn't seeing so-and-so, I'd love to go out with you.

And then she was still seeing so-and-so, so. Yeah. So I couldn't tell you where she is, what she's doing. Yeah. Most people in my class, I would have no idea what they're doing. I don't care. All right. So on that note. Yeah. So with that, I want to thank everyone for listening. Hopefully this show was remotely entertaining. I'm not burning all cylinders. I burn my cylinders out. Pretty much. But anyway, we'll get better next time. We'll have to thank our listener for giving us the suggestion of pickup lines. Maybe they could even come up with a couple that we didn't.

I think he gave me one or two in the email. Oh, in the email? Okay. I think he might have. But anyway. God, they're awful. Okay. Don't use pickup lines, okay? They're just terrible. Yeah. Don't do it. All right. Have a great day. Great night. Be safe. Talk to you soon. Okay, everybody. Have a good night.